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What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation in North Little Rock, Arkansas

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 12:00:03 GMT

Summary

• The next of kin is typically responsible for authorizing burial or cremation.

• Funeral homes often require identification, vital information, and signed authorization forms.

• Requirements may vary by state, but usually include documentation for permits and death certificates.

• Funeral directors help families navigate these steps with compassion and clarity.

What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation

Families in North Little Rock, Arkansas often want to understand what is required from the next of kin when planning a burial or cremation. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), funeral professionals typically need written authorization from the next of kin before final arrangements can begin.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) notes that this authorization supports transparency under the Funeral Rule, helping ensure families remain informed and in control of their decisions. The next of kin—often a spouse, adult child, parent, or legal representative—typically has the legal authority to approve funeral, burial, or cremation arrangements.

Identification and Documentation Requirements

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) emphasizes the importance of accurate documentation for creating official death certificates and public records. Funeral homes usually request the following information from the next of kin:

- A government-issued photo ID for the next of kin.

- Vital information about the deceased, including full name, date of birth, parents’ names, and Social Security number.

- A signed authorization form for burial or cremation.

- Information required to complete the official death certificate.

These documents help ensure all legal requirements are met and that every detail aligns with the family's wishes.

Why Authorization Matters

Authorization is important because it confirms that arrangements reflect both regulatory guidelines and family preferences. For burial , the next of kin may need to complete a burial permit and confirm cemetery property or vault selections. For cremation , a Cremation Authorization Form is typically required, and some regions may require medical examiner approval or a brief waiting period.

Funeral directors at Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home help families navigate each step, providing clarity, reassurance, and compassionate support.

FAQs

Who is considered the next of kin?

The next of kin is typically a spouse, adult child, parent, or legal representative with the authority to make funeral, burial, or cremation decisions.

What documents are needed before burial or cremation?

Most funeral homes request a government-issued ID, essential information for the death certificate, and a signed authorization form from the next of kin.

Do requirements vary by state?

Yes. Requirements may differ depending on state or region, so families are encouraged to contact their funeral home for guidance specific to their location.

Written for Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home, proudly serving families in North Little Rock, Arkansas with compassion and care.

About Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home

Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home is honored to support families in North Little Rock, Arkansas. Their dedicated staff provides thoughtful guidance, clear information, and compassionate care through every step of funeral and cremation planning. Located at 1921 Main St, North Little Rock, AR 72114 , families may contact them at (501) 758-1170 for assistance.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Why Do Funeral & Cremation Costs Vary in North Little Rock, Arkansas?

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 13:00:06 GMT

Summary

• Funeral and cremation costs vary depending on the location, services, and level of care provided.

• Families in North Little Rock may notice higher costs for facilities and professional care in urban areas.

• Service options, amenities, and personalization often influence total expenses.

• Transparency rules from the FTC help ensure families can compare services and make informed choices.

Why Do Funeral and Cremation Costs Vary?

Families in North Little Rock often ask why funeral and cremation costs differ between providers. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), pricing variations are common and typically reflect factors such as location, staffing, and the types of services offered.

Regional and Overhead Differences

Funeral homes located in cities like North Little Rock often experience higher costs associated with staffing, facilities, and property maintenance. These overhead expenses can affect pricing but also provide access to more modern amenities and flexible service options. By contrast, funeral homes in smaller communities may have lower operational costs, which can translate into lower prices for some services.

Facilities, Services, and Personalization

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), all funeral homes must provide families with a General Price List (GPL), which outlines the costs of services and merchandise. Funeral homes offering on-site crematories, spacious chapels, or reception areas may charge more due to the added staff and maintenance required. Costs can also vary based on whether a family chooses a full-service funeral, a memorial gathering, or a direct cremation, as well as the degree of personalization—such as music, video tributes, or catering.

Professional Care and Transparency

Behind every funeral or cremation is a professional team managing preparation, coordination, and care. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) notes that this expertise is an essential part of the value families receive. Families are encouraged to compare General Price Lists (GPLs) from multiple funeral homes to ensure clarity and confidence in their choices.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do funeral prices vary between different funeral homes?

Funeral prices may differ due to location, staffing, facilities, and the level of personalization offered, according to the NFDA.

Are funeral homes required to share their prices?

Yes. The FTC’s Funeral Rule requires all funeral homes to provide a General Price List (GPL) that outlines costs and options before arrangements are made.

Can preplanning help reduce costs?

Yes. Preplanning allows families to secure current pricing and ensure their wishes are clearly documented, easing emotional and financial stress later on.

Families in North Little Rock comparing funeral or cremation options may find that price differences reflect the care, facilities, and services offered. For more information or compassionate guidance, families can contact Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home at 1921 Main St, North Little Rock, AR 72114 , or call (501) 758-1170.

Written for Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home, proudly serving families in North Little Rock with compassion and care.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Much Does Cremation Cost in North Little Rock, AR?

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 13:00:21 GMT

Summary

• According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280 as of 2025.
• A direct cremation, which does not include a ceremony, typically costs between $2,800 and $3,000.
• Prices often vary depending on the type of service, location, and funeral home amenities.
• Families in North Little Rock can choose options that reflect both their values and their loved one’s wishes.

How Much Does Cremation Cost?

Families in North Little Rock, Arkansas, often ask how much cremation costs and what influences those costs. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) 2024 General Price List Study, the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280. This typically includes professional services, transportation, and the use of facilities for a ceremony or visitation.

A direct cremation, which does not include a formal service , generally ranges between $2,800 and $3,000. This option provides an affordable and dignified choice for families who may plan a memorial gathering at a later time.

Factors That Influence Cremation Costs

Cremation costs can vary for several reasons. The total price often depends on whether families wish to hold a memorial or celebration of life, the type of urn or keepsake selected, and the level of service provided by the funeral home.

Funeral homes that maintain on-site crematories or offer extended facilities may have slightly different pricing structures due to staffing, maintenance, and local regulations. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires every funeral home to provide a General Price List (GPL) so families can review options with transparency and confidence.

Planning ahead can also make a meaningful difference. When families take time to make arrangements in advance, they can lock in today’s prices, ease emotional stress, and ensure that personal preferences are clearly documented.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is cremation less expensive than burial?

Generally, yes. Cremation tends to cost less because it does not require cemetery property, a casket, or a burial vault. However, prices vary based on service selections and personalization.

Can families still hold a funeral service with cremation?

Yes. Many families in North Little Rock choose to have a memorial service before or after cremation to celebrate and honor their loved one’s life.

What is included in a direct cremation?

A direct cremation typically includes transportation, basic professional services, care of the deceased, and the cremation process itself.

Families in North Little Rock, Arkansas, can turn to Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home for compassionate, professional care and trusted guidance. Located at 1921 Main St, North Little Rock, AR 72114 , the caring team can be reached at (501) 758-1170 to discuss cremation and preplanning options.

Written for Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home, proudly serving families in North Little Rock with compassion and care.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost in North Little Rock, Arkansas?

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 13:00:25 GMT

Summary

• The national median cost of a funeral with burial is $8,300.

• The national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280.

• Costs often vary based on service type, location, and personalization.

• Cemetery property and related fees are typically not included in NFDA’s averages.

• Planning ahead helps families in North Little Rock make thoughtful, informed decisions.

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Families in North Little Rock often wonder how much a funeral costs and what factors contribute to those expenses. While every family’s needs are different, national averages offer a helpful guide for understanding what to expect.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial in the United States is approximately $8,300, while the median cost of a funeral with cremation is about $6,280. These figures come from the NFDA’s 2024 General Price List Study and are accurate as of 2025.

These averages typically include professional services, care of the deceased, transportation, and the use of facilities for a ceremony. However, cemetery costs—such as burial property, opening and closing fees, and memorial markers—are usually not part of these averages and are billed separately.

Why Funeral Costs May Vary

Funeral costs may vary based on several factors, including the type of service chosen, the funeral home’s facilities, and the family’s preferences for personalization. Some families may select a traditional funeral followed by burial, while others may choose cremation with a memorial service or celebration of life.

Merchandise selections such as caskets, urns, or vaults can also influence total costs. Families may select items that best reflect their loved one’s preferences and values. Because every family’s situation is unique, funeral homes typically help create options that fit different traditions, budgets, and faith backgrounds.

Preplanning a funeral allows families to discuss arrangements in advance and understand the costs ahead of time. This thoughtful preparation can ease decision-making and reduce emotional and financial stress for loved ones later on.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the average cost of a funeral with burial?

According to the NFDA, the national median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is about $8,300 as of 2025. This typically includes professional services, use of facilities, and transportation.

How much does a funeral with cremation cost?

The NFDA reports that the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280, which generally includes staff services, the cremation process, and an urn.

Are cemetery costs included in these averages?

No. Cemetery-related costs—such as plots, opening and closing fees, and headstones—are typically billed separately from funeral home services.

Families in North Little Rock, Arkansas, can turn to Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home for compassionate and professional guidance when planning ahead. Located at 1921 Main St, North Little Rock, AR 72114 , their caring team can be reached at (501) 758-1170 to answer questions about funeral options and preplanning.

Written for Smith North Little Rock Funeral Home, proudly serving families in North Little Rock with compassion and care.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Happens at a Visitation?

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:43:00 GMT

Human beings are social. We crave the company of others. During times of stress our friends comfort us, they listen to us, and share our troubles. When someone we love dies, we need our people.

Many faith communities, both ancient and modern, understand this need. They have, as a part of their death care ritual, a time for the bereaved to receive friends. This may take place before a funeral service, or in some religions the time for the bereaved to mingle with friends takes place after the funeral service and burial.

Dr Alan D Wolfelt describes a mourning ritual as a “symbolic activity that helps us, together with our families and friends, express our deepest thoughts and feelings about life’s most important events.” In Jewish tradition, the family “sits shiva” for seven days following the service and burial. Irish Catholics gather for a “wake.”

Visitation is a mourning ritual.

A Visitation is the less formal part of a funeral. It often takes place the evening or morning before the more structured part of the funeral service. The Visitation provides the opportunity for friends of the bereaved family to offer condolences, hugs, and express their love and respect for the person who died.

It is also a time for people who knew the person who died but perhaps are not known to the family to express their feelings to the family. This opportunity to feel the embrace and hear the words of people who knew the one we loved is a very powerful, sometimes overlooked, and often most healing part of the funeral ritual.

When a daughter or husband meets someone outside of the family who knew their mother as a co-worker or mentor or teacher and hears how the mother they loved impacted this other life, it has deep meaning. For many it is the most powerful, most comforting, aspect of the funeral ritual.

Each part of the funeral - the religious traditions, the eulogy, the celebration of the life, the burial or cremation and the visitation - has a purpose. If you are planning a funeral for a loved one, speak with your funeral director about all of the parts of the mourning ritual.

If you are attending a visitation, prepare before you go. Think about the person who died. How did you know them? Did they teach you? Did they help you? Did they comfort you? Did they make you laugh? Did they make your day better? When you attend the visitation, be sure to make the effort to introduce yourself to family members and share how you knew their loved one and how he or she made you feel, made you better, or made you laugh.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What’s the Benefit of Paying for My Funeral in Advance?

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:40:35 GMT

Planning for your end-of-life ceremony, your funeral, has many benefits. Some of them are practical, some are emotional, and some are financial. For some, planning in advance actually helps them live a better, more purpose-driven life.

When a person pushes past the discomfort of considering their own mortality and considers how they would like to be remembered, it can tighten the focus about how they are living life now. If one wants to be remembered as a good parent or kind person, what are they doing today to support that goal?

Planning the ceremony as well as setting the tone and direction of the service that takes place can be done with or without paying for the funeral in advance. However, there are some often overlooked advantages to paying for your funeral before death occurs.

Side-Step Inflation

We all understand that financial considerations change as the times change. We all know costs tend to increase overtime. Just 20 years ago in 2000, a loaf of bread cost on average $1.99. Twenty years before that in 1980, it cost $0.50. Today, well you know, it costs more. Funerals also inflate in cost over time. That cost increases at a much slower rate (6.6% 2016 to 2021 according to the NFDA) than the bread, but still, the cost increases. When planning in advance, be sure to ask your advance planning funeral professional how you can pay in advance and avoid the impact of future cost increases.

Cover the Cost / Pay in Affordable Increments

When a person dies and the family plans and pays for the funeral, the full cost is typically required before the service takes place. Covering the cost of an advance funeral plan can be done in affordable flexible payments. Many funeral homes offer programs that will cover the entire cost should you die during the payment period. When planning in advance, ask your advance funeral planning professional about payment plans.

Remove the Emotion from the Cost

The death of a family member, a spouse, or a parent is a crushing emotional experience. We should feel … and we do. However, it is not necessarily a good time to make buying decisions. Emotions are high, we loved in full and all too often that makes us equate spending more with our overflowing love. Plans made and paid for in advance are completed in an atmosphere of emotional neutrality. Choices are still made with love, but they are not charged with emotion.

Eliminate the Financial Responsibility for Family

Even if you are leaving a good size estate for your family, those funds may not be available until the estate is settled. This can take months. Some states require probate or an estate to be settled in a specified time frame while others have no requirements. This can extend the time it takes for the estate to settle to a year or more. The family has the responsibility for covering the cost of the funeral while they wait for inheritance to be distributed.

When a person pushes past the discomfort of facing their own mortality and not only plans but also funds their funeral in advance, they not only set the tone and direction of the service, they also assure that the cost of the funeral reflects their values. Those who lived frugally, or modestly, or were fortunate enough to be able to spend with exuberance can be sure their funeral reflects the life they lived.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Eating Alone Is Hard

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:37:57 GMT

For a person who has lost a life partner, a husband or a wife, mealtime is often the most challenging time of their day. It is sometimes difficult to muster the desire or skill necessary for meal preparation. Sometimes it is just hard to deal with the expanse of the table when no one else is sharing the space. So, it becomes too much trouble to cook for one or to eat alone.

For the friend who wants to be supportive, there are also challenges. Sometimes we worry that we are not up to challenge. We worry about the conversation … will we know the right thing to say? On the other hand, one may have good intentions but inviting someone over for dinner can make you feel you need to cook something special, or clean the house, or bring in another guest to round out the numbers. So inviting your grieving friend to dinner gets put off.

If you want to support a grieving friend, consider doing something different.

1. The morning coffee. Maybe it is a regular weekly occurrence combined with some form of exercise. A short walk, yoga, or water aerobics followed by coffee and a chat. Or, organize a drop-in group at your local coffee shop for folks who would appreciate a morning boost with a small group of friendly faces.

2. Lunch … lunch is such an underappreciated meal out. Less costly than dinner; it’s a great option. The conversation is just as exhilarating, and it provides a nice break in the day. It is something to look forward to and if you have a big lunch, dinner can just be cheese and crackers. It can also be easier to pull together a small group of two or three for lunch than it is for dinner.

3. A seal-a-meal dinner prep gathering … pull together a few friends who often eat alone or who would just enjoy an occasional night off of dinner prep. Prepare a few different meals in a large enough quantity to divide among the group. Consider cooking some things that are not likely to be prepared for one. Meatloaf, stew, or scalloped potatoes might be too much to make for one person but might be a welcome comfort food. Seal the meals in individual packages for freezing. Everyone takes home a few ready-made dinners and everyone enjoys the company of friends while making the meals.

4. Lower your standards. Invite your grieving friend to share your regular weeknight supper. Nothing special - just what you would be serving anyway. Soup and a sandwich, a little pasta, or just a burger will be just fine. It’s your company that will appreciated. The good dishes or the special dessert is not important at all. Just your face across the table and an opportunity to talk about the mundane happenings of the day will do the trick.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Does Everyone Go Through the Five Stages of Grief?

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:39:54 GMT

What does grief look like? It’s a question that’s been asked for centuries, and it’s difficult to answer because grief looks different to different people. But we’ve often been told that the grieving process follows a certain path, which is commonly called the five stages of grief. Does everyone go through the five stages? And if they don’t, how do they know if they’re grieving properly?

Does everyone follow the five stages of grief?

Many people know the five stages of grief, even if they’re not sure where they first heard them. You don’t have to have studied psychology to know that the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This cycle is so entwined with the way we think about mourning the loss of a loved one that many people simply believe that they will naturally follow this order when dealing with their own loss. However, that’s not always the case.

The five stages of grief have been a part of the public consciousness since 1969, when they were introduced to the world by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying . Thanks to her work, the five stages of grief were adopted as the Kübler-Ross model, or sometimes the DABDA model, in honor of the steps themselves. But the Kübler-Ross model was never meant to be about coming to terms with losing a loved one. It was about the emotions one faces when being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Although Kübler-Ross noted in her book that family members undergo their own process of dealing with the diagnosis, she had never intended to use her model to explain how they navigate their way through grief.

Even still, the model has been shown not even to be a great representation of what terminally ill patients go through or what other grief-stricken individuals face. The Kübler-Ross model was created by studying over two hundred patients who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. A collection of case studies are typically not considered the best way to find and analyze data. Perhaps that’s why several studies have managed to debunk the model altogether, especially when applied to the grief of losing a loved one. A 1981 study , for instance, took a look at 193 widows who had been widowed for different lengths of time. The study concluded that the stresses of being a widow continued for years after their loss, with no evidence to suggest that they followed set stages of grief.

How do I know if I’m grieving wrong?

Time and again, we look toward the Kübler-Ross model as our guide for determining if we’re grieving “right.” But clearly, it’s not the best resource to figure out if something is wrong with how we’re mourning. Even Kübler-Ross said toward the end of her career that she regretted how her model had been misapplied . We often wish that we had a guide toward how we’re supposed to feel after we lose a loved one. Losing someone we love triggers the start of a tumultuous time filled with many questions. For some people, it becomes hard to wake up in the morning. Those people often wonder if they’re grieving too much. Other people just want to throw themselves into their work. They often question if they’re grieving too little.

It’s hard to determine if someone is grieving wrong because there isn’t a set guide to grief. People grieve in many different ways. Some people may follow a trajectory closer to what’s described in the Kübler-Ross model. Others skip some steps or jump around to various stages. Many people repeat steps. They may think they have reached acceptance, but one trigger, like their loved one’s favorite song, may have them returning to a stage of anger or depression. Kübler-Ross herself shared that grief is most often not linear.

So, is there any way to figure out if your grieving process is troubling? It’s normal to experience grief that interferes with how you function, but it depends on the severity and length of time you face these feelings. You may experience complicated grief, which could result in a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder (PGD). PGD is marked by an intense longing for a person who died within at least six months or 12 months for children or teenagers. Symptoms of PGD include:

● Feeling that a part of you died

● An unwillingness to believe that the person has passed

● Avoidance of reminders of their death

● Anger, bitterness, or sorrow about their death

● Difficulty continuing on with your own life

● Emotional numbness

● A belief that life is meaningless

● Extreme loneliness

The time period here is critical to note because many people experience acute grief during the first few months after a loss, in which they may experience some of the above symptoms. However, for most people, acute grief turns to integrated grief after those months come to an end. Complicated grief occurs when that transition doesn’t happen. Unlike complicated grief, integrated grief is less severe and more bittersweet. It’s what remains after the most challenging symptoms come to an end. At the point of integrated grief, people are mostly able to return to their everyday lives. The grief still exists, but it no longer dominates the sufferer’s life.

Although there is treatment for complicated grief and PGD , there’s some debate over the best ways to handle them. If your grief is debilitating and has lasted several months, you may want to reach out to a mental health professional for help. But it’s worth noting that it’s often easier to prevent complicated grief than it is to treat it. It may be a good idea to reach out to a professional either before an expected passing or shortly after a loved one’s death to address your emotions and potentially stop complicated grief from arising.

Thanks to the five stages of grief, we often imagine mourning a loved one to be like climbing a mountain. We start at the bottom in a place of denial and end at the top feeling acceptance. But the reality is that the path is far more winding than that. Some days you may be climbing up. Others you may be going down. But ideally, you’ll reach a point where the trek is more level, with smaller climbs and drops than before. Be patient with yourself. You’ll grieve in your own way, and that’s okay.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Attention to Detail Matters in a Funeral Director

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:36:14 GMT

When you work with a funeral director, you’ll quickly find that they don’t just look at the big picture. They want to know details, from how you want your loved one to look to how you want some of their most precious items to be featured. Here are just a few of the details that a funeral director needs to know to ensure that they plan a funeral that’s perfect for your loved one.

Details Your Funeral Director Needs to Know

1. How your loved one styled their hair and makeup

Your funeral director is in charge of ensuring that your loved one looks like themselves on the day of their funeral. Though they might not be the one doing the hair and makeup for your loved one’s services, they do have to oversee the process. A funeral director will often ask for a photo of your loved one to get an idea of how they liked to look. But it’s also helpful for you to give the funeral director your loved one’s favorite makeup to ensure that the right colors are chosen.

Hair and makeup may not seem like the most significant details for a funeral, but it means a lot for a loved one to look the way that their friends and family remember them looking for their services. And although makeup can be wiped off and reapplied, cut hair or a shaved beard will not grow back. Your funeral director will check with you to make sure they are or are not supposed to give your loved one a haircut or a shave.

2. What should go in the casket with them

When you work with a funeral director to prepare for your loved one’s services, you’ll need to provide them with items that may be for the day of the funeral or may be buried with your loved one. It’s essential that your funeral director know the difference between these items. If a funeral director is not informed that a precious necklace is just for a viewing, that piece of jewelry may end up being buried.

When you give the funeral director any items, be sure to be clear about how you’d like the items used. You may want to bury some beloved trinkets with your loved one, including rosaries, letters, books, or pictures. But you may have additional items that are just supposed to be in the casket for the day of the funeral, such as jewelry. Inform your funeral director of your intentions with every item, especially those precious to you and your family. Your funeral director will treat every object with respect, but they still need to be told where the item should end up: back in your hands or in the casket with your loved one.

3. What items were important to your loved one

Outside of objects to go in the casket, your funeral director will want to know about additional items that may be able to play a role in the funeral. Think about what objects meant the most to them in life. Even if you think something is too big to be incorporated, you should still tell your funeral director about them. You never know what the funeral director may be able to do.

Maybe your loved one loved nothing more than the wind in their hair as they rode their motorcycle. The funeral home may be able to bring that motorcycle in as a way to pay homage to those many days on the open road. Or perhaps your loved one was happiest with a fishing rod in their hand. Those fishing poles may be able to be used for a display during the service.

4. What did your loved one love to do

Beyond incorporating beloved items into a funeral, a funeral director may have other ideas about how to honor what your loved one enjoyed doing. Was your loved one a painter? Their work could be displayed throughout their services. Or maybe your loved one was known as the best baker around. The funeral director may ask for their favorite cookie recipe to think of creative ways to share with family and friends.

Your funeral director wants to know what made your loved one so special in order to customize the funeral to suit who they truly were. Funerals and other services are not one-size-fits-all. Funeral directors and their staff work hard to ensure that every service is unique to the person it's planned for.

5. What causes did your loved one champion

When a funeral director asks what mattered to your loved one, they also want to know about what causes were close to their heart. Did they volunteer at the local animal shelter? Were they a frequent attendee of the firefighters' gala? Your funeral director may have ideas on how to incorporate those causes in the celebration of their life.

One of the most common ways to do this is to ask for donations in lieu of flowers in an obituary, which a funeral director may be able to help you write, but there are other ways to make a cause a part of a loved one’s services. Your funeral director could help you set up a memorial fund, solidifying a legacy of your loved one’s love of that particular cause. Or you could organize a day to assist the charity for any funeral-goers who wish to join.

6. What kind of clothing did your loved one enjoy wearing

Dressing a loved one for their funeral traditionally meant placing them in semi-formal attire, but it’s become more acceptable to dress your loved one in whatever way made them happiest in life. You’ll be asked to provide clothing that you’d like your loved one to wear for their services, but you may not be sure where to start.

Talk to your funeral director about the clothes that your loved one could most often be spotted in. If you remember your loved one best in paint-speckled overalls, diligently working on their latest masterpiece, your funeral director may suggest that to be the outfit that your loved one is buried in. Or you can pick something more traditional, like the dress your loved one wore to every family event. The choice is up to you, but your funeral director will be there to help guide you through your decisions.

7. Who wants to be involved in the funeral

Another detail you must inform your funeral director about is who wants to be a part of the funeral. Positions can include giving the eulogy or additional readings, driving in the funeral procession, or being a pallbearer or honorary pallbearer, or you may have another unique idea about how to include members of your loved one’s family and friends. But your funeral director needs to know the names of everyone who will be a part of the services and how they will be involved before the funeral. The funeral director will ensure that everyone is in the right place at the right time and knows what’s expected of them.

For a funeral director, the smallest details can make the biggest difference. Their goal is always to ensure that the funeral you envision for your loved one is the one you receive. Always make sure that the line of communication is open between you and your funeral director.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Dealing with Grief on the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Passing

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:33:09 GMT

There are many days throughout the year that remind us of our loved ones who are no longer with us physically. We find ourselves thinking of them on their birthdays, special holidays, or anniversaries. The anniversary of their passing can be an especially difficult day. Experiencing grief on this day is natural, but it can be overwhelming and painful. Here are a few tips to help you get through this challenging day.

5 Tips for Facing Grief on the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Passing

1. Accept your grief.

The anniversary of a loved one’s passing can trigger feelings of grief, which can be difficult to accept. Although the five stages of grief have been debunked time and again, many people believe that grief has a formula and a timeline. While it’s true that the most intense symptoms of grief are often resolved within the first two years after a loss, grief is sneaky. It can manifest itself when certain triggers are reintroduced. Those triggers may include your loved one’s favorite song playing on the radio or visiting a place where you hold cherished memories with them. Another common trigger is a special day, such as the anniversary of their passing.

Some people become frustrated when grief resurfaces. They may believe that it’s a sign that they’re not grieving properly, but the truth is that grief returning can be a natural occurrence. You may feel symptoms of grief whenever this anniversary arises. Although the old adage claims that time heals all wounds, it’s natural to miss the people that you love. No matter how many years go by, that love that you have for them never fades. And you may feel that love even more intensely on occasions that make you think of them and how much they meant to you.

2. Express your grief.

Because some people believe that they’re not supposed to grieve beyond a certain time frame, they may feel shame for their emotions. That shame may prevent them from opening up about their feelings. Or they may simply feel like talking about their grief is a bother to others. But the people who love you want to help you. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to ask to be held. It’s okay to grieve. Holding grief inside may end up hurting you more than you realize.

Expressing grief has been shown to help not only you but the people around you. When you talk about how you’re feeling, you open the door to a healing conversation. When people hold their grief in, they often believe that they’re “being strong” and even protecting the others around them who they love. But stoicism isn’t the answer to grief that some believe it is. It’s a natural human need to share emotions. Studies indicate that you and your loved ones will only experience more grief by denying that need.

However, not all loved ones are receptive to hearing about grief. Unfortunately, some individuals go through disenfranchised grief . This type of grief manifests when friends and family do not validate your feelings and believe you’re grieving when you don’t have to. Although you may have internalized beliefs about not feeling like you should grieve on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, you may also be experiencing external forces that reinforce this idea. If you’re experiencing disenfranchised grief, you may want to consider talking to a mental health professional so that you have a place to express your grief that’s receptive.

3. Don’t face the day alone.

When you know that the anniversary of a loved one’s passing is coming up, you should try to surround yourself with people who are understanding of the situation. Being alone with your thoughts may not be the best course of action. How you handle being around others is up to you. You may simply want a distraction, or you may want to talk to someone about your loved one. It may be a good idea to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional in advance to meet on this particular day. By making this appointment, you’ll have someone experienced in grief to guide you through understanding and facing your emotions.

4. Plan events that aren’t too draining.

Some people want to talk about their loved one on the anniversary of their passing. Other people would prefer to take their mind off of what day it is. One way to distract yourself is to plan something for you to look forward to. Maybe plan a day of back-to-back movies in your favorite theater. Or go shopping with a friend and grab lunch at a place you love.

It’s best not to plan something too demanding. Ideally, if you have to plan in advance, look for things that you wouldn’t mind missing or that are refundable. Your emotions may overwhelm you more than you expect. If you’re not up to doing something after all, make sure that you plan something that wouldn’t be a big deal to miss. For instance, you probably don’t want to spend a lot of money on a concert several towns over because you may not be up to traveling or large crowds while you’re grieving. And you might be upset to have spent so much money and time on the plans just to miss the show.

5. Practice self-care.

When many people hear the term self-care, they picture bubble baths, face masks, and other little luxuries. And while those might be lovely ways to relax, it’s essential to remember that self-care literally means taking care of oneself, both mentally and physically. When you’re grieving, it can be hard to do the things that you would usually do to take care of yourself.

Remember to celebrate the little wins. It may feel silly at first, but be proud of yourself for brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Celebrate eating a healthy meal, but don’t beat yourself up if you treat yourself to a slice of pizza. The biggest part of self-care on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing is to be kind to yourself.

Every year, you may experience grief on the day that a loved one passed. It’s not you regressing. It’s just you coming across a trigger for your emotions. Be patient with yourself, and remember that what you’re feeling is natural. Take time on this day to lift yourself up and let others do the same. Grieving with others is often better than grieving alone.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Why Have a Funeral Service

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:30:01 GMT

When a loved one passes, one of the first questions that often gets asked is when the funeral will be held. It’s assumed that a funeral will be the way in which family and friends say a final farewell, but do you have to have a funeral? While no law makes it so that you have to hold a funeral in a loved one’s honor, you may want to consider what you could miss out on when you decide against a funeral.

4 Reasons You Should Have a Funeral Service for a Loved One

1. Funeral services give people a chance to say goodbye.

Many people loved your loved one. And funerals create a space where those people from all different walks of life can come together and say goodbye to someone who mattered to them. Saying a farewell to a beloved someone should not be overlooked. We often make the mistake of thinking that a funeral will offer closure, but it’s not closure that a funeral brings. Searching for closure in regards to someone’s passing is futile because the memory of our loved one will never leave us. What’s more fruitful is seeing a funeral as a door opening toward a world without your loved one physically by your side. We may be afraid to step through that door, but having the chance to say goodbye can give us a little push through the threshold.

Funerals are a place of collective mourning. There’s strength in knowing that you’re not saying goodbye alone. You’ll walk through the door of the new world hand-in-hand with your fellow funeral-goers. If you choose to organize a funeral for a loved one, you’re helping not only your own grieving process but the grieving of everyone else who your loved one loved.

2. They create an opportunity for people to support one another.

Funerals also create a place for those funeral-goers to find support in one another. Although you may think that you’re comfortable with the idea of mourning alone, you may find that being around others lifts you up while grief is holding you down. Funerals are a time and place of reconnection, where you’ll meet people who truly want to help you, even if they’re not people you know very well. Funerals aren’t an end to the support you’ll receive. Instead, they are a starting place. Funerals offer a place for help to be planned. While you’re grieving the loss of your loved one, many aspects of day-to-day life may fall through the cracks. The people who come out to say goodbye to your loved one have also come out to support those your loved one left behind, like yourself.

And support doesn’t have to be physical. It may be kind that a family member you haven’t seen in a decade or more is offering to help you with childcare, but the emotional support may be what helps the most. At a loved one’s funeral, you’ll likely see family and friends you may not have seen in a long time. You’ll hear stories about your loved one’s prankster nature as a teenager, about the way that they wooed their future spouse, and about all the things that made your loved one who they were. Those stories will create an even stronger image of your loved one, a full portrait complete with the sides of them you didn’t get to see.

What’s more, you’ll also be able to take comfort in knowing that your loved one was so loved. Seeing family, friends, colleagues, and even simply acquaintances, some you know but likely many you don’t, will show you just how full of a life your loved one lived. Your loved one’s memory will live on through you, but it’ll also live on through all the other lives your loved one touched.

3. They honor your loved one’s memory.

One of the best things about planning a funeral is that it’s customizable. No two funerals are the same because no two lives lived are the same. When you work with a funeral home, you can discuss all the ways you’d like your loved one’s personality and interests to be included in their funeral. From incorporating beloved items into displays to organizing military honors for veterans, there’s no limit to the way in which you can honor your loved one’s memory. Funeral directors will always do their best to accommodate your wishes. Even if you think your idea is a little outlandish, you never know what a funeral director may be able to do.

4. They can begin the healing process.

For many people, funerals are a ritual for a reason. It’s challenging to begin to grieve without this ritual taking place. Funerals confirm that someone has passed. That acknowledgment is crucial to starting the grieving process. We often think of mourning as being a negative word. No one wants to mourn. But the reality is that mourning and grieving are healthy. They allow people to process their loss and come to terms with a new world without the person they love. Funerals give people a point at which they can come to comprehend how this new world is developing.

Although the five stages of grief aren’t an exact science and have been debunked many times over, denial and acceptance are still two common actions that happen during the grieving process. When we hear that a loved one has passed, we often don’t want to believe it. Consciously or unconsciously, we may reject the idea that the person we loved would no longer be in our lives. But it becomes harder to hold onto that false reality when funerals happen. Being given the chance to say goodbye, perhaps even to see our loved one a final time, helps us to pave the way toward acceptance. Funerals don’t end the grieving process, but they can be an important milestone on the path to accepting a loved one’s passing.

A funeral is a bonding experience, a chance to say goodbye, a place to start healing, and an occasion to honor your loved one’s memory, all wrapped into one event. Although you may not have to hold a funeral, you should carefully consider what you could miss if you don’t. Not only is holding a funeral beneficial to you, but it’s also good for those others who will miss your loved one, giving them a ceremony that helps in their own grieving process. Funerals symbolize the start of a time without your loved one in your life. Enter that time with the support of family and friends by your side while you celebrate your loved one’s life together.

www.smithfamilycares.com

The 20 Best Songs to Play at a Funeral

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:30:23 GMT

Music affects us. Whether it makes us laugh from silly lyrics or cry from a meaningful melody, music has the power to make us feel something. Choosing music for a funeral can help set the tone of the service and mirror the spirit of our loved one. Take a look at some of the best and most popular songs played at funerals to inspire your own choices.

The Best Songs to Play for a Loved One’s Funeral

1. “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley

Originally by Leonard Cohen, the Jeff Buckley cover of this classic song is a frequent fixture at funerals for a reason. Perhaps one of the most beautiful songs ever written, it symbolizes something different for everyone who hears it. But for many people, it’s a way to add some peace to a difficult day.

2. “The Prayer” by Andrea Bocelli and Celine Dion

Although the song is performed as a prayer to the heavens, “ The Prayer ” works for non-religious funerals and religious affairs alike. There’s a comfort to the words, as if you’re asking for your loved one to watch over you. It’s a reminder that they’re still there, even if they’re physically no longer walking alongside us.

3. “Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran

Since “ Supermarket Flowers ” came out, it’s been a popular pick for funerals, especially when a mother passes. Sung from the perspective of his mother after her mother died, the song is a message to the one we’ve lost, thanking them for their time with us.

4. “Go Rest High on That Mountain” by Vince Gill

Vince Gill dedicated “ Go Rest High on That Mountain ” to his brother, and the singer perfectly captures the grief that comes after losing someone who means so much to us. But at the same time, it’s hopeful in that the singer hopes that his loved one’s spirit is at peace.

5. “I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack

Many people request that “ I Hope You Dance ” is played at their funeral as a message to those who remain. It’s a reminder to enjoy the time that we have, to dance, be amazed by the wonders of the world, and live.

6. “Iris” by Goo Goo Dolls

As another popular pick that people choose for their own funerals, “ Iris ” is about choosing love over all else. Through these lyrics, they’re saying that love lives on, even when they’re gone.

7. “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by Eric Idle

You might not expect this song to be a popular pick for funerals, but “ Always Look on the Bright Side of Life ” from Monty Python’s Life of Brian remains a feel-good tune that many want to play for their own services. Funerals can be very somber, but this silly song can make funeral-goers feel a little lighter.

8. “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John

Initially performed for Princess Diana’s funeral, “ Candle in the Wind ” has been playing at services since 1997. This elegant and powerful song is a beautiful homage to someone who the world will always miss.

9. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

Though the song was originally made famous by Judy Garland, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s version of “ Somewhere Over the Rainbow ” gives the song a softer, somber take, making it a good pick for funeral services. It’s a song of peace and harmony with the world.

10. “Long As I Can See the Light” by Creedence Clearwater Revival

“ Long As I Can See the Light ” is about a beacon guiding you back home, and for many, it takes on the meaning of going home after the weary journey that is life. It’s a meaningful song to play over a memorial slideshow of the beauty of the life a loved one lived.

11. “My Way” by Frank Sinatra

As a story of looking back on a life of self-determination, Frank Sinatra’s “ My Way ” is a meaningful tribute for your loved one. Though we all have regrets, there’s something beautiful about coming to the end of a life and looking back with pride at the choices that you made.

12. “I’ll Cover You (Reprise)” by Jesse L. Martin

In the musical Rent, “I’ll Cover You” is a love song between two people, Angel and Collins, who found each other in difficult circumstances. “ I’ll Cover You (Reprise) ” is the message that is sung at Angel’s funeral, a story of an eternal love that could never end.

13. “You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Andrea Bocelli

Originally written for the musical Carousel, Andrea Bocelli’s soothing voice is perfect for a cover of the beautiful “ You’ll Never Walk Alone .” In the face of grief, it’s a comfort to feel a loved one still with you, a reminder that you’ll never truly be alone.

14. “From Now On” by Ramin Karimloo

“ From Now On ” has become a frequently-played song at funerals since The Greatest Showman came out, but Ramin Karimloo’s cover makes it a softer, bluegrass song. With the dulcet tones of Karimloo’s voice, it’s easy to feel a certain comfort listening to him sing.

15. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston

Perhaps one of the most powerful songs about loss ever written, “ I Will Always Love You ” could be considered from either the perspective of the deceased or those who remain. Love will always exist, no matter what happens. No loss could take that away.

16. “Lay Me Down” by Sam Smith

Losing a loved one can be overwhelming, as captured by “ Lay Me Down .” We all wish we had the chance to be by our loved one’s side once more.

17. “We’ll Meet Again” by Vera Lynn

Both a song of hope and loss, “ We’ll Meet Again ” reminds us that our loved ones are never fully gone. To play this at your funeral is to tell your loved one that goodbye is never the end.

18. “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri

Perhaps the best part about “ A Thousand Years ” is that it’s a story of love at all points of life. Playing it at your funeral reminds your loved ones that your love for them will never end, not for a thousand years.

19. “Always Remember Us This Way” by Lady Gaga

“ Always Remember Us This Way ” from A Star Is Born is about a love captured for eternity. You’ll never forget the love your loved one gave you and the special moments you spent together.

20. “Fix You” by Coldplay

Written about the passing of a family member, “ Fix You ” captures the feeling we all have of wishing our loved ones could stay with us forever. We cannot fix loss, but we can take comfort in the lights guiding them home.

Like any aspect of funeral planning, what matters is what mattered to your loved one. If your loved one had a favorite song, something that was meaningful to them, that might be the best choice to play at their funeral. Whether it’s silly, like “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” or more serious, like “The Prayer,” you can’t go wrong if you play something that honors who your loved one was.

www.smithfamilycares.com

5 Things Not to Do When Someone Is Grieving and What to Do Instead

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:25:28 GMT

When a friend loses a loved one, you want to do what you can to help them through this difficult time. But what does that support look like? Sometimes, when we attempt to help friends who are grieving, we end up saying and doing things that may not be all that beneficial. Some common attempts to be of service may actually be better off avoided. What should you not do when a friend is grieving?

What Not to Do When Someone Is Grieving

Don’t: Try to “fix” their emotions.

Do: Acknowledge their grief.

It’s hard to see someone you love in pain. A natural response is to try to relieve them of their overwhelming emotions. But that inkling can do more harm than good. There’s no way to fix the pain of loss, and your friend needs to be able to grieve at their own pace. Nothing you say or do will push them through the grieving process faster. Plus, you don’t want them to rush through grief. It’s healthier for them to come to terms with their loss at the speed that works best for them.

Instead of telling them things that you think will make them feel better, acknowledge how they feel. Rather than tell them that they’ll feel better over time, let them know that how they’re feeling right now is valid. Remind them that it’s okay to feel all these different emotions and that you’re here to listen to and support those feelings however you can.

Don’t: Hesitate to reach out.

Do: Offer ways to help as soon as possible.

When someone close to us loses a loved one, we often wonder what the right time is to reach out. If we just heard the news, should we wait a day or two? Surely, they’re overwhelmed, and us calling them may make us come across as overbearing. But the reality is that losing a loved one can make you feel lonely. It’s hard to imagine being in a world without that person. Rather than wait to reach out, it’s better to contact them as soon as you hear the news and let them know that they’re not alone. Give them a call when you can. If they answer, offer your condolences and support, and listen to what they need most. If they don’t answer, leave a message, but don’t tell them to call you back. Just give them the option to call you if they need you or want to talk.

If you do get through to your friend or if they call you back, do your best to offer specific support. Many people are hesitant to say yes to help. They may think that you saying that you’ll do anything that they need is just you trying to be nice rather than you offering support. They may also struggle to come up with ways that they need help, which will result in them saying that they don’t need help even if they do. Try to offer specific ways you can be of service. Ask if they want you to babysit their kids while they have to plan the funeral or suggest making some easy-to-reheat dinners to get them through the week. It’s also helpful just to ask if they want some company. Because this period of time can be lonely, they may just appreciate having someone by their side, even if all they’re doing is running errands.

Don’t: Compare your loss to theirs.

Do: Offer your experience if asked.

When a friend loses a loved one, you may want to say, “I know how you feel.” And you may mean the sentiment well, but the reality is that you don’t know how they feel at all. Even if you and your friend both lost someone, such as both losing a parent, you don’t know what their relationship was like. You don’t know how much they will miss them in their life. You don’t know how they mourn. How you felt when you lost someone close to you may be entirely different from how they feel right now.

That said, some people may want to talk about shared experiences. Don’t bring it up on your own, but if your friend asks what things were like when you lost someone close to you, be honest with them. They may be experiencing something different, but they might appreciate hearing what you went through to guide them through the decisions they’ll have to make. They may ask about your experience with funeral planning or how certain things changed after the loss of your loved one. They’re looking for your guidance, which is another way you can offer them support.

Don’t: Say empty platitudes.

Do: Listen.

One of the most common mistakes people make when talking to someone who lost a person close to them is to offer the same old empty platitudes. The biggest problem with these platitudes? They try to romanticize their loved one’s death. “They’re in a better place.” “At least they’re not suffering anymore.” These statements are said from a place of kindness, and they’re meant to put someone’s mind at ease, thinking that their loved one is at peace. But instead, they may just remind that person about the difficulties that have been faced over the course of a loved one’s illness. Or they may make the person think that you’re saying that their loved one is better off not being here with them. When you talk to someone who lost a loved one, it’s better to focus on that loved one’s life, not their death.

While people often wonder what the best thing to say to someone who lost a loved one is, the real answer is that the best thing to do is listen. Everyone processes loss differently. What comforts one person may not comfort another. Don’t try to lead the conversation. Just listen to what your friend wants to talk about. They may not want to speak at all but still find comfort in your company. In which case, just sitting in silence is one way to support them.

Don’t: Disappear after the funeral.

Do: Continue to check in often.

In the time leading up to the funeral and the funeral itself, your friend will receive many calls and visits, all from people who want to help. On the day of the funeral, they will likely be reintroduced to many people who knew their loved one. They may even become overwhelmed by all the people that they see. However, once the funeral ends and people begin returning home from their travels, those calls and visits will become less frequent. And that’s when the loneliness may really start to set in. Do your best not to disappear when the funeral ends.

Try to check in often. You don’t need to call all the time, but even a text that says, “Thinking of you,” will remind them that they’re not alone. You could also schedule a weekly call or visit to make sure that a week doesn’t go by with your friend being alone.

Grief is complicated. Although we like to imagine that there’s a pattern to it, the reality is that everyone experiences it differently. While this guide may help you to be there for your friend, the key to helping a friend who is grieving is listening to their needs. Be a sympathetic ear and a supportive shoulder, and you’ll know you’re on the right track to helping your friend.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What’s the Best Thing to Say to Someone at a Funeral?

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:21:13 GMT

When someone passes, what should you say to the people they leave behind? It’s a tricky question. You want to be respectful and acknowledge their loss. You don’t want to diminish their grief, but you also don’t want to say something that may upset them when they’re already experiencing many emotions. When you greet a family member at their loved one’s funeral, what's the best thing to say?

What to Say to Someone at a Funeral

1. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

This phrase is one that’s frequently said to the family of the deceased, and if you’re not sure of anything in particular to say, it’s a good idea to say it. You may only have a few moments to speak to family members, and you don’t want to overwhelm them by talking too much. To simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss” is fine. It’s to the point while still conveying how you feel.

2. Offer specific help.

When a loved one passes, day-to-day life can go by the wayside. It’s easy to let the little things fall through the cracks when you’re dealing with the weight of grief. But for many people, forgetting the small things can create big problems. Those family members may have their own kids to take care of and their own households to maintain. Offering help of any kind is a nice sentiment, but it can be overwhelming for someone in mourning to be able to verbalize what they need. Try to come up with ways to help before you speak with them. Maybe you could organize picking their kids up from school and taking them to soccer practice. Or you could offer to make a few easy-to-reheat dinners for the week.

However, it’s essential not to be pushy. Your heart is in the right place, but some people may be hesitant to accept help right away. If they say that they don’t need help, don’t try to tell them that they do. Instead, make sure that they have your phone number and tell them that your offer stands for whenever or if ever they want your assistance.

3. Tell them what you’ll miss about the decedent.

It’s enough to say, “They were a good person.” But when you talk to a family member of the decedent, try to be more specific. What is it that made them a good person? What did you love about them? It can help a family member to know just how loved their loved one was. So, tell them what made them special to you. It could be something silly, especially if they were known for their sense of humor, or it could be something more serious. What matters is that it comes from the heart.

4. Tell a short story that may make them smile.

You may not have much time to talk to the deceased's family at a funeral service, but you may have more time at a visitation or reception. When you have the opportunity to speak more, try sharing a story. These family members are experiencing many emotions, so try to keep the story light. Do your best to keep it brief as well, as the family will likely have many more people to talk to. But ultimately, pick a story that will make them smile and remember how unique their loved one was.

What Not to Say at a Funeral

1. “They’re in a better place.”

While the intention behind the words is undoubtedly kind, this particular platitude can be perceived as somewhat of an insult or cause distress in other ways. For someone going through the pain of loss, there is no “better place” for their loved one to be than here on Earth with them. In time, they may be comforted by the idea of their loved one living on in an idyllic place, but while the pain is still fresh, it’s best not to make this assertion. Additionally, a person experiencing grief is likely thinking, feeling, and acting differently than they normally do; even if you think this person would usually take such a comment as a comfort, be cautious about using it at the funeral unless they indicated that they already hold this belief.

When you talk about the decedent at their funeral, you should generally keep the focus on that person’s life, not their death. The person you’re speaking to knows that they’re at their loved one’s funeral. They don’t need to be reminded by being told that their loved one is no longer with them physically.

2. “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

It comes from a good place to offer help of any kind, but it can be a lot to ask someone to come up with a list of ways for you to help them when they’re put on the spot. They’re likely overwhelmed by their emotions. There may be many things that they need help with, but they may struggle to think of them in the moment. They also may assume that what you’re saying is a platitude and think you don’t actually mean what you’re saying. It’s better to offer specific ways to help. Alternatively, you can reach out after the funeral when they’re a little less overwhelmed to ask how to help.

3. “I know how you feel.”

The reality is that you don’t know how they feel. You may think that you do. Maybe you lost a parent, and they just lost a parent, so you think you know what it feels like to lose a parent. But every person is different, which makes every loss different. Just because you felt one way after losing someone important to you doesn’t mean that they will experience the same emotions.

It’s also better not to focus on you when you’re talking to someone who just lost a loved one. Trying to relate to someone who lost someone important to them may seem like a good way to commiserate together. But it may just make the person feel like you’re trying to keep the focus on you rather than them. Keep the focus on the person who passed and the person you’re speaking to.

4. “Time heals all wounds.”

This platitude is another one that seems kind, but it may not come across that way. Although you’re trying to say that how they’re feeling will get better in time, they don’t really need to be reminded about a future without their loved one right now. Saying that time heals all wounds can diminish the grief that someone is feeling. They also may take it to mean that you’re saying that they will forget their loved one in time, which is a fear that many people have after the death of a loved one. It’s better to help them remember all the things that made their loved one special rather than convince them it’s better to forget.

Talking to someone at a funeral can feel like you’re navigating uncharted waters. What’s the right move? What’s the wrong one? The most important thing to remember is to speak from the heart. Remember that it’s not about you. It’s about being there for the people who just lost someone important to them. Offer help and condolences, and remember that the people you’re speaking to will appreciate your continued support during this difficult time, even after the funeral ends. Ultimately, the person you’re speaking with will talk to many people throughout the day, and they’ll likely forget exactly what you said when the funeral comes to an end. But what they won’t forget is how you made them feel. So, don’t worry about saying the exact right thing. Instead, just focus on being supportive, kind, and sympathetic.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Guide to Writing a Eulogy

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:16:51 GMT

When most people have a funeral, someone will give an important, emotional speech called a eulogy. A eulogy provides the funeral-goers with a meaningful portrait of the person who has passed and gives them a chance to collectively say goodbye. The eulogist gives a speech that’s as unique as the person being honored. They often feel a lot of pressure to get the eulogy right, though there is no one right way of writing it. But this guide can help you get started if you’re struggling to find the words for your loved one’s eulogy.

6 Tips for Writing a Eulogy

1. Introduce yourself and your connection to your loved one.

During the funeral, you may be introduced by the funeral celebrant, but if not, it’s a good idea to start your eulogy by sharing who you are and how you knew the person who passed. You likely don’t know everyone at the funeral, which means that they likely don’t know you either. Even if you feel a little silly introducing yourself in front of family and friends, it’s always a good idea to tell your audience who you are.

2. Start by thinking of your favorite stories of your loved one.

When writing an obituary, it’s essential to have a lot of biographical information, such as their work, school, and military history. And while you can talk about these subjects in a eulogy as well, you generally want to use a eulogy more as a way to tell stories. Anecdotes are useful for painting a picture of your loved one’s personality beyond their personal history. Think about stories that fit who your loved one was. Were they a jokester? Include stories about their renowned pranks. Were they loving caretakers? Incorporate anecdotes about them being there for their loved ones.

The stories you choose should remind the audience of their own experiences with the decedent, even if the anecdotes are focused on your own personal adventures with them. You can choose to incorporate a few short stories or just focus on one very meaningful tale. Your goal here is to show instead of tell, meaning that instead of saying, “My father was always there to put a smile on my face,” you relay a story about when he did exactly that. Telling stories has the power to make everyone feel like they were right there with you. By recounting that story, they’ll see just how much your father brought joy to the lives of the people he loved.

3. Fit your loved one’s personality.

Many people mistakenly believe that eulogies are meant to be somber. But many of the best eulogies rely on humor. The point is to make sure that the eulogy fits the person you’re writing it for. If your loved one had a witty personality, always quick with the jokes, it just makes sense that their eulogy has some of that personality sprinkled in. You can even roast the decedent a bit if you feel it fits who they were in life. As long as those jokes work for the way you would have spoken to or about your loved one before they passed, no one will take it as an insult. In fact, they may take it more as your way of honoring your loved one’s memory.

Just be sure that the jokes you include are fitting of your loved one’s sense of humor. If your loved one wasn’t much of a joke teller and was known for something else, like being the most sympathetic ear, you probably want to keep the humor to a minimum and maintain the focus on their most important personality traits.

4. Conclude with something meaningful.

By the time you end your eulogy, you may have trouble speaking. Being overcome by emotion during something as emotional as a eulogy is natural. But the conclusion is one of the most significant parts. So, take your time when you’re speaking and take deep breaths. You want to end your eulogy with something meaningful about your loved one. Many people choose to complete their eulogy by speaking directly to their loved one. In this way, you get to lead your audience through a poignant goodbye.

After spending much time in the speech talking about who your loved one was, conclude by saying how who they were affected you. Maybe you want to tell your father that you learned to be a good dad through watching him. Or perhaps you want to tell your grandmother that you learned the meaning of enjoying every day because of the way that she embraced every moment. It can be hard to put into words just how much your loved one changed who you are, so pick one way that means a great deal to you.

5. Practice your eulogy.

When we give speeches, especially emotional ones, we have a habit of rushing. When we’re overcome by what we’re feeling, words can become garbled while we speed through them. Be sure to practice your speech in front of someone so that you can make sure you’re speaking slow enough and clear enough. Even if you feel that you’ve memorized your speech, remember to bring note cards when you have to speak at the funeral. Your emotions may make it harder to remember what you want to say.

6. Decide how long you want it to be.

Once you’ve practiced your speech and spoken clearly and slowly, time yourself. How long is it? In general, eulogies are anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes, which provides you with quite a range. Many people believe that 10 minutes is a bit too long, while others believe that anything shorter than 5 minutes isn’t long enough. Ideally, then, you should try to aim for somewhere close to 5 minutes. But ultimately, it’s up to you. If you find that it’s too challenging to be speaking for too long, it’s okay to make the eulogy as short as you need it to be.

Eulogies are given by people who were especially close to the decedent, and they provide a very personal way of honoring their loved one’s memory. The stories you tell remind the audience of the unique person that the decedent was, and they show the many different sides of who they were. Remember that eulogies are always emotional, both for the audience and for the speaker. So be patient with yourself and know that it’s okay to stop if you need a moment during your speech.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Who Should Speak at a Funeral?

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:14:17 GMT

There are hundreds of decisions to make when planning a loved one’s funeral. One such decision is who will speak throughout the service. Who should you choose? First, you’ll need to know what roles you have to fill.

Who Speaks at a Funeral?

1. Funeral officiant

The main person who will be speaking throughout the funeral is the funeral officiant. The funeral officiant leads the service. It’s a common misconception that the person who leads a funeral is simply the funeral director. Although some funeral directors can also be available as the funeral officiant, the officiant and director are often not the same person. The funeral director has many other duties on the day of the funeral, and it’s often quite difficult for them to fill both roles.

For many religious celebrations, the funeral officiant is a member of the decedent’s church’s clergy. If the decedent was not a member of a church, but they still wanted a religious funeral, a clergy member of another church may be asked to perform the duties. However, in the case of a secular funeral, a certified celebrant may be hired to fulfill the role of funeral officiant. A certified celebrant will have undergone training on how to lead a funeral and how to tailor it to the life of the decedent.

There are no laws about who may be the funeral officiant, and on some occasions, a friend or family member may be asked to fill the role. However, it’s worth noting that this request should only occur if the person being asked has knowledge of their duties. Someone unfamiliar with leading funerals may find the task difficult, especially if they were close to the decedent. Ideally, the person filling the role of funeral officiant wouldn’t be someone in the decedent’s immediate family, as they will likely be too emotional to fulfill their duties. The person chosen for the role must also be comfortable with public speaking for long stretches of time.

2. Eulogists

Although it was once more common for there to just be one person delivering a eulogy at a funeral, it’s now more often that you’ll find several eulogists. A eulogy is a speech meant to honor and memorialize a decedent's life, often through stories. This speech paints a picture of who the decedent was beyond the information you may find in their obituary. A eulogist is most often someone who was very close to the decedent, such as a close friend, a significant other, or a child.

During religious celebrations, the eulogist may be a member of the clergy. However, because there can be more than one eulogy, a close friend or family member may still give an additional speech. If no close friend, family member, or clergy member gives the eulogy, it may be given by the officiant.

In the case of someone who was close to the decedent giving the speech, it’s important to consider their emotional ability to perform the task. It should not be assumed that anyone will deliver the eulogy. If you’re planning a funeral for a loved one, you should speak to those you are considering for the eulogy and ask if they feel up to the task. Remind them that it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. Eulogies are very emotional speeches and require the speaker to be comfortable standing in front of a crowd for up to 10 minutes. If anyone feels that they will be too emotional to speak or are uncomfortable speaking for that long, they should not be a eulogist. However, it’s also a good idea to have someone on hand on the day of the funeral who feels comfortable going up and completing a eulogy should someone who was chosen to be a eulogist become too overcome with emotion while trying to give their speech.

3. Readers

If someone wants to speak but does not feel comfortable performing a eulogy, they may be able to be a guest reader instead. A reader, as their title suggests, does not perform a speech but instead reads to the audience. In the case of a religious funeral, they may read a passage from a sacred text. But any funeral may include the reading of a poem or book passage. Make sure that the readers have their text before the day of the funeral so that they can practice.

When you pick the speakers at your loved one’s funeral, make sure that your funeral director has a list of their names. The funeral director will work closely with whoever is chosen as the officiant to ensure that the funeral runs smoothly. But they’ll also need the names of the eulogists and readers to make sure that everyone is where they need to be during the service and has all the materials they need for their speeches or readings.

www.smithfamilycares.com

7 Ways to Help When Someone is Going Through Grief

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:06:39 GMT

When a friend loses a loved one, you may feel powerless. Your friend is in pain, but you can’t make them feel better. You wonder what the right words are, how you can help, and if there’s any way to just make them smile again. It’s never easy to see a friend who is grieving. And while you can’t make their pain disappear, you can be there for them, emotionally and physically. With some simple actions, you can have a big effect on their grieving process.

7 Ways to Help When Someone Is Grieving

1. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

When someone we love loses a loved one, we often worry about how and when we’re supposed to go to them. Should you call them as soon as you find out? Should you give them space to comprehend their loss before you reach out? Although you may be inclined to do the latter, it’s better to let your friend know as soon as possible that you’re there for them. Give them a call as soon as you hear the news. If they answer the phone, offer your condolences and be a supportive listener. If they don’t answer, leave a message telling them that you’re here if they want to talk, but don’t pressure them to return the call. If they want to talk or feel ready to speak, they’ll reach out on their own time.

2. Listen.

When someone is grieving due to the loss of a loved one, many are often concerned about saying the right thing. What should you say to a person in mourning? What should you not say? However, in many cases, it’s more helpful to listen than it is to speak. There’s nothing you can say that fixes what has happened. And there’s nothing you can say that will make your friend stop mourning. They must move through grief in their own way and at their own pace.

But to help your friend heal, be there for them and listen to them. Some people just want to talk about their loved one. So, listen to their stories and be a sympathetic ear. Other people just want to talk about anything but the situation they are sadly in. So, listen to them talk about their favorite movies or whatever else gives them comfort during this time. But it’s also important to recognize that some people may not want to speak at all. It’s a good idea to ask, “Do you want to talk?” before asking any additional questions, especially about their loved one. If they say no, don’t take that to mean that you should leave. Be comfortable sitting in silence, allowing you both to simply take comfort in each other’s company.

3. Give your friend space to act in their grief.

Grief can cause extreme emotions. You may find that your friend is not acting like themselves while they’re in mourning. They may lash out, cry at seemingly random moments, and even push you away. Recognize that these actions are demonstrations of grief, and don’t take anything personally. Don’t call out these behaviors or try to change them. If your friend is crying, let them cry. If they’re yelling, let them yell. Be a calming presence, but don’t tell them that they need to calm down. Let them know that it’s okay to have these emotions. Remind them that you’ll be there for them, even in the moments when it feels like they’re pushing you away.

4. Check in often.

Ongoing support is crucial throughout the grieving process. When the funeral ends, mourning doesn’t. During those initial few weeks after a friend’s loved one’s death, they may have many people offering to be there for them. But as time goes on, those calls tend to become less frequent, leaving your friend to find themselves alone and still grieving. It’s crucial to continue to check in on your friend. You don’t have to call every day, but find little ways to stay connected as much as you can.

Remember that grief has no timeline. And as much as people say that time heals all wounds, they may never fully heal from losing a loved one who meant so much to them. It may be hard to see that your friend is different from who they were before their loss, but they need your support, even when it feels difficult for you. Make a point to be sure to check in on days that will be especially hard for them, such as birthdays or anniversaries.

5. Offer day-to-day support.

When we lose someone we love, our whole world can turn upside down. It’s not uncommon for our day-to-day activities to get lost in our grief. But many of us don’t have the option to simply mourn without caring about our responsibilities. If you can, try to take some of those duties off your friend’s plate. Some ideas for practical ways to help a grieving friend include:

● Organizing transportation for their kids to and from school

● Providing childcare

● Driving them to and from appointments

● Delivering easy-to-reheat meals

● Shopping for groceries or other necessities

● Taking care of housework

● Maintaining their garden or other outside spaces

● Looking after their pets

Your friend may not feel comfortable with you taking care of so many of their responsibilities, but you can still offer alternative ways to help. For instance, if your friend doesn’t want you to pick up all their groceries, ask if they would like company during their shopping trip. Sometimes, an errand buddy is all they really want.

6. Let them try to enjoy activities at their own pace.

Symptoms of depression often come with grief, and with these symptoms, it can be challenging to enjoy the things we once loved to do. Encourage your friend to accompany you to places that they have enjoyed in the past, but recognize that they might not feel up to these activities yet. It’s essential that they know that the invite is out there. It’s up to them if they want to engage in these activities, but at least they’ll see that they’ll have a friend to accompany them whenever they’re ready.

7. Make sure they know it’s okay to get help.

Grief can often look similar to depression, but because it’s so typical to have symptoms of depression shortly after losing a loved one, medical professionals generally do not diagnose depression if a loved one just passed. They view it as grief manifesting in a normal way. However, if your friend is experiencing debilitating signs of grief that get in the way of their life, they may be suffering from prolonged grief . Prolonged grief occurs when someone has lost a loved one within the last 12 months, and symptoms have persisted nearly every day for over a month. Signs of grief often get better over time. If they’re getting worse instead of better, prolonged grief may be the cause. Symptoms include:

● Feeling that a part of them has died

● Disbelief around death

● Avoidance of reminders that their loved one has died

● Intense emotional pain around their loved one’s death

● Difficulty doing everyday tasks

● Emotional numbness

● Belief that life is meaningless

● Detachment from others

Whether your friend’s grief has progressed to prolonged grief or not, they may benefit from professional intervention. If you’re concerned about your friend’s health, gently bring up that talking to a psychiatric professional may be a good way for them to process how they’re feeling. Your friend may believe unfortunate stigmas around seeking psychiatric help, so broach this topic carefully. Remind them that it’s okay to need help. If they feel overwhelmed by the thought of looking for help, offer to search for a psychiatric professional for them.

Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. It’s likely that every friend who loses a loved one will react differently to the loss, which is why it’s so important to listen to their needs. You can’t make them stop grieving, and you can’t change the situation they are in. But you can be there for them, reminding them they’re never alone.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Helps When You Are Grieving?

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 19:00:25 GMT

Acceptance.

Accept your feelings, acknowledge them and try to understand them if you can. Accept that your feelings belong to you. Others may have suffered a similar loss and felt differently. Accept that a feeling is a feeling, it is what it is. It can never be wrong to feel the way you feel.

Practice Selfcare .

Give yourself a break. Avoid taking on new responsibilities when possible. Lighten your load if you are able. Make time for things you enjoy. Ask for help with tasks you are dreading or dislike doing. Make time for activities that nurture you. Embrace nature, look up at night and see the stars. Look down during the day and see all the little pollinating critters. Let the wonder of our world comfort you.

See your friends and family. Don’t go it alone. Spend time in the company of others. Continue your activities or return to those you have not been able to participate in for a while.

Eat well. If you don’t feel like cooking healthy food visit the take-out section of your local market. Grieving is hard work your body needs to be in good shape. Eat your fruits and veggies. Go light on the sugar and alcohol.

Move. Take a walk. Sign up for an exercise class, water aerobics, or yoga. Regular exercise is a good antidepressant.

Sleep well. Put yourself on a schedule. Build in time to decompress before bed. Make a to do list for your day tomorrow, then let go. Read a book or listen to a meditation, whatever it takes to get you to a calm relaxed frame of mind so you can settle in for a good night’s sleep.

Be Open to Help

Grieving is hard work. It can feel like swimming in the surf. When a rogue wave washes over you, if you are not to drown, you need to engage and work at keeping your head above water. Grieving is also an active endeavor. A person who is mourning will need to work their way though the process. It’s a journey. Sometimes a helping hand from a counselor, pastor, or grief support group is exactly what is needed. It’s best not to wait until you are under water to ask for someone to throw you a life preserver. Accepting help sooner rather than later is a good idea.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Feeling Guilty for Feeling Good

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 18:56:59 GMT

There comes a day in every grief journey where you feel good. Oddly enough, feeling good can make a grieving person feel guilty. How does this happen?

Sometimes a person who is mourning settles in with sad. Feeling sad becomes their new norm. So, when the day comes when they notice the bird’s song, or maybe the smell of bacon, or their heart is warmed by a grandchild’s giggle and they realize they are having a good day, it knocks them off balance. Feeling good feels, well, wrong.

When that day comes, it’s best to take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and embrace feeling good. Grieving is work; you’ve earned this. Loving someone who has died doesn’t require the mourner to never be happy again. Good days and bad days are a normal part of life. It might help to think about the person you loved. They probably loved you back, right? How would they respond to you feeling good?

Another trigger for feeling guilty about feeling good can come when our loved one passed after a very painful illness or required care over a long period of time. In these cases, it’s normal to feel a sense of relief. Relief for them and relief for you. This “not sad enough” feeling can cause the mourner to question their feelings. Mourning is a mixed bag of feelings. There is never a right or wrong way to feel.

Accept that it’s ok to feel relief that suffering has ended and accept the pain of loss. Loss of someone you shared a history with, someone you loved, someone who loved you. Try not to judge your feelings. Just feel. No guilt.

The mixed bag of feelings that comes with grieving also comes and goes. One day you are feeling really good, and it seems like you are over the hard part. And then bam! You are crying again. Some people have described the grief journey like climbing up a greased pole. You are climbing to the top feeling better and better and then you slide back again. That’s normal.

Embrace the good days. Watch for the things that may trigger a difficult day such as birthdays, anniversaries, and those special days for you and your loved one. Prepare for those days. Know that sad days will eventually become treasured, nostalgic days. And good days will become your normal again.

www.smithfamilycares.com

When Will I Feel Normal Again?

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 18:30:10 GMT

When a baby is born, that brand new life changes the lives of all those who are a part of the family. The parents, the grandparents, the siblings and even family friends - everyone changes in ways they may never have expected.

Usually, the new life is anticipated with an expectation of joy. Some if it is joy. First words and steps are joy. Sleepless nights are not joy. Watching the little one learn to walk is joy. Teaching her to drive will most likely not be joyous. It might even be downright frightening.

When a death takes a life from our circle, the same thing happens. Everyone attached to that life changes. Often in ways they never expected. Each person will experience grief in their own way and on their own timeline. There will be sadness. Some things will return to normal, but not everything. When a life is lost from a family circle, just as when a new life enters the circle, nothing is ever just exactly the same. There will be joy. It will not all be joy. And some of life moving forward might be downright frightening.

Grief is a journey. It doesn’t just end. The goal is not to forget. It is to weave your memories into your future. That does not come without work, and it is not always easy. It’s also not always hard. There will be joy. There will be learning new skill. There will be discovering new talents. There will be letting go and letting in.

If “normal” means to you just as it was before the one you loved died, you are likely to be disappointed. If it means feeling at peace and experiencing joy and love, albeit in a little different way, you will look for it and work at it, and you will find your new normal.

In the words of the Jimmy Buffet song … Some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic but you’ll have a good life along the way.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Feeling Like You’re Losing it (You’re Not Losing it, You’re Grieving)

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 18:27:22 GMT

Everyone has at one time or another walked into their kitchen and just stood there wondering … what did I come into this room for? When you have experienced the death of someone close to you, the stress of the loss can make that “what am I doing” feeling such a frequent companion that you begin to wonder if you are “losing it.”

You pick up a book or a magazine to read and your eyes go over the words but there is no connection to your mind. You have no idea what you just read. It seems like nothing is where it belongs. You can’t find the keys to the car, your glasses, or the cup of coffee you were just drinking a minute ago. Grief does strange things to people. But this new forgetful, can’t-think-straight person is not you forever. It’s just you for now.

While you are in this overwhelmed foggy state of grief, try to lean in and give yourself a break. Make the decisions you must and put the others on the back burner. Make a drop zone near where you enter the house and try to leave keys, your sunglasses, your cell phone and maybe the unread mail right there in the zone. That way you will have one space to look for things.

Some folks find it helpful to use their phone or voice assistant (like Siri or Alexa) to remind them of important appointments. Many find it helpful to be more structured than usual. Go to bed on schedule and wake on schedule. Make your coffee and make your to do list first thing in the morning. In the evening, before you call it a day, check that list. If there are things that you didn’t get done just move them forward to tomorrow’s list and let go. Before you go to bed, do something for yourself. Maybe you make a cup of herbal tea and have nice soak in the tub, listen to your favorite music, work on a puzzle, or just unwind and clear your mind for a good night’s rest.

Although it might seem like a good time to have a night-cap, experts tell us alcohol really isn’t conducive to sound sleep. It might be better to indulge a few hours before bedtime rather than just before you turn in for the night. It’s also tempting to drift off to sleep with the T.V. on. But that’s really not a good habit to adopt. Instead, try having your voice assistant play a restful meditation to help you sleep. Getting proper rest is an excellent treatment for the fog of grief.

Relieve yourself of some of your chores. Relax your housekeeping or yard maintenance standards just a bit. You can return to your usual higher standards when you are on a more even keel in a few weeks or months. Be kind to you.

The fog will lift. You will be more like your old self again. You are not losing it, you are grieving.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Has Technology Changed Funeral Service

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 18:10:33 GMT

Technology changes everything. Back in the 1980s, who would have imagined that we’d all have miniature computers sitting in our pockets all the time? And who could have known decades ago that we’d be able to simply type all our questions in a little bar and immediately get thousands of answers?

As technology has changed our lives, it’s also changed the world of funeral services, giving you more options to celebrate your loved one than ever before. Let’s break down a few of the ways technology has affected funerals.

Technology That’s Changed Funeral Services

1. Livestreaming

Do you have to attend a funeral in person in today’s day and age? While paying your respects to your loved one and their family and friends in person is better, you might not always have that option. Whether it’s disease, distance, or something else keeping you from going to a funeral in person, you may have another opportunity to view the ceremony.

If a funeral planner is aware that many potential funeral-goers will not be able to attend, they may opt to set up a livestream. Livestreaming years ago used to be a difficult endeavor, but today, you just need a smartphone or tablet. You’ll also need a place to livestream to, such as YouTube Live. Just be sure that your potential viewers know where to watch when the ceremony starts.

It's essential to keep in mind, however, that funeral homes are not professional videographers. Out of respect for the grieving family, a funeral home will not place multiple cameras around the ceremony, especially in locations that may interrupt the service. They will also not place mics around the room, which may mean that audio may occasionally be difficult to hear in the livestream. If you intend to watch a livestream of a funeral because you cannot attend in person, you should keep in mind that these limitations exist.

2. Memorial slideshows

Memorial slideshows aren’t a very new concept, but the way that they can be presented has grown over the years. Memorial slideshows show photos of the decedent, allowing funeral-goers to take a journey through the life of their loved one. But with more and more funeral homes investing in high-quality monitors and projection technology, you can make your slideshow even more interactive. You can add in videos, clips of their voice, their favorite songs, or any other media you think would enhance the experience.

Many people show their slideshow during the ceremony itself, but you could also opt to project it on a wall during a reception. Another option would be to put the slideshow in a digital picture frame, to be left nearby the decedent during a viewing. In that case, you would not be able to use sound, though you could still use photos and video.

3. Memorial websites or social media accounts

Gone are the days when an obituary could only live in a newspaper. Now, you could create a whole website dedicated to memorializing your loved one. Website builders, like Wix or Squarespace, make it easy for anyone to create a website for any purpose, including for celebrating the life of a loved one. On your site, you can write the obituary and list the events you’re planning, giving the dates and locations for the viewing, funeral, and reception. You can also include a section that would function as a virtual guest book, allowing friends to write down their memories of their loved one and send condolences to the remaining family. If you don’t want to build a website yourself, many funeral homes offer building an interactive obituary page as a service.

In addition to memorial websites, you can also convert your loved one’s Facebook and Instagram into memorial accounts. Making this change leaves a legacy of your loved one’s life, as their posts, videos, and photos will remain intact. Just like a virtual guest book, family and friends can take to the memorial account to share their favorite photos and memories with the decedent. It’s also a good idea to share a loved one’s obituary on social media. Doing so spreads the information to people you may otherwise have had trouble reaching.

4. Virtual funeral planning

Planning a funeral in person might not always be an option, just like attending a funeral in person might not always be something you’re able to do. Luckily, with today’s technology, you don’t have to be in a funeral home to work with a funeral home. With video conferencing applications like Zoom or Google Meet, you can schedule meetings with a funeral director from the comfort of your own home. Whether you can’t get to a funeral home to plan your own funeral or live miles away from your loved one’s funeral home, you can still make all the preparations you need to make virtually.

If you have the option to plan in person, taking advantage of the opportunity is a crucial way to be sure that the funeral home can suit your physical and emotional needs. But if you don’t have the option, you can still work with the funeral home over video calls. Funeral directors want you to have the funeral you envision, so don’t hesitate to ask for a video call instead of a phone call so that you can speak to them face-to-face and see the funeral home’s facilities.

5. QR codes for headstones

Gravesites are often designed to suit who the decedent was in life, with an epitaph that immortalizes their character. But what if you didn’t have to fit all that you wanted to say about your loved one in a short statement? QR codes can be affixed to headstones, which visitors can scan. The visitors can then be sent to anywhere of your choosing, such as the memorial website.

Technology is ever-changing, and thanks to all of these advancements, your options for funeral services are changing too. These are just some of the big improvements that have been made in the last few decades, but as time goes on, you can expect even more choices for technologically-savvy ways to say goodbye to your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Details Matter in Funeral Service – You Only Get One Chance to Get it Right

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 18:02:42 GMT

When we attend funerals, we don’t often think about what went into planning them. We only recognize how overwhelming the process can be until we’re the ones doing the planning. Let’s take a look at some of the crucial details you’ll need to address when preparing for a funeral.

Details to Consider in a Funeral Service

1. Choose the right funeral home.

The best way to prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed by all the details that come with funeral planning is by working with the right funeral home. If your loved one preplanned their funeral, you’ll most likely be working with the funeral home they chose. However, if they did not preplan, it’s up to you to screen and vet funeral homes to ensure that you find one that fits your needs. Start by compiling a list of the funeral homes in your loved one's area. Then, call them to ask some questions about their services and get a feel for their offerings.

Once you find a few funeral homes that you’re interested in working with, ask to make an appointment with a funeral director at each location you’re considering. While at your meeting, request a tour of the facilities to make sure that they can accommodate your plans, both physically and emotionally. You should also see how your compatibility is with the funeral director. As the funeral planner, you’ll be working directly with the funeral director for much of the planning process. You’ll also be leaning on this person for support, so you want to be sure that you feel that this funeral director would be a good fit for you.

2. Compile your loved one’s information.

Many things happen behind the scenes while you’re planning a funeral. You might not realize just how much paperwork is required to set this process in motion. So, to be sure that you have all the information that you need for your funeral director to fill out these forms, compile all of your loved one’s medical, financial, and personal documents. You’ll need these records for various reasons, from ensuring that you can receive insurance payouts in a timely manner to requesting multiple copies of your loved one’s death certificate.

Having all of this information will also be handy when it comes to writing an obituary. Although you can write one yourself, many funeral homes are able to assist you, giving you one less thing to worry about. But because the person writing the obituary might not have known your loved one very well, having information on hand about them would be helpful. So, in addition to personal documents, bring extra mementos, photos, and videos of your loved one so that the person writing the obituary can get a feel for who your loved one was.

3. Pick the services that suit your needs.

Deciding on which services to hold for your loved one can be overwhelming because there are far more options than many people think. When we think of a funeral, we often picture what’s referred to as a traditional funeral. This event invites funeral-goers to pay their respects, listen to a ceremony, and sometimes accompany the decedent and their family to a cemetery for their burial.

But the traditional funeral isn’t the only type of ceremony one can hold. You may want to include a wake, visitation, or viewing in addition to the funeral, which all serve different purposes. After the funeral, or instead of a traditional funeral, you may want a committal ceremony, which is done at the cemetery as you commit your loved one to the earth. If you have a more traditional funeral, you may also want a reception held after the ceremony. Some people opt to forgo the traditional funeral altogether and simply do either direct cremation or direct burial.

So, what’s the best choice for your loved one? If you’re not sure, a good place to start is by talking to your funeral director about their offerings. Many funeral homes are willing to accommodate different types of services beyond their traditional offerings. If you have a service you’re interested in holding, talk to your funeral director about your thoughts. If you have a budget in mind, ask them for a breakdown of the service prices as well.

4. Customize the services to your loved one.

Once you know which services you want to hold, the next step is to figure out how to customize them to who your loved one was. Customizing a funeral is very personal. No two funerals are alike because no two people are perfectly alike. One way to tailor a funeral to your loved one is by deciding what kinds of cultural and religious customs you want to include. You may want to talk with a community or religious leader to ask for ways to incorporate certain traditions.

Another way to customize a funeral is by considering what made your loved one happy in life and finding ways to fit those hobbies or traits into the services. For instance, if your loved one was most content with a crochet hook in their hand, you could consider asking family and friends to help you make a memorial blanket to place over their casket. Or, if your loved one enjoyed nothing more than a day out in the sun surfing, incorporate their surfboard into a display during the service. You could also put together a memorial slideshow, which could be shown during the service, projected on the walls of the reception or viewing, or put in a digital frame and displayed near the casket. In addition to the slideshow, you may want more photos of your loved one to decorate the ceremony. Talk to your funeral director about any photo printing services they offer.

5. Decide on the other people who will be involved.

Another crucial detail that can’t be overlooked is who else will be involved in the funeral. You’ll need someone to give a eulogy, but you may want to ask additional people if they’d like to make speeches, read a prayer or poem, or sing a song or hymn. You’ll also require the help of pallbearers to carry the casket. If someone would like to be a pallbearer but does not fit the physical requirements of the duty, you can ask them to walk with the pallbearers as an honorary pallbearer. Be sure that your funeral director is aware of who will hold either of these statuses.

You should also figure out who will be in a funeral procession. You must tell your funeral director who will be in the procession before the day of the funeral so that they can have everything prepared. Those in the procession will likely need a special flag indicating their status. The funeral director will also need to ensure that they are in the right place when the procession begins.

6. Choose your loved one’s final resting place.

Your loved one may have already chosen if they wanted to be buried or cremated. If not, it’s up to you to make that decision. If they also did not decide on their final resting place, that decision is yours to make as well. In the case of a burial, you’ll need to choose the cemetery, as well as the plot or mausoleum. You’ll also want to adhere to any religious or cultural guidelines when deciding how to bury your loved one, including what clothing they’ll be wearing. If you have the option for a green burial and choose to partake in one, you’ll also have to follow those restrictions as well.

If your loved one is to be cremated, you’ll need to pick out what you’d like to happen to their remains. Although you can keep their remains in an urn, you have many other options. You could have them placed in a special urn that will grow a memorial tree or make arrangements to put them in a burial reef ball, which functions as an artificial reef. Another common option is to scatter the ashes, although you’ll have to make sure you’re meeting all local, state, and federal restrictions.

There’s a lot to think about when planning a funeral. But with the help of the right funeral home, the details don’t have to be overwhelming. Funeral directors have years of experience tailoring funerals to suit every wish and need, and they’re honored to support you through the planning of a funeral that’s perfect for your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

The First Thanksgiving Alone

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 20:22:10 GMT

Thanksgiving looks different to all different kinds of families, but it can also look different year after year. As family members grow up and have their own families, Thanksgiving celebrations may shrink. And as time goes on, the passing of family members can make those smaller Thanksgivings even more emotional. There may come a day when your Thanksgiving will be celebrated alone, which can trigger feelings of grief and loss. How can you navigate a Thanksgiving spent alone? There’s no wrong way, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.

What to Do When Spending Your First Thanksgiving Alone

1. Decide if you’d like to celebrate.

There’s no rule that says that you have to celebrate Thanksgiving. Sometimes, the most challenging part about the holidays is the expectation. We often remember images of what we think Thanksgiving is supposed to be like: an overflowing table with many family members seated around it, all smiling and having a wonderful time. We may even remember a time in our childhoods when our Thanksgiving dinner tables looked similar to those idyllic images.

But, more often than not, those images aren’t the reality for most people. You’re not alone if you don’t feel like celebrating when there aren’t others around. It’s okay not to want to put in the work to cook a large meal if you’re only the one eating it. There’s nothing wrong with deciding to skip the usual Thanksgiving traditions. On the other hand, if the traditions give you comfort, you may enjoy simply spending the holiday cooking. Only you can decide if you want to celebrate Thanksgiving when you’re alone.

2. Contact others who may also be alone for the holiday.

If you do decide to celebrate, remember that you may not be the only one celebrating alone. Perhaps a friend has recently been widowed, and their children live far away. Or maybe a recently divorced friend is spending the holiday alone because their children are with their ex-partner. Think about the people you know, and don’t be afraid to reach out and see what they’re up to.

Suggest a digital alternative if friends or family can’t gather in person. You could ask everyone to grab their favorite Thanksgiving foods and call into an online meeting platform, like Zoom. Even if you only chat for an hour out of the day, you may still enjoy having a little interaction with people you love during what otherwise may be a bit of a lonely day.

3. Volunteer.

Consider celebrating the holiday with people who may also be having a difficult day. Thanksgiving is one of the biggest volunteer days of the year, and the people who volunteer have the honor of helping those less fortunate have their own special holidays. When we volunteer, we’re helping others and helping ourselves. Volunteering our time releases dopamine , making us feel good about the good we’re doing. Seeing that what you’re doing is putting a smile on others’ faces will put a smile on yours.

Call around to your local food banks, soup kitchens, or places of worship and see who is in need of some help this holiday. When you’re spending a holiday alone, you may find it helpful to take your mind off the situation. Volunteering not only takes your mind off of the day but also puts the focus on someone else, making you feel good about your selfless act.

4. Treat yourself with something that you enjoy doing.

There are other ways to take your mind off the day besides volunteering, however. And especially if you’ve had a difficult time lately, it’s important that you’re taking care of yourself. One way to treat yourself to some essential self-care is by finding a way to put a smile on your own face. If you don’t want to think about the holiday, think about something that will occupy your body and mind in another way. What’s something you don’t often get to do that you really enjoy? Maybe you’ll spend the whole day curled up by the fire with a beloved pet and a good book. Or perhaps you’d rather spend your time in a fishing boat with the sun shining over the water, illuminating your day’s catches.

Be kind to yourself and let yourself indulge a little. Make a list of things you’d like to do that you don’t do every day, from activities to other treats, like your favorite chocolates. You deserve something that makes you feel good, so enjoy it all without a second thought.

5. Consider making preparations for the day with a professional.

Spending a holiday alone can be challenging, especially if you’re spending it alone because of the passing of a loved one. Sometimes, it’s best to be prepared for any emotions you face during that day. Talking to a mental health professional before the day arrives can help you combat your feelings as they arise. Before Thanksgiving comes around, schedule a meeting with a mental health professional and work with them to create a game plan for the holiday. You may feel better knowing that you’re facing the day with professional advice to help you navigate how you’re feeling.

Spending your first Thanksgiving alone can bring about a wealth of emotions. Especially if you’re spending it alone because of a loved one’s passing, you may feel more grief than you expect. But remember that there’s no wrong way to observe Thanksgiving alone, even if it means not celebrating at all. No matter what you choose to do, remember to be patient with yourself because ignoring or repressing your emotions may end up causing more harm in the long run. You’re allowed to grieve, even during a holiday.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 20:15:51 GMT

Veterans surround us every day, even if we don’t know it. They could be a grandparent, a coworker, a neighbor, or another person who’s a part of our daily lives. These people missed milestones with their families. They may have missed their child’s first steps. Perhaps they missed their first anniversary with their spouse. And they may have watched some moments that will stay with them forever.

Their sacrifices are why we honor them every Veterans Day. So, how did this holiday come to be? And how can we best say thank you to veterans on this day?

Why Do We Celebrate Veterans Day?

Veterans Day didn’t start out as Veterans Day. Originally, it was called Armistice Day . And although it did honor the military, it was celebrated for a different reason than we celebrate Veterans Day. Armistice Day was held in honor of the end of the fighting in World War I, which occurred at 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918. The belief at the time was that World War I would be “the war to end all wars.” But that was far from the truth.

Though Armistice Day celebrations date back to the 1920s, Congress made it a national holiday in 1938. It would be only a year later that Germany would invade Poland, and World War II would begin. The meaning of Armistice Day changed significantly in the recognition that there were more soldiers to honor than those who fought in World War I.

The first celebration called Veterans Day was started by a World War II veteran named Raymond Weeks in 1947. The event was held on Armistice Day, but it was meant to honor all veterans. In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a bill officially changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day. Although Congress would later try to change the date of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October in 1968, it was clear that November 11 remained the true date of Veterans Day in the public’s mind. As a result, the date of the holiday was changed back to November 11 a decade later.

Though Armistice Day honored the soldiers of World War I, Veterans Day, as we celebrate it today, commemorates all veterans for their patriotism and willingness to serve their fellow man. Veterans Day remains a day of reflection upon their service and the sacrifices they made. Veterans Day is often confused with Memorial Day, but Veterans Day is meant to be a day to give support to veterans still with us, while Memorial Day is intended to be for fallen soldiers.

How You Can Honor Veterans on Veterans Day

1. Observe a moment of silence.

In 2016, President Barack Obama signed a law asking Americans to voluntarily pause for two minutes on Veterans Day for a moment of silence . Americans are asked to use this time, which begins at 2:11 p.m. EST, to reflect upon the sacrifices made by veterans to protect and honor America and our freedoms. While this moment of silence is not mandatory, it’s a way to show respect for the veterans among us.

2. Volunteer at a VA hospital or nursing home.

The Department of Veterans Affairs, or the VA, hosts many facilities across the country that provide care to returning veterans, including hospitals and nursing homes. Although these locations need support year-round, Veterans Day is a great time to volunteer because many of these facilities host events in honor of the day. Call your local VA hospital or nursing home to ask how you can help. Even if no events are being held, you can make a veteran's day by simply spending time with them at these locations.

3. Recognize the veterans around you.

One of the most important things to do on Veterans Day is to recognize the sacrifices of the veterans around you. You have veterans all around you, perhaps even in your own family. Be sure to thank these people for their service, but you can also go a step further and show your thanks through acts of kindness. Maybe your neighbor is a veteran. Give them a token of thanks, such as flowers or baked goods, or invite them over for a meal in their honor. Do what you can to show kindness and support to veterans on Veterans Day.

4. Organize a Care Package Party.

Veterans Day is also about recognizing those who are still serving, who are missing home and the comforts within it. Many organizations ship care packages to soldiers overseas to give them some of these comforts. Get involved with these organizations by rallying some of your friends and family to put together care packages for these troops. If you know someone personally in the military, you may send packages to them for them to distribute to their troop, or you can let one of the care package organizations mail your gifts to other soldiers for you.

5. Raise funds for veteran-related charities.

Donating what you have is a wonderful way of showing support, but you can go further by asking others to donate around you. Try organizing a fundraiser to raise money for veteran-based charities or your local VA office. You will likely need to take several days beyond Veterans Day to put this fundraiser together.

Remember that Veterans Day is a day of recognizing sacrifice. More than the veteran themselves sacrificed to protect this country. Many charities support the other lives that are touched by military duty, such as a spouse who is taking care of the home while their partner is overseas or a child who will miss the holiday season with their parent. Since Veterans Day is close to the winter holidays, you may consider using your Veterans Day fundraiser to acquire gifts to provide to struggling families who won’t see their soldier during the holiday season. Supporting veterans is also about supporting the people they love. So, pick a charity that touches you and provides help to soldiers and those they love alike.

Your community may already have events planned to raise funds for specific groups. If you would rather not create your own fundraiser, contact the organizers and ask how you can get involved. Donating your time is as valuable as donating your other resources.

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: When Your Loved One Made Funeral Plans in Advance

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 19:07:58 GMT

Arranging a funeral means making hundreds of decisions, both big and small, that determine the way you’ll celebrate the life of your loved one. But sometimes, your loved one will have spared you from many of those choices by making their own plans with a funeral home. How do you navigate enacting your loved one’s plans? You may want to start your preparations before your loved one passes.

What to Do When Your Loved One Made Funeral Plans in Advance

1. Talk to your loved one before they pass.

Ideally, you should talk to your loved one about any funeral or disposition plans before they pass. You can plan your own funeral at any point and age, so your loved one may have planned years in advance, giving you plenty of time to have this conversation. It can feel uncomfortable talking about what happens after someone passes, but this discussion can save you a lot of stress later on.

2. If you didn’t talk to your loved one before they passed, check their medical or legal documents.

If you did not have a conversation about funeral plans before your loved one passed, check their medical or legal documents. There may be notes among them about any preparations they’ve made with a funeral home. You can also talk to your family to see if anyone else had conversations about funeral plans. One of your family members may have some documents that can help you.

3. Contact the funeral home your loved one planned with.

Once you know that your loved one had made plans with a funeral home, it’s time to contact the funeral home. Schedule a meeting with the funeral director to discuss what has been planned so far. Most likely, if your loved one preplanned, they will have determined at least what kinds of services they wanted and what their desired final disposition was. However, your loved one may have made additional decisions, such as:

● Whether their service will be public or private

● If they wanted additional services, such as a viewing

● Should they be cremated, what they wanted done with their ashes

● Should they be cremated, did they want a service before or after cremation

● Should they be buried, if they picked a cemetery and burial plot

● Personalization touches, such as a poem they wanted read

Ask your funeral director to walk you through the plans, but also ask what other choices will need to be made. If your loved one didn’t decide upon them, those choices would fall to you as the next of kin.

4. Discuss whether or not your loved one prepaid.

When you preplan a funeral, you’ll have the option to prepay as well. Your loved one may have paid toward their funeral and disposition in several ways, including using pre-need insurance, final expense insurance, a funeral trust, or a payable on death account. A funeral trust or pre-need insurance is set up through the funeral home, while final expense insurance is through an insurance provider. A payable on death account is managed through a bank. Your funeral director can provide more information on which payment methods your loved one chose, though you may have to do additional research through your insurance provider or bank depending on the choices your loved one made.

Your loved one may have paid for their funeral and disposition in full, or they may have paid for certain aspects of them. Check with your funeral director about what’s been covered so far and what still needs to be paid for. If you’re confused about costs, ask to see a General Price List, Casket Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price List, which the funeral home must provide according to the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule . Ask your funeral director to walk you through the costs on the lists and how they’ll apply to you.

5. Determine if your loved one’s plans need to be transferred.

Occasionally, your loved one’s funeral plans may have to be transferred to a different funeral home. This transition may have to happen because your loved one died in a different place than where they lived or moved after making their funeral plans. Whether or not your loved one’s funeral preparations can change to a new location depends on your state’s laws, but most preplanned funeral arrangements are transferrable. If transferring is necessary, check with the funeral home your loved one worked with to see if moving plans is an option. There’s likely a reason why your loved one chose the funeral home that they did, so it’s a good idea to only make this change if absolutely essential.

6. Work with the funeral home to add additional personal touches to the funeral.

Depending on how much your loved one planned their funeral, you’ll likely have some decisions of your own to make. Talk to your funeral director about ways to add personalized touches to the ceremony and beyond. These decisions may include what music to play, how to display cherished photos and other items, how to show a memorial slideshow, and many more ways to make a funeral customized to your loved one. Your funeral director has years of experience tailoring funerals to unique individuals, so open up about what made your loved one special and what brought them joy in life. Share ideas, and ask for advice on how to incorporate who your loved one was in their funeral.

Your loved one gave you a gift by preplanning their funeral. You essentially have a blueprint for what your loved one wanted in their funeral and final disposition. That blueprint can guide you through their final wishes. But you’ll still have other decisions to make yourself, so be sure to establish clear communication with your funeral director, who can help guide you through what comes next when you put your loved one’s plans into effect.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What To Do When Someone Dies – Choosing a Funeral Home or Other Deathcare Provider

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 19:03:59 GMT

For many families, choosing a funeral home or deathcare provider means weighing several options carefully. Especially in larger areas, there can be many different funeral homes servicing a community. How do you know which one is right for your needs? It starts with deciding just what those needs are.

What to Consider When Choosing a Funeral Home or Deathcare Provider

1. Check if your loved one preplanned or prepaid for their funeral.

Your loved one may have already decided on their deathcare provider and worked with them to plan their funeral. If you did not talk to your loved one before they passed about what they wanted in their funeral, check their medical or legal documents. There may be notes in there about any funeral plans they’ve made. Once you know that your loved one worked with a funeral home to plan their services and disposition, contact their funeral director and set up a time to go over what they’ve set up.

Talk to the funeral director about what’s been planned and what hasn’t, as well as whether or not your loved one prepaid for their funeral. They may have paid toward their funeral without fully paying, or their full plans may already be covered. Once you know how much has been mapped out, you’ll be able to use that blueprint to plan the funeral your loved one wanted and make additional decisions about what was not yet chosen.

2. Talk to your family members who are involved in the decision-making process.

If your loved one did not preplan their funeral, your first step to deciding on a deathcare provider is to speak with other family members involved in making decisions for your loved one’s deathcare. Through having this discussion, you may find that one of your family members has a personal connection to a funeral home or funeral director. Planning a funeral is a very personal experience, and you may discover that working with someone your family knows makes the process more comfortable.

During this discussion, you should also talk about the details of how your family envisions the funeral and disposition. Will you be having a traditional funeral or direct burial or cremation? Will you have additional services, such as a viewing or visitation? In order to answer these questions, you may want to discuss what a reasonable budget looks like. That budget can help inform what types of services you can have, which will determine what kinds of deathcare providers you want to work with.

3. Call local funeral homes and speak with the funeral directors.

If your loved one did not preplan their funeral with a local funeral home, you’ll have to screen and vet funeral homes to see if they fit your needs. Once you have an idea of what you’re looking for in your loved one’s deathcare, start making calls to local funeral homes or setting up meetings with funeral directors. During these conversations, you’ll want to ask questions about what the funeral home offers to see if their offerings align with your needs. Some questions to consider include:

● What types of services do you do?

● How can we personalize our loved one’s funeral?

● How do you care for our loved one before the day of the ceremony?

● What kinds of caskets or urns do you offer?

● What is included in your funeral costs?

● Do you handle our loved one’s paperwork, such as by requesting death certificates?

● What crematories or cemeteries do you work with?

● Do you offer grief counseling?

● Do you have any special offers for veterans?

While speaking with the funeral directors, your goal is not just to receive the answers that you’re looking for. You also want to get a feel for your compatibility with this funeral director. Planning a funeral can be a very stressful experience, but working with a funeral director who is personable, professional, and eager to assist you makes the process less overwhelming. You want to be sure you can have a good relationship with the funeral director you’re speaking with. If something feels off in your conversation, you may want to consider a different funeral home.

4. Tour local funeral homes’ facilities to see if they match your needs.

If your initial conversation with the funeral director goes well, ask to tour the funeral home’s facilities. It’s crucial that the funeral home can suit your needs physically as well as emotionally. Not only do you need to have compatibility with the funeral director, but the funeral home itself must be compatible with the funeral you want to have. Some things to consider while touring the funeral home include:

● Is it large enough to fit all of the funeral-goers?

● Is there enough parking for the expected guests?

● Is the location convenient for where your guests are coming from?

● Do the facilities suit your religious or cultural needs, such as by having a chapel for religious services?

● Do the facilities include the technology you’ll need, such as projectors or monitors you’d like to use for a memorial slideshow?

By the time you choose a funeral home, you should have a clear idea of what you’re looking for and what you’re not. The right funeral home will help you through this challenging time, being a helping hand and a guiding light that shows you the best decisions for you and your loved one. Once you find a funeral home that fulfills your needs, you can begin the process of planning an event that truly celebrates who your loved one was.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How To Arrange a Funeral From Afar

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:55:56 GMT

When a loved one passes away while we’re away from them, complicated feelings can arise. You may have been their long-distance caregiver, a role that was essential in their final years of life. Or their death may have been more of a shock to you. Either way, when you have to plan a funeral from afar, you may feel overwhelmed by all you have to do when you’re not physically there to do it. But by following these steps, the funeral planning process can become a little easier.

Steps for Taking Care of a Funeral From Afar

1. Learn if your loved one made any plans for their funeral.

Ideally, you will have talked to your loved one before they passed about any plans they made for their funeral and disposition. If not, you should check their medical records to see if there’s anything documented. If your loved one preplanned their funeral, arranging it from a distance will be significantly easier. You’ll still have some decisions to make, and you’ll be working with the funeral director who is making those plans come to fruition. And because you have a blueprint for what your loved one wanted, your job will be less stressful. Once you know that your loved one had plans for their funeral, contact their chosen funeral home and set up an initial meeting to review their decisions.

2. Contact funeral homes in the area where you’d like to hold the funeral.

If your loved one did not preplan their funeral, your first step in the funeral planning process is to begin contacting funeral homes in the area where you’d like to hold the funeral. Finding the right funeral home is often a process in and of itself. You want to be sure that you find a place that suits your needs, both physically and emotionally. Do your research about the funeral home first, such as by reviewing their website, looking at photos, and reading reviews. Then, start making calls.

While speaking with the funeral home staff, try to get a feel for your compatibility with the funeral home. As someone planning a funeral from a distance, you’ll need to rely greatly on the funeral home. Could you see yourself feeling comfortable depending upon this staff? Once you make some screening calls, make a list of the funeral homes that you could potentially work with. After compiling your list, you’re ready for more in-depth meetings.

3. Set up virtual meetings or tours with funeral directors.

Once you’ve made your screening calls, ask to set up a meeting with the funeral director you would be working with if you chose that funeral home. If possible, request a virtual appointment rather than just a phone call. A virtual meeting will give you the chance to see more of the facilities, as well as speak to the funeral director face to face. You can also ask if the funeral home offers virtual tours. To pick the right funeral home, you need to know if the space can physically fit your needs, including whether or not it’s large enough for all of the expected funeral-goers. The best way to determine if the facilities are a good fit is by seeing them with your own eyes.

During your initial meeting with the funeral director, ask questions that will help you determine if they will make planning a funeral from afar more or less stressful. Some questions to ask include:

● What types of services do you offer?

● How does your facility cater to my loved one’s religion?

● How many people can fit in the room you use for funerals? How about the room you use for viewings?

● Do you handle my loved one’s paperwork?

● Can you show me some of the caskets and urns you offer?

● How do you take care of my loved one prior to their funeral?

● What transportation options do you provide for my loved one?

4. Rely on in-town support, including your chosen funeral director.

When you decide which funeral home you want to work with, you can begin arranging the funeral. Planning a funeral can be stressful on its own, but organizing one from afar can add further complications. Consider asking a friend or family member in the area to be your liaison. If there are certain things better seen in person rather than virtual, ask them to meet with the funeral director and report back to you. You’ll get the opinion of someone other than yourself, giving you insight into questions you might not have thought of before. Whether you’re planning a funeral in person or at a distance, it’s often better to have the support of someone than simply doing it alone.

You should also rely on one of your most significant resources, your funeral director. Your funeral director comes with years of experience and training, and there’s a good chance you’re not the first person they’ve worked with who is arranging a funeral from afar. Don't hesitate to contact your funeral director when you have questions or concerns. They’re honored to be of service to create a memorable day that celebrates your loved one.

5. Make travel arrangements that allow you to come before the funeral if you’re able.

If you have the opportunity, try to arrive in the funeral home’s area a few days before the funeral. Doing so will give you the chance to make some final decisions about the funeral and disposition, as well as see if there’s anything that may need to be adjusted now that you can see the plans with your own two eyes. Once you arrive in town, schedule an in-person meeting with the funeral director and ask them to go through the plans with you. If you were working with a friend or family member as a liaison, ask them to come with you so you have additional support.

Organizing a funeral can be an overwhelming process, but arranging one from afar adds an additional burden to an already challenging time. Working with the right funeral home can help alleviate some of that stress. Funeral directors are an essential resource, and once you find one you feel comfortable with, you can feel better about relying more upon them, giving you time to grieve without worrying about the details of the funeral. When the day of the funeral arrives, you’ll know that everything has been taken care of, even if you couldn’t oversee the planning in person.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Clear and Open Communication With a Funeral Home

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:53:22 GMT

Planning a funeral starts with creating a relationship with your funeral home, which is forged through clear and open communication. What should you talk to your funeral director about? Let’s break down the main topics you’ll need to be open about with your funeral home.

What to Talk to Your Funeral Director About

1. Clear and open communication with a funeral home starts before you begin planning the funeral.

Before you can begin planning your loved one’s funeral, you’ll need to find the right funeral home to work with. If your loved one preplanned their funeral, they will have already decided on the funeral home you’ll be working with. Otherwise, you should make screening calls to the funeral home and then set up preliminary meetings with those that pass the screening call. Ideally, you’d like to set up an in-person meeting with the funeral director you’d be working with. During the meeting, ask questions that align with your needs. Some things to consider asking include:

● How long has your funeral home been serving this area?

● How many people can you host for a funeral? How about a viewing?

● How can you tailor your funeral to my loved one’s religion?

● What kinds of additional offerings do you have, such as printing services?

● What kinds of services can my loved one have?

● What types of caskets and urns do you offer?

2. Bring documentation of your loved one’s biographical information.

Once you decide on your loved one’s funeral home, you’ll begin arranging the funeral, which means spending more time discussing your options with the funeral director. But before you can get into the details, you’ll have to discuss your loved one’s biographical information.

There are two main reasons why your funeral director needs to know your loved one’s history in great detail. For one reason, your funeral director will be able to help you write your loved one’s obituary, which should give a picture of who your loved one was, in addition to directing the local community on when and where the funeral will be held. The second reason is that your funeral director needs to be able to help you with essential paperwork, such as filling out a Cremation Authorization Form, which you’ll need to procure a cremation permit, or filing for death certificates, which you’ll need several of to take care of your loved one’s estate.

When you meet with your funeral director to discuss your loved one’s background, bring documents that include their:

● Full name

● Social security number

● Spouse’s name

● Children’s name

● Parents’ name, including mother’s maiden name

● Work history

● Educational history

● Military service

● Memberships and affiliations with churches, clubs, and other organizations

You should also bring other items that help piece together the puzzle of who your loved one was. In addition to recent photographs, bring photo albums that include some of the snapshots you may want to include in the funeral. You can also bring things that have to do with your loved one’s hobby. For instance, if your loved one was a talented painter, you may want to show the funeral director some photos of their most beloved work. The more you can show the funeral director who your loved one was, the more detailed their obituary can be.

3. Ask about services offered and how they can be tailored to your loved one.

By the time you begin arranging a funeral with your funeral director, you should have a pretty good idea of the kinds of services the funeral home offers. But now’s the time to get more into details. Your funeral director should now also have a picture of who your loved one was. So, how can the services be personalized to your loved one? Think about and talk about what made your loved one special to determine what you might want to include in the services. The more detailed you can get, the more ideas you’ll be able to come up with together.

Funeral directors have plenty of experience incorporating a loved one’s personality into their funeral. If your loved one was an avid golfer, perhaps their beloved clubs could be placed by the casket or even incorporated into a floral arrangement. Or, if your loved one had been crocheting for decades, maybe some of their favorite projects could decorate the ceremony.

4. Ask for your options, as well as a price breakdown.

Most people have a budget in mind when they plan a loved one’s funeral, which is why your funeral director must be upfront about their costs. In fact, legally, they have to be. According to the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule , your funeral home must show you their General Price List, Casket Price List, and Outer Burial Container Price List. Your funeral director should offer these documents to you unprompted, but once you receive them, ask your funeral director to review them with you. What options make the most sense for your needs? How do the costs break down? Go through your choices together, and be sure to ask questions about anything you’re unsure of.

5. Describe any plans your loved one wanted and what you and your family envision.

If you’re the primary family member planning the funeral, you’ll be relaying information between your family and the funeral director. So, once you discuss the funeral plans with your family, be sure to document any questions or concerns they may have, as well as any ideas they’re envisioning for the funeral. Although you may be the main decision-maker, those who loved your loved one may want some of a say in how the funeral happens. Talk to your funeral director about how to incorporate your family’s requests. You’ll also want to be sure that your funeral director knows who the pallbearers will be, who will be giving the eulogy or other speeches, and who will be in the funeral procession. On the day of the funeral, the funeral director will be the one to ensure that everyone has what they need to complete their task and are in the right place at the right time.

Your funeral director is both a resource and a support system when you’re planning a funeral for your loved one. To ensure they can fulfill their duties, you need to be open with them about everything from your loved one’s history to how your family envisions the day of the funeral. Your funeral director is in your corner and is honored to create a beautiful event for someone so dearly loved, and clear communication is the key to making that event happen.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Grief - Feeling indecisive

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:49:38 GMT

Grief is a multi-feeling experience. The closer you were to the person who died, the more your life was intertwined with theirs, the more “feelings” you are likely to experience. Some of these feelings are expected, like feeling sad, or lonely, but others can catch you off guard.

Feeling indecisive is one of those feelings. It is not at all uncommon to find yourself having difficulty making decisions. But it is often unexpected and therefore puzzling.

Especially when a person loses a partner, a husband or a wife, someone whose life, past, present and future had been linked to their own, they find making decisions great and small can be overwhelming.

When a person has lost the person who was the whoa to their go, or the leap to their standing on the edge, pressing forward and making choices alone can feel almost impossible. And yet, the death of such a partner is likely to generate a deluge of such decisions.

Hesitation is not always bad; it can slow a person down and provide time to weigh the options. It can allow time to gather information so a better-informed decision can be made. Indecision can be positive as long as it doesn’t prevent a person from making time sensitive decisions, or getting stuck in a deteriorating situation, or abdicating to a person who does not have one’s best interests at heart.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling overwhelmed with the number of decisions that need to be made start by making a list. What needs to be done? Now, look at your list and begin to make sub lists.

What is time sensitive? Some things like probate must be completed in a prescribed timeframe. Make sure you are getting these things done on time to avoid complications or penalties.

What can be delegated? If you can hand off a job, go ahead and lighten your load. Before you delegate the task be certain you have thought it through. Give the person you have chosen to complete the task clear direction. Be as precise as you can about what you want done and how it should be carried out. Then let go. Give the job to someone you trust and let them do it.

Where do you need expert advice? Make appointments with the lawyer, financial advisor, or whoever can provide you with the information and options you need in order to make good decisions. Gather the information you need. Give yourself a deadline for completing the task and focus on that one thing. Ticking it off the list will lift your spirits.

What is best left to later? Many experts agree, when a person can, it’s best to wait six months to a year to make big decisions. Things like selling a house, moving, or changing jobs are best left until your head has begun to clear. Take care of the immediate needs and give yourself a little breathing space for the things that can marinate for a while.

Quick Tips:

Second guessing can be an indication that you really are not happy with a pending decision. It can be an indication that you are about to make a wrong decision. Trust your gut.

Is the decision getting harder to make the more you dwell on it? This can be an indication that you are afraid of something. Find your fear, write it down. Gather more information or expert advice. Set a time limit.

Ask yourself how much will this matter in ten years?

In the end… let go and leap. Every decision can’t be perfect. Accept that what is your best for now is good enough.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Are Death Certificates for and How Many Do I Need?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:43:43 GMT

Paperwork can be daunting even when you’re in a good mindset, but when you’re in a period of mourning following the death of a loved one, the last thing you want to be doing is filing forms. Unfortunately, when a loved one passes, there’s quite a lot of paperwork to do. But to start, you’ll need to obtain several death certificates. But what are death certificates for, and how many do you need?

What are death certificates for?

Death certificates are official documents that state the date, time, and cause of death. Although the steps to obtaining a death certificate vary by state, one of the simplest ways is by requesting certified copies through your funeral home. Funeral directors are familiar with the process, having done the same for many families they’ve worked with. Otherwise, you can request death certificates through your state or county’s vital records office or a government-endorsed website. Be prepared to show a government-issued ID and additional documentation to prove your relationship to your loved one.

The initial filing for a death certificate starts with a death registration form and must occur within 72 hours of your loved one’s death. Receiving the death certificates may take two to four weeks, and you’ll need several certified copies. But for what exactly do you need death certificates?

Insurance

When your loved one passes away, you’ll need a death certificate to file for life insurance benefits. It’s crucial to try to submit one as early as possible, as you’ll likely want to have these benefits to help you with funeral planning and payment if the funeral was not pre-paid. You’ll also need a death certificate to confirm your loved one’s death with their health insurance company or in order to keep receiving Medicaid benefits. Burial or funeral insurance companies also require a death certificate.

Final Disposition

Whether your loved one is to be cremated or buried, you’ll need a death certificate. A cemetery or crematory will not take care of your loved one’s final disposition without having a death certificate on hand.

Asset Ownership

Typically, a notarized signature is sufficient when an asset, like a house or car, is transferred from one person to another. But because that isn’t possible in the event of a death, a death certificate allows the title to go to a new owner.

Financial Accounts

Before granting anyone access to the decedent’s financial accounts, a bank must be made aware of the death through a death certificate. From stocks to savings accounts, you’ll need enough death certificates to be sure that each of these accounts can be transferred or closed.

Retirement Income Sources

If your loved one had a 401(K) or a pension plan, you’ll likely need a certified copy of a death certificate. Some retirement plans can be transferred to someone else, such as a surviving spouse, so it’s essential to contact the company as soon as possible to see if and how you can change ownership of the assets to you or a loved one.

Ongoing Investigations

If your loved died suspiciously and there’s an ongoing investigation into how they passed, government officials will need a death certificate with the cause of death recorded. Depending on the results of the investigation, the cause of death may be amended.

Final Tax Returns

When a loved one dies, one final year of federal, state, and local taxes must be filed. When you file these taxes, you’ll need to submit a death certificate to ensure that this filing is the last one for your loved one.

How many death certificates do you need?

It’s better to have too many death certificates than too few. Although it’s often recommended that you receive between 10 and 20 certified copies, you may need fewer or more depending on your loved one’s estate. The best option is to become familiar with your loved one’s estate before they pass. You should aim to learn the ins and outs of their financial accounts, retirement income sources, and insurance policies.

The number of each of these accounts and policies will help you discover how many death certificates you need. However, you should not only order the exact number of certified copies required to close or transfer these accounts. You should have between two and three additional death certificates for emergencies and for making photocopies when a certified copy is unnecessary.

Talk to your funeral director if you’re unsure about when and where you need to use a death certificate or how you can obtain enough certified copies. They’ll be able to guide you through the process and ensure that you’re not missing a death certificate for any critical accounts.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: What Types of Service Can We Have?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:39:00 GMT

There are many questions to consider when a loved one passes away, but one of the first steps in the funeral planning process is figuring out what types of services you’ll have. But before you can choose your ceremonies, you need to know what they are. Let’s take a look at your many options for celebrating and honoring your loved one.

What types of funeral services can we have?

One of the most common types of funeral service, a traditional funeral, often begins at a funeral home. Your loved one will have been taken care of by the funeral home staff while you work with the funeral director to ensure that the service is befitting of your loved one. On the day of the funeral, family, friends, and other members of the community gather to offer their condolences to the loved one’s surviving family. From there, the funeral celebrant, who may be a religious figure, leads the ceremony. Often, a close friend or family member will give a eulogy, and sometimes, more speeches may be made. The funeral celebrant may lead the funeral-goers in prayer, or certain songs may be sung in honor of the decedent.

A traditional funeral can also occur at a church, synagogue, or other religious location, especially if the decedent was devout in life or if the funeral home does not have a chapel large enough to hold the expected number of funeral-goers. A traditional funeral in a religious building often contains more of a religious service, such as a pastor leading the congregation in prayers or hymns or employing additional customs tied to that specific faith.

Most often, a casket or urn will be present at a traditional funeral containing the loved one. Depending on the family’s wishes, a casket can be open or closed. When a loved one’s final disposition is cremation, the family may choose to hold the cremation either before or after the funeral. Having the decedent cremated after the funeral allows for them to be present for the ceremony, giving family and friends the chance to see them one final time before cremation. Once the ceremony has concluded, a hearse can transport the casket or urn to a gravesite for burial.

If the loved one is to be buried, funeral-goers may follow the hearse in a funeral procession to the gravesite. Before the casket or urn is buried or interred, the funeral celebrant may lead another service known as the committal service, as your loved one will be committed back to the earth. Some families prefer to forgo the traditional funeral and simply have a committal service, which is often very short and less elaborate than a traditional funeral. In this case, family and friends will gather directly at the cemetery, where a funeral celebrant will say a few words, lead a prayer, or read a poem, depending on the family's wishes.

Some families decide to forgo a larger service in favor of a direct burial or direct cremation. With a direct burial, the immediate family is usually present to say their final farewells to their loved one, while additional funeral-goers are not invited to attend. With direct cremation, the family may have a cremation viewing, but ultimately there’s no formal service. Most often, the ashes will be returned to the family, who will decide their final resting place.

What additional services can we have?

In addition to a funeral service, some families opt to host other services that give close friends and family, as well as the greater community, a chance to mourn together. For instance, some families will host a memorial service or celebration of life in addition to a traditional funeral, coming together again once their loved one is in their final resting place. Or they may hold a scattering ceremony if their loved one was cremated. With a scattering ceremony, friends and family join together to watch as their loved one’s cremated remains are spread in a meaningful place, such as at sea or a national park.

But other services can also come before a funeral. A visitation is for families to receive support and condolences from their community. These services are most often held in a funeral home. Generally, the decedent is not present. If they are present, their casket is usually closed. Visitations typically occur in the days leading up to the funeral, where the family will receive guests wishing to pay their respects.

Another service that can come before a funeral is a viewing. For this event, the decedent is present, as the idea is for people to get a chance to say personal goodbyes to their loved one. Viewings are mainly for people who knew the decedent personally, whereas the funeral is a chance for the greater community to say goodbye. Because viewings are meant to be a time to say farewell, they are most often open-casket.

You have many options to celebrate your loved one’s life and honor their memory when they pass, so much so that you may be overwhelmed by your choices. But working with a funeral home ensures you’ll receive guidance on choosing the right ceremonies for your family and your loved one. Funeral home staff are filled with expertise from their years of service supporting families through one of their most difficult times. And they’ll be honored to help you plan a service that’s befitting of your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: Should We Have a Service?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:35:16 GMT

When a loved one passes away, one of the first questions family and friends ask is when the service is. But if you’re in charge of taking care of your loved one after they pass, it’s up to you to decide if you have a service at all. Funerals are very personal events, and some people opt out of having one at all. So, do you have to have a funeral service? And if you don’t have to, should you anyway?

Should I have a funeral service if my loved one died?

There’s no legal requirement to have a funeral when a loved one passes away, but that doesn’t mean that you should forgo this tradition. A funeral service is a way to honor a loved one’s memory and celebrate their life. But a funeral is truly for the living, for all those who remain who will miss that person now that they’re gone. It’s a chance not only to say goodbye but also to find solace in knowing how loved a loved one was.

After the death of a loved one, it’s easy to feel alone. A funeral service helps that loneliness abate. The service gives family and friends a time to be together, share memories and stories, and swap words and actions of comfort. But a funeral service does more than bring together the friends and family of someone who has passed. Funerals bring out entire communities.

These ceremonies remind us just how many people we touch throughout our lifetime. Students who have long since graduated return to say a fond farewell to a teacher who gave them guidance that helped shape their lives. Childhood neighbors come to share memories of the rambunctious kid your loved one once was. Little Leaguers mourn together the loss of a coach who was like another parent to them. The truth is that our loved ones live full lives, and we often aren’t privy to every part of them while they’re alive. Funerals piece together parts of our loved ones, creating a beautiful picture of a life well-lived. That picture provides great comfort in our time of grief.

Funerals are also the start of a healing process. A funeral won’t prevent you from mourning your loss. But having all that community around you and being able to celebrate your loved one can help you begin to feel a little bit lighter. And by planning a funeral, you can also offer that lightness to your family and friends.

If the thought of planning a funeral is overwhelming to you, remember that funeral homes have years of experience creating ceremonies that honor loved ones’ memories. It’s natural to feel many emotions when trying to plan a funeral, but you don’t have to do it alone. A funeral director and their staff will be by your side, working to enact your plans so you can grieve in peace. If the stress of planning a funeral makes you rethink having one, remember that a funeral home will handle the details and ensure the service runs smoothly.

My loved one didn’t want a service. What should I do?

If your loved one informed you before they passed that they didn’t want a funeral service, it’s okay to follow their wishes. A funeral should be about honoring a loved one’s memory, and respecting what they wanted is the best way to honor them. If they didn’t want a funeral, you don’t have to have one.

However, many people expect a funeral to happen when someone passes away. You may want to save yourself from fielding questions from family and friends about when and where the funeral is by letting them know that one will not be occurring. One option is to explicitly state in the obituary that a funeral service will not be happening. Instead, you can direct would-be funeral-goers to somewhere they can donate to in the loved one’s honor. If you’re not printing an obituary, share on social media the news of their passing and that a funeral will not occur. For anyone you don’t believe is accessible on social media, give them a personal phone call, or ask other family members or friends to help you reach everyone.

A funeral is also not the only service available to you to celebrate the life of a loved one. Even if you don’t have a funeral, you can still plan a memorial. A funeral home can help you plan the event, or you can host an event yourself.

Keep in mind that even if you don’t want a traditional funeral, you’ll still likely need the help of a funeral home for your loved one’s disposition. A funeral director will help you plan the burial or cremation, ensuring everything is done according to your and your loved one’s wishes. They’ll take care of the details that would otherwise be difficult for you to do on your own, such as arranging transportation and making sure the correct documents are filed on time. While you work with the funeral director on the disposition, ask for other options for services outside of the funeral itself. Funeral homes have plenty of experience tailoring ceremonies to fit the wishes of a decedent and their family. Even if you don’t want a funeral service, they may have other ways to help you honor your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How to Choose a Casket?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:31:57 GMT

For the most part, when a loved one passes away, you’ll need a casket for their burial or at least for their funeral or viewing. But with so many options to choose from, how can you be sure you’re getting one that you need? Here are a few things to consider before deciding on a casket for a loved one.

What to Consider When Choosing a Casket

1. Do you need a casket?

The first thing to consider when choosing a casket is whether or not you’ll be needing one. If you decide to cremate your loved one without holding a funeral with them present, you may not need a casket. But just because your loved one wanted to be cremated doesn’t mean you can’t have a funeral with a viewing. Many funeral homes offer rental caskets for such occasions, so talk to your funeral director about your options if your loved one won’t be buried but you still want a casket for a funeral.

2. What type of material do you want?

Caskets are generally made from wood or metal, and both types range in cost. Some of the most expensive types of wood include mahogany, cherry, and maple, while the least expensive are often pine, poplar, or willow. Wood caskets also are available in a variety of finishes, from gloss to satin. Metal caskets can be made from standard steel, stainless steel, or copper and bronze. While the steel options will eventually rust, bronze and copper have rust-resistant properties. Still, they will ultimately oxidize and break down without rusting.

3. How do you want the casket to be protected?

If you intend to bury a loved one, the cemetery may require the use of a burial vault. A burial vault protects the casket, making it more able to withstand the elements, but it’s also an essential form of protection for the gravesite. Especially if you’re in an area with soft ground, the grave may run the risk of collapsing in. Cemeteries need a lot of heavy machinery, and the cemetery owners need to know that a burial vault is preventing that machinery from causing cave-ins. However, if you choose a metal casket, you also have another option to protect it. A gasketed casket has a seal that helps preserve it. Although it will not indefinitely protect the casket, it does slow the deterioration rate.

4. Do you want a green burial?

More and more people are choosing to go for a more environmentally conscious burial, but what exactly does that entail? For one thing, metal caskets are not allowed, and wooden caskets with metal features are generally also prohibited. If you want a wooden casket for a green burial, you’ll need to use sustainably sourced wood. Many green burial caskets are made from bamboo or willow. However, you have options outside of wood. Some green caskets are built from wool, seagrass, and banana greens. The key is that everything must be biodegradable. You can also choose to forgo the casket entirely and use a burial shroud. Talk to your funeral director to learn more about your options for a green burial.

What should you do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by options?

You may be inclined to simply choose the first casket you see, especially if you’re unsure of the difference between each type. But you should ask your funeral director to show you a variety of casket options. Ask your funeral director the pros and cons of each one and get their opinion. Funeral directors have years of experience helping people plan funerals for loved ones, including picking the right casket. Their expertise is invaluable, so it’s essential that you have some questions in mind when deciding on a casket. Some questions include:

● What is the best casket material for our area’s soil?

● Is a gasketed casket necessary?

● How much more durable is a more expensive wood like mahogany compared to pine?

● Which caskets are biodegradable and useable for a green burial?

● If my loved one is going to be cremated, should I buy or rent a casket?

Choosing a casket can feel overwhelming because you have many different kinds to choose from, and each type has its own benefits and drawbacks. Having the help of a funeral director can mean that your options will be narrowed down to your needs, making you feel more secure in your decision. Be sure to ask questions and get a full idea of what each casket offers before making your choice.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Do I Need a Permanent Place for my Loved One’s Urn?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:22:11 GMT

When a loved one is cremated, many opt for an urn to place their ashes in. But what’s the right thing to do with the urn? Does it need a permanent home? And what can you do to provide it with that home?

Do you need a permanent place for a loved one’s urn?

When you have a loved one’s urn, you may wonder what you can do with it to honor the person you loved and lost properly. But ultimately, the choice is up to you. Some people like the urn to be in their sights, a reminder of their loved one. They may have a special shelf where it sits surrounded by other mementos of their beloved friend or family member. And while that shelf mostly remains where it was originally placed, they may decide that their small memorial belongs in a different part of the house. So, while not exactly a permanent place, it’s still a place where they can honor their loved one’s memory.

But others would prefer if their loved one’s urn were put in a more permanent location, which is understandable as well. Just like how a friend or family member might find comfort in frequenting a gravesite if their loved one were buried, placing an urn in a spot where it won’t be moved means giving people a chance to come and pay their respects to someone they deeply miss. Knowing that your loved one is forever in the same spot, and perhaps in an area that you associate with them or where they’re surrounded by others you’ve loved, can give you and others who miss them some solace.

What are your options for a permanent place for an urn?

One way to create a permanent place for your loved one’s urn is by giving it an urn burial. Some cemeteries have special sections of their grounds where urns can be buried. Just like if your loved one were buried instead of cremated, they could be placed alongside family members in a burial plot.

Another option for a permanent place for an urn is a columbarium. A columbarium is similar to a mausoleum, except they’re made for cremated remains. In this above-ground structure, there are many niches, or wall spaces, where urns can be stored. Like mausoleums, columbariums can be either public or private. You can purchase a private columbarium for your family, but you also have the option of getting a family-sized niche in a public one as well. Each niche includes a memorial plaque, which may contain an epitaph if you so choose.

If your loved one loved nature and the beauty of the natural world, you might consider an option for a permanent place where they can be at one with the world. Through the use of a special biodegradable urn, you can grow a memorial tree in their honor. The urn contains seeds and soil, as well as your loved one’s cremated remains. Once the seeds grow in the soil, the roots will extend into the ashes, where everything mixes together as the tree develops. Just like with an urn burial or a columbarium, you’ll have a place to visit your loved one, but in this case, the tree will mark where their ashes are.

If your loved one enjoyed being at sea, you have a few choices that can honor what made them so happy throughout their life. Off Florida’s coast exists the first underwater mausoleum, where urns can be placed in a permanent location under the sea at Neptune Memorial Reef . Although only one of these forms of mausoleums exists currently, you can also opt for another undersea memorial by using a reef ball burial . You’ll be giving your loved one a permanent place in the ocean, where they’ll be providing a home to creatures displaced by disappearing reefs. Your loved one’s cremated remains will be used to make a structure that mimics a reef, which will become colonized by marine life as time goes on.

You can also choose to scatter your loved one’s ashes, but that doesn’t provide a permanent place for their remains. Although you won’t be able to revisit them, you will still always know that they are simply one with the pieces of the world that they loved in life. Some boating companies will take you out to sea to the distance where it’s legal to scatter ashes. There are even companies that will help you scatter ashes in the air while you’re skydiving. As spreading ashes is a very personal experience, there are many different ways and places you can choose to scatter them.

Whatever method you choose, whether it be scattering a loved one’s ashes or using a burial option, always become familiar with your federal, state, and local laws and regulations first. Although there are some laws that apply to the entire country, your state or county may have more specific restrictions that govern your area. Ask your funeral director for assistance if you’re unsure about how to follow certain regulations.

Whether you choose a more permanent spot or opt to scatter your loved one’s ashes, what matters is how it provides comfort to you when you’re missing them. For some people, that means having a place, like a columbarium, to go when you want to be with your loved one. For others, there’s a comfort in feeling like your loved one is in the water with you every time you feel the ocean wave. Just like any part of funeral planning, the right choice is what feels right for you and the ones you love.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: Choosing Disposition

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:15:05 GMT

When planning your own funeral or a funeral for a loved one, one of the most difficult questions can be what disposition to choose. Should you or your loved one be cremated? Or is burial a better option? Here are a few things to keep in mind when making your choice.

Choosing Burial

Burial creates a place for your loved ones to gather to pay their respects. When you’re cremated, your remains may be in an urn that goes to one loved one. Or your ashes may be scattered, with no specific location for friends and family to return to when they’re missing you. A gravesite provides a tangible connection to the world where loved ones can go to remember you. For many people, going to that one place where they feel you are there gives them great comfort. It’s also quite common for families to want to be buried together. There’s a quiet solace in feeling that you will forever be laid to rest with the ones you love. Many significant others will purchase plots together so they can be side by side for eternity.

Anyone can choose burial, but for followers of certain religions, and depending on how strictly they follow that religion, cremation isn’t a consideration. Most practicing Muslims follow the strict rule that cremation is desecration and prohibited. Similarly, Orthodox Jews do not allow cremation and believe that the body should be buried intact.

Even if their religion doesn’t suggest so, some people believe that cremation doesn’t respect the human body. Those who would prefer to be buried often simply don’t like the idea of the cremation process. Since cremation was, for so long, not a preferred way of disposition, some people feel that it’s more traditional to have a funeral and a burial right after. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to follow tradition.

Choosing Cremation

Over the past 65 years, there’s been a 1658.33 percent increase in the number of people choosing cremation . Over 69.5 percent of Americans are expected to choose cremation in 2030. So, why was there such a drastic rise in the cremation rate?

One of the biggest reasons comes down to land scarcity and other environmental concerns. In 2021 alone, over 3.4 million people died in the United States. Although that number is elevated in comparison to previous years due to the COVID-19 pandemic, trends suggest that the U.S. will continue to see over 3 million people die each year. As the U.S. has an aging population, grave scarcity is becoming a concern, and there’s often pushback when it comes to increasing cemetery space .

Another reason for the growing cremation rate is a greater level of acceptance in the process. Historically, strict interpretations of many different religious texts have meant that followers of that religion do not believe in cremation. In Catholicism, cremation was forbidden until 1963 when the Vatican lifted the prohibition. In Jewish law, the human body belongs to God, and therefore cremation is a destruction of property. Still, many Jewish followers opt for cremation in the modern age. As some religions have loosened restrictions or followers have adjusted their interpretation of religious texts, the rate of cremation in the U.S. has skyrocketed.

Cremation also opens the door for many different forms of memorialization. Some people find comfort in the idea of their loved one’s ashes being spread in places that meant a lot to them in life. Many funeral homes and companies will help you spread those cremated remains according to your loved one’s wishes, such as a boating company taking you out to sea to scatter the ashes in the water.

Disposition is a very personal choice, and although there are pros and cons to both burial and cremation, there’s no wrong answer. The answer just has to be right for you and your loved ones. If you know you’re going to be planning a loved one’s funeral and disposition, make time to talk with them before they pass so you’ll make a choice guided by their final wishes. When trying to make this decision for yourself or your loved one, your funeral director will be your greatest resource to answer any questions.

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What Can You Do Before Someone Passes?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 18:10:49 GMT

Knowing that a loved one will soon pass away causes a wealth of emotions and racing thoughts. What can you do for them to make their final days easier? Here are a few ways to help your loved one prepare for their last days, as well as what you should do to ensure that you’re taking care of yourself.

What can you do for them?

1. Talk about what they want in their funeral and disposition early.

You might not always have a warning when someone in your life is about to pass away. But when you do, be sure to talk about what they want in their funeral and disposition while they’re in a good headspace and still able to speak. It can be hard to think about what comes next after a loss, but in order to honor their final wishes, you need to be aware of what those wishes are. Talk to them about any plans that they’ve made and ensure you have access to any documents that list what they would like to happen.

2. Talk with them or to them.

When your loved one is nearer to passing, it’s time to focus on their care to ensure their last days are happy and comfortable. While they are still able, talk with your loved one. The end of life can be a lonely time, so focus on the happy memories you’ve shared together. Bring photo albums and other mementos to trigger memories. If your loved one is struggling to speak or remember those moments in life, it’s okay to simply talk to them rather than with them. Hearing your voice can be a great comfort, and it’s important not to try to push your loved one to expend too much energy. Simply sitting by their side and speaking, whether it be about your day or a memory you shared many years ago, can provide them some cheer.

3. Touch them if they are physically able to be touched.

Physical touch is how many people show and receive love. Find ways to incorporate touch into your visits with your loved one. That may mean brushing their hair or rubbing their back, but be sure that the method that you choose is not painful. If your loved one is frail and can’t be touched much, holding their hand may be a safer option.

4. Create a quiet but familiar environment.

Loud noises can often be unpleasant to those who are near to passing away, so avoid any sudden sounds, like a telephone ring or a shout from a television. But if there’s a type of music or a movie that was beloved throughout their life, play it for them, being conscious of the volume level. Soft background music, in particular, has been found to relax people in their final days. However, if you see any signs of discomfort while the music or movie is playing, they may prefer silence instead.

What can you do for yourself?

1. Speak with a funeral director.

You may think it’s best to wait until your loved one has passed to begin working with a funeral home to prepare their funeral. However, funeral directors have years of experience caring for families whose loved ones have passed away. A funeral director is more than someone who organizes funerals. They are a resource for those coping with grief. They can gently guide you through the funeral planning process and offer additional support during this difficult time.

2. Surround yourself with friends and family.

When someone important to you is passing away, grief and stress can sometimes cause isolation. Especially when you know that someone is about to pass on, you’re aware that the mourning is only beginning. And that can feel very overwhelming. Lean on your support network and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You have people who love you, and they want to be there for you, just like you want to be there for your loved one in their final days.

3. Be patient with yourself.

Grief does not begin with the passing of a loved one. It can start much earlier, especially when you know that their passing is coming. Grief can cause irritability, numbness, and detachment, so you may not feel like yourself when you’re in a period of mourning. Just as you would be patient with a friend who is not acting like themselves because of grief, be understanding with yourself. You may find that speaking with a therapist or another mental health professional is essential to help you cope with how you’re feeling.

4. Say goodbye.

When a loved one passes away unexpectedly, people often wish they had a chance to say goodbye. But in this case, you know that your loved one will be gone soon. We all wish we had more time with the ones we love, but at the very least, now you have the opportunity to say the things you want to say to them. Tell them you love them. Tell them you’ll miss them. Let them know how much they mean to you. You’ll still mourn them when they’re gone, but at least you’ll know that they passed away with one of the last things they heard being that you love them.

When a loved one is soon to pass away, one of the best things that you can do is be there for them. Visit them often, providing them with a familiar face, comforting voice, and loving touch. But as you take care of them and their final affairs, don’t forget to take care of yourself. The last days of your loved one’s life are the start of a period of mourning. Lean on your friends, family, and funeral director, who all want to support you through this challenging time.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Are Funeral Directors Like?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 17:40:14 GMT

Often considered the face of a funeral home, a funeral director serves a vital purpose in the funeral planning process. What exactly does a funeral director do, and what are they like? Here’s what to know about funeral directors before you meet one to plan your loved one’s funeral.

What do funeral directors do?

When a loved one dies, the person you’ll be speaking to about funeral arrangements is a funeral director. Although many different people will help you on the day of the event, a funeral director oversees all of those other roles. When you first visit a funeral home after the death of a loved one, a funeral director will provide care and support, gently walking you through your options for services and disposition. Your loved one may have previously met with them to discuss the plans that they wanted for their funeral, or you may be the one making those plans yourself.

On the day of the funeral, the funeral director will have enacted your or your loved one’s plans to ensure that the service is smooth and well organized. They will have arranged with the cemetery to have the facilities open for your loved one’s burial, or they will have coordinated with a crematory for their cremation. They’ll also have organized the pallbearers, clergy, and other important figures in the funeral process so that everyone knows where they have to be and what they have to be doing at any moment.

However, there are several aspects of a funeral director’s job that you may not be as privy to, such as overseeing the embalming process or scheduling the transportation for your loved one to and from the funeral home. They also have to handle time-sensitive paperwork for government agencies. Each state has different laws regarding the care for your loved one, such as how long the waiting period is before cremation and what documents are needed before disposition can happen. It’s the funeral director’s job to be sure that none of these essential rules and restrictions are overlooked.

What are funeral directors like?

Considering the crucial role funeral directors play in planning a day that can be very hard on families, funeral directors have to be guided by a desire to provide care in a gentle, compassionate way. They have a deep understanding of grief, but they also know that grief is a very personal feeling. They must be good listeners who respect the emotions of the families they’re working with. They are empathetic and eager to be of service.

It’s often said that careers are either right-brained or left-brained, which is to say that they are either guided by logic and analytics or creativity and emotions. But for a career as a funeral director, one must be able to use both sides. Funeral directors are outside-of-the-box thinkers, always willing to go the extra mile to plan events that are befitting of the person who passed. At the same time, they must be logical about what they can accomplish, especially when there’s little time for planning. A funeral happens once, so it’s vital that the ceremony is well organized. When a funeral director plans a funeral, they want the loved one’s family not to have to worry about anything. Their goal is for the family to be able to grieve in peace and spend their time surrounded by people who cared for their loved one rather than thinking about the details of the ceremony.

Funeral directors must also be logical regarding the laws that guide the funeral profession. Funeral directors contain a wealth of knowledge from their years of experience, and a part of that knowledge is knowing how to operate within their state’s funeral laws. They thoroughly understand not only the laws but why they exist. Although they are guided by a desire to create a funeral tailored to each individual who the funeral home is honored to care for, a funeral director knows how to make sure that the funeral is done within the bounds of the law.

For many funeral directors, what they love most about their job is that they get to serve their community. Funeral directors, just like many people in the funeral profession, are community-driven. Especially for staff in funeral homes where they may be the only funeral home in town, they have a close relationship with their neighbors. Some funeral directors have been serving the same families for decades, creating a close bond with each generation. Funeral directors are often considered community figures, a title they wear with honor.

It takes a particular person to be a funeral director, so when you plan a funeral with one, you know that you have someone in your corner who wants to provide the best care possible. They are eager for your questions and want to offer support in any way they can. Working with a funeral director means that the day of the funeral will be taken care of, giving you peace of mind and the ability to focus on just celebrating your loved one without worry.

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When Does Cremation Take Place? Before the Service?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 17:36:17 GMT

When a loved one dies, one of the first decisions that must be made is whether they will be buried or cremated. For some people, the loved one has already made that choice, but sometimes the decision falls to the family. If you or your loved one chooses to be cremated, the next step is deciding at what point the cremation should occur. Does cremation have to happen after a funeral? Or should it happen before?

When does cremation happen?

Whether cremation happens before or after a funeral is up to the decedent and their family. Cremation typically occurs between 2 to 15 days after someone has passed. For a cremation to happen, it must be authorized by the next-of-kin through what is known as a Cremation Authorization Form. In addition to the authorization form, the death certificate must also have been filed.

After the death certificate and authorization form have been properly filled out, the county will issue a permit allowing the funeral home or crematory to cremate your loved one. But every state has different laws regarding when that permit can be issued. For most states, 24 hours must have passed between the death and when the cremation is to happen. However, some states have a 48-hour waiting period instead. Your funeral home will be aware of these restrictions and plan accordingly, but it’s essential that you know that this waiting period may delay cremation.

If you plan to cremate your loved one before having a funeral, you may opt for direct cremation. In this case, a service is not included. Your loved one will be brought into the funeral home’s care, where they will be cremated as soon as possible and returned to you for you to decide on the next steps. At that point, you may choose to begin planning a funeral, or you may opt to forgo the ceremony for the time being and hold a memorial service after some time has passed.

You can also work with a funeral home to plan a cremation with a memorial service right away. In the event of a cremation with a memorial service, your loved one will be cremated as soon as they can be, and the funeral home will work with you to plan an event to celebrate the life of your loved one following the cremation. Most often, your loved one’s ashes will be at the memorial service, but that decision is up to you.

If you plan a cremation with a traditional service, your loved one won’t be cremated until after their funeral. Just as a funeral home would do for any traditional service, your loved one will be taken care of by the funeral home while you plan the funeral. Your decision to cremate will not change the ceremony in any way. You can still opt for an open or closed casket, hold viewings or visitations, and celebrate your loved one’s life at their funeral in the way you’d like. The only difference between a cremation with a traditional service and a burial with a traditional service is that your loved one will be brought to a crematory after their funeral, rather than a cemetery.

Depending on your state’s laws, your loved one may need to be embalmed or refrigerated in order to be preserved for their funeral, as well as any additional ceremonies, like a viewing. In the case of direct cremation or cremation with a memorial service, embalming is typically not necessary. However, your loved one may have to be refrigerated while they wait to be cremated.

What would delay cremation?

In addition to the waiting period between death and cremation, other events may delay cremation. Of course, if you opt to have a funeral before cremation, your loved one’s cremation will not occur until the funeral ends, which may be a week or more after their death. But a death certificate may also delay when cremation can happen.

For a death certificate to be signed, the cause of death must be understood. If your loved one had been ill for some time and had been regularly seeing a doctor or had been in hospice, their cause of death will likely be understood. For others who passed suddenly, the cause of death would be less straightforward. A post-mortem examination may have to occur in order for the death certificate to be signed. A cremation permit can only be issued once the death certificate is completed and filed.

If you’re worried about the timeline for your loved one’s cremation, talk to your funeral director about your concerns and their recommendations for funeral preparations. Funerals, as well as cremations, are very personal events, and your funeral director has worked with many families throughout their loved one’s disposition. They’ll be able to guide you through your decisions for your loved one’s cremation and funeral service.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: What Do You Want People to Remember About Your Loved One?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 17:32:08 GMT

When you plan a funeral, many questions arise. Should you have a burial or cremation? Should you have a visitation? What day do you have to have the ceremony? But there’s one essential question that should always be in mind during the funeral planning process: What do you want people to remember about your loved one?

A funeral is a celebration of a life lived. It’s a chance for everyone who loved your loved one to come together and honor the memory of someone who meant so much to them. Every funeral is unique because every person has so many different things that make them special. Here are a few ways to incorporate who your loved one was into their funeral.

Ways to Honor Your Loved One at Their Funeral

1. Surround the funeral with things that were special to your loved one.

Perhaps your loved one enjoyed nothing more than a day kayaking on the water of the lake by their house. Finding a way to incorporate their kayaking gear into the funeral is a lovely way to honor their memory. You could integrate their paddles into flower arrangements or place them next to the casket throughout the ceremony. Or maybe your loved one was famous for their baking. Whip up a batch of their favorite recipe to have at the ceremony. You could also compile some of their most well-known recipes into a book for guests to read at the funeral and bury them with those recipes that meant so much to them in life. These small trinkets and gifts make a big impact in helping to celebrate what made your loved one special.

2. Ask for help from other people who loved them.

You knew your loved one, but you likely knew them at a certain point in their life or saw one side of them most often. But maybe your kayaking loved one had a group that they went out on the water with every week. Or your baking loved one made sure to deliver cookies to their church every week and made many friends there. Your loved one was a complex, multi-faceted person. And although you have an idea of how you want your loved one to be remembered, many people will likely remember them for different things. When you plan a funeral, strive to show all the aspects of your loved one, even the parts of them that maybe they didn’t show as much around you. Every life is filled with magical moments spent with so many different people who matter to us. Those people can help you celebrate your loved one when the day comes that they can no longer make new memories with us.

3. Make a memorial quilt for the funeral.

Memorial quilts, also known as mourning or bereavement quilts, have a long tradition with funerals. These quilts are used to celebrate the life of a loved one by incorporating pieces of who they are into each block. You can work with a professional and send them information about the decedent so that they can build something that honors their memory. But you could also opt to turn the quiltmaking into a family affair. Ask your family and close friends who would be interested in contributing a block. Then, tell whoever is interested to design a block with how they remember their loved one. Just be sure that everyone’s block is at least a little different. If the decedent was very into fishing, ensure that not every person sewing a block is making their section fishing themed. In the end, you’ll have a beautiful tapestry of your loved one’s life, which you can display at the funeral by hanging up or draping over the coffin.

4. Put together a funeral slideshow that goes through their life.

When you collect photos for a funeral, you’re filling the room with memories. But when you create a slideshow, you’re taking it a step further by forming a narrative with those images. Through those pictures, you can truly tell someone’s story. You can play a funeral slideshow during the ceremony, and if you choose to do it this way, you can also add narration, audio clips of your loved one, or music. However, you can also opt to play the slideshow silently during the visitation or memorial party by projecting it on the walls, allowing those photos to dance around the people who came to pay their respects. Just remember to check with the funeral home to ensure that they have a projector. Most funeral homes do, but you’ll have to provide your own if not.

When you plan a funeral, you always want to keep in mind that you’re creating an event that helps people say goodbye to your loved one. And a part of making that happen is by ensuring that the funeral honors who that person really was. When you ask yourself what you want people to remember about your loved one, be sure that your answer has a prominent presence at the funeral.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How to Have the Talk (About Death) With a Loved One

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 17:17:11 GMT

Talking about death is considered uncomfortable and sometimes even taboo, but death is just a part of life. And when we talk about death, especially the death of a loved one, we’re also talking about celebrating a life. What was that person like? What stories about them will always play through your mind when you think of them? How will they be remembered?

When we sit down and talk with someone we love about our lives and what we want in our deaths, we’re helping them to tell our story later. Even the people who are around us often don’t know every facet of who we are. We need to talk about life and death to ensure that our memories live on long after we’re gone, so that generations of loved ones will always feel our presence. When you start a conversation with your loved one about their life, you’re taking steps to connect with them and truly understand who they are.

Who Should I Talk to About Life and Death?

Having a conversation about understanding someone’s life and wishes in death is essential for anyone whose funeral you may have to plan, like a spouse, parent, or sibling. But there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have this conversation with anyone you hold dear. From friends to extended family, this discussion opens up the doorway to a greater understanding of who they are. And it’s never a bad thing to create closer bonds with the people you love.

When and Where Should I Have the Talk?

It’s important that the person that you’re speaking with feels comfortable, so be sure that you’re at a place where they are relaxed and happy to talk. If they’re focused on something else at the time, you’re not likely to have the kind of conversation that you need to better understand who they are. Look for a time when you can speak uninterrupted, like when you share a meal just the two of you. It can also help to have another activity happening at the time, like a game. That way, there’s something else that can keep the discussion flowing. Since some questions may feel uncomfortable to answer, having something as a mild distraction can break the tension.

How Should I Start the Talk?

One way to facilitate the talk is by relying on something to help trigger memories, like a photo album. Ask your loved one to sit with you as you flip through, and you ask questions prompted by the pictures and the stories that they tell. You can also share some of your own memories together to encourage them to share as well. Or you can dive right into your questions.

What Should I Ask?

The questions that you ask shouldn’t be outright questions about a funeral. Your goal with this conversation is to fill in puzzle pieces so that you can have a full and complete picture of the one you love to remember them by and make sure that others remember them how they want to be remembered. This conversation should be filled with bigger picture questions that trigger memories that paint that picture.

A few questions that can get you started include:

● Who is your greatest inspiration?

● What were holidays like when you were a child?

● What advice did your favorite teacher give you?

● If you could spend your day doing anything, what would you do?

● Who took care of you most when you were a child?

● What is your proudest moment?

● What was your first job like?

● Where would you consider to be your happy place?

● What’s something that has always made you smile?

● What’s something that you’ve had since you were a child that you still have today?

Be patient with your questions, and don’t push them if they don’t want to answer certain queries. Especially if your loved one has lost many of their own loved ones, some questions may lead to upsetting thoughts. If one question is too difficult to answer, move on to another one that’s a bit lighter.

You may want to take notes while you talk, but in order to be fully engaged in the conversation, it might be easier to simply create an audio recording instead. Having that recording to refer to can help you during the funeral planning process as you try to plan an event that celebrates your loved one in the way that they want to be remembered. But you may also find that hearing their voice on the recording gives you comfort when the day comes that they do pass.

When planning a funeral, it’s about more than getting the details right about the big choices, like deciding between burial and cremation. It’s about celebrating someone’s life. And to celebrate that life, you need to understand how that life was lived. When you take the time to talk to your loved one about who they are, you’re coming to understand a story that you’re a part of, but so are so many others. There are so many stories for you to learn. It all starts with having one talk.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Who Should Write the Obituary?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 13:02:25 GMT

When a loved one dies, posting an obituary is an essential part of the funeral planning process. Obituaries tell community members when and where the funeral will be, but they also share just how special your loved one was with the world. But who writes obituaries? There are a few options and restrictions when an obituary is published.

Where do you publish an obituary?

When you work with a funeral home, it’s likely that you’ll be publishing an obituary to their website. Many funeral home websites share the obituaries of decedents they are serving. These obituaries are often free of charge, and they can also function as somewhat of an online memorial book. It’s common for funeral home websites to have a tribute wall, where family and friends can engage. There they can share memories or words of support, but it’s also where they can upload photos, which helps you when you’re looking to gather photos for the funeral. A funeral home obituary can also make it easy for your loved ones to order flowers or other items through the funeral home, ensuring that their gifts arrive in time for the ceremony.

For religious loved ones, you could also share their obituary on their church’s website or in local religious publications. If your loved one was well-known in their industry, you could contact industry publications to ask them to print the obituary. You can also share the obituary on social media to reach extended family and friends directly. Perhaps the easiest option is to write an obituary for the funeral home website and then share that directly on social media. That way, your family and friends will have the link to the funeral home’s location, donation services, and other important information.

We often think of obituaries as being associated with newspapers, but whereas an obituary on a funeral home website is free, writing one in a newspaper can get very expensive fast. Still, a newspaper obituary can allow you to reach members of your community who aren’t connected to you via social media. It’s up to you if you think the cost of publishing an obituary in a newspaper is worth reaching that additional audience.

Who should write the obituary?

Whether you’re taking out a newspaper obituary or just planning to share one on social media, you have a few options for how you want it written. Many funeral homes offer obituary writing services, which can take some stress off of family members. If you choose to have a funeral director write your loved one’s obituary, make sure that you provide them with enough information to paint a picture of who they really were. When a funeral director writes an obituary, they will need to rely on you to describe your loved one’s life.

Your other option would be to write the obituary yourself. Even if you don’t feel like much of a writer, writing an obituary is less about perfect words and more about telling the story of who your loved one was. The best obituaries tend not just to share a person's biographical information. They don’t tell the reader who they were; they show them through stories and memories. They demonstrate the decedent’s sense of humor, inquisitive mind, and other aspects of what made them unique. A funeral director would have a more challenging time writing those stories because they weren’t there. Even if you recount those memories to them, it can be difficult for a funeral director to truly understand and share your loved one’s voice.

If you’re hoping for an obituary where you tell your loved one’s story, you’re likely better off writing it yourself. But if it’s a more straightforward obituary, where you don’t have the space to go too in-depth, letting a funeral director write it can take some stress off your mind.

What should be in an obituary?

Newspapers generally have a character limit . If you’re taking out a newspaper obituary, you’ll likely have to keep it short and to the point. Expect to pay more if you end up going over the limit. For a shorter obituary, you should include:

● Your loved one’s full name

● Their age

● Their date and place of birth

● Their date and place of death

● Where they lived

● Their closest family members, including parents, spouses, and children

● When and where their funeral service will be held

● Information on where donations can be sent

You may find that all that information fills up the character limit, or you could have some space to go more into detail about their life. But since newspaper character limits are usually pretty strict, you may have to save all that background for an obituary you can share elsewhere. In addition to the above information, a more extended obituary can include:

● Your loved one’s profession

● Their hobbies

● Their education

● Their volunteer work

● Interesting tidbits about what made them unique

Funeral home websites generally don’t have as much of a set limit, so it’s up to you to determine how long you want your loved one’s obituary to be. You’ll have much more space to show readers just how special your loved one was than if you used a newspaper alone.

Whether you’re writing an in-depth obituary or a shorter, simpler one, you can choose to write it yourself or have a funeral home staff member write it for you. But if you do decide to have someone else write it, be sure that you provide the writer with not only plenty of background information but also stories that show who your loved one was.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How To Choose an Urn?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 12:53:01 GMT

An urn is a very sacred thing for families and friends. Cremation is often done by the wishes of the deceased and/or for religious purposes. Below is a quick guide on how to choose an urn and what you can expect as you navigate this process.

1. Where will the final resting place be?

The final resting place is the first thing a family will need to consider. Are the ashes being scattered? Will the urn be buried or placed at home? The style of urn will be very dependent on these factors. Scattering the ashes means that the urn is only temporary as the deceased will become part of the earth. A burial urn, popularly, is made of cultured marble, but the style may change if you choose to place it in a family urn vault. An urn placed in the home will be styled differently than any of the other options listed here. Choosing the urn varies greatly depending on where the ashes will rest.

2. Urn size

Urn size and capacity are essential in choosing an urn. Typically, urns come in four sizes:

· Adult: the most common cremation urn. Typically containing the ashes of an individual around the weight of 200 pounds or less.

· Medium: used when ashes are divided among several people, typically the deceased’s children.

· Keepsake: a size used for small amounts of ashes kept in remembrance, usually within a home.

· Extra-large: used for larger persons, typically 6 feet or taller.

Something to further consider is the dimensions of the urn —diameter, width, and height. Depending on where the final resting place will be, you’ll want to confirm that the urn you’ve chosen will fit, such as in a family cemetery plot and whether the ashes of the deceased will fit the urn itself. A good rule of thumb is that 1 lb before cremation will become 1 cubic inch of ashes after. A body weighing 150 lbs before cremation will be roughly 150 cubic inches of ashes after, so choosing an urn that will allow for this capacity will be important. Your funeral director will help you along as you have questions.

3. Urn style and personalization

Urns come in all shapes and sizes, but only so many choices can fit your family’s and loved ones’ needs. An urn is commonly made from cultured marble, but depending on the above factors they may be made from wood, brass, ceramic, or even glass. Take into consideration before choosing a material where the urn will rest and how it will get there. An urn made from wood may be more fragile if it were to fall from a high place or warp if left outdoors.

Small details and personalization are comforting to the grieving and will reflect who the deceased was in life. Engravings, photographs, and even the color of the urn can be used to celebrate your loved one’s life. Your funeral director will guide you through the process further, helping you choose a container for your loved one’s cremated remains that feels right for your family.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Embalming: What’s the Purpose?

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 21:08:37 GMT

When a loved one dies, family and friends don’t have much time to begin the process of a funeral. That’s why funeral homes are always prepared to help them learn about their options and guide them toward what’s right for them and right for the one they love. For many funeral homes, a part of funerals is embalming the decedent to prepare them for their loved ones’ goodbye. But what exactly is embalming? And why do we do it?

What is embalming?

Embalming is a common procedure that helps to slow the decomposition process after a decedent passes away. Embalmers use embalming fluid to accomplish this after preparing them through cleaning and massage. This is also when the embalmer will perform post-mortem surgery to help reconstruct a decedent who received grave, disfiguring injuries before their death. The embalmer will also ensure that the person looks like how they did in their lifetime. That typically means practicing mortuary cosmetology and giving the decedent a peaceful, comfortable look.

How did embalming start?

It’s estimated that about 50 percent of decedents are embalmed in the United States every year. But embalming has a history much longer than the U.S. has been around. The Ancient Egyptians were considered the first to engage in any form of embalming, though the way that they did it looks significantly different from how we embalm today.

A different form of embalming called arterial embalming was introduced to the public by Jean Gannal in 1838, and it’s that form of embalming that is more mainstream today. But you can thank the Civil War for why it became so popular. Many wealthy northern families wanted their loved ones sent home after they died on the battlefield. But because people begin decomposing just minutes after they die, shipping decedents home wasn’t easy. Field embalmings became a common way for Americans to attempt to send those men home to their families.

Embalming became a wartime activity, but it would take one very significant adopter of embalming to turn it from something done for soldiers into something done for everyone. After President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, he was preserved through embalming to allow for him to travel across the country to his final resting place in Springfield, Illinois. Along the way, thousands of Americans came out to pay their respects. For many, this was the first time that they had ever seen an embalmed person. Since then, embalming has become a standard procedure for funerals and viewings.

Why are people embalmed?

Embalming cannot entirely stop the decomposition process, but it does slow it down, which is crucial for several reasons. If a loved one dies away from home, many states require that they are embalmed before being shipped back to their home state. But even if a loved one dies in the same place where they will hold their funeral, they may still have to be embalmed.

Every state has different rules and restrictions about when someone must be embalmed, but generally, most people must be embalmed if they are not either cremated or buried within 24 or 48 hours of their death. Considering that most funerals in the U.S. take place between three to seven days after a loved one’s death, it makes sense why embalming is so prevalent.

But ultimately, embalming is done for the decedent’s loved ones. Because people start to decompose so quickly after they die, someone who is not embalmed will not look like themselves when it comes time for the funeral or viewing. Saying goodbye to someone you love is always hard, but it becomes much more challenging when that person is unrecognizable. Embalming gives friends and family a chance to say a final goodbye to their loved one while that loved one looks like how they remember.

Embalming is a gift for family and friends, allowing them to see the one they love in a respectful, dignified state. Embalmers strive to make the decedent look as close to as they did in life as possible. When someone is embalmed, their loved ones will know that the last time they view the person they love, they will look like themselves, affording closure by seeing that they are at peace.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Embalming: Do I Have To?

Sat, 03 Aug 2024 17:42:31 GMT

Whether we know it or not, the decedent has likely been embalmed when we attend their funeral. The process involves injecting them with embalming fluid, preserving them for funerals and viewings. Embalming is a generally accepted practice, at least in the United States, but it’s actually been around much longer than the U.S. has.

Ancient Egyptians are considered the first people to practice embalming. But the Civil War is a major reason why embalming is so prevalent in the U.S. Wealthy northern families paid to have their loved ones returned to them when they died in battle, which required embalming. When President Lincoln was assassinated, he was embalmed to allow his body to travel to his final resting place in Illinois. Americans came out to pay their respects along the way, and for many, it was also the first time they saw an embalmed body. Since then, embalming has become very common throughout the U.S., but why exactly are people embalmed? And does everyone have to be?

Why do people get embalmed?

Our bodies start to decompose just minutes after we die. When people are embalmed, that decomposition process isn’t entirely stopped, but it is temporarily slowed down for funerals. The main reason why we embalm is to preserve the decedent as they looked in life for their funeral. The embalming process helps restore the person’s appearance, making them look peaceful for their goodbyes with their loved ones. It gives grieving families a chance to see their loved ones for a final time where they look like themselves.

An embalmer’s job is unique and requires great skill and care. If the decedent died in a way where they received fatal and disfiguring injuries, an embalmer performs post-mortem surgery to reconstruct them. It’s hard to say goodbye to a loved one, but it’s especially challenging if the loved one looks very different from how they did in life. An embalmer’s goal is to allow family and friends to get closure by seeing them at peace, which can require extra care depending on how they died.

Do you have to be embalmed?

Embalming is not required by law. In fact, any funeral home stating otherwise is breaking the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule . However, every state does have different rules about when embalming is required for certain funeral procedures. For instance, in California , a decedent must be either embalmed or refrigerated if they are not buried or cremated within 24 hours after death. If a loved one died away from home and their family wants to ship them back to their home state by airplane, they must be embalmed. If embalming isn’t possible, they must be sent in an approved, air-tight container. Other states, like Michigan , require the decedent to be buried or cremated within 48 hours if they’re not embalmed.

To comply with these state restrictions, funeral homes have specific policies in place regarding the requirement of embalming. While planning a loved one’s funeral, it’s essential to be aware of your state’s laws and how they might affect the funeral process. If the funeral home is in a state like Michigan, and you intend to hold the funeral until after 48 hours have passed since the decedent died, the funeral home will be required to embalm them.

Regardless of state laws, each funeral home may still have different policies regarding embalming. Most funeral directors will recommend that you choose to embalm your loved one if you want to have a viewing or open-casket funeral. But as long as you comply with state laws in regards to timing, you don’t have to follow their recommendation. However, in the U.S., it’s worth noting that most funerals take place three to seven days after the death of a loved one, when embalming or refrigeration would be required by most states.

If you choose to cremate your loved one before the funeral, you do not have to embalm them first. If a funeral home is telling you otherwise, they are also breaking the Funeral Rule. But, again, timing matters. If you do not cremate within the allotted time allowed in your state, you will have to embalm or refrigerate your loved one, depending upon what’s in your state’s law.

There are certain types of funerals where embalming is not only not required, but it’s also not allowed. In Judaism and Islam, embalming is forbidden, and the loved one must be allowed to decompose naturally. If you’re having a natural or green burial, the decedent is simply placed in a biodegradable container and placed in the earth. Anything that’s not biodegradable or contains added chemicals, as embalming fluid does, is not permitted. There are also guidelines about embalming when a person has died from a highly contagious disease. Embalming is forbidden in Hawaii in this case, but most often, it’s up to the funeral home to determine when embalming should or shouldn’t be allowed in the case of death by dangerous disease.

Although embalming is a common practice, not everyone will be embalmed. Nor do they have to be. Whether or not a person is embalmed depends on what they want in their funeral, their religious preferences, and when and where their funeral will occur. When a loved one passes, it’s important to talk to their funeral director so that you understand if embalming will be required.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Elements of a Great Obituary

Fri, 26 Jul 2024 20:06:32 GMT

Some obituaries are simply informative. They let the neighborhood know when someone in their community has passed, inform them about when and where the funeral will be held, and detail the decedent’s family who will be grieving their loved one. These are the most basic versions of an obituary. And while there’s nothing wrong with writing one that’s on the plainer side, there’s a reason why these aren’t the obituaries that go viral.

Every now and again, we come across an obituary that sticks with us. At the end of 2021, Renay Mandel Corren’s son, Andy, penned her obituary, which quickly spread across the online world. Whether or not Renay really came up with the name for Sunoco or had an affair with Larry King isn’t the point. The point is that the obituary painted a lively picture of a flawed, spirited, and real person who left behind stories that could fill a hundred books.

When Andy Corren wrote his mother’s obituary, he didn’t set out to go viral, but he did strive to write something that truly sounded like his mom. Let’s break down how to write an obituary that’s just as powerful.

What Do You Need for a Great Obituary?

1. Start with the basics.

Before you begin writing an obituary, be sure that you have all the information that you’ll need about your loved one. An obituary generally includes the person’s name, birthplace, and age, though you may also want to have the date and cause of their death. You’ll also want to include who the decedent is survived by, like their spouse, children and children’s spouses, and grandchildren. If they were preceded in death by anyone, like a parent or spouse, you should add that as well.

2. Compile stories.

The length of an obituary depends on the publication that it will appear in. The average size is around 200 words, but some publications will let you go longer. However, the best obituaries focus less on word count and more on substance. An obituary that includes just the basic facts will likely be pretty short, but if you want to write a great one, it’ll be longer. You want to paint a picture of the person you loved. To do that, talk to their other loved ones. Collect stories that show who they were. Did they have a “bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke, and loud” like Renay? Or did they live more quietly, reserved but kind? And were they nationally ranked in cribbage like Renay claimed to be? Every person is a sum of a million tiny details. An obituary should utilize the details that make them stand out the most.

3. Try writing in your loved one’s voice.

A great obituary sounds like the person who passed away could have written it. In Renay’s case, even those who didn’t know her could hear her voice coming through. It’s easy to picture her speaking, telling the stories that Andy reiterated. You could read their relationship right there on the page. If your loved one was known for a dark and dirty sense of humor, why ignore that voice in their obituary? An obituary doesn’t have to be a list of facts. Aim to match your loved one’s voice so that anyone who reads their obituary can hear what they sounded like.

4. Think about how they would want to be remembered and whether the tone you choose is appropriate.

Renay’s obituary works because it matches her as a person. And at the age of 84, she lived a full life. Matching the situation is also an essential part of writing an obituary. If someone died younger, especially of a grave illness, having a humorous obituary that pokes fun at the decedent might not be in the best taste. Consider the situation that you’re writing for when you decide on the tone of the obituary.

5. Don’t forget to include funeral information.

If you’re holding a public viewing or funeral, you’ll want to be sure that the obituary includes that information. If it doesn’t, you run the risk of the grieving family having to field questions during a time when they shouldn’t have to continuously be disturbed. Additionally, you can use the obituary to describe how the decedent wanted to be remembered. Sending flowers for a funeral is a lovely thing to do, but some people prefer to use their death to encourage others to donate to their favorite charities. If the person you’re writing the obituary for was a big fan of animal rights, for instance, you may want to include in the obituary, “In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to your local animal shelter.”

Writing an obituary can be tricky, but what matters most is telling the life story of someone you loved. Be honest about who they were, and people all across the world can come away from reading it feeling like they knew them too. With a great obituary, even in death, your loved one can touch so many lives.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: What Should be Buried with a Loved One?

Sun, 21 Jul 2024 18:45:23 GMT

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. What you do to say goodbye can also affect how you feel while you grieve. While there’s no right or wrong way to say goodbye, burying something special with your loved one can help you feel more connected to them and remind yourself how much they were loved. But what should you bury with them? While the most important thing is that you’re burying something that mattered to them in life, here are a few ideas to help you decide.

What Can Be Buried With a Loved One

1. Copies of beloved photos

Parting with photos that mean a lot to you may be too difficult, but burying such images is a beautiful way to pay tribute to the memories that you will forever hold of them. Before you bury any photos, be sure that you either have another copy of them already or make another copy to bury instead of giving up the original.

2. Handwritten letters

When someone is coming to the end of their life, it’s hard to know what to say. And we don’t all get the chance to say goodbye before they pass away. Burying your loved one with letters of what you wish to tell them can provide some closure for you. It gives you a chance to write down your feelings and know that those words will be with your loved one forever.

3. Prayers

If your loved one was religious, in addition to letters, you could also write down their favorite prayers or prayers that mean a lot to you in your time of grief. You could ask your funeral guests to provide prayers that have a lot of meaning for them as well. Such powerful messages can give you and your family comfort as you grieve. You could also keep a copy of the prayer you buried to be said with your own daily prayers, a way for you to forever stay connected to the spirit of your loved one.

4. Books

If your loved one had a favorite book or a book that meant a lot to them throughout their life, you might want to bury it with them. Books don’t take up too much space in a casket, but it’s also a way for you to symbolically give them something to have in their afterlife. What better way for them to spend their forever than by being with the book that they carried around their whole life?

5. Their favorite childhood toy

Many of us had a favorite stuffed animal growing up, and those of us who did still have a place for that unique creature in adulthood. Even if we don’t play with them anymore, they may be kept in a keepsake box, or they could be stored away for future generations. But when a loved one passes away, burying them with their favorite childhood toy can be a way to symbolize giving them comfort in the next life.

6. The ashes of their loved one

If your loved one had a spouse or child pass on before them who was cremated, you might want to bury them with their loved one. It’s a way for them to spend eternity together. Always check with the cemetery before attempting to bury ashes with your loved one, as the cemetery may have certain rules in place.

7. Jewelry

If there’s a special piece of jewelry that your loved one always wore, you may want to keep it for sentimental reasons. But if not, you could bury it with your loved one instead. You may want that loved one to always have the jewelry that you picture them with, like their wedding bands or a family locket. Just be sure you confirm with the cemetery that you want them buried with their jewelry on.

What Can’t Be Buried With a Loved One

Overall, most objects can be buried with a loved one, as long as they don’t take up too much space in the casket. There are more rules when it comes to cremation. Anything combustible can’t go into a coffin that’s set to be cremated. Clothing or accessories with treated latex, vinyl, and leather also can’t be in the coffin as burning them releases harmful emissions into the air. But in terms of burying something with a loved one, there are fewer restrictions, though there are a few notable rules about what you can’t bury.

1. The ashes of a beloved pet

Many people wish to be buried with their pets, but unfortunately, most cemeteries won’t allow this. In fact, it’s not always the cemetery’s choice. Some states put restrictions upon burying animal remains in human graveyards. If you know your loved one wants to be buried with a pet, steer them toward choosing a “ whole-family ” cemetery that allows for the inclusion of pets.

2. Anything not bio-degradable.

This rule only applies to natural burial grounds, which have very specific restrictions about what can and can’t be buried. If your loved one chose to be buried at one of these locations, always be sure that anything being buried with them is bio-degradable and eco-friendly.

Burying a loved one with meaningful tokens and gifts is a way to pay tribute to who they were in life. Doing so can also give you and others who are grieving some closure, especially if you were unable to say goodbye in the way that you wanted to. Just be sure that what you bury with them is allowed to be buried there.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Why Do People Have a Viewing or Open Casket?

Sun, 14 Jul 2024 16:10:47 GMT

An honest question. The idea of seeing a loved one’s body put on display for all to see might be different to some, but a major comfort to others as they say goodbye and begin to let go. An open casket does help mourners accept the reality that their loved one has moved on and will help them to do so as well.

Is there a difference between an open casket and a viewing?

The term ‘viewing’ is used for a more intimate and private time before the public funeral for the family to gather together with their loved one and say their personal goodbyes before greeting and visiting with those outside the family who have come to pay their respects at the funeral. The casket is often open for the bereaved to “view” the decedent and visit with one another. The casket may then be closed before the public funeral.

An open-casket funeral means that all friends and extended family will have the opportunity to view the body of their loved one for the entirety of the funeral.

Should we have an open casket funeral?

Families often consider several factors before deciding whether to have an open-casket funeral, including:

· Cause of death. A mortuary will have an easier time preserving some bodies over others because of this.

· Religion and culture. In some cultures and religions, an open casket is not practiced.

· Funeral date and viewing. If the viewing and funeral are much later than the death, it may be more difficult or costly to preserve the body for a longer period of time. Open caskets on average occur within a week of the death to best serve the needs of the bereaved.

An open casket is ultimately for the comfort of loved ones

The dressing and display of the body in an open casket are done to help resemble the deceased as they were in life to comfort friends and family. Often a final goodbye and perhaps a prayer occur before the casket is sealed once and for all. Grief is a strong force and an open casket is only meant to ease that pain.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Organ Donation: Who Can Donate?

Fri, 05 Jul 2024 16:09:59 GMT

When you opt to become an organ donor, you may save a life. According to the Organ Procurement and Transplant Network , over 106,000 people are currently awaiting donations. But far more people are awaiting transplants than there are donors. Every nine minutes, another person is added to that waiting list .

Choosing to become an organ donor means that you are helping to get that waiting list down. You are creating opportunities for doctors to find matches for your organs, which allow them to perform life-saving transplants. But just because you sign up to become an organ donor doesn’t necessarily mean that your organs will be useable.

Can Anyone Sign Up to Be an Organ Donor?

Registering to be an organ donor is a simple process. You could go to your DMV to register in person or sign up through your state’s registry . There’s no age limit to sign up to be a donor, though you may have to get permission from your parent or guardian in some states if you’re under 18. You also don’t have to be a citizen or even a permanent resident to become a donor.

Due to the great need for donations, doctors are eager for sign-ups for potential donors. Because not every organ will be a match for every patient, it’s crucial that the donor pool is vast. Your gender, race, ethnicity, or age don’t have to match the person in need, and anyone of any background is encouraged to register to donate.

If I Sign Up, Will My Organs Always Be Donated?

You will likely never know if your organs will be donated because doctors decide after you die if your organs are viable for transplants. Certain health conditions may prevent you from being able to donate. If you have actively-spreading cancer, HIV, or severe infection, your organs would not be accepted for donation.

If you have any of these conditions, does that mean you shouldn’t sign up to be a donor? Absolutely not. Let medical professionals decide whether or not you can be an organ donor. It may be that some of your organs can’t be transplanted, but other organs and tissues may still be viable. If you never register, those useable parts can’t go to someone in need.

Can I Donate My Organs While I’m Still Alive?

In addition to being an organ donor posthumously, you can also opt to be a living donor. However, because of the risk of surgery, becoming a living donor is significantly more complex and has more rules.

About four out of every 10 donations come from a living donor. The most common donation is a kidney, but you can also donate one liver lobe, a lung or part of one, part of the pancreas, or part of the intestines. As a living donor, there are more options for tissue donations rather than organ donations. You could contribute skin, bone, cells from bone marrow or umbilical cord blood, amnion, or blood and platelets.

Although anyone is encouraged to sign up to be an organ donor after they die, the same cannot be said for donating organs while alive. Surgery complications are always a risk, but there’s also the added concern of your insurance coverage rate changing due to the surgery or experiencing medical problems post-surgery.

While being a living donor is an admirable decision, hurting yourself to help others isn’t the best idea. It’s vital that you weigh the risks before doing anything as serious as donating a piece of or an entire organ. However, donating blood or bone marrow is significantly less risky and may be a better option if you’d like to be a living donor.

Unlike deciding to be a living donor, anyone can and should consider donating their organs after death. Doctors are desperately in need of donations at all times. It’s estimated that 20 people die due to a lack of donor organs every day in the U.S. Registering to be an organ donor when you die could save the life of up to 75 people. In death, you’d be helping people to live fulfilling lives with less pain and more happiness.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Driving by a Funeral Home

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 19:55:19 GMT

Imagine you’re driving past a funeral home. As you approach, you can see people dressed in mourning clothing coming out of the facilities and climbing into their cars or limousines. But just before you drive by, those vehicles begin to pull out of the funeral home’s parking lot. You’re now encountering a funeral procession. So, how can you treat this important ceremony with the respect it deserves? Although many states have different rules when it comes to driving around funeral processions, here are the general rules of the road when you spot one.

What to Do When You Encounter a Funeral Procession

1. Yield the right of way.

Generally, funeral processions have the right of way. It’s important to obey this guideline as it may just prevent an accident. In many states, a funeral procession may go through a red light if the lead car has already crossed into the intersection. Because a funeral procession may operate under different rules from other vehicles on the road, it’s essential to exercise caution when driving around one.

Not only is it respectful to yield the right of way to ensure that the procession stays on time and all together, but it’s also better for both their and your safety. Just as you would yield the right of way to an emergency vehicle, you should yield to a funeral procession.

2. Do not cut in.

It’s extremely disrespectful to cut into a funeral procession. In some states, doing so is actually illegal. A funeral procession is a ceremonial event in which people are mourning. You should not do anything that interferes with this ceremony. Also, the drivers will not expect you to cut in, which may mean that they won’t be looking out for your vehicle. A collision may end up being the result. If you need to take an exit on a highway and cutting in is your only option for reaching it, you should wait to take the next exit.

3. Do not pass the procession.

Just like you shouldn’t cut in, you also shouldn’t pass a funeral procession. And just like cutting in, it’s illegal to pass a funeral procession in some states. Speeding up to pass a funeral procession may cause an accident. You may pass if you’re on a highway with two or more lanes going in the same direction. You should only ever pass on the right if the procession is traveling in the far left lane.

4. Look for the last car in the procession.

Most often, the last car in a funeral procession must have its hazards on. It also may be marked with two flags to designate its status. To ensure that you don’t mistakenly cut off a funeral processional, keep an eye out for the final car’s markings.

5. Do not tag along.

When you do spot that final car, do not decide to join the procession. Because a funeral procession can move through traffic with certain restrictions lifted, some drivers, unfortunately, believe that they can simply join the mourners and receive the same treatment. But just as you shouldn’t tail an emergency vehicle to get to your destination faster, you shouldn’t tag along when you see a funeral procession. Not only is it very disrespectful, but it’s also not likely to work. The last car in the procession is marked as the final car. You may be pulled over if you’re spotted trying to tag along. Doing so is considered interfering with the procession, and it’s illegal in some states.

6. Pull over if you’re able.

Most often, the best thing to do when you see a funeral procession is to pull over. It’s safer to allow the procession to pass without any potential obstructions. However, it’s not always possible to pull over. If you are on a road with the space to pull off to the side, you should do so and wait until the procession has fully passed.

7. Wait patiently.

Whether you’re pulled to the side of the road or simply waiting at an intersection for the procession to pass, you should always wait patiently. Do not honk, yell, or make gestures, even if you’re frustrated that the procession is taking a while. Remember that the people in these vehicles are mourning the loss of a loved one. Even if you want to make a gesture of support, it’s best to wait silently and patiently instead.

It can be frustrating to get stuck behind a funeral procession. But it’s important to remember that it’s only a minor inconvenience in comparison to the situation the people in the procession are dealing with. They’re grieving the loss of a loved one. The day of a funeral is often difficult, and the last thing the mourners should have to face on such a day is someone causing an accident because they tried to cut the processional off. You should always be respectful to a funeral procession, both out of kindness to the mourners and for the sake of safety for everyone.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Funeral Humor – Creating Levity in a Stressful Profession

Sat, 22 Jun 2024 15:05:09 GMT

As a subject, death can often make people uncomfortable. And as a result, that discomfort extends to how people feel about the funeral profession. For many people, the first time that they enter a funeral home is when a loved one passes. Because of this connection, many people associate funeral homes and what’s inside them with morbidity.

So, it can be a bit of a shock to find that funeral directors most often aren’t the caricatures we see in movies and storybooks. They’re not as frightening as one might expect, nor are they creepy, despite the fact that some may find what they do a bit scary. Just like with many professions, working as a funeral director is a multi-faceted role. And, believe it or not, some funeral directors may even try to bring some comedy into their position. Why is it essential to create a little levity as a funeral director? Although not every funeral director attempts to be funny, here are a few reasons why one might.

Why Your Funeral Director May Be Funny

1. Death makes people uncomfortable.

Funeral directors know that, for many people, death is an uncomfortable subject. It’s scary to think about a time when you’re not physically here anymore, and it’s upsetting to remember that there will be a time when your loved ones can’t be with you in person. But funeral directors also know that there’s a way to break through the uncomfortableness of death: humor. It can be disarming to hear a funeral director be funny. And that unexpectedness can give you a little shock to your system. Though you were uncomfortable moments before, your surprised giggles can make you feel more at ease.

Funeral directors are inherently very adaptable people. They strive to provide the form of comfort that you need the most during this stressful time in your life. For some people, being made to laugh is the best way to give them comfort. Although not all funeral directors are naturally funny, they aim to do their best to provide the care that you require.

2. Humor can help you cope with grief.

Laughter does a lot for us, perhaps more than we know. It helps our immune system, combats pain, and boosts our endorphins. And it also helps us when we grieve. Many bereavement groups incorporate humor for this exact reason. One study found that widows and widowers who could laugh and smile about their loved ones experienced less depression and anxiety . Laughter cannot remove the pain of losing a loved one, but it can help us grieve with less severe symptoms.

Grief is complicated. Though we usually experience the strongest symptoms of grief for only a few months after a loss, those feelings often turn into integrated grief. Though integrated grief is easier to live with, it’s also longer-lasting. Grief becomes a part of our lives, which is why it’s essential to continue to find humor. As the study of the widows and widowers shows, finding humor can help both during the initial period of loss and the subsequent years with the overall grieving process. Funeral directors may not be grief counselors, but they strive to help us in any way they can while we mourn the loss of our loved ones. Creating levity through the funeral planning process can be one way to help.

3. Humor can help you cope with stress.

Funeral planning itself can be stressful. Hundreds of decisions must be made. There’s a lot on the planner’s mind about whether or not they’re making the right choices. Would the funeral they planned be the one that their loved one wanted? Those kinds of questions can inch their way into the mind of the planner, causing stress over their decisions. There’s often a feeling of anxiety as a funeral nears. Will everything go right? Although a funeral director and their staff will always do their best to assuage these fears in families who come to them in their time of need, it’s often hard to get their stress to dissipate.

Like grief, humor can do a lot to help stress . Laughing actually activates your stress response. A strong belly laugh increases your blood pressure and heart rate, but only briefly. Once you’ve calmed down again, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, giving you a calm feeling. Laughing also soothes tension and aids in muscle relaxation, helping to decrease the physical signs of stress. In the long term, laughter improves your ability to cope with difficult situations and overall mood. A funeral director may find ways to incorporate laughter with the goal of relieving some of your funeral planning stress.

4. Funeral directors want to help you continue on with your life.

Funeral directors aren’t afraid of talking about death, but they do know that many people would rather not think about it. And they also know that no one comes to them for funeral planning in a happy mood. When most people plan a funeral, they are doing so with some distress as they’re just beginning to live a life without the person they love. These people are struggling, and the funeral director wants to help them through this new way of life.

A part of helping is telling them that it’s okay to keep living. And a big part of living is finding the humor in life. When you’ve just lost a loved one, you’re likely experiencing acute grief, a period of grieving when your symptoms may prevent you from going about your everyday life. You may find it hard even to smile. It can feel wrong to laugh again when you’ve just lost someone you love. But a funeral director may try to encourage you to laugh again and to let you know it’s okay to find joy in life, even when you’re missing someone you love.

Not all funeral directors are the same. Some funeral directors prefer to remain more serious through the funeral planning process. And that’s okay too. But if you begin working with a funeral director who brings some levity to your situation, you may find that it’s helpful to your stress levels and your grieving process. Funeral directors aren’t the frightening figures of childhood stories, and they certainly don’t want to scare you. Some of them will even try to make you laugh, making a stressful situation a little bit lighter and a little bit easier.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Do You Have to Be a Funeral Director to Work at a Funeral Home?

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 20:39:40 GMT

When we talk about working with a funeral home to plan a loved one’s funeral, one person who plays a central role in creating an event that celebrates that loved one’s life is the funeral director. A funeral director is essentially your go-to person at the funeral home, there to provide care and support during an incredibly challenging time. They oversee and direct all funeral services, from viewings and visitations to burials and cremations. But there’s even a lot of work that funeral directors do behind the scenes that families don’t see, such as organizing transportation for your loved one to and from the funeral home, coordinating receptions, and ensuring that all necessary paperwork is filed properly and in a timely manner.

There’s no doubt that a funeral director plays an essential role in every funeral, but luckily, they don’t have to do it alone. Especially in larger funeral homes, there can be plenty of people to assist the funeral director and care for families during this emotional time.

Who works at a funeral home?

One essential part of a funeral home is an embalmer. In the United States, 50 percent of people are embalmed. Embalming is often necessary for funerals and viewings so that the loved one will look more like how families and friends remember them. Although many funeral directors are also embalmers, it’s very common for larger funeral homes to have several embalmers on staff. Not only do embalmers have to have a special license, but they also must have a degree in mortuary science and have undergone an apprenticeship under an experienced embalmer.

An embalmer may also work as a mortuary cosmetologist, also known as a desairologist. In this position, they work on the hair and makeup of a decedent, an essential part of preparing a loved one for their viewing or open-casket funeral. However, not all embalmers are desairologists, and it’s not uncommon for larger funeral homes to work with additional mortuary cosmetologists.

Although funeral directors oversee all ceremonies, those events couldn’t happen without the work of funeral attendants. Attendants work under funeral directors to ensure that everything runs smoothly so families needn’t worry and can simply grieve in peace. They assist in setting up funeral rooms, transporting caskets, and doing anything a funeral director may need of them.

Not every funeral home has the same type of staff, but advanced planning advisors are often a crucial part of the team. When you pre-plan your funeral, you’re reducing the stress of your family having to wonder if they’re giving you the funeral you truly want. Without pre-planning, an already difficult time becomes even more challenging. Advanced planning advisors work with people who want to save their families from that distress. When you work with an advanced planning advisor, you’re giving your family a blueprint of what you want your funeral to look like. When the time comes, the advanced planning advisor will work with the funeral director and other staff members to put that plan into action.

Just like a funeral home may have someone on staff to help before a funeral even needs to happen, it may also have someone who works with families after the funeral ends. Because funeral homes are such an essential part of a community, many funeral home staff members consider being an active member of their community to be part of their job description. But for some people, their job is solely about caring for the community. Some funeral homes provide aftercare, which means that staff members help families during their time of grief. Since that mourning period doesn’t end with the funeral, neither does the care these funeral homes give. These workers may be grief counselors, or they may go by a different title, but in their role, they make sure that families don’t have to go through mourning alone.

But many other people play essential roles in creating funerals that celebrate an individual’s life. Administrators and administrative assistants keep a funeral director on track, ensuring they have everything they need to take care of any families who come to their funeral home. They work to create a friendly but professional atmosphere, giving comfort to the families and their guests.

Although the funeral director may be the face that you associate with a funeral home, they’re surrounded by people who care about their community and want to be part of making a funeral a cherished event that celebrates the life of someone who meant so much to so many people. Working in a funeral home takes a kind demeanor and temperament. From administrative assistants to embalmers, funeral home staff members are unique individuals who will care for people during one of the most challenging times in their life. After years of training, these community-minded individuals love the opportunity to be of service to people in need.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Memorial Service – Does My Casket or Urn Need to Be Present?

Sat, 08 Jun 2024 17:25:32 GMT

A memorial service differs from a traditional funeral service in that it takes place after final disposition. Final disposition is either the cremation or burial of the deceased. So, the answer is no—neither the urn nor the casket need to be present at a memorial service. That said, in the case of a memorial service following cremation the urn may be present if that is the family’s desire.

Because a memorial service takes place after either burial or cremation have occurred, the urgency to put together a speedy service is removed. A memorial may take place days, weeks, or ever years after a death. This allows a family that is spread over a great distance with time to arrange for travel, time off work, return from overseas postings, or whatever would likely make it impossible for all to gather on short notice.

A memorial service also works well when a family prefers to be more creative in their farewell. The additional time supports the family’s efforts to arrange for music or food. It provides more time to gather photos, find appropriate readings, and find the perfect venue for the service.

A memorial service may be held just about anywhere. Many funeral homes have space designated for these services that includes audio visual equipment and, in some cases, catering and food service capabilities. Be sure to ask your funeral director for guidance and advice.

A memorial service may be faith based if the individual’s religion permits. Some religions require that disposition take place immediately after death, making memorial service the standard. Other denominations require the body be present for the religious part of the service, making a traditional funeral service a better fit. Again, your funeral director is well-versed in the religious traditions in your community and is an invaluable resource for putting together a service that supports your family’s faith base.

There are a few considerations that are best not overlooked when planning a memorial service. The amount of time between death and the memorial service can become protracted and that can create a burden for some family members. Be aware that many people have an acute need to gather with friends and family, talk about the person who died with others who loved them, cry in a safe place, and receive a much-needed hug. The memorial provides that opportunity and until it takes place, their pain is fresh; most people find a service helps put them on firm footing as they begin their grief journey. It is a good idea to check in with close family members and establish a timeline for the memorial service that takes everyone’s needs into consideration.

The second consideration is the “creativity” piece. When we have a traditional funeral service or a religious based funeral service there is a fairly clear roadmap. When that doesn’t fit for you, or your family, and you are not a creative group you need to speak up and ask your funeral director for help. Not every family has people who are comfortable with public speaking to deliver a eulogy or put together music or a photo slide show. Your funeral director is a resource, so feel free to ask for his or her help.

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10 Ways to Customize a Funeral

Fri, 31 May 2024 18:24:40 GMT

Funerals aren’t one-size-fits-all. One of the most important steps in funeral planning is customization. How is this funeral right for your loved one? How are you celebrating your loved one’s life through everything from the floral arrangements to the clothing they’re wearing? What makes this funeral uniquely your loved one’s funeral? Here are a few ways to customize a funeral for your loved one.

10 Ways to Customize a Loved One’s Funeral

1. Put together a community project.

When you’re thinking about how you can honor your loved one in their funeral, consider that you don’t have to do it alone. A community project to display at the funeral brings people together. Try to think of a project that fits something that your loved one enjoyed in their life. Maybe they were always in the kitchen, baking their favorite recipes. You could ask funeral-goers to contribute recipes that the decedent shared with them throughout their life for a recipe book. Or, if they loved to sew or crochet, you could make a memorial quilt, with everyone contributing their own granny square that they feel symbolizes the decedent.

2. Incorporate beloved items into a display.

Funeral flowers are a lovely way to honor a loved one, but consider taking the arrangements a step further and incorporating items that remind you of your loved one into the displays. If your loved one’s favorite thing to do was to be out on their surfboard, catching waves, build a floral display around the board. Or you could create a separate display outside of the floral arrangements. If your loved one received honors for their service in the military, for instance, you could build a section of the funeral where their metals could sit amongst photos of their time serving.

3. Have something for guests to take home.

The idea of funeral favors isn’t all that common, but it’s a way to have your guests bring something that reminds them of their loved one home. You could put together seed packets from your loved one’s garden if they were known for their green thumb. Or, if they were known for making the best jams and jellies around, use their recipe to make some small containers to give out at the funeral.

4. Make a memorial slideshow.

A memorial slideshow can be shown during the funeral, but it can also be put on loop to be projected throughout a viewing or reception. No matter how you choose to show your slideshow, it’ll be an homage to the life that your loved one lived. Ask family and friends to send you their favorite photos of your loved one, or ask them to put them all in a Google Drive folder to make collecting them a little easier. You could use slideshow services like Microsoft PowerPoint or Google Slides or a service that’s directly made for memorial slideshows, like Smilebox’s memorial slideshow maker .

5. Choose meaningful clothing.

It used to be more common that a decedent would be dressed in semi-formal clothing, but that tradition has been receding. Now, it’s considered less necessary to have a decedent dress more formally, and it’s more common for them to be dressed in a way that reminds funeral-goers of who they were. When you pick out clothing for your loved one, look for outfits that you have special memories of them in. If your loved one always wore their favorite colorful dress to every occasion, perhaps they should also wear it for their funeral. But even then, you don’t have to pick out clothing that they wore only to formal events. If your loved one loved their blue jeans, there’s no rule that says that they can’t wear them for the funeral.

6. Arrange for military honors, if applicable.

If your loved one was a veteran, you could plan to hold military honors at their funeral with the help of your funeral director. All honorably discharged veterans are entitled to military honors. By law, that includes an honor guard detail consisting of at least two members of the U.S. Armed Forces, one of whom must be from the decedent’s service branch. The ceremony includes the playing of taps and the folding and presentation of the American flag to the decedent’s next of kin.

7. Dine on their favorite foods and recipes.

Food has the power to bring back so many memories. To incorporate food into a funeral, you could plan a reception with all of their favorite meals. Another way to make food a part of the funeral is by baking a few of your loved one’s most beloved recipes and putting them out during the service. Pick recipes that are easy to eat and not too messy, like a cookie.

8. Organize a scattering ceremony at a special location.

A funeral ceremony isn’t the only event that you can plan for your loved one. You could also host a number of additional events, including a scattering ceremony if your loved one is to be cremated. A scattering ceremony is often very personal because you’re deciding where to spread their ashes based on what they loved in life. Although you can’t scatter ashes just anywhere, you can spread them in certain places like at sea or in a national park. Just make sure that you’re following all local, state, and federal restrictions.

9. Print photos for a display or scrapbook.

Sharing photos of your loved one adds to the celebration of your loved one’s life. There are many ways to make pictures a part of the funeral beyond the memorial slideshow. You could print poster boards of your loved one to greet guests at the entrance. Or you could make a collage to add to other displays around the room. Many funeral homes also offer photo printing as a service, so talk to your funeral director about your photo options.

10. Add music.

Music is a powerfully connective force, and if music was especially important to your loved one, find a way to add it to their funeral. You could make a playlist of their favorite songs to play during the viewing or hire a singer to perform one of their favorite songs during the funeral service itself. You could also hire a band or solo artist to perform at a reception.

Customizing a funeral looks different for every family, and you may have some of your own ideas about ways to make your loved one’s funeral personal to them. Whatever your ideas may be, talk to your funeral director about them. Even if you believe they may be challenging to do, funeral homes have plenty of experience turning those unique ideas into beautiful aspects of a loved one’s funeral.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Memorial Day

Sat, 25 May 2024 14:04:10 GMT

Each year when Memorial Day approaches, American citizens get some mixed messages about what the holiday is really about. For many people, Memorial Day is a day off from school or work where they can engage in a BBQ or spend their first day at the beach of the year. But that’s not really what Memorial Day was created for. So, why do we celebrate Memorial Day? And how can we celebrate it with the origin in mind?

Why Do We Celebrate Memorial Day?

Originally known as Decoration Day, the United States has been observing Memorial Day since the years following the Civil War. By the late 1860s, Americans had begun holding tributes for the countless fallen soldiers of the war. The Civil War claimed more American lives than any conflict in U.S. history and led to the creation of the first national cemeteries. Many Americans began visiting the cemeteries during this unofficial holiday to decorate graves with flowers and recite prayers.

Though the holiday was originally meant to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War, it has since grown to commemorate the lives of all military personnel lost in any war. Though the first official Decoration Day was on May 30, 1868, it’s believed that the traditions date back earlier, just on different days. However, once Decoration Day began, many Northern states adopted the custom. By 1890, each Northern state had made it an official holiday. However, Southern states honored the dead on separate days.

The day eventually became known as Memorial Day and continued to be honored on May 30. But in 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. The act declared Memorial Day a federal holiday, but it changed the date to the last Monday in May to establish a three-day holiday weekend for federal workers.

While many people today consider Memorial Day to be the unofficial start of summer and a day filled with family get-togethers in the newly-emerged summer sun, it’s important to remember it’s more of a day for commemoration than celebration.

How Can You Honor a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

1. Fly flags that honor soldiers.

Many Americans choose to fly the American flag on Memorial Day as a symbol of patriotism and to honor those who have fallen. However, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, there are specific guidelines on how to fly it. You should fly the flag at half-staff from sunrise until noon. Then, it should be swiftly raised to the top of the staff until sunset. You can also choose to fly additional meaningful flags for the U.S. military, such as the POW/MIA flag , a reminder of the missing and imprisoned soldiers of the Vietnam War.

2. Place flowers on a veteran’s grave.

Families often visit cemeteries on Memorial Day to decorate the graves of family members who were veterans. It’s a beautiful way to say thank you to these fallen soldiers. However, if you don’t have a veteran in your own family, you can visit a veterans’ cemetery to decorate other graves. The Department of Veterans Affairs keeps a database of all the veterans' cemeteries so you can find one near you.

3. Wear red poppies.

World War I took the lives of an estimated 8.5 million soldiers. Across northern France and Flanders, or northern Belgium, clashes between the Allied and Central Powers destroyed the fields and forests, taking countless lives with them of soldiers and civilians alike. But in the spring of 1915, bright red poppies began appearing in the battle-scarred land. Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae used the poppies as inspiration for his poem, “In Flanders Fields,” which was written from the point of view of the fallen soldiers.

The poppy has since gone on to become a symbol of remembrance . It’s not just an American tradition, though. Several countries don the poppy every November 11 to commemorate the 1918 armistice. However, in the U.S., the poppy is more closely associated with Memorial Day. To wear a red poppy in the U.S. is to honor those who have sacrificed their lives in the name of their country.

4. Support a charity for fallen soldiers and their families.

A part of honoring fallen soldiers is recognizing how much they left behind in the service of their country. Those who died protecting their country had families who loved them and now may struggle through their loss. Whether you’re able to donate money or time, Memorial Day is a great day to spend time helping these families. However, it’s worth remembering that these people need help year-round, so try to look out for opportunities throughout the year to donate what you can.

5. Participate in a Memorial Day event.

Many cities and towns throughout the U.S. hold Memorial Day events, such as parades or walks. These events often raise funds for military-based charities, but they’re also an opportunity to shine a light on what Memorial Day is really about. Be on the lookout for events in your area. If you have the ability, get involved with the creation of the event to ensure that it’s befitting of Memorial Day’s history.

6. Pause for the National Moment of Remembrance.

Each year on Memorial Day, there’s a National Moment of Remembrance. Lasting just one minute at 3 p.m., Americans are asked to silently reflect upon their freedoms and the sacrifices that were made to uphold them. You may also listen to “Taps,” which is often played on local radio stations to commemorate the moment.

Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is a Desairologist?

Fri, 17 May 2024 15:40:45 GMT

A funeral should always be about the loved one who has passed. It’s a time for celebrating their life and giving their friends and family a chance to say goodbye and grieve together. That’s why professionals in the funeral space, like funeral directors or advanced planning specialists, work in the background, making sure that the focus is away from them and instead on the decedent.

But many people work to create a funeral befitting of the one who has passed on. A funeral home’s staff is filled with workers who take great care not only of the loved ones coming to celebrate but also of the decedents themselves. When families want a viewing or an open casket, the decedent should ideally look as they did in life. That’s where a desairologist comes in.

What Does a Desairologist Do?

The term desairology dates back to 1980 when Noëlla Charest-Papagno published “ Desairology: Hairstyling for Decedents ,” a book that taught the art of mortuary cosmetology. It’s a desairologist’s job to ensure that the decedents are prepared to be seen before they are cremated or buried. A desairologist, or mortuary cosmetologist, will apply makeup to the decedent, ideally making them look like they did when they were alive.

Desairology takes a talented hand because there’s more work to be done on a decedent than a living person. Humans begin to decompose minutes after death, which is why embalming is so crucial for a funeral. Embalming is also essential for desairology. Our tissue becomes very soft shortly after death, making it harder to apply makeup. But embalming helps to keep tissue firm, allowing the desairologist to get to work to create a warm and life-like complexion.

Still, even after embalming, other issues can arise that force the desairologist to adapt. Our skin often changes color in death, which means that a mortuary cosmetologist would have to counteract the transition. How much work a desairologist would have to do also depends on how the decedent passed on and if certain wounds need to be covered. Often, a family member will give the desairologist the makeup that the decedent used in their everyday life. Using the same makeup can help make the loved one look more like they did while alive. But the mortuary cosmetologist also has their own inventory of cadaver makeup.

A desairologist may also cut hair, but while makeup can be taken off and reapplied, there’s no fixing a haircut gone wrong for someone who is deceased. Although hair will grow back for the living, it, of course, cannot when someone has already passed on. For anything considered a permanent removal, like shaving a beard or trimming hair, the desairologist must get special permission from the decedent’s family.

Do All Funeral Homes Have a Desairologist?

Most funeral homes have someone who does mortuary cosmetology, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a dedicated desairologist on staff. Often, the embalmer will also be the one to apply makeup and make the decedent ready for viewing. It’s the embalmer’s job to make sure the decedent is well-preserved and even reconstructed if need be.

An embalmer has to go to school to study mortuary science, but they must also receive a specialized license before entering the workforce. During their time of study, they may attend training in mortuary cosmetology. A funeral director may also receive training in desairology, but it’s most common for an embalmer to have additional skills in mortuary cosmetology.

Still, not all funeral homes have an embalmer or a funeral director with training in desairology. These funeral homes will typically not have a desairologist on staff, but they will likely hire freelance mortuary cosmetologists to fulfill this need.

What Education Does Desairology Require?

So, how did the desairologist you’re working with get to where they are today? If the funeral home has an embalmer who does mortuary cosmetology on their own, they may have taken classes while studying mortuary science, which is a requirement to work in their chosen career. However, if you’re working with a freelance mortuary cosmetologist, they likely have a very different background. There’s no specific degree for mortuary cosmetology, nor is there a prerequisite that one has to obtain one to work as a desairologist.

Instead, this desairologist likely underwent training the same way any cosmetology student would. They must have had a high school diploma and then gotten a degree in cosmetology from a state-approved training program. Then, they earned a cosmetology license by taking an in-depth exam following their degree. Since mortuary cosmetology is such a specialized area of study, it’s likely that they gained additional experience by finding contract work or taking on an internship at a funeral home.

Though desairologist isn’t a term that gets used very often, desairology is an everyday, essential part of the funeral process. Whether you’re working with an embalmer who practices mortuary cosmetology or a freelance desairologist, you’ll know that you’re with someone who has trained to provide care to your loved one. Thanks to their work, you’ll be able to say goodbye to your loved one while they look just how you remember.

www.smithfamilycares.com

The Value of a Cemetery

Fri, 10 May 2024 18:29:40 GMT

When you walk into a cemetery everything changes. The pace changes, you become aware of your surroundings, you feel the sun on your face, you smell the clean air, you walk slower. The sounds change, you hear the bird song, you talk softer. You feel calmer. There is no place quite like a cemetery. Be it an old cemetery or a newer one, like the nave of a church, cemeteries have that feeling. They have soul.

Everyone knows cemeteries are special. They are protected. When a new highway is built it goes around a cemetery, instead of going through the cemetery. Housing developments are planned to spare cemeteries. Children are hushed when they visit a cemetery, they know without being told they are in a special place.

In the cemetery, the sharp edges of our everyday life feel out of place. The ring of a cell phone seems shrill. And yet, things that would feel wrong and out of place in the real world, feel right in the cemetery. Things like a husband sitting in a lawn chair reading the paper in the “presence” of his deceased wife, or a wife talking softly to her husband about her life plans moving forward, or a person quietly working out grievances held in life with a deceased family member - all of this feels natural in a cemetery. Cemeteries are for grieving. A person can grieve in a cemetery in comfort and without judgement. Cemeteries are for remembering. In the cemetery the love you felt from your grandmother, father, sister, husband or child comes back to you like a warm hug.

Cemeteries are by definition a “final resting place”. They have a permanence that on first blush it is easy to gloss over. But when one takes a moment to let those words, final resting place, really sink in we realize we are talking about a forever place. It is that place where grandchildren always know the grandfather who taught them to fish or the grandmother who made those perfect cookies, is resting forever. No matter how far family may scatter, or how seldom they actually get to visit the cemetery, there is comfort in knowing where family rests. Graves are seldom moved in the name of progress. It is reassuring for future generations to have a record, to know the place where their ancestors will be in perpetuity.

Over time, a cemetery becomes a garden. It improves with age. Ashes may be scattered in some lovely places but many of those lovely places become something else as time passes. The trickling stream is dammed and becomes a reservoir. The farm is sold and becomes a housing development. The golf course changes hands and becomes a shopping mall. Not every place improves over time. The cemetery stands the test of time. It always has soul.

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Choosing Cemetery Property

Fri, 03 May 2024 20:06:08 GMT

Regardless of the type of disposition (burial or cremation), choosing a “final resting place” is an integral part of laying a loved one to rest. The cemetery is the most commonly selected location for a loved one to rest in perpetuity. Whether you are making this decision for yourself in advance of need or deciding for a family member who has died, you should know there are options available that will support your individual values.

Above Ground Burial – Cemeteries will often have a number of choices for above ground burial of both body and cremated remains. These include:

A Community Mausoleum which may be a garden structure or an indoor structure. A community mausoleum is made up of a number of individual adjacent spaces joined in a shared structure.

A Private Mausoleum is a stand-alone building that holds the remains of a family. Individual family members are buried in above ground crypts.

A Columbarium can be either public (shared structure) or private and are meant for cremated remains. Columbarium niche may be constructed with a glass door to display an urn or with a solid door usually with the date of death and the name of the deceased engraved in the stone.

In Ground Burial – This is the most common form of cemetery burial and is used for both full body casketed burial and the burial of cremated remains. Most cemeteries will require the casket or urn be placed in an outer burial container or vault at the time of burial. You may have the opportunity to choose among several options.

An Individual Plot is usually sold as the right to bury one individual person in either a casket or an urn. In some cases, cemeteries may allow for one casketed body and one urn to be buried in an individual plot.

Double-depth Plots offer the option of a deeper plot allowing for two burials that are one on top of the other. This option is not offered in all locations due to topographic limitations.

Family Lots are an option for family members or even friends who wish to be buried in close proximity to one another. In order to satisfy this wish, cemeteries often offer a number of adjoining plots in a group as a family lot. Some cemeteries will take it a step further and offer Private Family Estates. These are gated or hedged to offer privacy. They are really a cemetery within a cemetery.

Green Burial is earth friendly burial and may take several different forms. The body is usually not embalmed or embalmed with eco-friendly embalming fluids. Often the body is placed in contact with the earth either wrapped in shroud or placed in a bio-degradable container. Not every cemetery offers this option, but when it is important to an individual nearly every funeral home and cemetery can make some simple adjustments to their normal procedure to accommodate a family and provide a “greener”, if not strictly, green burial.

Cremation Gardens offer a garden like atmosphere for cremated remains which may be buried, scattered, or placed in a communal ossuary structure. Often these gardens will not permit monuments or head stones but will allow a flat marker. This is done to enhance the garden like atmosphere.

Not every cemetery will offer every option mentioned above and some may offer options not discussed here. It is prudent to speak with your funeral director or your cemetery service provider in advance of need. The weight of choosing a final resting place for a loved one can be heavy. Seeking out the help and guidance of these professionals before there is a time constraint is a wise choice.

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So You Want to Donate Your Body to Science

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 12:00:35 GMT

Some people wish to be organ donors, but others want their whole body to make a difference. Donating your body to science is a way to help the future of health, giving medical students a chance to study real human anatomy, practice their future profession, and research and find treatments for deadly diseases.

By donating your body, you’re making a difference in death. Medical researchers rely on whole body donation to do everything from testing new medical devices to studying diseases to find potential cures. Donation services are always looking for people who are willing to become whole-body donors.

But just because you want to donate doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to become a donor. Not every body is the proper specimen for study. If you’re hoping to donate your body after death, it may be wise to familiarize yourself with the parameters of acceptance so you can confirm whether you will be eligible for participation.

Why Can’t You Always Donate Your Body to Science?

According to the Mayo Clinic , several issues may prevent you from donating your body to science. If you have a communicable disease, like HIV or hepatitis, you may be denied the ability to donate. Beyond diseases, the body's condition may also affect whether or not you can donate your body to science. If you’re substantially over or under average body mass, medical researchers will not be able to use your body.

The same problem applies to whether or not the body was already autopsied, has been embalmed, or is already decomposing. If you planned your funeral and wanted to go through the traditional processes of a funeral, like embalming, you cannot then donate your body to science later.

Your family may also prevent you from being donated. If the next of kin objects to your body being used for scientific research, it’s their legal choice to make. It’s crucial that, if you want to be donated to medical students and researchers, you make your plans known to your next of kin. Since they have the deciding vote, they need to be made aware of your final wishes.

How Can You Find Out If You Can Donate Your Body to Science?

If you want to be an organ donor, you can simply register in person at your local DMV or sign up online with your state’s registry . But it’s not so simple to donate your body to science. For starters, the process must begin long before your death. You could sign up with a program like Science Care , a body donation service that works with medical researchers and educators around the world, or an academic medical center like the Mayo Clinic . Look for the American Association of Tissue Banks accreditation to ensure you’re working with the right place. You could also donate directly to a school’s medical program.

But no matter where you choose to register, you’ll begin an in-depth process to determine if your body is a good fit. Through thorough medical vetting, these institutions will ask you questions about your current health and address if anything is preventing your body from being able to be worked on by medical researchers. That information is kept on file until you die, and your body will then be examined again after death to see if it’s still viable for donation.

What Happens If Your Body Is Accepted?

If your body can be donated to science, it will be transported to the facility where it will be utilized. The body will continue to be used until it is no longer an effective tool for study and research. This length of usefulness varies depending upon where you’ve donated and what types of studies will be run on the body. For instance, the donation may last from two to 18 months for the University of Minnesota's medical school. For the Mayo Clinic, studies of donated bodies are usually completed within six to 15 months.

What happens after the body’s usefulness has ended also depends upon where you donate. Some institutions will return the body to the family, to be cremated or buried depending on their wishes. But others will keep the body instead and be the ones to decide on its final resting place. Just like you should ideally preplan your funeral before your death, you should plan for what happens to your body after it has completed being used for science. Talk to your next of kin about what will happen to the body, if it’ll be returned or kept by the institution, and if they should expect any correspondence from the research facility after the body is no longer useable.

Can You Decide How Your Body Is Used?

While certain programs may allow you to opt out of specific types of research, as a whole, you can’t decide what your body will be used for. You may hope that your body is used to find a cancer cure, but it may be used for something entirely different. It’s up to the researchers to determine what your body is most needed for.

But regardless of how it’s used, donating your body to science is a way to further research for essential procedures, medication, treatments, and beyond. Should you choose to donate, and if you are accepted, your body will be used to advance medical science and benefit the world.

Do I Have to Have a Burial Vault?

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 02:26:20 GMT

When you preplan for your funeral, you may wonder which expenses are really worthwhile. Of course, you’ll need a casket, but what about everything that goes around it? Do you have to have a burial vault? Or can you just use a burial liner or even nothing at all?

Do I Really Need a Burial Vault?

The choice for a burial vault might not be yours to make. Although using a burial vault is not required by any state or federal law, most cemeteries do require that you use one. In the long run, not using a burial vault may cause problems for the cemetery. Without a burial vault, the cemetery will have to deal with the risk that the ground could collapse around the casket, which is particularly common in areas that deal with a lot of high groundwater.

But even in drier areas, cemeteries might not want to take the risk. A lot of maintenance is required in order to take care of a graveyard. Heavy machinery like lawnmowers and excavators often have to go over gravesites. If that ground is not completely solid, it could cave in under all that weight, damaging the casket below. Plus, keeping the ground level prevents injuries to the staff or guests coming to pay their respects to their loved ones.

Can I Just Use a Burial Liner?

As their names suggest, burial liners and vaults differ because one is simply lining the casket, and the other is enclosing it. Unlike a liner, a vault provides a seal to protect the casket. Both are used to keep the ground from collapsing around a coffin. Still, a cemetery may specify that a burial vault is necessary because it’s considerably stronger and protects better against the elements.

It’s worth noting, however, that neither a liner nor a vault will fully protect against water, dirt, and other debris. Although a burial vault does come with the added benefit of a seal around the casket, according to the FTC’s Funeral Rule , it’s illegal for a funeral provider to claim that a vault is waterproof or fully protects against anything getting inside the vault and casket. By extension, it’s also illegal for a funeral provider to suggest that using a burial vault will slow down or halt the decomposition process.

If the cemetery of your choosing allows you to use either a burial vault or a burial liner, the choice is up to you which one you’d prefer. A burial vault is more expensive than a burial liner, as the burial vault covers the entire casket, provides a seal, and also has an inner lining. As such, the burial vault offers more support and protection than the liner.

What Kind of Burial Vault Can I Get?

Your burial vault must be made from materials that don’t degrade quickly. Metal and plastic are two such options, but the most common (and typically least expensive) choice is concrete. Similarly, the inner lining of a burial vault must be made of materials that are tough and degrade slowly. Some options include fiberglass, plastic, stainless steel, copper, and bronze. Stainless steel and bronze are two of the most robust choices, but fiberglass and plastic are more economical.

Burial vaults also differ in the type of seal that they use. One method, the top seal method, uses a seal between the lid and the walls of the vault. But the air seal method uses air pressure to create a pressure seal so that the added top seal is unnecessary.

If I’m Cremated, Do I Need an Urn Vault?

Burial vaults aren’t just for those who choose to be buried. One type of burial vault, the urn vault, is for those who are cremated and whose remains will be buried. Urns are rarely fully sealed, so if your remains were to be buried, you could run the risk of the urn not being stable enough in the ground. When dealing with extreme weather, the urn’s position will be even less stable. Placing the urn inside an urn vault will help it keep its location and prevent its lid from getting dislodged.

While you might be looking at burial vaults, liners, or urn vaults as simply added expenses, there’s a reason why cemeteries require you to use them. Burial vaults and liners keep a graveyard level, both for safety and to preserve the beauty of the cemetery ground. When your loved ones come to visit, they’ll be seeing a stable gravesite, safeguarded for years to come.

How to Prepare for a Funeral? Contacting Loved Ones

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 17:04:18 GMT

The death of a loved one is often the most challenging thing one will face in one’s life. It’s overwhelming, disheartening, and saddening for you personally, but also for those around you. As you prepare for the funeral, you’ll need to start contacting loved ones. How do you determine who to tell first and how?

Call those closest first

Immediate and extended family members along with close friends are who you should be contacting first. They are the ones who were most important to the deceased, and it is imperative they be made aware first before funeral arrangements are made. As you make your rounds, it will be a good idea to ask for up-to-date information including email addresses so details can be shared as the funeral approaches.

Consider sending out an email

An email chain can be started with those within the deceased’s communities, religious groups, and workplace. Keeping the email short will allow easy circulation and sharing. Keep funeral details short and omit any sensitive information that the family would want to keep private.

Social Media and Obituary

Writing an obituary can be really challenging for a few reasons, but chief among them is grappling with summarizing the life of your loved one in just a few paragraphs. Don’t worry about getting it perfect; the main purpose of an obituary is to inform the surrounding community of the death and memorial. You’ll have the chance to tell your loved one’s full story at the service. Be sure to have another set of eyes on the obituary as it’s written; this could spare any potential headaches arising from spelling errors or incorrect details.

And lastly, social media will reach the rest of the deceased’s circle of connections. Be careful to inform the immediate family and inner circle before sending out any social media post. It really should fall to the very bottom of the priority list in terms of spreading the news and is best for minimizing any hurt or shocked feelings. Keep the post brief, and consider linking the published obituary and service details. A good post will generate condolences, the sharing of memories, and support.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is a Burial Vault?

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 03:16:14 GMT

When you think about the process of burying someone who has passed on, you’re likely familiar with a few terms. You probably know what a casket is for, what it’s made out of, and where it goes. You might understand a bit about the embalming process and how a body is prepared to be laid to rest. But do you know what a burial vault is? It’s a term that many people are unaware of, but it provides support for the deceased and is becoming more and more common, especially in certain areas.

What is a burial vault?

A burial vault is a lined, sealed container that goes around the casket. Though burial vaults used to be made of wood or brick, the burial vaults of today are much sturdier and made from metal, plastic, or, the most common option, concrete. A burial vault will enclose the casket completely, which is different from a burial liner, which only goes on top. The vault also typically contains an inner liner, usually made from plastic or metal, which helps prevent debris from getting inside and reaching the casket.

The burial vault is a way to protect the casket, as well as the cemetery, from the elements. Without a burial vault or burial liner, the ground may cave in under a grave, especially if the area is known for having unfavorable weather. Sinkholes around caskets aren’t uncommon, particularly if the location has moist ground throughout the year.

While a liner won’t, a burial vault will also protect the body inside the casket from the elements. A burial vault cannot stop the decomposition process, but it can prevent water and dirt from entering the casket.

What are the different types of burial vaults?

Burial vaults can be made from many different materials, but the main thing that these materials must have in common is that they don’t degrade quickly. That’s why metal and concrete are such popular choices. But burial vaults can also differ in the type of seal that you use.

In order to protect the casket from the elements, the vault must be adequately sealed. One way to ensure that is by using a seal between the lid and the walls of the vault, which is the top seal method. Another option is the air seal method, which uses air pressure to create a pressure seal.

If your loved one is cremated, you still might want a burial vault. An urn vault is for cremated ashes. If you decide to bury your urn, it’s a good idea to put it in an urn vault because urns are rarely fully sealed. Plus, flooding and other extreme weather can eat away at the urn’s location in the ground, but an urn vault can help it keep its place.

Do you need a burial vault?

Whether or not you’re required to get a burial vault depends on location. If you’re in a place where you’re at risk of the ground caving in, you’ll likely need one. That means that if your soil is generally wet throughout the year, like in coastal regions, you’ll probably need a burial vault.

However, the choice might not be your decision to make. Most cemeteries will require you to get a burial vault or at least a burial liner. The cemetery is at the most significant risk should you choose not to get one. If you don’t get a burial vault, the elements will begin to eat away at the casket, causing it to lose its structural integrity. Since nothing will be holding that casket up, the cemetery will be at risk for a cave-in. When you consider that cemeteries often have to rely upon heavy machinery like excavators, it makes sense why they would want to be sure that their ground is secure.

It’s vital to get a robust and enduring burial vault for the safety of your loved one’s final resting place. It’s worth the cost to ensure that their gravesite will remain intact for years to come. And when you go and visit them, you’ll know that you’re walking on secure ground.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Where Can I Scatter the Remains of a Loved One?

Sat, 30 Mar 2024 16:04:05 GMT

Whether your loved one was a beach enthusiast or a theme park fanatic, you might be thinking about where to scatter their cremated remains to pay tribute to what they loved in their lifetime. But just like if they wanted to be buried, a lot of thought should go into your loved one’s final resting place.

Scattering the ashes of someone you loved is a beautiful way to say goodbye. There’s a feeling that they will find peace in the place that made them so happy while they were alive. But unfortunately, scattering remains is not that simple. There are a lot of rules and regulations about where you can distribute the ashes of someone who has passed on. Here’s where you can and definitely can’t be scattering ashes.

Where can you scatter a loved one’s remains?

For starters, your private property is always allowed to be a final resting place for your loved one’s ashes. It’s your property, and you can do what you want with it, to an extent. Scattering ashes in your yard isn’t a risk to your community, so you’re welcome to do it. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that you may have to disclose that there are human remains on the property should you ever decide to sell your home.

Another common option is to scatter ashes at sea. However, specific rules and regulations apply in these cases. According to the EPA, scattering ashes in the ocean counts as a burial at sea . If you want to have a burial at sea, it will need to be done at least three nautical miles from shore. You must either scatter the ashes on their own or have them in a biodegradable urn. If you want to drop anything else with the ashes, like flower petals, be sure that they are also biodegradable. If your loved one was a furry friend, you will need a special permit, but human remains don’t require any sort of permit. However, any burial at sea must be reported to the EPA within 30 days of the ceremony.

These rules only apply to scattering the ashes in an ocean, but if you’re hoping to place them in other bodies of water, different regulations may apply. It is illegal to scatter ashes in inland waters in some states, so before planning any ceremony, call the health and environmental agencies in your state to be sure it’s allowed.

Like the ocean, scattering ashes is generally allowed at national parks, but certain rules are in effect. For instance, you’ll typically need a permit. You should always request permission from the chief park ranger and ask for the limitations of where you can scatter the ashes. For instance, there may be an environmentally sensitive area of the park where the ashes could be harmful to plant life. On the other side, you also shouldn’t drop the ashes too close to a trail, as you could run the risk of the ashes disturbing other travelers.

Similarly, you’re allowed to scatter ashes on uninhabited public land in most cases. It’s very common for someone to want their loved one’s final resting place to be in a tranquil forest. However, although it’s usually legal, you’ll still want to contact local authorities to be sure. And, just like with national parks, don’t ever scatter ashes too close to a trail.

Even if your loved one didn’t want to be buried, they might be allowed to be scattered in a graveyard. But whether or not they are allowed depends on the cemetery’s rules, local ordinances, and if the graveyard is public or private property. Be familiar with your town’s laws and contact the graveyard before attempting to scatter ashes there. Many privately-owned cemeteries now contain scattering gardens, which is the only place that they allow remains to be spread. The use of these gardens also often costs a small fee.

Where can you not scatter a loved one’s remains?

When it comes to most public land, you’ll need to contact local authorities or your state’s health and environmental agencies before planning any ceremony to scatter a loved one’s ashes. But as long as you follow local and federal regulations, you should still be able to give them the send-off you were hoping for.

Private land, however, is generally more off-limits. Of course, you wouldn’t just show up at your neighbor’s house ready to scatter ashes without your neighbor’s permission, but it’s important to remember that private land often has public access. For instance, your loved one might have been a big baseball fan, but you can’t go to Fenway Park and just drop their ashes there. Fenway Park, like any major league baseball field, is privately owned. And while you can ask permission from the park’s owners to spread the ashes, the answer will most likely be no.

The same applies to a theme park. For years, there was an urban legend that people were scattering ashes in Walt Disney World, but it turned out not to be so much of a myth after all . People attempt to sneak their loved one’s remains into the theme park every day, and if caught, security will escort the guests off property. Perhaps even worse, those remains can pose a health hazard, which is why as soon as ashes are found, the custodians will have to suck them up into a HEPA vacuum. The bag inside a vacuum is likely not the final resting place you were hoping to give your loved one.

It’s better to scatter your loved one’s remains either on private property that you own or on public land. When it comes to your property, what you do with it is your business. With public land and waterways, local authorities will be able to answer any questions you have to be sure that you are scattering your loved one’s ashes in an ethical, environmentally conscious way. Give your loved one a goodbye in a beautiful location, knowing that you’re not doing harm.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is Prolonged Grief?

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 19:31:58 GMT

Grief is a normal part of life. After losing a loved one, most people will experience grief in some form. That feeling can go on for a while, but as the adage goes, “Time heals all wounds.” As anyone who has ever lost someone very close to them will tell you, time may help, but it doesn’t fully heal. Years after that person’s death, you’ll still think of them, still wish they were around, but you’ll have moved on with your life. The wound will still hurt from time to time, but the feeling of grief will no longer be all-encompassing.

At least, that’s what traditional grief looks like. However, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) has recently coined a term for when grief doesn’t heal the way it’s expected to. In the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a new entry has been added: prolonged grief disorder (PGD) . The admission comes at a time when so many are experiencing grief in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. How can we all move on following such mass death? The answer is that not everyone is moving on at all.

Why is prolonged grief disorder different?

PGD happens when someone close to the bereaved has died within at least six months for children and at least 12 months for adults. Children and adolescents may develop a preoccupation with death and the circumstances around it. On the other hand, adults are more likely to develop intense longings for the deceased. But the main thing that makes this different from normal grieving is that those feelings are disruptive to the point that you severely struggle to function in your everyday life.

Any form of grief may make it harder to get through the day, but what marks prolonged grief disorder is just how much more of a struggle it is. Some symptoms include:

● A feeling that part of you has died too

● An unwillingness to accept that your loved one has died

● Intense emotional pain, which could manifest as anger, sadness, or even bitterness

● An inability to be around other people

● Emotional numbness

● Intense loneliness

● A belief that life is meaningless

● A loss of interests, hobbies, and other things that used to make life more enjoyable

For a professional to diagnose you, these intense reactions must be ongoing most of the day, every day, for at least a month. Although anyone could have PGD, studies have indicated that it’s most common in women. Children and adolescents can also have the disorder, but it’s worth noting that, in general, children’s emotional reactions are stronger. Keeping this in mind, a doctor may be more hesitant to diagnose a child with PGD.

Why is prolonged grief disorder controversial?

PGD came about after studies dating back several decades concluded that people were experiencing bereavement beyond culturally accepted norms. So although the timing of the APA adding PGD to the DSM may make it seem like it’s just a reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic, the reality is that people have been struggling with prolonged grief for much longer.

However, not everyone is happy that PGD is now an accepted disorder by the APA. Because grief manifests differently for everyone, some experts are concerned that mental health professionals will be diagnosing many people with false positives simply because their emotions may be a little stronger than “normal grief.” Calling someone who is grieving the death of a loved one “mentally ill” could have negative consequences for anyone struggling to find normalcy in bereavement.

Ultimately, though, the addition of PGD to the DSM may prove to be a good thing for grief sufferers and grief researchers. Because PGD is a recognized disorder, researchers will be more likely to secure funding to study the disorder and grief in general. Additionally, mental health professionals providing care for grief sufferers will be more likely to be reimbursed for their treatment, making grief treatment more accessible, especially if they need long-term care.

Is there treatment for prolonged grief disorder?

PGD can persist indefinitely without treatment, leading to substance abuse, suicidal thinking, sleep disturbances, and impaired immune function. However, with treatment, the prognosis is much brighter.

PGD may sound similar to depression , but it actually doesn’t improve with traditional depression treatment, like antidepressants. PGD is unique in how it affects our brains. Essentially, PGD is more like an addiction. By refusing to acknowledge that a loved one has died, we reward ourselves by living in blissful ignorance. We don’t want to lose that reward. PGD treatment relies on managing reminders of your loved one’s death, strengthening relationships, and understanding grief.

A feeling of hopelessness can mark PGD, but with treatment, there is hope that you can continue with your life. You’ll likely still miss your loved one, and sometimes missing them may hurt a little more than usual, but the goal with treating PGD is for you to be able to live a fulfilling and active life, even if they’re not there to live it with you.

Is It Okay to Laugh and Smile at a Funeral?

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 16:21:59 GMT

It’s common to see tears shed at a funeral. What’s less common is to hear uproarious laughter. Why would someone laugh during a funeral? Well, it happens more often than you’d think. But is it okay to laugh and smile at someone’s funeral? Whether or not it’s all right to get the giggles depends on many factors.

Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral?

It’s not only okay to smile at a funeral but it’s also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It’s also a nonverbal way of showing support. Seeing a flood of sad faces can make the bereaved feel more overwhelmed, but seeing a smile can ease some of that tension.

A smile is also not in any way disruptive. Smiling during a eulogy isn’t going to upset anyone, nor would it draw any unwanted attention to you. So, if something makes you smile, don’t repress it. And try to muster up a friendly smile when talking to the deceased’s loved ones.

Is It Okay to Laugh at a Funeral?

This question is trickier. Yes, it’s okay to laugh at a funeral, but there is a time and a place for it. Funerals don’t always have to be a strictly somber event. They can be a celebration of life. And one way to celebrate that life is by remembering all the beautiful times you had together. If you’re standing around recounting old stories with friends and family, and one story makes you giggle, you’re not being rude. You’re celebrating the full life the deceased lived.

The same rules apply to the eulogy. It can feel strange to laugh during a eulogy, but if the speaker is clearly telling a funny story or even a joke to lighten the mood, you should feel free to laugh. It’s not impolite to laugh when it’s clear that was the intention of the eulogist.

Death can cause anxiety, and laughter can help relieve that feeling. So don’t hold back laughter if the situation calls for it. But you might want to try to repress that laughter if it’s coming out inappropriately. Sometimes, when people feel so much anxiety, they laugh hysterically, even if nothing is funny. These moments of laughter aren’t okay at a funeral, especially if they happen during a more somber time, like if a eulogist is telling a story that’s definitely not funny. That sort of laughter can be disruptive and can call unwanted attention to you when the spotlight should be on the deceased's life.

What Do I Do If I Start Laughing?

If your anxiety has bubbled into laughing uncontrollably, you may want to remove yourself until you calm down. But you can also try other techniques to relieve your stress. Try taking deep breaths. Take a breath in and count to four, hold for four, breath out for four, and then hold for four. Do this repeatedly until you feel calmer.

If that doesn’t work, try closing your eyes and imagining you’re in a safe, comfortable place while you breathe. Doing so will help you forget about what’s causing your anxiety long enough for you to stop laughing.

Something you may feel inclined to do is chastise yourself for laughing or remind yourself that you’re “supposed to feel sad.” Forcing yourself to feel sad when you’re already likely sad will make your anxiety worse, which will make your laughter worse. Be patient with yourself because the angrier you get with yourself, the more likely you’ll just keep laughing.

It is more than okay to laugh and smile at a funeral, but it’s essential to recognize that there is a time and a place for laughter. If you find yourself laughing when it’s not appropriate, remove yourself or take measures to lessen your anxiety. But don’t feel bad if you laugh at a joke — that moment of laughter is good for everyone.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Do I Do With The Flowers?

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 18:21:38 GMT

After any funeral, there are still a lot of questions about what comes next. In addition to dealing with grief, loved ones have to take care of the deceased’s estate and their final wishes. And although sending flowers to a funeral is a kind gesture, those flowers add another thing to do for the bereaved. Flowers brighten up any funeral, but what can you do with them after the funeral is over? Here are a few options to either keep and create a memorial keepsake or donate them and make someone else’s day.

Donate the flowers — mindfully.

A few places that you could donate to include a church, retirement home, or hospice care facility. Before you donate, give the location of your choice a call to confirm that they can accept flowers. The answer is often yes, but it’s better to be sure before you head over to deliver them.

It’s essential to keep in mind, though, that you might have to do some rearranging with the flowers before you deliver them. Donating an arrangement in the shape of a cross wouldn’t be exactly fitting if you were to send the flowers to a secular location. Or, if the arrangement is very oversized, the people you’re attempting to donate to might not want the hassle of having to find a place to put all of it.

It’s also crucial that you remove any cards from the arrangements before donating them. A card that says “I’m sorry for your loss” might be upsetting or at least not well-received at a hospice care facility.

Place them at another gravesite.

Instead of donating to the living, you could also donate to someone else who has already passed on. Fresh flowers on a grave are always a welcome sight. They add some beauty to the cemetery, and for many people, it’s a way to show respect and love for the spirits of those no longer with us.

Preserve the flowers and gift them to loved ones.

Flowers on their own, of course, will not last forever. But you can preserve them to create memorial keepsakes. Preserving flowers is an easy process. All you have to do is put the flowers between two pieces of paper and close those sheets of paper inside a heavy book. Let the flowers dry out for a few days, then remove them. The flowers should be pressed and dried once you take them out.

You could leave the flower as is and create a keepsake from there, as a memorial bookmark, or just simply decorate with the flower on its own. But you could also create a shadow box with the flowers inside, alongside other trinkets that remind you of your loved one.

If you want to take things a step further, you could take the flowers apart to use them in other ways, like filling a glass ornament with dried flower petals or even painting something in remembrance of your loved one using the petals. These keepsakes could be just for you, or you could make many and gift them to other people who loved the person who passed.

Put flower petals inside of funeral jewelry.

Funeral jewelry, or cremation jewelry, is a popular way to keep the one you lost close to your heart. For cremation jewelry, a tiny bit of ashes is placed inside a compartment in a piece of jewelry, like a locket. People can opt to include more than the ashes inside, though, like adding bits of dried flowers from the funeral. However, if you are a member of the Catholic faith, the Catholic Church dictates that cremated remains be given a final resting place together rather than stored in cremation jewelry, scattered or kept in the home.

Even if your loved one was not cremated, you could still make funeral jewelry, perhaps by putting the dried flowers in a necklace or pendant. It’s another way to create a memorial keepsake that you can cherish always.

Flowers are a lovely way to brighten up a funeral and celebrate the deceased's spirit. And after the funeral, they are a great way to spread a little joy or keep the memory of your loved one close to you.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Funeral Jewelry: What is it?

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 19:09:17 GMT

When you lose a loved one, it’s hard to go back to everyday life. Things don’t feel normal. It can be hard to come to terms with them not being around, not just for the big moments but for the little things. You miss picking up the phone and hearing them at the other end. You miss how their famous dishes smelled or how they used to laugh so hard at their favorite movie. You miss them just being around.

That ache for a loved one’s presence to still be around is a big reason why funeral jewelry is so popular. Funeral jewelry comes in many forms and can be referred to as cremation jewelry, memorial jewelry, or even mourning jewelry. Let’s look at the history of funeral jewelry and how it exists today.

The History of Funeral Jewelry

Throughout history, every culture had a different way of saying goodbye to a loved one. And there’s reason to believe that many cultures also incorporated funeral jewelry into goodbyes. In fact, funeral jewelry may even predate recorded history.

One of the earliest examples of funeral jewelry was actually referred to as mourning jewelry, though there is a more common name: memento mori. The phrase means “remember you will die,” and it was meant to encourage people to think about their own mortality and to remember to pray for themselves and their loved ones.

During the Renaissance, memorial jewelry was more common, which didn’t keep any part of the physical being, but they were inscribed with the name and date of death of the person who had passed. These jewelry pieces were typically rings, and they were given to close family members and friends of the deceased.

Up until the reign of Queen Victoria, funeral jewelry was often very macabre. But the Queen was a great lover of romance and fashion. When any of her loved ones died, especially Prince Albert, she commissioned mourning jewelry filled with jewels. The pieces were grand and elaborate. They often had the name of the loved ones written on them, but some also contained things like locks of hair. As the trend of jewel-encrusted mourning jewelry spread through Queen Victoria’s court, the Queen had essentially started a new era of funeral jewelry.

In America, mourning jewelry was especially prevalent during wartime. Using pieces of hair, either in a locket or braided into earrings or necklaces, was particularly common. In the Victorian era, people believed that hair contained an immortal quality, but another helpful part of using hair was that it was an inexpensive way to have a loved one close to your heart. During the Civil War, men would leave locks of hair behind with their beloveds so that if they died, they could use the hair for mourning jewelry.

Funeral Jewelry of Today

Today, hair is still a common aspect of funeral jewelry, but there are many options to create a keepsake to remember a loved one. Cremation jewelry is one typical example, though it comes in two different forms. Traditionally, cremation jewelry is a piece of jewelry that contains a tiny bit of ashes of a loved one in a closed-off compartment. That compartment can additionally hold a lock of hair or dried funeral flowers. Lockets are a common choice, as they can also have a picture of the loved one.

Another option, though, is to commission cremation ash jewelry. This type of jewelry is actually made from the ashes of a loved one, rather than simply containing the ashes. Choosing this type of memorial item allows the wearer more say in what it looks like, and it could take several days to several weeks to make.

If your loved one is not cremated, memorial jewelry is still an option. This type of funeral jewelry does not contain ashes, but it may have an engraved photo or the thumbprint of your loved one.

It’s not just people who can be remembered with funeral jewelry. Many pet owners choose to carry a piece of a beloved pet with them after they pass, like a piece of jewelry with their pet’s pawprint or containing a lock of their fur.

There’s no right or wrong way to choose your funeral jewelry. What matters is what makes you feel closest to the person (or pet) who has passed. Funeral jewelry can be a small comfort for those missing someone, allowing them to feel like a piece of their loved one is with them always.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Grief … Feeling Relief

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 13:27:29 GMT

Sometimes death comes at the end of a long and arduous struggle with illness, addiction, or mental illness. Often, there is relief. Not always, because with grief none of the many emotions that people feel is something everyone feels, but sometimes mourners feel relief. Relief the pain and struggle have come to an end.

Relief is the grief emotion many feel, but few talk about. Sometimes people are silent because they are self-judging, and the relief generates guilt. Sometimes, they don’t share their feeling of relief because they are unsure how others will react. Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. It is a perfectly normal grief emotion.

Mourners who have also been long term caregivers may have grieved for the one they love over the course of the illness. They may have grieved every loss of function over the days, weeks, or years as they occurred. Caregiving, even when it is done with tender love, is taxing. It is difficult. Feeling relieved does not mean a person does not also feel sad, lost, or scared. It is not surprising that care givers often experience a mixed bag of emotions including relief when the person they cared for dies.

If you are uncomfortable with this feeling it might help to take some time and list the caregiving duties you have been shouldering. Look at your list. Step outside yourself. How would you expect your best friend to feel if they had been doing what you have been doing? Feeling relived of the stress of the illness or care is not the same as feeling relieved of the person. Be clear about your feeling.

If you are not yet keeping a grief journal, give it a try. All it takes is paper and pen, or a keyboard, and the determination to devote a few minutes to your own self-care each day. Your journal does not judge, offer advice, or tell you how you should feel. Your journal just listens. Most people who journal are surprised at how this activity helps them find their way as they journey through their grief.

Not everyone who dies was easy to love. If you are grieving someone who was addicted to drugs or alcohol, suffering from mental illness, or who was abusive, of course you will feel some level of relief. Remember the definition of relief: a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. Feeling relieved is not the same as feeling happy. Allow yourself to feel all the complex emotions that come with death. Try to embrace the feeling of relief along with all of the other emotions you are experiencing.

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What Happens to my Funeral Plan if I Move?

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 22:56:55 GMT

For most folks, as they approach middle age, they experience moments when they question their preparedness for the end of life. Am I saving enough for my retirement? How do I expect my retirement to look and feel? When I die will I be buried or cremated? Will my funeral service be faith based, a celebration of my life or maybe a little of each? These thoughts naturally come about as we reach the age where we experience the death of our parents and sometimes even the death of some of our peers.

Still, many people are reluctant to “take the bull by the horns” and get their “ducks in a row”. They may review the retirement plan with their financial advisor or review their will and trust plan with their attorney, but they stop short of putting together a funeral plan with their funeral director. After all, they reason, the funeral is literally the last thing they will need to do.

Sometimes the procrastination is because they are unsure about where they will be living when they die. What if I plan my funeral with my local funeral home and I move before I die? What happens to my funeral plan in that case? Maybe we’ll move someplace with warmer winters? Perhaps we will live near the coast or a golf course? Maybe we’ll move to be closer to the kids and grandchildren.

There really is no reason to go through life unprepared. Funeral plans, even when they are paid for in advance, will be portable. They move with you. This is how it works.

When you get ready to pack those boxes for the move, call your funeral home and set up a time to meet with the planning director to review your funeral plan. In preparation for that meeting think about your move.

Are you moving to your “forever” location?

Who are you leaving behind … Children? Grandchildren?

How rooted are you in your current location? Did you grow up there? Is this where most of your family lives?

If, after talking with your funeral director you decide that you will want to have your funeral in your new location, he can help you by suggesting funeral homes for you to interview in your new town. When you meet with the new funeral director in your new town you will review your plan and compare costs in your new location with what you have arranged previously. Funerals vary in cost by location. Nothing in New York City is the same price as the same item somewhere else. For example, a Big Mac costs on average ten dollars in New York. The same Big Mac meal in South Carolina will average about six dollars.

You can expect that there may be a difference in the cost for the funeral you plan at your new location as well. It could be that more dollars are needed to have a similar service in your new location, or you may be paying less in your new hometown. Your new funeral provider will help you make the necessary adjustments.

On the other hand, you may decide to keep your funeral exactly where you have originally planned. When you have lived your life in a location, worked, played, and raised your children there you may want your funeral to take place in that town. Before you move your funeral to your new town, consider who will attend your funeral. If your family is rooted in your old town, you may want to keep your plan as it is and come “home” at the end of your life. When you review your funeral plan your director will help you find the solution that is best for you and your family.

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Should You Use the Deceased Person’s Name When Talking to Mourners?

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 18:02:24 GMT

Very often people feel uncomfortable using the name of a person who recently died when they are conversing with family members. No one wants to add to the burden of those who are mourning. On the other hand, those who are grieving know who died. They know the name. Avoiding using the person’s name can feel artificial.

There are some cultures where not using the person’s name is a mark of respect. For example, Australian Aboriginal peoples do not use the name of the deceased but instead refer to the deceased as “kunmanara”, which translates to “what’s his name”. In America we fill in for the person’s name with pronouns - he or she. But one wonders if, to family members, those pronouns feel the same as “what’s his name”?

Many mourners tell us when they don’t hear their loved one’s name, they feel like he or she is erased. They want to hear the name. They want to talk about the person who is gone from their life.

There is, no doubt, a delicate balance to maintain between awkwardly avoiding naming the dead and putting a person who is experiencing raw grief on a path down memory lane they are not yet able to handle. A good rule of thumb might be to use the name in a natural way. In other words, don’t go out of your way to work around using the name of the person who died. Speak naturally.

At the same time do let the person who is mourning take the lead when it comes to the “remember when” conversations. People who are grieving may want to talk about the person who died one day and not the next. Pay attention to cues from the family members.

While there are some things people really don’t want to hear…

· I know how you feel

· He’s in a better place

· At least she lived a long life

· Time will heal

There are some words that are comforting…

· I am sorry for your loss

· You and your family are in my thoughts / prayers

· Use the name and briefly share how you knew him or something you especially liked about her

Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing or not having the perfect words keep you from talking with someone who has recently lost a loved one. Begin by letting go of the notion you can make anything better for the mourner with words. No matter how eloquent you may be, grieving is work. It is the human response to loss. Grief is painful, it is hard, it can’t be fixed with magic words. Let go, relieve yourself of the pressure to say the perfect thing. Let the one who is grieving know they are not alone. You can let them know you care. Your presence, your kindness, helps.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Making the Initial Contact to a Friend Who Has Recently Experienced Loss

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 20:02:24 GMT

Calling or visiting a friend who has recently lost their life partner or anyone close to them can be a challenge. You want to support your friend, but you are just not sure how to begin. Most likely the longer you put off making the call the more difficult getting in touch will become. Now, you are feeling bad that it took you so long to contact your friend, so you’ve added guilt to your mix. Start by taking a deep breath, realize you don’t have to have magic words that will make everything all better. No one has those words. Your caring will be enough.

Sometimes having a well-defined purpose for the call can help you over the hurdle of just getting started. That could be something as simple as offering to share. Making a call to share something you cooked or baked or grew can be the ice breaker you need to get you started. “I just picked up some delicious strawberries, or baked some cookies or made a batch of soup. Could I bring some to you?”

Perhaps your purpose for the call could be an invitation to do something. Maybe an activity that you know your friend enjoyed doing with the person who died. Something that might be difficult for them to do alone. Maybe it is attending a community concert, or play, going to a Friday night art walk. It could be as simple as offering a ride to church and perhaps an offer to get breakfast after the service. People who are accustomed to going out as a part of a pair often find going alone an impossible hurdle.

When determining your reason for calling keep your icebreaker simple. You want to present your bereaved friend with an easy, simple choice. Offering to share cookies you baked presents your friend with a fairly simple choice. Whereas offering to help clear out the deceased’s clothing might be a very difficult decision. Having a purpose for your call should make it easier for you to place the call but not harder for the recipient to receive the call.

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What Happens if I Die Before I Complete the Payments on My Funeral Plan?

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 18:08:06 GMT

If you purchased an insurance funded funeral plan through your funeral home your family is most likely all set. They just call the funeral home, and everything goes according to the plan you put in place. As long as they follow that plan the cost is covered.

At the time you met with the funeral professional you would have determined the type of service that met your requirements and that you thought would be consistent with your family’s expectations. Those plans led you to an accurate cost estimate for your funeral. You would have been offered the opportunity to pay for that funeral in one single payment or to make payments over the course of years. You would have been asked to answer a few simple questions about your current health and offered coverage for your funeral cost once the policy was reviewed and issued.

If you were in good health, you would have been eligible for full coverage from the date of issue. Full coverage means the entire cost of your funeral would be paid by the insurance company. So, if you die before all of your payments have been made the full cost of your funeral may be paid on your behalf. Your family owes nothing. They are all set. That bears repeating. If your health is reasonably good today, you can be covered for the total cost of your funeral even if you have not completed the payment plan you selected when you die. And unlike other insurance like long term care or traditional life insurance, you only pay for the number of years you selected. You do not have to pay for the remainder of your life to be covered.

If you were not in good health your path to full coverage may have taken a little time. If you die before you reach your full coverage date your family will receive the dollars you paid in plus growth accrued (similar to interest) toward your preplanned funeral amount. In this case the family would be required to make up the difference in cost between the death benefit the insurance company would pay and the cost of the funeral.

Funeral payment plans offered by funeral homes are designed to meet the needs of a whole host of families. Some prefer to pay for the entire funeral in one payment when the funeral is planned. Others prefer to pay over a longer period of time. This choice is made for a variety of personal reasons.

Today, most funeral homes have a planning professional on staff who will meet with you and explain the options that are available to you. There is no cost for this meeting. It is a perfect opportunity to get all of your questions answered. The time to call and schedule a time to meet is now. If you are thinking that you should be getting your ducks in a row, you’re right. Sooner really is better.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Can I Expect When the Casket is Open at a Funeral?

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 15:17:01 GMT

Many families choose to have the body of the deceased present in an open casket during a visitation or funeral service. For them viewing the deceased might be a part of their religious belief or a part of their family’s tradition. These families embrace the opportunity to see the deceased family member one final time. They appreciate the opportunity to quietly whisper a few parting words or leave a memento in the casket. For some seeing the deceased at peace after a difficult illness and death is a comfort. For others seeing helps them accept the reality of the death.

If you attend a funeral or visitation with an open casket you can choose to approach the casket, or if you are not comfortable doing so, you can take a seat in another part of the room. Most often the casket containing the person who died is in the front of the reception room or in a quiet alcove. Guests are not required to approach the casket.

If you do choose to approach the casket, you can expect that the deceased will be dressed in street clothes. The hair will have been styled and make-up will have been applied. Still, you should anticipate that the body will look different than it did in life. Often people want to reach out and touch their loved one. If you do so you should expect that the body will feel cool and firm.

People who choose to come up to the casket will usually quietly say a brief prayer or a personal message. For some this last farewell is a very emotional experience. If you think that you will be emotional you might ask a close friend or relative to accompany, you as you approach the casket. If you are a guest, you should understand the emotions of other attendees and expect tears. Funerals are, as they should be, a safe place for mourners to cry.

As a guest at a funeral or visitation you always want to be mindful and respectful of the surviving family. Your presence can be a huge comfort. It shows you care. You either care about one or more of the survivors or you cared about the deceased. This is a time to share how you knew the person who died. “Your mother was a wonderful teacher, and she made a big difference in my life,” or “I worked with your dad. He was such a nice man. On my first day at work, he made me feel right at home.” Do share your stories, offer your condolences, and use the deceased’s name. Don’t monopolize a family member, make it about you, or be loud, rude, or judgmental of the deceased or other mourners.

If you are part of a family group charged with the responsibility of arranging a funeral, you may find that making the group decision about whether or not to have the casket open for viewing or closed with a picture of the deceased displayed is difficult. From time to time it happens that one or more members of the family would like to have the deceased present in an open casket at the funeral or visitation or both and other family members feel just as strongly that they prefer a closed casket. Fortunately, your funeral director can and will help your family find a solution that respects both points of view and meets everyone’s mourning needs. The owners and staff of your local family funeral home are funeral experts. They will always do their best to accommodate the needs of the immediate family members - even when they are different. Always be open and honest with your director. Let him or her help you.

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The Pace of Grief

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 15:02:22 GMT

People work their way through their grief at their own speed. Even in the same family, brothers and sisters, parents and children, do not all process their grief at the same pace. Sometimes when a family member seems to be moving at light speed it can be hard for other family members to understand. Moving quickly doesn’t mean they are trying to forget the one who died it just means they, for some reason of their own, need to do, to stay busy. The busyness of doing is this person’s style. It’s how they are coping with the loss.

At the other end of the pace spectrum another family member may seem almost inert. They need to touch and feel and remember. This is their way. Neither is right or wrong but because they are so different, and everyone’s emotions are so raw, the disparity in the pace of grief can strain family relationships.

One of the places where this difference can present itself is in dealing with things. The possessions of the deceased. The slower pace person may find parting with things very troubling. For them these dishes, trophies, books, and clothing are a part of the person they lost. They find comfort in holding, touching, and seeing the belongings of the deceased. For them getting rid of or letting go of these things is just one more loss. They want to sleep in their beloved one’s pajamas and keep as much as possible. Sometimes they need to keep things even when keeping becomes impractical and costly. The speedy one may seem insensitive to this family member. Everyone needs to remember fast is not without feeling. Quick is not easy. It’s just a different way. A different pace of grieving.

So, what motivates the speedy one’s march of activity? Take a moment to think about it. Perhaps this quicker family member has always been a doer? Maybe setting goals, ticking off the to do list is holding them together in their own way. Putting the affairs in order is something they can do when they can’t do what they want to do which is to bring the person they loved back. Slow or quick these are personal styles of coping with loss. Grief is there because there was love. It’s hard no matter the speed.

When you are working with a family member who is frustrating you with their pace, start by taking a deep breath. Take a walk literally or figuratively. Try to get in touch with your own why. Why are you doing what you are doing? What do you really need? See if you can get into the other person’s shoes. Why might they be moving so fast or slow? Then make a pot of tea or coffee and ask for a meeting.

Tell your family member how you want the future to look between the two of you. Let them know how important the relationship you have is to you. Ask, “Can we get through this together?” Work out a timeline. What needs to be done when? Who can do what activity? Are there pressing matters like an estate to settle that will impact the timeline? Use questions to convey what you need. “What if I empty dad’s closet and take those things to go through over the next few months. Then you can have the closet empty, so you don’t have to see his things every day?” Choose your words wisely. Agree to table hot issues and allow time to cool down. Respect the other’s feelings. Be kind. Protect the relationship. Consider bringing in a third party to help you sort out the difficult issues. That could be a grief specialist, your estate attorney, your pastor or a more neutral family member. Before a family relationship becomes spoiled ask for help.

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Must I Wear Black to a Visitation or Funeral?

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 05:23:24 GMT

What to wear to a funeral has changed and continues to change with time. We are more relaxed, less formal in 2021 than we were even ten years ago. Still some basic principles endure. A funeral is a somber respectful occasion.

1. Unless religion or local tradition dictate, black is no longer required. However subdued colors are always appropriate.

2. That said, in some instances the family may request that guests wear bright colors or even fan attire to reflect the interests of the deceased. Of course, if this happens you will want to honor the wishes of the family.

3. If you are struggling to decide what to wear think about what you would wear to an interview for a job that you really want to land.

4. For ladies a dress, a skirt, or dress slacks will be lovely

5. For gentlemen slacks and a shirt with a collar will do nicely. This is a good time to skip the ball cap.

6. Clean and neat goes without saying.

7. Finally, it’s not about you. It is not your moment to shine. Attendees come to offer comfort or show respect for human life. Think about the principal mourners when choosing your attire. If your grandfather died what you wear should not cause your grandmother to gasp.

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Funeral Remembrance Jewelry … The old is new again

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 21:32:35 GMT

If you are a student of history or come from a family of “keepers” you are most likely aware of the concept of remembrance jewelry. Perhaps your grandmother kept a locket with a bit of hair from a child she lost in infancy. Or in your studies of American history you have read that this one or that one left provision in his will for a number of rings to be made and distributed in his memory. Jewelry made from bone or teeth dating back to the ancient Romans has been found by archeologists. In short, as long as people have been loving one another there has been a desire to maintain a connection with someone we love when they die. Those in mourning want something to take with them as they move forward with life.

As a society, at least for now, we are less inclined to bury our loved one in a family plot in our hometown cemetery. Instead, we cremate and scatter the cremated remains. We don’t seem to want to be tethered to polishing the family silver or storing or using the fine china. Consignment shops are full of these once fought over family treasures. Perhaps because we are eschewing these practices of our recent history, we are looking back to times long gone and resurrecting older remembrance practices.

Funeral directors tell us remembrance jewelry and decorative objects are being sought in ever increasing numbers. Fashions change, modern farmhouse is in, cape cod cottages are out, fire pits are in, wood burning fireplaces are out. Things change, but love doesn’t change. Grief is always with us when we lose someone we loved. We always want a connection.

Never before has there been such an abundance of creative and beautiful opportunities to remember. Cremated remains can be incorporated into stunning glass objects or jewelry. Gems, with the exact same chemistry as those made in nature, can be made from cremains. Wood, metal, gold and silver can be used for any number of remembrance items suitable for men, women, and those precious grandchildren.

If you are making funeral arrangements for a family member, ask your funeral director to help you find something that will help you remember. Even if you are a family member who is not a decision maker in funeral arrangements, don’t let that stop you. Contact your funeral director and ask for help. If you are a friend and you want that connection, call the funeral director who took care of the services and ask for help. If you are making your own funeral arrangements in advance talk to the funeral professional helping you with those arrangements and ask how you can provide for remembrance jewelry in your advance funeral plan.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do When You are Attending a Service Outside of Your Faith

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 21:30:14 GMT

Faith and funerals go together like hand and glove. You can have a hand without a glove and a glove without a hand, but they are frequently together, and when they are, they usually appear as one. First thing to do, when someone you worked with, or played with, or that you cared about has died is to let go of any notion that you will not attend their funeral service because of a difference in faith.

We live in a world of different religious beliefs. In the course of our life, we connect with and care about people who practice a religion that is different from our own. This does not remove our human connection. Look to your own faith and you will likely see a teaching about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. Push past your discomfort or fear and do what your heart and your faith tell you is right. Act out of kindness and love.

A good place to begin is to find out what will happen, what you can expect at the service. Google it or call the place of worship where the service will be held and ask. Knowing what to expect will go a long way to calm your discomfort. Understand which, if any, parts of the service you will not be expected to take part in. Also determine if there are any aspects of the service that you prefer not to participate in. You will not be expected to do anything that goes against your own faith.

In some churches the funeral service is just like any other weekly service in that particular faith. The deceased may or may not be eulogized. In some faiths only those who practice that faith will be expected or even allowed to participate in communion or some other aspect of the service. Some will stand, some will kneel, others will sit. Generally, what you do as a person of a different faith is observe respectfully.

You may also find there is more than one opportunity to offer your condolences to the family. If calling hours before or after the religious service are offered, you may find it more comfortable to attend calling hours and skip the religious service.

Finally, go with an open mind and heart. This is an opportunity to learn. You will no doubt learn what your friend believed. It may be more like what you believe than you expected, or it may be very different. In any case, regardless of faith, love is universal. When people experience a death, they like to hear about their loved one. They like to know that you too will miss his or her presence and that you enjoyed time with them, and they were loved and respected by a large circle of friends and colleagues.

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Emotions of Grief… Feeling Lonely

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 21:27:43 GMT

The loneliness that accompanies the death of someone we care about is complex and individual. For those who for many years woke every morning alongside a husband or wife, it is strange to open your eyes and realize you are alone. In the early days of grief, the void that is left when a life partner dies, can feel like a black hole with no way out.

A grieving person can even feel lonely in a crowd. The loneliness that comes with grief is not just because you are without company; it is because you are not with the person you want to be with. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings of grief because it is not a choice. It is not the same as deciding to be alone to have quiet time. Unlike solitude, which can be restful or even reenergizing, loneliness zaps a person’s energy and feels heavy.

It is important to remember that grieving is work. It is a verb. Griefwork is something we do. Its goal is not to forget the person we loved; it is to weave the loss into a healthy life moving forward. The antidote for loneliness is to engage with people. It may be difficult at first, but over time with consistent effort, the heaviness will lift, and you will emerge.

Return to activities that you enjoyed in the past. Reconnect with friends, work, church. Stick with it. It may be difficult to concentrate at first or hard to engage in what might feel frivolous now. But give it a little time and give yourself a little time. Your enthusiasm for an activity you liked in the past is likely to come back with a little time.

Volunteer. Doing something that helps others is a wonderful way to step out of your own concerns.

Speak to the people who serve you. Say a few words to the checkout person at the grocery. Thank the waitress. As you drive through the bank or to get your coffee just say good morning or thank you. Every little connection helps.

Keep a journal. Express your feelings. It will help.

Check your calendar. Be sure you have something scheduled at least once a week that will require you to engage with others. As the song lyrics go, “People who need people are the luckiest people”.

Listen to music. If the silence is deafening, get some background music going.

Eat your elephant one bite at a time. Give yourself a task or three to complete each day. Make a list or write in your journal and tick your tasks off as you complete them. That little check mark can be very satisfying and giving yourself a few small things to get done each day can keep you from being overwhelmed.

Ask. Ask a friend out for lunch or to a movie or for a walk. Ask for help with some of your tasks.

Consider grief counseling. Too often we think we only get counseling help when we are at the end of our tether. We wait until we are suffering greatly. Why not acknowledge early on that grieving is going to be difficult and get help sooner rather than later? There really is no need to wait until one hits the bottom of a well to reach for a helping hand. Find someone who specializes in grief counseling. If you don’t know where to find such a person check with your funeral director, he or she will likely be familiar with services available in your area.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What’s Included in a Funeral Plan?

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 21:23:10 GMT

What you include in your funeral plan is entirely up to you. Some people will include every detail. Some, who put together a plan at their local funeral home, have not yet decided if they wish to be buried or cremated - much less know what songs they would like to have performed at their service. As one considers planning, it is good to know that you don’t have to have everything decided. If you are not yet sure about some of the choices or you change your mind down the road, you can always adjust your plan.

A good place to begin is to think about those closest to you. What do you want for them? What will bring them comfort? What memories will warm their heart? Are there religious or spiritual rituals that will console them? When you imagine your family without you, what guidance will they need? How can you help them? This is really why we plan a funeral in advance. You may include in your advance funeral plan as much or as little detail as you wish. For most people, an advance funeral plan will include choice of final disposition, plans for the service, selection of the funeral products that will support disposition and service, and funding of the plan.

Final Disposition

The first question that usually comes to mind when we learn that someone has died is did the deceased want to be buried or cremated? Final disposition of the body, the actual end of it all, is usually top of mind. So, if you know what you want, the first phase of your funeral plan simply states if you wish to be buried and, if so, where. Or, alternatively, if you wish to be cremated and if you wish your cremated remains or ashes to be buried, retained, or scattered. If you have ever been the one making arrangements when there is no plan in place, you know what a gift for your family this clear instruction will be.

Service: Religious, Spiritual, Life Celebration

Next you will work with your advance planning professional to define the tone and direction of your funeral service. For those with a strong faith base, leaving instruction to contact your church may be all that is needed. Depending on how your church addresses reflections on the individual’s life, some may want to arrange for activities that will center around your life, your family, your work, your interests, and your talents - all that made you, you. The focus of your funeral service can be balanced equally between the religious/spiritual and life celebration, or it can be all of one and none of the other or anything in between. It’s about you, and for your family. Your funeral planning professional will help you make choices or help you leave direction for your family to make the choices. Some people go into great detail. Others prefer to leave general directions and have their family complete the details. There is no right or wrong. Planning ahead lets you decide what will be best for your family.

Choosing Funeral Products

Based on the disposition you choose, there will be certain products that will be needed to support your choice. Cemeteries usually require that bodies be casketed and enclosed in a vault or outer burial container for burial. Those who wish to retain cremated remains may want containers, jewelry, or other keepsake items to hold the cremated remains. Scattering can be facilitated with specially designed urns for the purpose. These items can all be included in your funeral plan.

Funding

Funeral plans can be pre-funded or retained as “wishes on file.” Most people opt to fund their plan. There are many sound financial reasons for choosing this option. The funeral professional you work with at your funeral home will be able to answer your questions about funding and explain how the different options work. In most cases, you will be able to choose between paying in one single payment or in more affordable increments over time. For those who are not able to, or who choose not to fund their plan, the funeral home will keep your expressed wishes on file.

A completed funeral plan is a thoughtful gift for those you leave behind. It leaves no doubt for mourners concerning what to do. There is no need to build consensus among family members about what should be done because instructions have been provided. A funded funeral plan relieves the financial responsibility for family members. There is no need to cover cost while the estate is settled. Their big question, what would you want them to do, has been answered.

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Does Everyone Have An Autopsy?

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 21:18:04 GMT

When a loved one dies unexpectedly, many things race through the minds of the people who loved them. In addition to thinking about funeral plans, there may be concerns about whether or not the death was accidental. Or questions may arise around whether other people are at risk of dying in the same way. When these kinds of concerns come up, your loved one may have to undergo an autopsy. Not everyone will have to have an autopsy when they die, but it may be legally required for your loved one. So, when do autopsies have to happen?

When is an autopsy required?

Although not everyone will have an autopsy, one may be required based on the state you’re located in. Because an autopsy is used to help determine how someone died, nearly every state requires an autopsy if the decedent died in a suspicious or unnatural way. An autopsy can also be used to help study a public health concern, so many states require one when someone is suspected of having died from something that may affect others, like an outbreak of a dangerous disease or tainted food.

An autopsy may also be required when no doctor can officially state what the cause of death was. If no doctor was present at the time of death or knew the decedent’s health well enough prior to their death, a doctor may request an autopsy. In some cases, a condition may only be able to be diagnosed after someone has passed, which is another reason why a doctor may say that an autopsy is necessary.

Can you say no to an autopsy?

Whether or not an autopsy is optional depends on your state’s laws. Your state may require that you have to have an autopsy if a crime is suspected or if other people are in danger of dying the same way, such as by a fast-spreading disease. However, if a doctor requests an autopsy without there being any circumstance required by law to have one, you can deny the doctor’s appeal.

Certain religions, including Islam and Judaism, consider autopsies to be against their faith as they believe that a body is sacred and cannot be desecrated. However, these beliefs can sometimes put religious practitioners at odds with laws regarding requiring autopsies. In some places, those who do not want autopsies due to religious beliefs can request that their loved one has a non-invasive autopsy, like CT scans or blood cultures, to determine the cause of death instead. However, it’s not always possible to use those methods to find the cause of death and a more thorough autopsy may still be required.

How can you request an autopsy?

If you are your loved one’s next-of-kin, you can ask a coroner for an autopsy if you believe that your loved one died unnaturally. However, a coroner may say that there is no evidence of a suspicious death and deny your request. Unless otherwise required by state law, a coroner does not have to perform an autopsy.

If you still believe that the cause of death is worth investigating, you have other options aside from the coroner. If your loved one died in a hospital, you could ask the hospital if they perform autopsies. Unfortunately, most hospitals today no longer perform those procedures. You could find someone to perform a private autopsy, but it’s important to note that insurance does not cover them, and they can cost thousands of dollars. Additionally, there’s little regulation when it comes to private autopsies . Unfortunately, there are some companies out there who take advantage of that little regulation and grieving families who are searching for answers. Be sure that you are only working with a licensed forensic pathologist.

Does an autopsy affect a funeral?

There’s a commonly held myth that autopsies delay funerals and prevent open-casket funerals. To determine the cause of death, autopsies should happen very soon after someone passes. Additionally, they typically only take one to two hours to perform. A standard autopsy will generally not delay a funeral. When your loved one is returned to you to prepare their funeral, you’ll also find that they can still have an open-casket funeral. A professional funeral director or mortician can easily hide the incisions made during the procedure.

When a loved one dies, an autopsy may have to happen, although certain laws may allow you to decline one depending on your religious beliefs. But if you’re worried that an autopsy will affect your funeral plans, talk to your funeral home about your concerns. With their trained staff, you'll find that your loved one’s funeral will still be timely and can be open casket if that’s what you and your loved one wanted.

www.smithfamilycares.com

A Friend Lost a Loved One – When Can I Call?

Sat, 25 Nov 2023 15:26:24 GMT

When a friend loses a loved one, you want to show them that you care. You want to offer support and make them feel less alone. But what’s the best way to do that? It starts with making a call.

When should I call a friend who lost a loved one?

Ideally, you should call your friend as soon as you hear the news. Although you may worry about being a bother, grief can be a very isolating time. And it may help them just to listen to the voice of a beloved friend on the other end of the phone. Calling your friend shows that you want to support them and that they don’t have to be alone in their grief.

Your friend might not answer, especially if the death was very recent or they’re very busy with funeral planning. If that happens, be sure to leave a message. If your friend just sees that you called, they might feel obligated to call back. Leaving a message gives you the opportunity to say, “Hey, I’m here for you however and whenever you need me. There’s no pressure to call back, but just know I’m here.” Your friend will appreciate the gesture and being given the freedom to grieve in the way that feels best for them.

What should I say?

What should you talk about if your friend does answer or calls you back later? What’s okay to say? In addition to worrying about being a bother, we sometimes don’t reach out because we’re scared of what to say. Discussing death can be tricky and unpleasant. But death is a natural part of life. As uncomfortable as it may be to talk about, sometimes those conversations have to happen, especially when our friends are grieving and need our support.

There’s no right thing to say to a grieving friend because there’s nothing that fixes what happened. You can’t talk away their grief, though your love for them may make you want to. But the best thing to do isn’t to speak. It’s to listen.

When you call your friend, keep the focus on them. How are they doing? What do they want to talk about? Sometimes people who are grieving want to talk about their loved one. Again, talking about someone who just passed may feel uncomfortable, but if that’s what your friend needs, you should talk about them. Others feel better taking their mind off the situation and might just want to spend a few moments talking about their favorite baseball team. Listen to their needs and respond in kind.

It’s not only okay to ask questions, but it’s also a good idea. Often in times of grief, we neglect our self-care or fall behind on other important tasks, making that time feel even more overwhelming. Asking questions helps you find out what your friend needs. Are they not eating? Are they sleeping? How are their kids doing? From there, you can ask for ways to help by taking care of the things that they’re struggling to do right now. Perhaps you could offer childcare after school or coordinate driving their kids to and from school and extracurriculars. Or you could cook some easy meals for your friend to warm up for dinner for their family.

What should I not say?

Although there is no particular right thing to say, there are some things that you should be mindful of. Sometimes, when a loved one dies, we want to tell our friends that things will get better. But although the sentiment is kind, it’s not a great way of helping them through grief. It can minimize their pain and make them think missing their loved one is something to “get over.” Yes, that pain may heal over time, but we’ll always miss the people we love. And that’s okay. So focus on just letting them miss their loved one.

If you lost someone very important to you, you might feel like you can commiserate with your friend. But try not to do that unless it’s openly asked for. If your friend asks how you felt when you lost someone close to you, like a parent or a spouse, then you should talk about your experience, but don’t bring this up without being prompted. Keep in mind that all relationships are different. If you lost a parent, you probably shouldn’t speak as if you understand your friend’s loved one’s death if that loved one wasn’t a parent at all. Although you may feel like you comprehend your friend’s loss, we all react differently to death, and every death has a unique impact on us.

Avoid empty platitudes. Resorting to platitudes prevents you from actually listening and responding to what your friend really needs. We often say platitudes when we’re just not sure what else to say, but if you’re listening to what your friend needs, you’ll know how to respond.

You know your friend, so you most likely have a better idea of what to say than you think. If your friend is religious, they may be comforted by hearing a comment with a religious undertone, such as, “They’re in a better place.” People who are religious can often find comfort in their faith during times of grief, and sharing that faith with others can provide further relief. But only steer the conversation in such a direction if you know that your friend is religious. Otherwise, these kinds of comments may not be appropriate.

It’s important not to rely on one phone call. Your friend needs your support, which takes more action and more time. Make sure you make check-in calls a regular part of your routine, particularly so that you can learn when new needs arise, such as if your friend suddenly needs some added help with running errands (or even just an errand-running buddy so they don’t have to be alone). The more you reach out to your friend, the more likely they’ll feel comfortable reaching back out to you.

When you call a friend after their loved one dies, the best thing that you can do is listen. Your goal isn’t to “fix” their grief. Their pain will not go away because you said the right combination of words. But what you can do is offer them support, both emotionally and physically, making them feel less alone during a very lonely time.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What Will Happen to My Funeral Plan if There is No Body to Bury or Cremate?

Sat, 18 Nov 2023 19:52:31 GMT

While possible, it is truly rare for a death to occur and for there to be no body to care for. Still, this is a frequently asked question. Final disposition of the body, usually burial or cremation, is a part of what we humans do when a life ends. But it is not all we do. It is also not all we can do.

When there is no body - be it consumed by fire, lost at sea, or in some remote inaccessible location - it is devastating for the surviving family. This makes the rest of the closing of life ceremony that much more important.

Even if there is no body, there was a life. There will be a service, a eulogy, people will share memories. They will cry and hug and offer condolences. For the faithful, there will be a church-based farewell. Even without a body, most families will want a memorial service. People will gather. The only aspects missing will be those directly related to care and disposition of the body.

Often this “what if” question is asked of the funeral director when people are making their funeral arrangements in advance. For some, planning their own funeral is an emotional undertaking. Some people are ill at ease and looking for a reason to avoid the task at hand. The idea of the question is to derail the mission. Most often this occurs when a husband and wife are making their plans together and one or the other would prefer to end the meeting. The idea they seek to promote is that advanced planning is a waste of time, and if they pay in advance and die in a manner that leaves no body to care for, the plan will be a waste of money.

So, the first thing to understand is how planning and paying in advance works. If you pay for something like a casket and then circumstances prohibit using a casket at the time of death, the money set aside for that item would be returned to the surviving family members. In short, anytime an advanced funeral plan is funded, the final reckoning occurs at the time of death. In the end, only those services provided are paid for, and any excess funds are returned to the family.

If you have this question or any other question, don’t hold back. Ask the advance funeral planning professional. Getting your questions answered and having your mind put at ease is exactly what the funeral director hopes to accomplish at your planning meeting.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Veterans: Is My Funeral Paid For?

Sat, 11 Nov 2023 14:29:11 GMT

When it comes to a veteran’s funeral, it’s important for their families to understand what the military will pay for. There’s no way to repay the debt that a veteran has paid to our country, but there are some elements that the military covers for a veteran’s funeral and final disposition. So, what help can you as a veteran expect to receive for your funeral? As long as you meet specific criteria, your family can expect some help when the day of your funeral arrives.

Do veterans have to pay for their funerals?

In general, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) may help you with your burial, and there are a few benefits for veterans to help with the funeral costs. The benefits that you can get are only eligible if you received at least an “ other-than-dishonorable ” discharge. Veterans will need to acquire their DD214 and other military service records to show their status and receive burial benefits . Veterans can be buried for free in national VA cemeteries. To be buried there, you must submit a pre-need determination of eligibility application . But there isn’t a guarantee that you’ll be accepted, as space is limited, and the VA receives a large number of applications. Many states have their own veteran cemeteries, but the requirements are often the same as a federal VA cemetery.

Your family may still be entitled to benefits if you decide to be buried in a civilian cemetery. They could apply to receive a burial allowance if you met certain criteria. You must meet one of the following conditions:

● Died because of a service-related disability

● Was receiving a VA pension or other compensation

● Was entitled to a VA pension or compensation but decided to receive full military retirement or disability pay

● Died in a VA facility or a non-VA facility under a VA contract

● Died while traveling at VA expense to or from a specified place for care

● Had an original or reopened claim for VA compensation or pension pending at the time of death and would have been entitled to benefits prior to the date of death

The amount you’ll receive changes yearly, but it typically doesn’t cover the total cost of a burial. The VA will pay more if the death is service-oriented. However, there are three cases in which a family will not be entitled to a burial allowance : if the decedent was on active duty, serving as a member of Congress, or serving a federal prison sentence. In addition to the burial allowance, the Social Security Administration will also pay a small death benefit to your family.

One thing that is always free for veterans is having military funeral honors. By law, every eligible veteran can receive a military funeral honors ceremony . This ceremony consists of uniformed military persons, with at least one being from the veteran’s parent service of the armed forces. It includes the folding and presenting of the United States burial flag and the playing of “Taps.” However, your family must request the flag and the ceremony in advance. To receive a burial flag, you must fill out an “ Application for United States Flag for Burial Purposes .”

The ceremony, which the Department of Defense organizes through a program called “Honoring Those Who Served,” can be arranged with the help of a funeral director if you’re being buried in a civilian cemetery. If you’re being buried in a VA cemetery, the Department of Veterans Affairs Cemetery Administration cemetery staff will be able to help, but a funeral home can also assist in this case.

Neither the VA nor individual branches of the military will pay for the cost of a casket unless the soldier dies while on active duty. However, the VA will provide an upright headstone or flat marker for any eligible veteran. These can be given regardless of whether the veteran is buried in a civilian or a VA cemetery.

Veterans who were honorably discharged can also opt for a burial at sea, which is free of charge. However, your family will not be allowed to attend this service. The Navy will choose the date and time of the ceremony. Both cremated and non-cremated remains are allowed to be buried at sea. If non-cremated remains are buried at sea, a casket must be prepared by the Navy’s guidelines, and a funeral director must transport you to the burial at your family’s expense.

As you plan your funeral and final disposition, talk to your funeral home about their offerings for veterans. Your funeral director can also help you or your loved ones fill out any necessary paperwork to request a burial allowance, burial flag, or military funeral honors ceremony.

Although veterans’ funerals are not fully paid for, there are some aspects of the burial and funeral that the VA will contribute to. If you’re unsure of what’s being covered, talk to your funeral director, and they’ll walk you through your options and how to request assistance.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How to Have the Talk (About Death) with a Loved One

Sat, 04 Nov 2023 12:42:08 GMT

Who Should I Talk to About Life and Death?

When and Where Should I Have the Talk?

How Should I Start the Talk?

What Should I Ask?

A few questions that can get you started include:

● Who is your greatest inspiration?

● What were holidays like when you were a child?

● What advice did your favorite teacher give you?

● If you could spend your day doing anything, what would you do?

● Who took care of you most when you were a child?

● What is your proudest moment?

● What was your first job like?

● Where would you consider to be your happy place?

● What’s something that has always made you smile?

● What’s something that you’ve had since you were a child that you still have today?

www.smithfamilycares.com

Making Decisions When Families Don’t Get Along

Sat, 28 Oct 2023 14:14:36 GMT

When you plan a funeral, it’s easy for the details to get overwhelming. But the planning process becomes much more difficult when families don’t get along. If your family is prone to fights or rifts are abound between relatives, here are a few tips to make the funeral planning process go more smoothly.

Funeral Planning Tips for When Families Don’t Get Along

1. Consider pre-planning to spare your family the squabble.

If you know that your family is prone to disagreements, one of the best gifts that you can give them is to pre-plan your funeral. When you work with a funeral home to plan your own funeral, you’re giving your family the blueprints for what you want. You’ll have all the big questions answered, such as whether you wish to be cremated or buried, if the ceremony should be religious or secular, and where the funeral will be held. All of these questions can be triggers for a family fight, but if they have your wishes written out for them, there will be less to fight over. By pre-planning, you’re helping your funeral go more smoothly, without bad feelings between loved ones making a difficult day much harder.

To make planning even easier for your family, you can also choose to pay in advance. Otherwise, your family may end up squabbling over how to pay for services. Talk to your funeral director about payment options. They will help you to identify a payment plan that works best for your family.

2. Be prepared to compromise.

If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral and you’re planning it with family members who don’t get along, now is the time to extend an olive branch. When families are prone to fighting, the death of a loved one can make communicating even more difficult. Everyone is grieving, and everyone grieves differently. Recognize that you can only control your own reactions. So if a fight feels like it’s coming on, give yourself space from what’s instigating it and allow yourself time to calm down before reacting. Although you may have a picture of what you want your loved one’s funeral to be like, your family members do too. Compromises will likely have to be made. And the more you’re prepared to make those compromises, the more likely funeral planning will go smoothly.

3. Keep everyone on topic.

When a family that doesn’t get along gets together, things can devolve quickly. Old fights get rehashed, and old wounds get broken open again. To avoid the potential for things to get off-topic, structure your family meetings. When you schedule the family conference, communicate to them what will be discussed. Make sure that agenda is adhered to in the meeting. If things start moving in a different direction, steer the conversation back to the itinerary.

4. Keep everyone involved who wants to be involved.

You may feel like one particular person stirs up trouble, and you may be inclined to simply try to keep them out of the planning process to make things easier. But that person lost a loved one too, and it’s not fair that they are cut out from making plans to celebrate the one they loved. When you make plans to meet as a family to make decisions about the funeral, pick a time and place where everyone can attend.

5. Delegate and let others make decisions about their delegated topic.

If you’re taking the reins with funeral planning, be sure to recognize when others want to be a part of the process. If someone feels passionately about putting together a funeral slideshow, let them do it. You can offer to help, but let your family members take some ownership of the things that matter to them. Doing so will encourage compromise in others. If the person who wants a funeral slideshow busies themselves with making one, they may be less inclined to fight about other aspects of the funeral that matter less to them.

6. Ask a funeral director or family mediator to help.

Having a funeral director on hand to explain your options to your whole family can help get everyone on the same page. A funeral director can answer questions as they arise, preventing a family squabble if some people are confused about what certain options mean. When you’re holding a family meeting, ask your funeral director to attend to help keep the conversation on topic and address questions that can snowball into fights. However, if your family divide is so deep that you fear things getting out of hand quickly, consider consulting a family mediator as well.

When someone does not prepay or preplan, the responsibility falls to the next of kin. If you’re the next of kin, it’s important to let the other people involved in the funeral planning process know who will be making the final decisions. When families don’t get along, it’s unfortunately sometimes the case that some family members will be upset that their wishes aren’t followed. But a funeral home is legally obligated to follow the directions of the next of kin. Only one person can hold the decision-making power of the next of kin, and when other family members’ opinions conflict with theirs, the next of kin’s decisions must always take precedence. The funeral home is unable to transfer this power to anyone else and cannot diverge from the wishes of the next of kin. Although preplanning and prepaying is one way to prevent these disagreements from happening, if your loved one did not preplan, you should be sure that you are clear about who the next of kin is and what that means before you begin the planning process.

When your loved one doesn’t pre-plan, a family fight can be on the horizon, especially if family members have already experienced a falling-out. Keeping everyone in the loop, involved, and up-to-date on their options can help make the experience a little less painful. Just remember that everyone is grieving in their own way, so be patient with each other. And be sure to take breaks to keep yourself calm if things start getting more difficult.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Communication Tips When a Loved One Passes

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 02:35:48 GMT

Telling someone that a loved one died is never easy. It’s a moment that they will remember for a long time, so it’s essential to be gentle, plain, and careful. If you’re left with the task of breaking this difficult news to family and friends, here are a few things to keep in mind.

5 Communication Tips to Use After a Loved One Has Died

1. Don’t text or email immediate family or close friends.

Although it can be incredibly hard to tell family over and over again that someone you all loved has passed on, resist the urge to tell them through text or email. When someone dies, the first people who should be alerted should be immediate family and close friends. And each of these people deserves to hear the news through a more personal medium like a phone call.

Getting a text with news that a loved one has died can mean that they’re not prepared for the news. They may look at their phone during a time when they’re occupied with other things, suddenly throwing them into turmoil while they can’t do anything about it. Sending a text or email can be acceptable for follow-up information, such as where the funeral will be held, but the first time they hear the news should be from your voice. Make a list of the people who should get a phone call and check them off as you go so no one is accidentally missed. You may think you know who to call, but someone may slip your mind while you’re in mourning yourself.

2. Before giving the news, alert who you’re calling that they’re going to hear something upsetting.

When you call someone out of the blue with the information that a loved one has passed on, the person you’re calling may be simply going about their day. They’re likely not prepared to hear something so upsetting. Before you tell them the news, ask them where they are and tell them to try to find a private space. That way, they can react openly without feeling uncomfortable about grieving publicly or feeling like they have to hide how they feel to keep up appearances. If they ask why they have to find a private place, warn them that you have some difficult news. But they may be able to tell just by your voice that they will hear something upsetting.

3. Tell them in plain, simple language what happened.

Talking about death can feel uncomfortable. And, by our nature, we don’t want to upset people. So you may feel inclined to talk around the subject rather than facing what happened head-on. Resist the urge to start talking about something else entirely. If you start talking about more pleasant topics, the person you’re calling may begin to think that there’s no sad news after all, making them feel all the more blindsided when you do deliver the information.

After they’re in a safe, private space, tell them plainly that their loved one died. To soften the announcement, you may feel inclined to use more gentle language, such as “They didn’t make it” or “They passed on.” But that can cause some confusion. The person on the other end will likely ask for clarification as they try to process the news, so it’s best to be upfront and direct.

Don’t overwhelm them with further explanations. While we try to come to terms with the information, we’re not able to take in much else. When some people hear the news that a loved one died, they may not be able to hear anything else at all. So wait for their response after you tell them the bad news. If they ask what happened, explain in as simple of terms as you can.

4. For extended family and acquaintances, social media is okay to use.

Your loved one likely had a lot of people in their life beyond their immediate family and friends, like colleagues and distant relatives. But for people they weren’t very close with who may still want to attend the funeral, social media can be the best way to let them know what happened. Consider sharing the obituary you’ll post on the funeral home website. You may want to write more, but an obituary is enough if you’re struggling to find the right words to say. What matters most is that people have the time and location of the funeral service. You can also ask other close family and friends to share the obituary, especially if you’re concerned that you may not be in contact with everyone you need to reach on social media.

5. Remember to take time for yourself too.

If you’re the one who is taking on contacting family and friends about your loved one’s death, remember that you lost someone too. You may worry about how you’re alerting people, but you need to give yourself room to grieve too. If it gets too overwhelming to have to keep making calls, consider asking someone to help you or take a break to be with your own immediate loved ones.

When you’re tasked with telling people about a loved one’s passing, remember that you’re in grief yourself, and the person you’re speaking to is about to experience that grief as well. There’s no way to make hearing this news not painful, but you can help them navigate the new information by giving them the space to react and not overwhelming them with too much at once. But don’t forget to give yourself room to mourn on your own how and when you need. Your own care should remain a priority, even while you’re worried about caring for others.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Where Should I Buy Flowers for a Funeral

Sat, 14 Oct 2023 20:12:22 GMT

When you send flowers to a funeral, you’re helping grieving loved ones celebrate the life of the person they lost. Flowers are a beautiful way to show that you care. But making sure that they arrive at just the right time for a funeral can be tricky. So, where should you order flowers from?

Should I send flowers to a funeral?

Flowers have a long tradition with funerals . In fact, it was once common in some religions for funerals to have flower bearers, whose job was as essential as the pallbearer. These women would carry flowers into the church ahead of the casket and later bring those flowers back out into the cemetery. The tradition exists in some communities today even still.

When we send flowers to a funeral, we’re expressing our condolences in a way that can be hard to put into words. We’re offering sympathy, love, and support in a symbolic way. We also send flowers because we recognize that the day of a funeral can be a difficult, gloomy one. Flowers brighten up a funeral and add color to a day that’s considered dark.

Throughout different cultures and religions around the world, flowers have always been treated as symbolic of life and our journey through it. Lilies, one of the most common funeral flowers, represent rebirth, signaling the spirit of our loved one starting a new transition to a world beyond our own. Roses, another often used funeral flower, stand for an everlasting and eternal love that cannot end with death. When we send such flowers to funerals, we’re using these flowers’ hidden meanings to say kind, loving sentiments to those who remain and are in mourning without having to say anything at all.

Where should I buy funeral flowers?

When it comes to buying flowers for a funeral, timing is one of the biggest things to keep in mind. Although there are several services online where you can ship flowers across the country, it’s hard to make sure that those flowers arrive in time. And if they don’t, there’s not much that you can do.

The easiest way to buy flowers for a funeral is by going directly through a funeral home’s website. When ordering through a funeral home’s website, you have the service information and delivery address right there for you. And unlike ordering through an online flower shipping company, the funeral home can work with the florist if there are any problems with the order and delivery. If you were to order through another provider, the funeral home would not be able to see your order history or have any additional insight into what happened.

If you intend to order flowers online, it’s best to order through the funeral home’s website rather than another provider. Many funeral homes’ online ordering is set up so that the decedent’s information, including service times, is communicated directly to the florist. Having the online ordering set up this way prevents unfortunate errors that may result in the floral arrangements not showing up on time, being the wrong flowers, or going to the wrong location.

Funeral home staff are also familiar with the family’s wishes and know where the flowers belong. If the service is held at a gravesite or church, the team will be able to take care of transporting the flowers there from the funeral home. Additionally, not every family wants flowers for a visitation, so a funeral home can ensure that you have the correct information about when and where the flowers should arrive.

Working through the funeral home’s website ensures that you have the instructions that you need to send the flowers you want to send to the right place at the right time. When you work directly through the funeral home, you know you’ll have engaged staff ensuring that what you order is there for the family and friends who are grieving their loss. Working with someone who is familiar with what’s happening at the funeral means that you’ll have staff who want to make sure that the funeral is perfect for the family of the loved one who passed, right down to making certain that the flowers are where they need to be.

Transporting a Deceased Loved One

Sat, 07 Oct 2023 16:37:31 GMT

There are many reasons why your loved one would have to travel after their death. Perhaps they were away from home at the time of their death, and they need to be brought back to their hometown for their funeral. Or maybe they retired to another state, but they wanted their final resting place to be where they spent most of their life.

Perhaps one of the most famous instances of post-mortem travel was when President Abraham Lincoln was brought across the country to his final resting place in Springfield, Illinois, when citizens throughout the country came out on his journey to pay their respects. But much has changed in regards to transporting decedents since his day. So, what goes into transporting a deceased loved one?

Who makes arrangements for transporting decedents?

In general, a funeral director will need to make the arrangements. Your first step is to contact the funeral home your loved one chose or one you trust. From there, they will work with the funeral home who picked up your loved one to prepare them for transport. If you are sending them across state lines, be aware that there may be some regulations in terms of how they travel. Most often, your loved one will need to be embalmed or refrigerated before they are able to travel. Depending on your state’s laws, you may also need a burial transit permit , which allows the custody of your loved one to move from one funeral home to another.

How can your loved one be transported?

You have several options when it comes to transporting your loved one. If they only need to go a short distance, you may have the choice to have them travel by car. Check with your funeral home to ask if that’s a service that they offer. Most funeral homes charge by the loaded mile, and the price range can vary. Another option for land transportation would be to have your loved one travel by train. Instead of charging by the loaded mile, you’d instead be paying a rail shipment fee. In both cases, there is also a fee for preparing your loved one for transport.

However, if your loved one died far from their final resting place, you’re most likely going to have to use air transportation. In this case, you’ll need the help of someone recognized by the TSA as a “known shipper.” Luckily, most funeral homes have this status. The known shipper will prepare your loved one for their journey by placing them in a specialized container, which will then be stored in the cargo hold.

Whether you choose train travel or air travel, because of the distance between locations, you’ll actually be working with two funeral homes: one where your loved one is and one where you want them to be. The funeral director at the destination will handle transporting your loved one to their funeral home.

Can you drive your loved one on your own?

It is possible to drive your loved one yourself, but it’s essential that you follow the rules for transporting a decedent in your state and across state lines. Your loved one must be sealed in the right kind of shipping container, and you may have to embalm or refrigerate them before traveling, depending on what’s required by law. Because funeral directors do have more experience transporting decedents, you will likely want to consult with your loved one’s funeral home before attempting to make the trip yourself.

Can you transport ashes instead?

Carrying ashes to another destination is significantly easier than transporting a loved one. There are no regulations on traveling with ashes across state lines, but the TSA has some rules if you’re flying with your loved one’s cremated remains . Your bag will have to go through screening, whether it’s carry-on or checked luggage. To make screening easier, it’s better for those ashes to not be in a standard urn and instead be in a container made of lighter-weight material, like plastic. If you’re hoping to check your bag, be aware that, despite the fact that the TSA allows ashes in checked luggage, every airline has different regulations and some won’t allow ashes to travel this way. Always call the airline to check for its restrictions.

If you intend to ship the ashes by mail, the USPS is the only shipping company that allows this. However, there are rules in regards to how you package and ship them, so make sure that you’re following the USPS’s guidelines .

When you lose a loved one and they’re away from home, their journey to their final resting place can be a difficult one. But with the help of funeral professionals and an understanding of your state’s laws, their trip can cause you less stress and give you peace of mind while you plan their funeral.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Gathering Pictures

Sat, 30 Sep 2023 18:29:18 GMT

A funeral should be a celebration of your loved one’s life, and to create this feeling, ensure that they surround their guests at their funeral. Gathering photos for their funeral is one way to make their presence felt. Those photos hold stories that show who your loved one was. And when you gather photos beyond your own supply, you end up with many different stories, including some you yourself didn’t even know. When you collect pictures for a funeral, you’re getting a chance to walk down memory lane and invite your family and friends on that journey with you. Here are a few tips for collecting photos and videos for your loved one’s funeral.

How to Gather and Display Pictures for a Funeral

1. Consider creating a Dropbox or Google Drive to keep everything in one place.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed while planning the funeral. And although it might not sound like a lot of stress to collect photos, when you’re dealing with grief, even the small things can become anxiety-inducing. Rather than getting bombarded by emails with photos, send your family and friends one email containing a Dropbox or Google Drive link where they can upload their images and videos all to one place.

2. Dedicate a time and location for photo gathering.

Especially if your loved one was older and didn’t have many digital photos, you will want to go through their old photo albums for images to share at the funeral. Before you convene for the funeral, ask your family and friends to come over to your loved one’s house to go through those albums and maybe collect a few other mementos to bring to the funeral. Gathering photos with family members is a very emotional experience, and seeing your loved one’s happy memories can be painful so soon after their passing. But sharing this time with family and friends can also help you on your journey through the grieving process. All of that emotion you’re experiencing can aid your healing.

3. Decide how you want to use the photos.

Often, pictures decorate a funeral. Alongside flowers, they make a funeral space brighter and livelier. But there are other ways to use photos and even videos at funerals. You could decide to make a memorial slideshow, which can be shown during the ceremony, complete with music and voiceover, or play silently in the background of a memorial celebration. Using a digital slideshow gives you more options as to what type of media you want to use, including videos and voice recordings.

For memorial slideshows, it’s helpful to aim to tell a story and follow some sort of progression. You could opt to have the slideshow start from their earliest baby pictures all the way until their last image, with their life story filling out between. Or you could focus on something important to who they were in life, like displaying a slideshow that shows how much they loved to travel.

Before making a slideshow, check with your funeral home to be sure they have a projector or monitors to display the photos and videos on. Funeral homes often do, but you’ll need to provide one if not. You could also decide to have the slideshow play in a digital frame, but keep in mind that most of these types of frames don’t play audio.

And remember that the most important thing are the photos, videos, and other pieces of content in your slideshow. Even if you’re not the most tech-savvy, you can still put together a meaningful slideshow using relatively simple and free programs like Google Slides.

Talk to your funeral home about what options they have for displaying photos. In addition to asking if they have projectors or monitors for memorial slideshows, ask about their printing services. Many funeral homes will print photos for poster boards or foam core boards, which can be displayed on easels throughout the funeral.

4. Collaborate with your friends and family on photo displays.

A memorial slideshow is just one way to show significant pictures of your loved one. You could also opt to make a collage or even a memorial tree . Get creative with how you display the photos. Maybe a family member passed away who loved to bake and had hundreds of recipes their loved ones enjoyed over the years. Consider printing up a book of their recipes with their pictures throughout the pages. The book adds to the storytelling aspect of sharing photos at a funeral. Guests can peruse the recipes that they’ve come to know and love alongside their loved one’s smiling face. You can even consider making multiple copies to give away after the funeral to close family and friends.

Just like with photo collecting, creating displays for the funeral can get emotional. Call up some of your loved one’s family and friends and ask them for their help. Working together on a meaningful project can help everyone through their grieving process.

No matter how you gather pictures and display them, it’s essential that you don’t feel isolated. In fact, any form of funeral planning is better when you’re working together, as you explore old memories and be together while you grieve. Make collecting and displaying photos into a creative project that celebrates your loved one and all those who remain with you.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Quickly Do We Need to Have the Service After the Death of a Loved One?

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 15:53:53 GMT

Losing a loved one can trigger a very stressful time in someone’s life, especially if they are tasked with planning and holding that loved one’s funeral. In addition to grieving, they have to decide on the big details about the decedent’s funeral and their final resting place. And having to make those decisions can raise a lot of questions. Should they be cremated or buried? Will they be embalmed or refrigerated? And when exactly do you have to hold the service after your loved one’s death?

When should you have the service after the death of a loved one?

In the U.S., funerals typically happen within three to seven days after a loved one’s death. One week generally gives family and friends time to gather to say goodbye to the decedent. However, these numbers are based on an embalmed or refrigerated decedent. Embalming or refrigeration slows the decomposition process, so an embalmed or refrigerated person can have a funeral up to a week after their death.

If you don’t want to embalm your loved one, when do you have to have the service?

It’s estimated that 50 percent of people in the United States are embalmed, but what about everyone else? There is no federal law that requires people to be embalmed, and any funeral home stating that there is one is breaking the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule . However, each state does have specific rules about when a person must be cremated or buried if they’re not embalmed. Depending on what state you’re in, you may have less time to bury or cremate than you think. It’s crucial to be familiar with your state’s laws before making any plans, as you may only have one day to hold the funeral before having to bury your loved one. It’s worth noting that if your loved one has to travel across state lines after death to reach their funeral and final resting place, they will likely have to be embalmed.

However, some people may choose to avoid embalming or their religion may require that they not embalm. Refrigeration is another option to delay a funeral and slow the decomposition process, though embalming is generally considered more effective. Most funeral homes have refrigerated storage for families who choose not to embalm. It’s best to talk to a funeral director about your options for taking care of your loved one while you plan their funeral as they may be able to provide more specifics on their refrigeration or embalming processes.

But generally, when you work with a funeral home, your loved one will be refrigerated for between eight and 24 hours before embalming. If you don’t want to embalm at all, most mortuaries offer short-term refrigeration, which can allow you to delay the funeral for up to two weeks. Always check with your state law to be sure that refrigeration is considered a suitable alternative to embalming and will allow you to delay the burial or cremation process.

If you choose to cremate your loved one before their funeral, you don’t need to worry much about timing. In that case, you have far more time to plan the service since it’s not dependent upon the condition of the loved one. Some people may even choose to have the funeral a month after the loved one’s death if they were cremated.

How long does it take to plan a funeral?

How quickly a funeral must happen after a loved one’s death is one of many reasons why pre-planning your funeral is a significant gift that you can give your family. When you pre-plan your funeral, you’re essentially giving your family a blueprint for the big questions that take so much time debating and answering otherwise. Should the service be religious or secular? What kind of music should be played when? Is there something your loved one would have preferred instead of flowers, like donations to a beloved charity? When your family already has those questions answered for them, there’s less stress and time involved in the planning process, making seven days seem like plenty of time to make a funeral happen.

If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral, that doesn’t mean that you can’t plan one in seven days. In fact, with the help of an experienced funeral director, you can plan a funeral in just hours. Working with a funeral home’s staff can take some of the stress out of planning, and they’ll be able to guide you toward creating an event that celebrates who your loved one was.

Planning and hosting a funeral can be a very trying experience. While working through your grief, you wonder whether you’re making the right decisions for your loved one. If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral, it could feel like there’s an enormous weight on your shoulders. Working with a funeral director can help alleviate some of that stress and ensure that, whether it happens in one day, seven, or 14, you’re holding a funeral that’s a true celebration of who your loved one was.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Grief … Feeling Lost

Sat, 16 Sep 2023 13:58:26 GMT

It is frequently not expected, but not at all unusual, for mourners to feel rudderless, adrift, unsure of their own purpose when someone close to them dies. Who am I now that I am not a wife? Sibling? Husband? Child? When an important relationship is disrupted by loss, roles get lost. Now that I am not the best friend who am I?

Perhaps you and your spouse were in the habit of watching Jeopardy every evening. And then there you are, sitting alone at the appointed hour, television on… and suddenly you realize you don’t enjoy Jeopardy. Now what? Do I still eat fish on Friday because Mary said it was good for me? Do I still make meatloaf every Tuesday because it was John’s favorite and his mother always made meatloaf on Tuesday? When someone you were in a close relationship with dies your world changes in hundreds of little ways. You feel lost, because you have lost. You have lost that person you loved who reflected you back to you. It’s like looking into the mirror and finding no image. Without the one you loved, who are you?

As with all of the feelings of grief there is no right or wrong. No should or should not. Feeling lost is what it is. It comes with the territory. It’s part of grief. It’s normal and you will be ok. How a person deals with this feeling is personal. Some will never make meatloaf again and certainly not on Tuesday. Others will derive great comfort from continuing the traditions that were a part of life with the one they loved. Just do what appeals to you. Embrace the opportunity to do something new or feel the warm hug of continuing the familiar.

If you are playing a supporting role to someone who is mourning, hold their hand and walk with them as they navigate their grief journey. Don’t judge. Remember, it’s their journey and their approach may be very different from what you think you would do or what you have done. Join them for the meatloaf and a talk about John and how he loved it or accompany your friend as he or she creates a new normal.

If you are mourning and are feeling stuck and lost, ask for help. Sometimes people who are struggling feel they must “give it some time,” try on their own. Think about that. Does it really make sense to go it alone? If you were stuck in the bottom of a well and a passerby offered help, would you say, “No thanks I really need to try to get out of this deep well on my own at least for a while”? Of course, you would not. Why not get help? What is the benefit? A grief counselor is a like a coach. They can’t do it for you, but they can help you find your way. Don’t be afraid to get a coach. Reach out to a professional grief counselor or perhaps your pastor. Find someone who knows grief and who can help you find your way.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Should We Take the Kids to Grand Pop’s Funeral

Sat, 09 Sep 2023 00:34:02 GMT

Yes, IF the child wants to attend the funeral. Depending on the interest and age of the child, he or she may even want to participate in honoring a beloved grandparent by participating in some part of the service.

No, IF the child does not want to attend or if there are no adults available or in a position to attend to the child during the service hours.

Children who will attend a service should be told what to expect. If the casket will be open, they should be told in simple factual terms what their grandparent will look and feel like. They should know what adults will do and should be given the choice to approach the casket or know what they may do if they choose not to approach the casket. Before going to the funeral home children should be given an opportunity to ask any questions they have about the service or what will take place.

Very young children may be in attendance, not because they wish to attend, but because the adults in the family are all in attendance and there is no one to mind the children. In this case parents should talk with their funeral director in advance about what facilities are available for children. Many funeral homes provide play space, a video area or a break room where the younger children may be taken and entertained during the service. Parents should work out child minder duties among themselves well ahead of the service. Children should not be left unattended in the funeral home.

It is also important to consider how long the children will be in attendance and to bring quiet entertainment or snacks if they will be needed. Children should be assigned a go-to person so they know who can help them find a restroom or answer a question should they need help.

The adult who will be responsible for answering a child’s questions should be prepared to answer in the simplest of terms and then ask if the information provided has answered the question. You want to give just the right amount of information, not too much or too little. It’s a bit like the old story of the older brother who when his new sibling is brought home from the hospital asks, “Where did the baby come from?” The child in the story was looking for a location answer (the hospital) not a reproductive lesson.

Death is a part of life, all living beings eventually die. Regardless of if a child attends a grandparent’s funeral or not, the child should be told of the death and have an opportunity to ask questions. When asked and provided with the information they need to decide, children will let you know if they wish to attend a funeral.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Grief - No Right or Wrong in Grief

Sat, 02 Sep 2023 14:43:40 GMT

This is the first in a series of blogs where we will examine some of the many “feelings” of grief and look at how one can actively navigate their way through their own personal grief journey.

Grief is defined as the response to loss. It is most often thought of in relation to death. When someone we know and cared about dies, we grieve. People also grieve other losses as well. Divorce and loss of a relationship can trigger a grief response. Other losses that link to grief include loss of function related to an illness or injury. Not being able to do something that you once did with ease is a trigger for grief. A person may grieve when a friend moves away, or a pet dies. There are many causes for grieving but always, there is a link to loss.

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone or something dear. Grief is painful yet healthy. You cannot love and lose that love without experiencing grief. Grief is not a weakness. Only people who have had the joyful experience of loving strongly can also grieve deeply. Grief is to love as light is to dark and sunrise to sunset. One is a part of the other. To avoid experiencing grief in life, one must never care deeply for or love another.

The way we grieve is individual. Everyone experiences grief in their own unique way. There is no right way to feel. There is no wrong way to feel. Judging another’s grief, or even your own, is a fool’s errand. A person whose life was intricately entwined with the deceased is often considered justified in grieving. While another family member, who has been more distant, may be dismayed by their own intense grief reaction. The way one feels is just that, it is their feeling. It just is. Some who grieve are surprised at the range of emotions they feel. These feelings come and go and may change from day to day.

In 1969 Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote the book “On Death and Dying”. She described five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages have been criticized because they were incorrectly interpreted as being universally experienced in order. Today, Kubler Ross acknowledges the stages are not necessarily experienced in order and they are not experienced by everyone. It is now known that, although not universal, these five stages of grief are the most commonly observed in the grieving population. Kubler Ross’s stages are:

Denial – A numb feeling of disbelief

Anger – Why me? Life isn’t fair

Bargaining – Could I have prevented this? If only I would have …

Depression – Feeling bogged down in a fog, it’s just too much

Acceptance - The feeling that even though the loss is painful, you will be ok. “I am sad my husband died but I will be alright.”

Doctor Allen Wolfelt is a current writer on the subject of grief and mourning. He is the Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and the author of The Journey Through Grief.

Dr. Wolfelt tells us: “To mourn is to be an active participant in our grief journeys. We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn.”

There are six “yield signs” you are likely to encounter on your journey through grief—what I call the “reconciliation needs of mourning.” For while your grief journey will be an intensely personal, unique experience, all mourners must yield to this set of basic human needs if they are to heal.

1. Acknowledge the reality of the death. ...

2. Embrace the pain of the loss. ...

3. Remember the person who died. ...

4. Develop a new self-identity. ...

5. Search for meaning. ...

6. Receive ongoing support from others…

When you look at the work and words of these two celebrated authors on the subject of death and grief, it is plain to see how a funeral service is connected to loss, grief, and healing. Before there were books and writers, human beings instinctively knew that when one of their own died, they needed to pause and do something. The funeral is only the beginning, it is not closure. However, the funeral does help with getting past denial and accepting the reality of death. It does support “embracing the pain of the loss and remembering the person who died.” The funeral is a healthy beginning to the work of grieving.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Much Will it Cost to Pre-Arrange My Funeral?

Sat, 26 Aug 2023 16:55:30 GMT

The actual meeting with the pre-need specialist at your local funeral home will be free. No cost. If after meeting with the specialist, you decide to plan your funeral in detail, there will be no cost associated with putting your wishes on file at the funeral home. Once you have determined what you want (your wishes), the funeral professional will be able to tell you exactly how much your funeral would cost today.

After you have determined today’s cost of the funeral that meets your desires and will satisfy your family’s needs, you will have choices. There are many options for how to pay in advance for your funeral. What works best for you and your family is personal. You’ll want to consider several factors.

· Your income

· Your expenses

· Your assets and where are they invested

It might be helpful to think in terms of buying a new car. If you needed a car, how would you be most comfortable covering the cost? Would you withdraw from your retirement account or investments and pay in one payment, or would you prefer to cover the cost on a monthly basis? Of course, the cost of a funeral is typically far less than a new car, but you do have similar options. Most funeral homes offer programs that allow an individual to pay for a funeral over three years, five years, 10 years or even 20 years when they are paying in advance. Of course, you can always pay the total amount in a single payment.

The actual dollar amount you would pay monthly is calculated based on the total cost of your funeral in today’s dollars. A more expensive funeral will come with a higher payment per month than a lower-cost choice. As you would expect, the 10 year payment plan will come with a lower per-month payment than a three-year payment plan.

In addition to the current cost, your age may be a factor that impacts the monthly payment amount. Many plans will pay off the balance owed should you die before completing the payment plan. This means older folks who choose to pay over time are a greater risk. So, as would be expected, they will have higher monthly payments than younger people.

The prearrangement specialist at your local funeral home can explain all of the benefits of prepaying for your funeral in advance of need as well as all the options available to you. At the conclusion of your funeral planning session, you can: 1) pay today’s cost in one payment, 2) choose a payment plan that suits your budget or 3) leave your plan (wishes) on file at the funeral home for your family to follow at the time of your death.

Prearrangement will allow you to make an informed choice and when the time comes, your family will not be caught unprepared.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Grief … Feeling Angry

Sat, 19 Aug 2023 18:08:21 GMT

Your jaw is tight. It seems like those around you are caught up in trivial chores and chatter, everything they say and do is annoying. You want to be left alone, but when you are left alone you feel deserted, unimportant, and forgotten. There is no joy. You are angry. These angry feelings may be hard to accept for both the person with the angry feelings and those close to them who bear witness to the anger. Anger is a part of grief. Not everyone feels anger when they grieve but more people experience anger than we might expect. It’s not at all uncommon.

Being angry does not equate to bad behavior. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a feeling. Feeling angry at your situation, the person who died, or God is not unusual when someone has died, or experienced any profound loss. Still, knowing the feeling is not unusual does not change the fact that it is very uncomfortable to feel angry. No one wants to stay angry and most folks in a supporting role find it difficult and uncomfortable to be a witness to and deal with anger. So, what to do?

If you are a supporter, know it’s not about you. There is something behind anger and it’s most likely not something you did or did not do. Let the eruption pass and at a calmer moment you might let the person you support know you understand they are hurting, you care, and if there is a way you can help you will do your best.

When you are the one who is feeling angry, understand it’s not about you. You are not a bad person. You are experiencing a normal reaction to loss. The uncomfortable angry feeling is letting you know there is something you need to process. Maybe you can work it out on your own, or perhaps talking with a non-judgmental trusted friend will help. Some find a solution on their own when writing in their grief journal. Others find working with a professional counselor helps them identify the root of the anger and come up with an action plan to bring about relief. Your anger may be generated by fear or reluctance to move into an unwanted situation that death has forced upon you. Anger is usually a secondary feeling. It has its origin in another feeling.

Grieving takes time and everyone’s timeline is individual. When you are a part of a grieving group - a family of mourners - the anger can be triggered by the pace of activity. Ask yourself if things are moving too fast? Does your angry friend or family member need the pace to slow a bit? Are you giving the support that is needed when it’s needed or are you perhaps doing something that will need to be done eventually, but that other mourners are not yet ready for?

Death and loss are often the undoing of families. If you care to protect the integrity of the family group, you may need to move carefully. Watch for anger, be impeccable with your words and be slow to speak. Ask questions to make yourself understood. Work hard at communication. Diffuse anger. Let the anger of others roll off your back.

Remember, grief is difficult work. Also remember, nothing lasts forever. This too will pass.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Feeling Scared – The Emotions of Grieving

Sat, 12 Aug 2023 14:10:08 GMT

When a person loses a spouse or life partner it’s not unusual to be afraid. Afraid of the future, the dark, and sleeping alone. After all, a lot has changed. When one half of a couple dies the person who is left behind has many adjustments to make. Some adjustments are small, and some are life changing. Long engrained roles are left unfilled. She paid all the bills, he cleaned the gutters, we shared the cooking. Now the one left behind must do it all. How often do you change a furnace filter? Why aren’t my scrambled eggs fluffy? Do I have enough money? Should I move close to my children? Can I live in my house alone? It’s easy to understand how a person can feel overwhelmed and fearful.

You might just feel like staying in your PJ’s and sleeping all day. After all, you’re not sleeping at night! That’s a short-term strategy, but it’s not a long-term answer. You know what they say about eating an elephant? You have to go about it one bite at a time. That is the strategy for overcoming your fear. It’s not a pep talk you need. What you need is a plan.

First, begin by figuring out what has you feeling off center. Name the fear. What is keeping you awake at night? That may not be as easy as it sounds. In the haze of grief, it may be difficult to identify what is bothering you. Doing something about it can feel impossible.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a hug, you can do this. If you are journaling (highly recommended for those who are grieving) just let it pour out of your head onto the paper. If you are not journaling, make a list. Use the old strategy you learned in school, who, what, where, when and why. Who or what makes you feel scared? Where or when do you feel scared? Why are you scared?

If you need help identifying the root of your fear, get help. A grief therapist may be able to help you identify your fear. Some people find talking with their minister, priest or rabbi helpful. Your funeral director may be able to help you find a grief therapist in your area.

Second, identify your priorities. The list might be long, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give yourself the gift of time. You can’t fix it all in a day, but you can get started. Choose one thing to work on. You might start with the easiest or the most pressing. It’s not so much where you begin, as it is that you begin. You will find that you feel much better when you get something on your list started.

Think about what might help. Suppose you are not sleeping well. Perhaps you haven’t been alone at night for a long time. Would a motion sensor light or a security system help you feel more comfortable? What might help you as you adjust to this new reality?

Third, think about who can help you and what you would like for them to do. Do you need to talk to your financial advisor? Do you need legal advice? Can a friend or one of your children help? Don’t be shy about asking for help. It’s a pretty safe bet that you have family or friends who have no idea what to do to support you, but who would love to help you if you ask. Do be specific about what you need. Ask your son-in-law to help you find a security system. The added security may help you sleep better at night.

Finally, review your plan. Is your solution a good one or just a Band-Aid? Eating poorly prepared or take-out food may seem like an easy answer, but it’s not the long-term answer to not being able to cook or get healthy food. Leaving the TV on all night might alleviate sleeplessness, but it’s not a good long-term plan for getting the rest your body needs. Ignoring the change in your financial situation won’t make it go away. It may even lead to a painful reality check down the road. If your plan has holes, dig a little deeper. Think. Ask for help. Make a small start.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What To Do With Funeral Flowers

Sat, 05 Aug 2023 17:08:01 GMT

Flowers and funerals have been linked since the earliest times. One hundred thousand years ago at Qafzeh in Israel, possibly the world’s oldest intentional burial site, there is evidence flowers were placed on the graves. Why flowers? Maybe they were placed on top of buried remains to disguise the scent of decay and discourage animals from disturbing the grave. Or perhaps the beauty of flowers has always made them a likely token of esteem for someone who has died. Regardless of the reason, the connection of flowers and funerals remains strong today.

So, what can be done with all those lovely blooms after the funeral is over?

1. Remember to offer the flowers to all family members and close friends. Before everyone disperses ask them to take an arrangement and enjoy it in your loved one’s memory.

2. Use the flowers to brighten someone’s day. Arrangements can be deconstructed and made into bouquets that can be distributed to nursing homes, friends and neighbors.

3. Many churches purchase flowers for their services. Check to see if a donation of your flowers might be welcome.

4. Arrange flowers in a bouquet, hang them upside down in a dark dry place and allow them to dry for a long-lasting keepsake arrangement.

5. Remove the petals, arrange them on baking trays and dry in a low heat oven to make potpourri.

6. Press some of the prettiest blooms.

7. Explore the internet you will find people who will use your flowers to make a variety of keepsakes as well as some helpful ideas and how-to instructions.

8. Compost your flowers. You just might be gifted with volunteer blooms in the Spring.

Finally, remember the intended sentiment of the flower. They are meant to give comfort. They were sent because someone needed to express their love and affection for you or the person who died. Flowers are not intended to become a burden; you are not expected to keep them forever. Just enjoy the flowers in the quantity and for the length of time that suits you and then let them go.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do When Someone Dies

Sat, 29 Jul 2023 14:24:29 GMT

When someone dies unexpectedly at home you will call 911. If there is an advance directive you will want to have it in hand otherwise, it is standard procedure for paramedics to attempt to resuscitate the individual. Transportation to a medical facility will likely take place. By way of preparation, if you have signed an advance directive; those most likely to be present should you die, should be aware of the location of the document.

When a person dies at home who has an advance directive that stipulates do not resuscitate and the death is not unexpected you may not be required to call 911. In this case you will contact the person/doctor in charge of care.

When someone dies at home under hospice care the hospice care provider will be able to pronounce the death. Once death is pronounced the funeral home or mortuary of the family’s choice will be called and will come to the home to take the deceased into their care. By way of preparation, the family should choose a funeral home when a family member is admitted into hospice care.

When a person dies while traveling away from home 911 will need to be called. If there is an advance directive requesting do not resuscitate this document will need to be produced for the paramedics. Once death is pronounced by either a physician or the coroner YOUR HOMETOWN FUNERAL HOME SHOULD BE CALLED. Depending on the distance from home, your hometown funeral provider will either travel to collect the deceased or make arrangements to have the body transported to their location. Calling your local hometown funeral home is all that is necessary.

By way of preparation, especially if you are a frequent traveler, you should contact your funeral home to discuss how to prepare for the unexpected. Most travel programs offer insurance protection for health emergencies and return of body expenses for each individual trip you take. Many funeral homes offer similar or better protection for all the trips you may take. The funeral home program is a pay once and be covered program that eliminates the added expense with each individual trip. It will also work even if you are just a hundred miles away visiting the grandchildren.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Fri, 21 Jul 2023 04:17:22 GMT

According to the National Funeral Directors Association the median cost of funeral with a viewing and burial was $7,843.00 in 2021. That said, several factors will impact what an individual family will pay for a funeral service. Chief among them is personal choice.

Each component of a funeral comes with a cost. A visitation of just an hour or two held immediately before a service will usually be less expensive than a visitation held on a separate day or evening of longer duration. A pine casket will cost less than a mahogany casket. There is a wide variety of service and product options from which a family may choose. What a family wants or needs will determine the cost of the funeral.

The cost of a funeral is not unlike the cost of all other products and services. A complicated last will that takes hours to prepare will come at a higher cost than a simple will. Some shirts, pants, and shoes cost more than others. As with everything, the material and design as well as the work hours required to deliver a service affects the price.

In addition to personal choice, where you live may have an impact on the cost of your funeral. Cost of living impacts the cost of funerals. Average wage per hour in San Francisco is greater than say in Akron, Ohio therefore you will expect the cost of a funeral service to be higher in San Fran than in Akron. The median cost of a house in Boston is $682,000 in Nashville it is $298,000 it follows that pretty much everything in Boston will be more expensive than in Nashville.

Every funeral home is required by federal law to provide a general price list (itemized price list) to every customer who comes to the funeral home to discuss service options or who simply requests a price list. There are no surprises. During the arrangement conference at least one family member should be paying attention to the costs associated with the choices being made.

Finally, a word about budget. Before the family members responsible for making the decisions get together with the funeral director, they should establish an agreed upon budget. Planning a funeral is an emotional experience. A group of family members may not all have the same idea about what to do and on some occasions disagreements can erupt. No one wants a family to spend more than they can afford. Not the person who died and not the funeral director.

www.smithfamilycares.com

When Will You Need to Pay for a Funeral?

Sat, 15 Jul 2023 16:18:30 GMT

A funeral is a professional service that is supported with specialized products. It is paid for much like other professional services. Just like at the doctor’s office, you will need to make arrangements for payment before the service is provided. It only takes a little thought to understand why payment before service is the norm for funeral service.

If the deceased has not provided for funeral cost the family will be responsible. Since it may take months for an estate to settle those funds may not be available until long after payment for the funeral is required. This can create a burden for family members who will need to cover that cost from their personal funds while they wait for the estate to reimburse them.

This is something every adult should consider. “Death is often unexpected, and the family is unprepared” is an often-repeated cliché. But it is true. It is also preventable. Every adult, and especially those who do not share access to adequate bank accounts with a responsible family member, should take action.

First, call the funeral home of your choice and make an appointment with their advance planning specialist. Take the hour or two you will need to put together a funeral plan and get an accurate funeral cost estimate for the funeral you would prefer at today’s cost. This will give you a base from which to work.

Second, ask the specialist to explain any programs the funeral home may have in place that will help you assure funds are available to cover the cost should the unexpected happen to you. Ask about inflation protection. Ask about payment options. Ask the specialist to explain how their program compares with other solutions available outside the funeral home. These include POD accounts and final expense insurance products.

Finally, decide what is the best solution for you and your family, keeping in mind someone will likely need to pay for your funeral service before that service can take place.

Your pre-planning can be a lifesaver for family and friends.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Do You Help Someone Who is Grieving When You are Grieving Yourself?

Sat, 08 Jul 2023 19:42:25 GMT

How Do You Help Someone Who is Grieving When You Are Grieving Yourself

Perhaps you begin by just believing in yourself. Even though you may feel empty you have something to give. Even if your emotions are right there on the surface, it’s ok. Even if you are trying to immerse yourself in your life to avoid your own pain, surrender. Join hands with your fellow mourner and let yourself feel.

When you mourn with someone who shares your loss you are not there to fix anything. You can’t cheer up a mourner, you can’t absorb or eliminate their pain. You needn’t hide your own pain, there is no need to put on clown face. When you are invited to share time with your grieving friend or relative just slow down, lean in, measure your words, use the name of the person who died, and listen. Hear what they are missing and feeling about the person you both loved. Share what you loved and miss about your person. Cry together. Acknowledging the pain is comforting. It’s enough.

People travel through life finding their way. It’s a bit like we are writing a script for our life or a book about the life we anticipate. In most cases the narrative is not reality. Often, we go to college to be one thing and end up being another. We marry the boy or girl of our dreams and then we find out what we dreamed wasn’t reality. We have children and we find out real flesh and blood children are not necessarily what we put in our script. Our script doesn’t include the challenges we face in real life. But the challenges come, and we are resilient. We do our best. Sometimes our best is excellent and sometimes it’s just passable. We get hurt and we survive and are happy and then the cycle happens again.

Rarely do we include the death of a dear friend, wife, husband or child in our script. When it happens, we suffer. We mourn. We may never understand but we have survived in the past and we will again.

Perhaps in time we will add something from the person who died into our life. We will embrace something they loved and incorporate it into our story. Because they loved the sunrise, we’ll become an early riser and marvel at the dawn. Because they never knew a stranger, we’ll talk to the person who checks out our groceries. Because they taught little children to read, we’ll volunteer to read stories to little ones at the library.

Mourning takes time. It cannot be rushed. For some it takes months and for others longer. Mourning has up and downs, good days and not so good days. Mourning is a journey. It can’t be skipped. It’s personal and yet it does not need to be solitary.

Laura Jean Truman tell us …

You can’t heal people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can promise they won’t journey alone. You can loan them your map. But the trip is theirs.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy

Sat, 17 Jun 2023 17:20:13 GMT

How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy

What is a Eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech or a writing that praises someone who has recently died. A eulogy or multiple eulogies may be the centerpiece of a life celebration or a part of a religious based service. Eulogies are not reserved for those who have circled the moon, lead companies or countries, or written books and music. Eulogies are for everyday people who were loved. They are for mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers. They are for people who touched lives in ordinary ways.

Who should deliver the Eulogy?

A eulogy may be delivered by a family member, a friend, a coworker, or even a funeral celebrant. The eulogist need not be a polished public speaker, but a family member who is uncomfortable with public speaking may not be the best choice.

Before a person accepts the honor of delivering a eulogy, they should consider the following: Will they have the time and energy to invest in preparing the speech? Do they have the emotional stamina needed to stand before a group and talk about the loved one for five minutes or more? Will delivering the eulogy help them in their own personal grief process or will it be an added burden?

The hours, days, and weeks following the death of a loved one are difficult. A grieving spouse, child, parent, or sibling may not be up to the job. There is no shame in saying no. A more distantly related family member may be a better choice.

What should be included in a Eulogy?

A eulogy, by definition, is praise, praise for the deceased. A parent who got up every day for thirty, forty, or fifty years and went to work just to keep food on the table and a roof over his family’s heads deserves praise. A eulogy often begins at the beginning and follows a chronological order of the life that was lived. What brings a eulogy to life are the stories. When a eulogist can tap the emotional connections, the feelings, the humor, things the person loved to do or often said, or cared deeply about, it can create a magic moment.

A eulogist who takes the time to “interview” family members and close friends will be able to add to the scope of the speech. Just ask, “what will you remember about mom?” Or “what shouldn’t be left out of the eulogy?” These interviews are especially important when one sibling is taking the stage to represent the family. It is a good idea to review what you plan to cover and check in with other family members to see if anything should be added or deleted to what you have written.

What should not be included in a Eulogy?

When putting together a eulogy think of the listeners. The eulogy leaves a lasting impression. No person is perfect, but a eulogy is not the place to review shortcomings, air grudges, or point out flaws.

How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy:

Even if you are accustomed to public speaking, when it comes to a eulogy you should write it out and read it out loud. Practice and edit until it sounds right to you. Put it down for at least a few hours, then go back and read it out loud and again edit as needed. You may think you do not need to read the eulogy out loud, but you do. The brain lays down the information in different ways … believe it or not actually writing with a pencil and paper before you type the eulogy on your computer will help you with recall. Planning and preparation are critical. You will have emotional moments. As you practice check in with your speed of delivery. A slower cadence/speed of speaking will come across as comforting and help anyone who may have difficulty hearing understand what you are saying. Finally, a eulogy is not the time for off-the-cuff speaking. Even if you are a good, experienced speaker, preparation is needed.

Ask the funeral director to provide a podium or lectern and a microphone. Schedule a practice time with the funeral home. Check to be sure the set-up can be adjusted for your height and ask the director to have a glass or bottle of water available.

Type your speech in a font that is large enough for you to read easily. Print it out on single pages, number the pages and use a highlighter to mark key words. When you arrive at the podium, place your speech in the order you will deliver it. If you will be including readings make sure they are printed and inserted in your pile in the appropriate order. You want to avoid paper shuffling. As you go through your eulogy turn your completed pages over on the left making a new pile of delivered material blank side up.

When you are one of several eulogists who will speak, you absolutely will need to connect with each other before you begin to write your eulogy and after you have all completed your first draft. During the first meeting you will be deciding who will cover what. During the second meeting you will be looking for redundancy and coverage. You want to be sure the highlights of the life are covered but not repeated.

Check to be sure everyone is keeping to an agreed upon time frame for length of their part of the program. Remember, grieving family members are under stress and stress shortens one’s attention span. If it fits with your program intersperse a short reading, a musical performance, or a short slideshow of pictures in between the speakers.

When the Eulogy is the Service:

According to a Gallup poll, “Americans' membership in houses of worship continued to decline last year, dropping below 50% for the first time in Gallup's eight-decade trend. In 2020, 47% of Americans said they belonged to a church, synagogue or mosque, down from 50% in 2018 and 70% in 1999”.

When there is no organized faith base to provide an established structure for the funeral service, the eulogy or eulogies may be required to take center stage. That means a little additional thought needs to go into the coordination of the service.

The place to begin is with your funeral director. Talk to him or her about what you do want included in the service. Music, pictures in the form of a slideshow, photo boards and sometimes even food can become a part of the service or celebration of life. One eulogy or several eulogists speaking about different aspects or phases of the deceased’s life may be woven into the visual and musical presentations. Grandchildren may play grandma’s favorite song. Dad’s car club may bring an entire car show to the parking lot.

Ask the funeral director for guidance and ideas and ask for resources that will support your vision. If you would like to have multiple eulogists, talk with the funeral director about guidelines you will want to provide. How many will speak, how long should they talk, who will give them an outline of what they should cover? Who will coordinate the program? Your funeral director is an invaluable source of information.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Is It Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Sat, 10 Jun 2023 15:56:10 GMT

Is it Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Definitely not. In fact, if one were to ask the children and family members of those who planned their funeral in advance how they felt about their family member’s foresight they would no doubt tell you they felt very lucky indeed.

Imagine this: your phone rings or buzzes or sings and you answer or check your messages only to find out someone you care about has died. Maybe they succumbed to a long and difficult illness or perhaps the death was caused by an accident or a sudden unexpected medical event. What happens next? If you are one of the family decision makers, you begin to come together. That coming together can mean a drive across town or it may involve booking a flight. It can mean a series of telephone calls or a Zoom style family meeting. There will be questions that need to be answered and decisions that must be made.

Where did the death occur? Who do you call to transport the body? Where will the body be taken? Which funeral home will be used? When will a service take place? Will there be burial, cremation or something else? Will there be a spiritual component? Who will prepare the death notice? Who will take care of writing the obituary? How much will everything cost and who will pay? How soon will funds be available? There will be many decisions that must be made in a short period of time.

Now, imagine there is a plan in place. Funeral arrangements have been made and paid for in advance, maybe even years before an illness was even known about. Imagine family members knowing exactly who to call, what will happen, how much it will cost and how all the services will be paid for. Luck is with those who prepare. It’s called making your own luck.

www.smithfamilycares.com

It’s a Funeral … Go Ahead and CRY

Sat, 03 Jun 2023 15:26:51 GMT

It’s a Funeral … Go Ahead and CRY

Should Americans get more comfortable with tears?

When it comes to funerals Americans can sometimes feel uncomfortable both shedding tears or observing their flow from a fellow mourner. Perhaps you have attended a funeral and noticed those who need to weep often leave the room? They retire to the restroom or go outside for a breather. Why? What triggers tears? What are tears made of? Is there any benefit to shedding tears?

Human beings actually shed, on average, between 15 and 30 gallons of tears each year. Both sexes cry. According to research, women cry an average of 3.5 times per month and men cry an average of 1.9 times a month. Tears are produced by the lacrimal gland located just above the eye. The lacrimal gland receives signals from both the autonomic nervous system and the frontal lobe of the brain. Humans produce three distinct types of tears. Each type has its own trigger, chemical make-up, benefit, and each looks different under a microscope.

Basal tears are in the eye all the time. They lubricate, nourish, and protect the cornea. Basal tears shield the eye from dirt and debris. They are made up of a protein-rich antibacterial liquid that helps keep the eyes moist every time a person blinks. Basal tears are not unique to humans, as animals also produce this type of tear. Under a microscope these tears look like delicate branches of a tree or undersea coral.

Reflexive tears/onion tears are the tears that are triggered in response to an irritant. Smoke, wind, and chemical irritants trigger these tears. They come in greater quantity than basal tears and contain more antibodies to help fight bacteria. Their job is to flush the eye of the irritating substance. Under a microscope these tears look like a close pattern of dense snowflakes.

Emotional tears are our funeral tears. They are also the ones we shed when we hear the national anthem and see our flag waving, watch our grandchild play the flute in her first music recital or score his first soccer goal. Emotional tears are amazing. These tears are unique to humans. They are triggered by the frontal lobe of our brain in response to our human experience. Their chemistry is different. They are thicker than our other tears making them more visible as they make their way down the cheek. These emotional tears contain additional proteins and hormones, they contain a natural pain killer as well as endorphins. Science is catching up to the ancient folk wisdom that says, “you’ll feel better after a good cry”. Under the microscope these tears actually look different based on the emotion that triggered them. Emotional tears look like fractured glass. ( Rose-Lynn Fishe r "The Topography of Tears")

People may try to suppress tears if they see them as a sign of weakness, but science suggests that doing so could mean missing out on a range of benefits. There is still much to learn about the science of tears, but newer research indicates:

1. Tears have a self-soothing effect. Shedding tears helps people regulate their own emotions, calm themselves, and reduce their own distress. Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps people relax.

2. Crying helps people get support from others around them. Human beings are social. Crying is an attachment behavior: it rallies support from people around us and has an interpersonal social benefit. The human body is simply marvelous. Emotional tears literally stick to our face so others can see we need help!

3. Weeping helps to relieve pain. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may ease both physical and emotional pain and promote a sense of well-being.

4. Crying may help lift people’s spirits and make them feel better. Oxytocin and endorphins can help improve mood.

Maybe it is time to embrace our tears—or at the very least, respond with a hug and kind words when we see someone at a funeral crying.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Memorial Day

Sat, 27 May 2023 17:46:04 GMT

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is that one day, in three hundred and sixty- five days, we pause and honor those who died in the military service of our country.

The practice of decorating the graves of fallen soldiers originated 1868 to honor those who died in the Civil War. In 1971 Memorial Day became a national holiday. Whereas Veteran’s Day, celebrated on the 11 ^th of November, honors all those who served or are serving in any branch of the military. Memorial Day honors veterans who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country. Those who gave their life.

Their numbers are great, and we should always remember our deadliest war was the Civil War, when we fought each other, with greater causalities even than WW II.

Revolutionary War – 4,435

War of 1812 – 2,260

Indian Wars – 1,000

Mexican War – 13,283

Civil War – 498,332

Spanish American War – 2,446

WW I – 116,516

WW II – 405,399

Korean – 54,246

Vietnam – 90,220

Persian Gulf War – 1,565

Global War on Terror – 6,852

Total number of Americans killed in all U. S. wars is more than 1.1 million

Source Department of Defense and of Veterans Affairs

On May 30, 2022 many Americans will gather, fire up the grill, and have the first picnic of the summer season. Hopefully they will also recall why we have this day free from work. They will take a moment to acknowledge the sacrifice of human life that has provided and secured our freedoms. In addition to the hot dogs, burgers, and beer, perhaps take in a Memorial Day parade? Go to the cemetery and teach your kids and grandkids what those flags on graves mean.

Another beautiful way to honor our war dead occurs everywhere in the United States of America. It’s easy to participate. At 3 p.m. your local time take part in the national moment of remembrance … Taps Across America. If you play a musical instrument step outside and play taps, if you don’t play turn up your smart speaker as loud as it will go and ask it to play taps. Be still and listen. See if another within your earshot is showing their appreciation for those who gave their life to get us where we are today and to keep us a great and free democracy.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What if I Change My Mind About Cremation After I Pre-plan My Funeral?

Sat, 20 May 2023 16:12:53 GMT

What if I Change My Mind About Cremation After I Pre-plan My Funeral?

As we put our work life in the rearview mirror and fast forward into the much-anticipated retirement years, it is really very common to want to get our ducks in a row. This usually includes financial planning, health care planning, legacy planning, and advance planning for how our closing ceremony will be carried out.

Taking care of all of these tasks usually leaves people with a sense of relief. Once all the responsible things have been taken care of, we get to shake off the cloak of responsibility we have been wearing for a long time. Yippee! We are retired. For a few years at least, we can go where we want to go and do what we want to do. Something most retirees haven’t had the luxury of doing in a very long time.

Occasionally, there is some hesitation about planning for the closing ceremony. Everyone knows they can adjust their finances as the economic situation changes. They know they can change their advance directives and their power of attorney for health care or change their will. But they seem to feel if they make decisions regarding their final disposition, burial or cremation, that decision will be carved in stone. Not so.

Any of the funeral plans made with your funeral home can be changed or amended. Just as with the will, advance directives, and financial plans, as long as you live, you have the power to make changes.

If your plan included cremation and you find being cremated no longer feels right for you or your family, the plan can be changed. You would simply call the funeral home and set up an appointment with the staff member in charge of advanced funeral planning. Tell them you want to review the funeral plan you have on file. The funeral director will help you bring your plan in line with your current wishes. Of course, the same is true if you wish to change your plan from burial to cremation. Or, if your faith has changed and you want to include a new church in your plan.

In short, no one need avoid planning for their closing ceremony because they are not 100% sure about the burial or cremation choice.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How Long Does Cremation Take?

Sat, 13 May 2023 17:20:25 GMT

How Long Does Cremation Take

If you’re considering cremation for your loved one, you’re not alone. In 2020, the rate of cremation in the United States was 56.1 percent, and that number is only expected to climb. By 2030, it’s estimated that the cremation rate will be all the way up to 72.8 percent. So, what should you expect when you decide to cremate a loved one? Let’s take a look at how long the process takes and how cremation affects funeral planning.

How long does cremation take?

The actual cremation process typically takes between one and three hours, though processing the remains adds an additional two hours. However, that doesn’t mean that cremation happens the same day as someone’s passing. The process of getting approval for cremation all the way until the remains can be returned to a family usually occurs between four and 15 business days.

Many states have laws that require cremation if someone is not embalmed or refrigerated within a certain amount of time. However, most often, the entire cremation process takes longer than that time frame. If a family does not want embalming to occur before cremation, the body will need to be refrigerated while they wait for proper approval.

How is someone approved for cremation?

First, your loved one will need to be identified. This step is crucial to ensure that, after someone is cremated, they have the right identification. Getting approval for cremation varies by state, but they do all follow a similar path. For one thing, the funeral home staff will always have to receive a death certificate before they can proceed. They will also need authorization from the decedent’s next-of-kin in the form of a Cremation Authorization Form. The next-of-kin is typically a spouse, but the decision falls to the children if no spouse is around. If there are multiple children, all of them must sign and agree to the form. Some states may also require a waiting period before someone can be cremated, though this can be overridden if there’s a public health concern.

Can you have a funeral after someone is cremated?

Funerals are very individualized events, and as such, you have options when it comes to planning one for a loved one. Although many people prefer to have their loved ones present in a casket for a funeral, you can decide to cremate your loved one before the ceremony. If you opt to do this, your loved one may not have to be embalmed. You’ll be waiting to hold the funeral until after the entire cremation process is concluded.

There are no rules regarding when you have to hold a funeral if your loved one is already cremated. You may choose to have it soon after cremation ends or decide to hold off for some weeks or months. This form of cremation is referred to as cremation with a memorial service, and the ashes of your loved one may or may not be present. That decision is up to you.

You can also choose to forgo a funeral altogether. In a cremation only situation, also known as “direct cremation,” the funeral home or crematory will work to process the cremation as quickly as possible. The ashes will be returned to you without the funeral home working with you to plan any funeral or memorial service.

But because most states have laws that require embalming or refrigeration to occur within a specific time frame after death, your loved one may have to be embalmed or refrigerated if you choose to have a funeral before cremation. This form of cremation is typically referred to as cremation with a traditional service.

If you have any questions about the cremation of your loved one, it’s best to talk to your funeral director. Especially considering that each state and even county can have different laws about when and how cremation has to happen, your funeral director will have a wealth of knowledge from years of experience operating within those laws. When it comes to funeral planning, opting for cremation doesn’t have to change what you want your loved one’s funeral to look like. In fact, it can open the door for more choices as to when to hold the funeral or memorial service.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Videos

Sat, 06 May 2023 16:45:45 GMT

Preparing for a Funeral: Videos

Every funeral is a celebration of life. And one of the best ways to celebrate that life is by surrounding the funeral with memories of how that life was lived. One way to do this is by incorporating a memorial video into your ceremony or the events before or after it. A memorial video is filled with home movies and pictures of your loved one throughout their life, showing just how loved that loved one was. So, how can you put one together, and how can you show it at a funeral? While some funeral homes may be able to help with video services, here are a few steps to take if you want to create one yourself.

1. Check with your funeral home to ensure they have the right equipment to show videos.

Many funeral homes have projectors or televisions that can show slideshows and videos. But it’s best not to assume that your funeral home will have what you need. You don’t want the day of the funeral to arrive, and you have your video ready to go but nothing to show it on. Always check with your funeral director to be sure that there will be something available on the day for your video. If not, you’ll have to supply your own projector or TV, depending on how you want to present the video. Remember that your video may have to be in a certain format, like on a DVD or thumb drive, depending on what the funeral home has available.

2. Collect videos from relatives and friends of your loved one.

After going through your own supply of home videos, ask your family and your loved one’s friends if they have any that they can contribute. Keep in mind that when you cut together the memorial video, you can also incorporate still images. Ask if they have any photos they’d be able to share as well, especially if they are pictures of your loved one during very significant moments, like a wedding or the birth of their children.

3. Convert VHS tapes to digital.

If your family and friends are sending you over old VHS tapes filled with home movies, you’re going to have some trouble creating a memorial video. But don’t worry, you can still convert those VHS tapes into useable clips. To do the conversion yourself , you’ll need a VCR, a USB-to-composite video converter, a computer with a USB port, and several hours. To get started, download the converter’s software on your computer. Then, connect the VCR to the computer using the USB video converter. Make sure the tape is rewound to where you want to start the conversion. Press play on your VCR and hit record on your computer. The recordings will have to play in real-time, so be prepared to sit back and watch those memories play out.

If you’re not particularly tech-savvy or don’t have the proper equipment to convert the videos yourself, several companies offer this service . You’ll have to ship your VHS tapes out to them, and the conversions can take a few weeks or more to process. Be sure that you have enough time before the funeral for the companies to fulfill your request and ship a DVD or USB back to you or send you a digital download.

4. Cut together the memorial video.

To create a memorial video, you’ll want to use an application that allows you to put together videos, pictures, and audio. You could invest in software known for putting clips together with other features, like graphics and text, such as Final Cut Pro. But there are also free applications available for more straightforward use, like iMovie and Windows Movie Maker. These free apps tend to be easier to learn, so you’ll be able to create something that’s not too complicated but still beautiful.

If you think you’re not the best fit to make this video, consider asking a friend or family member if they can help you. But if you’re short on time and don’t have much available help, you can also hire a contractor to make the memorial video for you. Plenty of video editors would be happy to create a professional-looking tribute for you.

Certain services are built for the exact purpose of creating a memorial video for you, like Tribute . With Tribute, you can invite your family and friends to contribute photos and videos directly on the platform. Then, you’ll have that inventory available for you to build out the memorial. Although it’s a more expensive option, you can also use Tribute’s concierge service to make the video. Another bonus to the service is that the video will be available for digital download, allowing friends and family to keep it as a memento of their loved one forever.

5. Decide when you’d like to show the video.

Memorial videos can be played at several times. If you have a memorial video with sound, you’ll likely want to play it during the funeral itself, where everyone’s full attention is on it. Be sure to include time in the ceremony for the memorial to play. However, if you don’t have any sound, you can also set up a projector to have the video shown during a memorial ceremony or visitation after the funeral. That way, those precious home movies and memories can surround family and friends as they reminisce about their loved one.

6. Send out the video after the funeral.

If you collected emails of your funeral guests in your guest book, and if you saved your video as a digital download, you could also consider sending it out after the ceremony. Memorial videos often get shelved after a funeral, but by distributing them to family and friends, they will always have those beloved memories to watch when they’re missing their loved one.

A memorial video is a tribute to your loved one, filled with memories and moments that you’ll never forget. When you put together this memorial, you’re allowing all of your funeral guests to take part in reminiscing with you. Seeing a loved one smiling and laughing at their funeral is a gift that can bring joy to a difficult day. No matter how you create one and whether you use the help of a professional or not, the most important thing is that your video shows the spirit of your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Who Pays for Funerals that Aren’t Pre-Planned?

Sat, 29 Apr 2023 15:38:16 GMT

Who Pays for Funerals That Aren't Pre-Planned?

When it comes to paying for funerals, there’s often a lot of confusion around who is responsible for covering the costs. The answer can be a bit complicated. When your loved one did not do any pre-planning for their funeral, who pays for the service and disposition?

Who pays for funerals that aren’t pre-planned?

First, it’s essential to understand that pre-planning doesn’t necessarily mean that a funeral is already paid for. Funeral homes offer people the ability to plan for their funerals without them paying for those plans in advance. It’s possible that your loved one pre-planned without pre-paying, which is a gift in itself. Whether your loved one planned but didn’t pay or if they didn’t plan at all, the financial burden typically falls to the same place.

The only person legally responsible for paying for a funeral is the person who signed the contract with the funeral home. In most cases, the funeral cost will come from the decedent’s estate. Their savings, property, and other assets will be used to cover the cost. But if the assets are not enough to pay the full price, the expenses fall to the executor of the decedent’s estate, as designated in their will. Most often, the executor is a spouse or another close relative. If there’s no executor in the will, a probate court will appoint someone, usually the closest living relative.

While, legally, the only person responsible at this point is the executor, they may need financial assistance. If there were no pre-paid accounts or insurances, the executor would have to find a way to pay themselves. If there is insufficient money in the decedent’s assets, the executor will turn to other sources to help them. Immediate and extended family often will pay what they can, but the executor still may need additional help.

It’s not uncommon for a funeral to cost upwards of $7,000 , which may be a high price for the average family. Some executors may take out a funeral loan to help cover the cost, but that might not be an option for a variety of reasons. Another way to pay for funerals is by resorting to crowdfunding. Using sites like GoFundMe allows more people to offer their assistance, even people you might not have known that your loved one knew. GoFundMe pages can be shared online, and those campaigns can spread farther than you may think. Talk to your funeral director to learn if the funeral home offers a crowdfunding platform.

But what should you do if there’s still just simply not enough money to cover the cost of a funeral? You can contact funeral assistance programs to help. Local and national charities exist to help with unexpected funeral costs. You also may be able to receive some assistance from the government. The Social Security Administration provides a small one-time death benefit to a surviving spouse or child. If your loved one passed as a result of a natural disaster, the Federal Emergency Management Agency may be able to help.

How can you plan ahead?

If you don’t pre-plan your funeral, your family will be the ones to make the decisions regarding your funeral and disposition. And if you don’t plan ahead for payment options, it’ll be up to the executor in your will to figure out how to cover expenses, which means that your family will likely end up paying however they can. But you have many options to pay into your funeral expenses ahead of time, saving your family from the financial burden.

One option is using insurance. Although many people think that their life insurance policy is enough to cover all of their final expenses, this is often not the case, and families end up paying for funerals out of pocket instead. With pre-need insurance , you’ll work with your chosen funeral home to decide on all the details of your funeral and disposition. From there, you’ll essentially pre-pay for the funeral of your choice. When you pass, the insurance will pay out to the funeral home, and they’ll enact your plans. When you purchase pre-need insurance, the funeral home will usually offer you a variety of payment plans to choose from, including the option to pay for the funeral in full.

Pre-need insurance is usually transferable or adjustable, if the need for changes arises. The beneficiary of pre-need insurance is always the funeral home because they are obligated to provide the goods and services agreed to by the decedent. Those funds ensure that the funeral that was planned is the funeral that is held. Final expense insurance is an option that pays out the death benefit to whomever you designate. That person will then have the ability to use the money to pay for the funeral, but it often ends up being used for other end-of-life costs, like medical debt.

If you so choose, you can name the funeral home as the beneficiary of final expense insurance as well. Doing so is called making an assignment. When you make an assignment, the death benefit will go to the funeral home to pay for the cost of the funeral and disposition. But after those have been paid off, the remaining funds will go to your family. Although uncommon, some people may not qualify for final expense insurance due to a terminal illness, in which case, pre-need insurance may be the best option, as everyone is eligible for it regardless of health condition.

However, you may decide to forgo the insurance route. You could instead set up a trust or a payable on death account. In fact, in some states, because the law prevents pre-need insurance, a trust or payable on death account may be your primary option. For a funeral trust, you’ll work with a funeral home to set one up. You’ll then begin paying into the account for the funeral home to access when it’s time to have your funeral. Like pre-need insurance, a funeral trust’s beneficiary is the funeral home. If you decide to go with a payable on death account, you’ll set one up with your bank instead of the funeral home. As the name implies, the account becomes payable to the person of your choosing in the event of your death.

Planning ahead and paying ahead can save your family from future stress and financial burden. When you pay in advance, your family will know exactly what you wanted in your funeral, saving them from the worry of wondering if they’re paying for the right things later on. You have many options when it comes to pre-paying for your funeral. Talk to your funeral director about how you can pay for your funeral in advance. However you choose to pay for your funeral now, you’ll be helping your family later.

If you’ll end up being an executor yourself, be sure that you know your loved one’s payment plans. Talk to them about the accounts, trusts, and insurances they’ve taken out, and be sure that you know how to access them when the time comes.

www.smithfamilycares.com

History of Hearses: What Makes a Hearse Different From a Normal Car?

Sat, 22 Apr 2023 15:47:00 GMT

History of Hearses: What Makes a Hearse Different from a Normal Car?

A hearse is a chariot that carries a loved one between their funeral and their final resting place. It’s a crucial component of a funeral home’s service. After all, anyone would want their loved one to have a dignified ride during an event meant to celebrate their life. But how did today’s hearses come to be? What we think of as hearses nowadays isn’t the first kind of hearse. Hearses come with centuries worth of history.

How were the hearses of today invented?

In the 17th century, people began referring to horse-drawn carriages used to transport the deceased as hearses. Still, it wasn’t until the early 20th century that hearses, or funeral coaches, were created as we know them today. The first vehicles were actually electric , but in 1909, undertaker H.D. Ludlow commissioned a gas-powered hearse that had the body of a horse-drawn carriage and the chassis, or base frame, of a bus, which became the preferred form of a hearse, thereby replacing the electric models.

However, because horse-drawn hearses were still available and significantly less costly, most people of average means chose to continue using those instead. But funeral directors quickly realized that they could use those gas-powered hearses several times per day because of how much faster they were than the horse-drawn ones. By the 1920s, gas-powered hearses had become more cost-effective, and horse-drawn hearses were made obsolete.

Although more companies began to manufacture gas-powered hearses in this style, starting with Crane and Breed Company of Cincinnati, Sayers & Scovill, also based in Ohio, introduced a landau-style hearse in 1925. This type of funeral coach, which looked more like a limousine, became more popular than the boxier older models and is more closely related to the hearses we know today.

When it comes to how hearses are made, you might expect that the big car-manufacturing companies just have divisions for funeral coaches. However, there’s no such thing as a factory that builds hearses from scratch. Instead, a third-party manufacturer purchases an existing vehicle and customizes it. Most of the hearses we see today are made from Cadillacs and Lincolns.

What makes a hearse different from a car?

If hearses are made from Cadillacs and Lincolns, they certainly have to undergo a transformation to be able to be used by funeral homes. To start, the car is cut in half and fitted into a larger, lower sitting chassis. This is crucial to building a hearse because it needs to be low enough for a casket to be lifted in and long enough for it to sit comfortably with enough space. From there, a fiberglass shell is built to connect the cut-apart vehicle ends. Then the electrical and fluid lines are attached. The vehicle now resembles the hearse as we know it, but some pieces still need to be added to make it a functional hearse.

An extended platform with rollers is placed in the back of the vehicles, which allows the casket to roll in and out of the car. But to keep the casket from sliding around, bier pin plates are added to secure it. To keep some privacy in the hearse, drapes that run the length of the back windows are put up.

When you see a hearse on the street, know that there was great care in turning that vehicle from a simple car into something befitting of carrying many people’s loved ones on their final journeys. Today’s hearses might not look like they did in the 17th century, but they do provide the same service of ushering loved ones to their final resting places. It’s a service funeral homes are proud to provide, which is why it’s so crucial that the vehicle is befitting the importance of the event.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is a Visitation? Is it Different From a Wake or Viewing?

Sat, 15 Apr 2023 17:11:47 GMT

What is a Visitation? Is it Different from a Wake or Viewing?

When people say that they’re planning a funeral, they often mean something that goes beyond what occurs at the actual funeral itself. We consider funeral arrangements to be multi-day events, but that’s not because the service goes on for more than one day. It’s because most people hold additional days to allow people to gather to say goodbye or give their condolences to the loved ones of the person who passed. We call these occasions wakes, viewings, or visitations. Although they’re often used interchangeably, there are some distinct differences between the three. So, what do these events mean?

What is a visitation?

The idea behind a visitation is that you’re visiting the family of the person who passed. Essentially, a visitation is when people are invited to pay their respects to the family. This can happen for one hour or up to several days, depending on the family’s ability to receive guests. A visitation can occur in the home, but more modern visitations tend to take place in a funeral home. They typically occur in the days leading up to the funeral, but they can also be planned for after the funeral as part of the repast.

One of the most essential aspects that makes a visitation different from a wake or viewing is that this event is mainly about providing comfort for the bereaved. That’s why the person who passed is often not present for visitations. If they are present, the casket is usually closed. A visitation can also occur after cremation, with the loved one’s ashes being present.

What is a viewing?

A viewing differs from a visitation as it is less meant to provide support for the family and more meant as a time for loved ones to gather and say personal goodbyes to the one who passed. While it’s generally acceptable for anyone who wishes to come to a visitation and express their condolences, a viewing is more meant for people who knew the decedent on a personal level.

Viewings used to be commonly done in the home, but today they happen in funeral homes. Like a visitation, these events are often planned for the days leading up to a funeral. However, because a viewing involves seeing the decedent, it cannot happen after the funeral like a visitation can. Viewings are generally open-casket, giving close friends and family the chance to see their loved one before they are buried or cremated.

What is a wake?

A wake and a viewing are often used synonymously, particularly in the U.S. and Canada. A wake is still essentially a time in which mourners are invited to see the person who passed and say goodbye. Like viewings, they used to take place in the home, but they occur in funeral homes today.

Wakes do have roots that go further back than viewings, however. Although there’s a common misconception that the origin of wakes comes from the idea that people used to come view the decedent to see if they’d “wake up,” these events actually were more about holding a vigil. In Celtic countries in Europe, volunteers would stay awake beside the decedent until they were buried in the hopes that their presence would deter spirits from possessing the form of their loved one.

Ultimately, though, today's wakes are more commonly simple events in which the decedent is present so that mourners can see their loved one a final time before they’re cremated or buried. Most often, modern wakes could also be called viewings.

When you’re arranging a funeral, you should consider the events that occur around the service itself. A visitation is a lovely way for a community to come together to support the family of someone who passed. And a wake or viewing gives people who loved the decedent the chance to say farewell to someone who meant so much to them. If you’d like to arrange for days for viewings or visitations, talk to your funeral director about what options they have for hosting these additional events.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Choosing the Pallbearers

Sat, 08 Apr 2023 17:19:47 GMT

Choosing the Pallbearers

Planning a funeral isn’t a one-person job. As you go about planning the funeral for a loved one, you’ll find that many people will become involved. Some may help you gather photos to display around the funeral home. You may invite others to do a reading or sing a song during the ceremony. And some people will become pallbearers.

But how do you know who to ask to be a pallbearer for your loved one’s funeral? Here are a few things that you should consider.

How to Choose the Pallbearers for a Loved One’s Funeral

1. Confirm with the funeral home how many pallbearers will be needed.

A pallbearer is tasked with carrying the casket to the service location from the hearse and vice versa. In general, depending on the casket’s design, you’ll likely need six to eight pallbearers. Before asking anyone to be a pallbearer, be sure that you know how many you’ll need. Your funeral home will be able to answer questions about the weight of the casket and how many pallbearers will be able to carry it.

2. Consider the physical requirements of carrying the casket.

A wooden casket alone may weigh between 150 and 250 pounds. When you add the decedent, that weight could double. Although pallbearers don’t typically have to carry the casket for longer than 15 minutes, moving that much weight even for a short amount of time can be incredibly difficult. Be sure that whoever you ask is prepared to carry that much. Likely, someone who is too young or too elderly will not be able to handle the casket’s weight, but there may be other reasons why someone might not be up to the task.

3. Don’t forget about the emotional requirements.

There are many differing opinions about how close the pallbearers should be to the decedent. Often, very close family members are not selected to be pallbearers because of the emotional distress they’re experiencing from the loss of their loved one. Someone who is very strongly mourning may have trouble carrying the casket as grief overtakes them. Additionally, the position of pallbearer is a very public one. There will be many eyes on them as they move the coffin. Some people may become embarrassed if grief overtakes them while they’re trying to fulfill their duty. Be sure that the people you ask are aware that this position can be taxing both physically and emotionally.

4. Have both backup and honorary pallbearers.

Although you hope that the day of the funeral will go by smoothly, there’s always the potential for something to go awry. If one of your pallbearers suddenly falls ill or cannot carry the casket for another reason, it’s a good idea to ask backup pallbearers to be available. Just be sure that they know that they have to be prepared if they’re needed at the last minute. You may also want to offer that if they are not required to carry the casket after all, they can also be honorary pallbearers. Honorary pallbearers walk either ahead of or just behind the coffin. This is also a good position for someone who was particularly close to the decedent but who cannot handle the strain of carrying the casket. If you’re concerned that someone who wants to be a pallbearer isn’t a good fit, talk to your funeral director. They may have suggestions on other ways for the person to be included.

5. Only choose people who you trust to be reliable.

For the original, backup, and honorary pallbearers, ensure that they are aware that they may have to arrive at the funeral home early. If you know that someone has a habit of being late or backing out at the last minute for events, they probably shouldn’t be chosen as pallbearers. The day of the funeral can be very stressful, and having pallbearers arriving late or not at all can make that strain much worse. Do confirmation check-ins with your pallbearers in the week leading up to the funeral to ensure they’re ready for what’s being asked of them and aware of what time they will be needed at the funeral home.

Pallbearers carry a lot of weight, both physically and emotionally, so it’s essential that you know you’re picking people who are up to the challenge. Make sure that everyone who is chosen is aware of what’s being required of them, but just in case someone isn’t able to perform on the day, always have backups waiting to help. For those who want to be a pallbearer but aren’t able to handle the emotional or physical stress, honorary pallbearer is a valued and cherished position. A pallbearer of any kind is an integral part of the funeral procession, so be sure that you’re choosing people who understand why what they’re doing matters.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Plan It...All the Way Out

Sat, 01 Apr 2023 13:08:48 GMT

Plan It...All the Way Out

The ritual harkening the long-awaited approach of spring is upon us – March Madness.

People of all ages, incomes, and professions will be completing their brackets and winding down to the biggest decisions of all … the final four! Players and coaches have been working hard for months leading up to this finale.

The work and preparation leading up to the end of the college basketball season is not unlike what we all do in our professional lives. Most people work for years in anticipation of the day when they will retire and have the luxury of calling their time their own. The final five working years before retirement are typically the time to get your ducks in a row.

Most people approaching retirement begin to think about maxing their savings in those final years of earning. Many take care of deferred maintenance to the home and some even work on their estate plan. Fewer think about the final duck … their funeral. Planning and funding your funeral during those years is a great time to get it done. Especially if being frugal about this expense is of importance.

Some of the benefits to planning and funding a funeral in advance include:

· A payment plan set up while you are still working and earning means the funeral will be completely paid for (at today’s cost) before you retire. That means you won’t need to withdraw from investments to cover this cost in your retirement years.

· Most people are in good health as they wind down their working years. That means the total cost of the funeral can be covered should something unexpected happen before the payments are complete.

· Funerals, like most things, tend to inflate in cost over time … it’s not going to get cheaper. You can lock down your cost and be done before you retire.

It’s easy to find out everything you need to know about planning and funding a funeral. Just call the funeral home and ask to speak to the individual who takes care of advance funeral planning.

Plan early, live long… and have fun during your March Madness and beyond!

www.smithfamilycares.com

The Many Details a Funeral Director is Responsible For

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 14:36:27 GMT

The Many Details a Funeral Director is Responsible For

When a loved one passes away, families work with funeral homes to provide care for the deceased and prepare for their services and final disposition. During this difficult time, it takes a caring, guiding hand to ensure everything is in order and celebrates the life of this unique individual. That’s where funeral directors come in. But there’s a lot that a funeral director does that you might not be aware of. Let’s take a look at the many duties a funeral director is responsible for.

What does a funeral director do at a funeral home?

1. Assist families in planning their loved one’s services and disposition.

When you plan a loved one’s services and final disposition, a funeral director will be there to guide you through the process. There are hundreds of crucial decisions to make during this difficult time. Having a knowledgeable professional by your side ensures that you’re well-informed on all of your options and can make the right choices for you and your family.

2. Organize and mentor their staff.

Reaching the position of a funeral director takes years of training and experience in funeral homes. But a funeral director isn’t the only person making sure that funerals run smoothly. Many funeral directors rely on the help of funeral assistants. With the guidance of a funeral director, these assistants set up rooms for services, prepare caskets for transport, and do what they can to ensure that every ceremony is well-organized and adequately honors your loved one.

3. Ensure that paperwork is properly filed.

One of the things we don’t often think about when a loved one passes away is what we need to file with the local and federal governments to fulfill their plans. For instance, you’ll need a death certificate and a permit for cremation if cremation was what your loved one wanted. But we don’t often have to think about these crucial forms because a funeral director ensures that every document is filled out correctly and goes to the right places.

4. Embalm or organize the process for embalming.

A funeral director is oftentimes a licensed embalmer in many funeral homes. That means that they will be the ones to prepare your loved one for their funeral or viewing. However, if the funeral home employs additional embalmers, the funeral director is the one organizing the process, ensuring that everything is done promptly and respectfully. If the funeral director won’t be doing the embalming themselves, they are often the liaison between the embalmer and the decedent's family. They will collect the clothing and other accessories that the family wants their loved one to wear on the day of the funeral or be buried with, making sure that the decedent is correctly attired according to the family’s wishes. Should the funeral home also utilize the help of a mortuary cosmetologist, the funeral director will also organize when they come to prepare the loved one.

5. Arrange the transportation of the decedent.

When someone passes away, a funeral director is the one to take the decedent into the funeral home’s care. They must organize transportation to bring them to the funeral home, and once that happens, they have many more arrangements to make. The funeral director will manage the funeral procession and coordinate transport for the decedent to reach their burial or cremation site, as well as ensure that, if they were cremated, their remains are delivered back to the care of their family.

6. Ensure that the burial or cremation site is prepared for the decedent.

It’s crucial that a funeral director coordinates with the burial or cremation site. Following the funeral, the cemetery must be open to receive the decedent for burial. In the case of cremation, the funeral director will schedule it with a local crematory if the funeral home does not have its own crematory.

7. Provide aftercare or grief support to a loved one’s family.

Funeral directors understand that grief does not end with a funeral. Especially for funeral homes where they may be the only ones in town, funeral directors have deep ties to their community and are often looked at as community figures. They do not take the title lightly. They desire to serve their community, which can be shown in how they provide aftercare to families in mourning. Even when the funeral ends, a funeral director’s work with a decedent’s family doesn’t.

Funeral directors do what they do because they are community-driven individuals who want to provide a place for families in mourning to celebrate their loved one. They spend years training to be a resource and a guide for these families. When you work with a funeral director, you know that you’ll have someone handling the details of the day, allowing you to simply grieve in peace.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What to Do First When Someone Dies

Sat, 18 Mar 2023 14:19:00 GMT

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Whether your loved one’s death was expected or sudden, no loss is easy. From the moment your loved one passes, you may feel overwhelmed not only by emotion but also by everything that must be done to take care of them. What should you do right after a loved one passes? Here are your five first steps.

What to Do First When Someone Dies

1. Contact a funeral home.

If you know the funeral home that your loved one wanted to use, contact them for assistance as soon as you can. If not, check if they’ve declared any final wishes in their medical or legal documents. Your loved one may have preplanned their funeral and disposition with a funeral home, or they may have at least declared which funeral home they want to use and if they’d like to be buried or cremated.

If your loved one did not preplan, contact a local funeral home that you believe would be a good fit for your loved one’s care. You want to recruit the help of a funeral director soon after your loved one passes because they will be able to assist you through many of the first steps regarding your loved one’s after-life care.

2. Get a legal pronouncement of death.

When a loved one passes, one of the first things that you should do is get a legal pronouncement of death made by someone of authority. This person may be your loved one’s doctor or their hospice nurse. The individual will then fill out forms certifying the cause, time, and place of death. The reason why this action must be taken immediately after death is that you’ll need this legal pronouncement in order to receive a death certificate later on.

When someone is pronounced dead, they’re registered with the local or state vital records office. When you need a death certificate, you’ll have to contact those offices to get certified copies of a death certificate. Having several certified copies is essential, as you’ll need proof of your loved one’s death to handle many processes, including organizing their cremation or burial, filing a life insurance claim, and transferring their assets to a living individual. You may need 10 or more death certificates for all of the after-life processes, which means that if you do not get a legal pronouncement of death in a timely manner, you may find yourself being delayed from the next steps you need to take in caring for your loved one and their estate. A funeral director will be able to help you file the proper paperwork and ensure that you have all the documents you need.

3. Check if your loved one was an organ donor.

Organ donation is time-sensitive. Each organ that can potentially be donated only has a short window of time to be viable after death . The heart is only able to be donated for four to six hours after death, while the kidneys may be viable for up to 36 hours. It’s crucial to act quickly to make sure that your loved one’s organs can be used for life-saving procedures.

If you did not talk to your loved one about whether or not they were an organ donor, check their driver’s license. Their choice will be marked there. If they did not have a driver’s license, this decision may be indicated in their advance directive. Once you know that your loved one wanted to be an organ donor, alert the hospital staff. If your loved one passed at home, call a local hospital so that they can begin arranging transportation.

In most cases, if your loved one was not in a hospital when they died, organ donation will not be possible. Vital organs cannot survive very long once oxygen stops flowing through the body. However, tissue and eye donation may still be an option because they remain viable for several hours without oxygen. So, even if your loved one passed at home, it’s still worth calling the hospital and seeing if they can donate.

4. Begin contacting family and friends.

You should tell close family and friends that their loved one has died soon after the death occurs. Although it’s often recommended that you tell them in person, it’s likely that doing so will be exceedingly difficult, especially if those family and friends live in different places. So, most likely, you’ll be making several phone calls to break the news. There’s no easy way to say something so challenging, but it’s best to say it outright. Don’t talk about other matters before you tell them their loved one died, and don’t use euphemisms when you tell them the news. It’s best if there’s no question of what you’re trying to say to them.

Your loved one likely had many people who loved them too, which means that you may be making several phone calls. Losing a loved one may trigger feelings of shock in the days following the death, or you may immediately enter a state of grief. Either way, it’s essential that you don’t neglect taking care of yourself. Having to make so many difficult calls can be taxing, so recruit family and friends to help you make additional calls once they’ve been alerted to what’s happened. Your loved ones will understand that you need the assistance and want to support you, so don’t hesitate to ask. You should also ask someone nearby if they can help to quickly take care of your loved one’s dependents and property. If your loved one was caring for a person or a pet, arrange for their temporary care while you make a long-term plan for them. It’s also a good idea to ask someone to check on the loved one’s home to be sure it’s secured as it may sit vacant for some time.

5. Arrange your loved one’s transportation.

One of the final steps that must be done quickly after a loved one’s death is arranging their transportation. Transportation can be arranged with your loved one’s funeral home. They will take your loved one into their care and begin preparing them for their services and disposition.

Once you know your loved one is safe in the funeral home’s care, you can begin the process of planning for their funeral and final disposition. Beginning to arrange a funeral starts with contacting your funeral director and discussing your options. If your loved one preplanned their funeral, the funeral director will help you make those plans come to fruition. If not, they can guide you through arranging a funeral and disposition that’s right for your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

I Have Several Loved Ones’ Urns – What Should I Do?

Sat, 11 Mar 2023 12:30:56 GMT

I have Several Loved Ones' Urns...What Should I Do?

When a loved one is cremated, there’s always a question of what to do next. Generally, their ashes will sit in an urn, but what should you do with them? Do they have to stay in the urn?

There are plenty of thoughtful things to do to memorialize your loved one. In many cases, you can visit the funeral home you’re working with to see urns and cremation jewelry in person, giving you a chance to pick from unique choices to honor your loved one. Talk to your funeral director to learn what kinds of urns and cremation jewelry options are available at the funeral home. But what should you do if you have many different urns for your loved ones? If you have many of your loved ones’ urns and aren’t sure what you can do, here are a few options.

What to Do With Loved Ones’ Urns

1. Create mini memorials.

Choose an urn that reminds you of your loved one. Maybe they were an artist, and you’d want a bright and colorful urn that always makes you think of how brightly they shined. Or perhaps they were more quiet and reserved, and you’d like an urn that makes you feel as peaceful as they did. Find a place in your house that’s not too busy and place the urns on a surface with some distance between each one. Then, surround each urn with trinkets and pictures of the loved one whose urn it is. These mini memorials are a beautiful way to cover your home with the memories of your loved ones.

2. Incorporate the urns into your decor.

Urns don’t have to stand out from the rest of your home. If you’re looking for a more subtle way to display your loved ones, many urns simply look and can even function like vases, with the ashes concealed in a bottom compartment that leaves room for flowers or candles in the top. By choosing an urn that looks more like another piece of decor, you can incorporate it into the room’s style. If the urn also functions as a vase, you could also place flowers in it, giving the room an extra pop of color.

3. Grow a memorial tree with a biodegradable urn.

Although ashes on their own aren’t particularly great for growing plants, recent years have seen a movement for more companies creating and offering biodegradable urns with tree-growing kits. Through these kits, you’ll be able to turn your loved one’s ashes into a memorial tree. These products use different methods to make ashes more friendly to plants, allowing for thriving trees to be born from the urn.

4. Turn your loved one’s ashes into a reef.

Another environmentally-conscious way of memorializing your loved one is by reef ball burial. Sadly, the world has lost 50 percent of its coral reefs since the 1950s , diminishing crucial habitats for sea creatures. Through reef ball burials, your loved one will become a part of an underwater structure that mimics the characteristics of a reef. These artificial reefs have already seen wildlife beginning to flock to them, meaning that your loved one is creating a home for many creatures that have been displaced.

5. Turn their ashes into art.

There are so many different ways that ashes can be incorporated into stunning pieces of artwork. Some artists can create portraits by mixing the ashes with paint. Others include the ashes in handblown glass works of art. And for those who enjoy using the body as a canvas, some tattoo artists can mix the ashes with ink to create a tattoo to honor your loved one.

6. Turn their ashes into jewelry or buy jewelry built to contain ashes.

Just like other works of art, there are many types of jewelry that can be used to memorialize your loved one. With some cremation jewelry, ashes are mixed with the other materials used to build it. These are highly personalized necklaces, bracelets, rings, pendants, brooches, and more, and as such, they can take some time to craft. But you can also buy pre-made jewelry that’s built with a little compartment to contain ashes.

7. Scatter the ashes.

Some people might not like the idea of keeping a loved one’s remains in an urn. Perhaps you feel that your free-spirited family member should be where they loved being most, like at sea or in the national park they used to hike through all the time. Scattering ashes can be a lovely ceremony, all about returning your loved one to the places they enjoyed most in life. There are funeral homes and boating companies that will take you and your family out on the water to spread the ashes when you’re far enough from shore. For even bigger risk-takers, there are even companies that will help you scatter the ashes while skydiving. Another popular option is spreading them in national parks, but be sure not to do it too close to a trail.

Be sure you’re adhering to state and local ordinances wherever you decide to spread the ashes. And remember, just because you’re allowed to go somewhere doesn’t mean you can scatter ashes there. Spreading ashes in a privately-owned business is not permitted without proper consent.

Whether you decide to display your urns or turn your loved ones’ ashes into stunning works of art, you’re memorializing those you loved in sentimental, beautiful ways. The only things that matter are that you’re choosing methods that honor the memory of those you lost and that the plans you opt for provide comfort to you as you think about those you loved.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Attending a Lot of Funerals

Sat, 04 Mar 2023 16:53:53 GMT

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Funerals are beautiful celebrations of life that allow us to say goodbye to people we loved. But there may come a time when attending a funeral is sadly no longer a rare occurrence. Having to attend many funerals can be overwhelming, instigating feelings of grief for many different loved ones. What can you do to help yourself when attending too many funerals becomes overpowering?

What to Do When You’re Attending Many Funerals

Recognize that you can only do so much.

A funeral can be a celebration for someone who has passed, but it’s also a chance to be there for those who remain. Especially if you were very close to the person who passed, you’d naturally want to do all you can for the people they loved. That desire comes from a good place, but when you’re attending a lot of funerals, you may quickly find yourself overextended. Wanting to help is admirable, but remember that you’re experiencing much grief right now. It’s not easy to lose so many people you love in a short amount of time. Taking care of yourself is essential too.

Consider speaking to someone.

Especially if you’ve reached an age where many of your friends are no longer with you, talking to a mental health professional is vital. You’re experiencing grief, but so many funerals can also trigger some thoughts about your own passing. While talking to your family may be helpful, a mental health professional with experience helping others overcome grief can guide you through the tough questions. Depending on how your loved ones passed, you might also want to work with a professional with particular experience, such as one who works with people whose loved ones passed from advanced age or terminal illness.

Know that it’s okay to decline.

Attending a funeral allows you to pay tribute to someone you loved. But that’s not to say that it’s the only way. When you’re going to many funerals, you may become overwhelmed. You’re grieving too, and losing so many people one after another is heartbreaking. Sometimes, a funeral is too much when you’re already emotionally exhausted. If you find it too difficult to go to another funeral, write a letter of condolence to the remaining family. You may want to explain the situation, but you don’t need to present your emotional state. It’s more important to spend the letter talking about the person you and they are missing. Talk about how much you loved them and what they meant to you. If you’re feeling up to it, you can offer support to the remaining family, but if not, it’s enough to say that you’re sorry for their loss and that their loved one will be greatly missed.

Spend more time with the ones you love.

You may find yourself thinking about your own mortality when you’re attending a lot of funerals. It’s natural to have questions and worries, especially if you’re of an age where it’s hard to know how much time is left. A big part of enjoying the time we have is spending it with those who matter to us. Especially after losing many people very quickly, you should try to remind yourself that you’re still not alone. There are people out there who love you and who you love back. You may feel lonely after losing so many loved ones, but combatting loneliness starts with recognizing that it’s never too late to forge deeper bonds in our lives.

Don’t mask your thoughts.

Losing loved ones, especially many in a short time, can trigger symptoms of anxiety, such as racing thoughts. Many people try to cover their thoughts, searching for distractions. But those distractions only mask the symptom rather than treating the root of the problem. Refusing to recognize your thoughts only makes them fester, which can worsen anxiety. Instead, spend time with your thoughts and learn how to cope with them. Find ways to address your anxious thoughts. Working through a plan with your mental health professional is a good way to combat how you’re feeling properly. Some methods of managing anxious thoughts that may help include taking time every day to write out how you’re feeling, doing deep breathing exercises, or having a daily session of either walking or sitting meditation.

For many of us, once we reach a certain age, we’ll sadly begin attending many funerals. But whether that stage in your life comes tragically early or much later on, you must take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky emotion. Taking care of your mental health can help prevent it from becoming too overwhelming. Even still, it’s okay to miss people. You’re going to miss talking to them, seeing their smiles, hearing their voice, and all the little things that they brought to the world that made it a brighter place. Nothing takes away the pain of losing them, but working with a mental health professional and continuing to live each day in the best way possible can make the world feel a little less dark without them.

Funerals of Our Presidents

Sat, 25 Feb 2023 16:40:22 GMT

Funerals of our Presidents

A funeral offers a chance to say goodbye, but how do we say our farewells to those who forged the path of our nation? Presidential funerals have proven to be groundbreaking occasions that set the tone for how the nation grieves. Let’s take a look at how we as a country said goodbye to some of our most beloved leaders.

George Washington

Our first president passed on Dec. 14, 1799 , with the request that he not be buried for three days’ time. George Washington had a great fear of being buried alive , which was why he asked for the three days. During that time, he was held in a mahogany casket in Mount Vernon’s New Room.

On Dec. 18, his military funeral was held in Mount Vernon and became a template for future funerals honoring military officers. As Washington was a devout member of the Anglican Church and a Freemason, both Anglican and Masonic burial services were conducted in his honor. After his pastor gave the eulogy, 11 artillery pieces on shore were fired off, answering the echo of the minute guns’ crack from a schooner on the Potomac River. He was buried in a tomb in his beloved Mount Vernon.

John Adams

Our second president passed on the 50th anniversary of the passage of the Declaration of Independence. He was entombed in Quincy, Massachusetts , on July 7, 1826. Minute guns were fired from Mount Wollaston throughout the entirety of the ceremony, with several adjoining towns joining in with ways of paying homage of their own, with bells tolling throughout Massachusetts and beyond.

Thomas Jefferson

Though Thomas Jefferson and Adams fought very publicly for a time, they rekindled their friendship in their later years. Perhaps their brotherhood is why they passed on the same day . On July 4, 1826, Jefferson passed around noon after falling into a coma the previous day. It’s said that Adams fell into unconsciousness around that time before awaking again at around 5:30 P.M. to say his final words, reportedly either “Thomas Jefferson survives” or “Thomas Jefferson still lives.”

Jefferson himself had requested a simple ceremony . No invitations were sent out, though friends and visitors were welcome to go to the gravesite once he was buried. He is believed to have been buried in a simple, wooden coffin. He was laid to rest in the Monticello graveyard just one day after his death on July 5.

Abraham Lincoln

It was believed that when the 16th president was assassinated, dying on April 15, 1865, the American citizens were not yet ready to say goodbye. So, they were given a chance to . Although Mary Lincoln wanted her husband to take a direct route to where he’d be laid to rest in Springfield, Missouri, Lincoln’s secretary of war, Edwin Stanton, convinced her to approve a path that saw him retrace the steps he took from Springfield to the nation’s capital four years earlier. The president was embalmed, a relatively new process at the time, to allow citizens to say goodbye to him in the form they remembered him in.

At each stop on the railroad journey, thousands came out to see Lincoln. In fact, the trip was largely considered a unifying force for the Democrats and Republicans in the North during such a divisive time. Alongside Lincoln on his journey was the body of his 11-year-old son, Willie, who died of typhoid three years earlier. When the funeral procession ended at Oak Ridge Cemetery in Springfield and following an hour-long eulogy, both father and son were laid to rest in a limestone vault, with the doors and iron grating then shuttered.

Theodore Roosevelt

At the time of Theodore Roosevelt’s death , the then-vice president, Thomas Marshall, said, “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.” The 26th president, known for his strength, died on Jan. 6, 1919, in his sleep after suffering a coronary embolism, though his health had been declining for some time.

Not one for grandiose affairs, a private farewell service was held at his home, Sagamore Hill, in Oyster Bay, New York. A modest funeral was then held at Christ Episcopal Church in Oyster Bay before Roosevelt was buried on a hillside on Jan. 8 in Youngs Memorial Cemetery, overlooking the town. A bugler blew Taps as family members and dignitaries walked up the snow-covered hill to the burial site. When the ceremony ended, only one person stayed behind — former President William Howard Taft, who stood by his sometimes political ally, sometimes foe’s grave weeping long after everyone else had left.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

FDR’s health had long been declining, a secret hidden from the public, but by the time he entered his fourth term, that secret became harder to keep. FDR was getting frailer with every photograph, and he eventually passed on April 12, 1945, in Warm Springs, Georgia . The Ferdinand Magellan train brought him back to Washington on April 14, where he was then carried on a caisson from Union Station to the White House. Over 500,000 people gathered silently to watch the procession before hundreds of mourners were invited to pay their respects and see the president a final time in the White House’s East Room.

Recognizing that the nation was at war and that many citizens were overseas, FDR requested a simple funeral with few formalities. Following the service, he was returned back to Union Station, where he’d begin an overnight journey to Hyde Park, New York. He was then brought to the edge of a meadow below his home, where a battalion of cadets awaited him. U.S. Army Air Force P-47s flew overhead, and once he was lowered into the ground, an honor guard of cadets fired over the grave.

The funerals of presidents signal a time of a nation in mourning. Much has changed over the years from the days of Washington’s burial, and one could argue that Lincoln’s funeral truly set that tone. It became normalized for the public to be allowed a chance to say goodbye as well, whether that be through a funeral procession or a viewing. Presidential funerals are as much a chance for us all to say farewell to a fallen leader as it is for us to come together as a nation.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral?

Sat, 18 Feb 2023 16:41:03 GMT

Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral

Funerals are a way for people to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, but these celebrations often have a price tag that can be very high for the average family. A funeral with a viewing and a burial can cost upwards of $7,000 . And when you consider that many families are also attempting to pay off additional expenses, like medical costs, after their loved one passes, they can quickly struggle under the weight of their financial burden. It’s no wonder why so many families turn to GoFundMe to ask for help covering all the costs, but is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Should you use GoFundMe to pay for a funeral?

When GoFundMe launched in 2010, it changed how everything from novel inventions to wedding ceremonies were funded. It’s likely that at some point in your life, someone you know has used GoFundMe, and maybe you’ve donated through it yourself. GoFundMe has also changed the way that we pay for funeral expenses.

In most cases, a decedent's family will pay for the funeral and disposition of their loved one. With GoFundMe, more of the burden is relieved from the immediate family. Suddenly, people you didn’t even know your loved one knew are donating through GoFundMe. Students of a teacher they haven’t seen in years want to donate. Coworkers from companies your loved one hasn’t worked at in decades decide to contribute. Neighbors, friends, and even friends of friends want to help in any way that they can. GoFundMe can be a wonderful resource that just goes to show how many lives your loved one has touched throughout their life. But although GoFundMe has proven to be a valuable resource for many families attempting to pay for funerals on their own, the best way to pay for a funeral is to pay into the costs before they happen.

Is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Although it can be unpleasant to think about a time when you’ll no longer be around, planning for your funeral is a gift to your loved ones. And that includes planning for the expenses that come with a funeral and disposition. Although many people believe that having life insurance is enough, life insurance often doesn’t end up covering the total cost of a funeral, which can lead to your family paying out of pocket for funeral expenses later on. But there are other ways to pay toward your funeral.

One option is to talk to your chosen funeral home about planning and paying for your funeral in advance. When you preplan your funeral, you can decide to pay for your plans in advance. You’ll work with the funeral home to make your arrangements, including what services you want to hold, whether you’d like to be buried or cremated, and what type of casket or urn you’d like. After you decide on all these details, you’ll be able to pay for them through the funeral home.

Funeral homes typically offer a variety of payment plans, including the option to pay for your funeral and disposition in full. By making these payments in advance, you’re saving your family from financial strain later on. When you pay in full, you’re guaranteeing that the funeral you plan is the one that your family will be able to hold for you. There will be no need for a GoFundMe after you pass because you already funded your funeral yourself.

GoFundMe has undoubtedly changed how we fund funerals, but the best way to pay for a funeral is always by planning ahead. As you plan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your options for prepaying for your funeral and disposition. By paying for your funeral ahead of time, you’ll save your family from surprise expenses down the road. If you’re covering the cost of your funeral now, your family won’t need GoFundMe later.

If you’re looking to cover the costs of a funeral for a loved one who did not preplan or prepay, your funeral home may be able to help. Some funeral homes offer a crowdfunding service that functions similarly to GoFundMe. Before making a GoFundMe account, talk to your funeral home about what kinds of crowdfunding services they offer.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

Sat, 11 Feb 2023 17:52:14 GMT

Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

What does grief look like? You might be thinking now about the five stages : anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what happens when someone goes out of order, skips a step, or doesn’t go through them at all? Although you may think it’s a sign that something is wrong, the truth is that we all experience grief in different ways. And someone may move through grief faster than someone else.

First things first, forget what you know about grief.

In 1969, in her book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Kübler-Ross mode l, which became known as the five stages of grief. And although we typically associate this model with describing how we grieve someone’s death, that’s not actually what it was made for. It’s meant to give structure to how someone comes to terms with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The five stages of grief were never about grieving a loved one’s death.

However, other studies have tried to apply the model to grieving a loved one, only to find that it doesn’t really work the way that people believe it does. A 1981 study that looked at individuals who had been widowed for various lengths of time found that the pain and stress of widowhood persisted for years, with no subjects falling into particular stages at certain times, as the five stages of grief suggested they would. A 2002 study took a look at people before and after their spouses’ deaths and found that only 11 percent followed the Kübler-Ross model’s trajectory.

So, if the five stages of grief aren’t scientifically accurate, why do we hold onto this idea that there’s a “right” way to grieve? When a daughter loses a father, is she wrong to go back to work the same week? When a husband loses a wife, is he wrong to be on a dating app by the end of the year? Perhaps yes and perhaps no. But these feelings are personal. And although you may imagine that you’d grieve in a certain way if you lost someone close to you, you cannot know what their grief is like.

What should you do if someone you love is moving on “too” quickly?

One thing that should be considered before you try to intervene when you think someone is moving on very quickly is whether or not they are really moving on at all. In the case of a daughter going back to work, she might not be trying to move on. She might simply be looking for a distraction because being at home is too painful. In which case, be kind and don’t remind her of her loss. Be a friend, let her talk to you about her loss if she wants to, and otherwise be someone she can turn to when she needs to take her mind off grief or funeral planning. Although she may look like she’s moving on quickly on the outside, she might still be grieving, just in a different way from your personal grieving process.

But what about a husband who is looking to remarry soon after losing his spouse? Men are significantly more likely to begin dating after being widowed, and they’re more likely to do it sooner as well. After 25 months following the loss of a spouse, 61 percent of men are in a new relationship, compared to just 19 percent of women. So, do most men then move on too quickly? Regardless of gender, people who remarry after their spouse’s death report lower levels of depression and greater life satisfaction and well-being than those who don’t. But because men are more likely to have fewer friends than women, husbands often rely on their wives as their primary source of emotional and social support. When a wife dies, a husband may suddenly feel cut off from those crucial outlets, which propels him into the dating world sooner than a woman who lost her husband.

Should you intervene if someone you love is looking for love after losing their spouse? If you’re very close, you may consider voicing your concerns, but keep in mind what they gain in their life by remarrying. The thing about moving on is that it’s taking steps to keep living. It doesn’t mean that there’s no grief remaining. A person who loses a spouse needs to learn to live without them, but they still will miss their presence. And if that person remarries, it doesn’t mean that they’re replacing their spouses, nor are they trying to forget their spouse and all the memories they made together. They’re just searching for more fulfillment in their lives, and for many people, that includes learning to love again.

Ultimately, only one person can decide if they’re ready to move on, and that’s the person who lost their loved one. If you think you’re ready to move on in terms of dating again, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel prepared for this new change. Can you let someone else into your life? Can you love your new partner the way they deserve to be loved? If you know wholeheartedly that you can, you’re ready. But no one else can answer those questions but you. And if you’re seeing someone you love move on in a way that you don’t think you could or would, remember that you’re not the one who experienced their grief. Only they know what their grief is like and whether they’re ready to move on. All you can do is be there for them as they try to make this new transition in their life.

www.smithfamilycares.com

How To Drive in a Funeral Procession

Sat, 04 Feb 2023 13:37:33 GMT

How to Drive in a Funeral Procession

When traveling from the funeral home to the burial site, close family and friends often journey in a funeral procession. While that can mean that they’re in limousines for the duration of their trip, sometimes they drive themselves, as well as others who were close to the decedent. But driving in a funeral procession isn’t like going to work. Some guidelines should be followed to ensure that everyone arrives at the burial site safely and on time. Here are a few things you should know before attempting to drive in a funeral procession.

Tips on How to Drive in a Funeral Procession

1. Always check with the funeral director regarding your route.

If you’re not in the lead car, there’s less pressure on you to know the route before starting the procession. But it’s still a good idea to have an idea of where you’re going and how to get there before the day of the funeral. Always check with the funeral director ahead of the funeral to ask about the route. If you have time, try driving the route yourself so you’re used to it by the time the funeral arrives. Funerals can be a stressful time, and not knowing where you’re going can only add to that stress. Although other drivers on the road are supposed to give you the right of way and never cut a funeral procession off, sometimes mistakes happen. In case you get separated from the lead car, you should feel confident that you can still follow the route yourself.

2. Arrive at the funeral early.

When you arrive early to the funeral, you’ll have time to get essential instructions from the funeral director, such as the order of the vehicles, who may be riding with you, and any changes that may have been made. It also gives you time to ensure that your car is ready for the drive. Funeral attendants will usually be available in the parking lot to tell you where to park your vehicle so it’s in the right place in the procession.

3. Be sure your car is properly marked as a part of a funeral procession.

If you’re driving in a funeral procession, the other drivers on the road must be made aware. All cars in a procession should have their headlights on, and there may also be a flag you’ll need to put on your hood. If you’re in the last car, you may have to put on two or more flags, and you should have your hazards on. Always check with the funeral director to ensure your car is prepared for the procession.

4. Be familiar with funeral procession laws in your state and county.

When in doubt, check with the funeral director about any special actions you can take in a funeral procession . In most states, once the lead car goes through an intersection, all vehicles in the procession can follow, even if the light has already changed to red. However, in other states, the whole procession can go through an intersection as long as their police escort directs them through it. If you’re not sure what the rules are for driving in a funeral procession, especially in regards to what to do at an intersection, your funeral director, who has years of practice navigating these laws, should be able to tell you. And remember, you still must yield for emergency vehicles.

5. Follow the lead car from a close but safe distance.

To avoid potentially being split up, you should follow closely behind the car in front of you. Do not allow room for another vehicle to merge between you and the car ahead of you. However, be sure that there’s enough distance between each vehicle for braking in case there’s a sudden stop. Generally, you’ll be driving fairly slowly. Funeral processions usually travel below the speed limit. You’ll likely be going between 25 and 35 mph on side roads, and on highways, you can expect to stay under 50 mph. When traveling through an intersection, the lead car will have to slow down, so be prepared to brake when approaching that intersection.

6. Do not break from the procession.

Unless there is an emergency in your vehicle, do not leave the funeral procession. It’s crucial that a funeral procession stays together, so no detours or allowing another car to merge in front of you. Once you arrive at the cemetery, an attendant will direct you to where to park your vehicle and lead the procession to the gravesite.

Driving in a funeral procession can be difficult. You’re already feeling grief from losing a loved one, and that grief can make this trip feel much more stressful. So it’s best to be prepared for your route and follow all instructions from your funeral director. They’ve directed many processions before, and they’re prepared to ensure that yours goes smoothly and safely.

www.smithfamilycares.com

3 Things You Need to Know About Veterans Cemeteries

Fri, 30 Dec 2022 05:00:06 GMT

3 Things You Need to Know About Veterans Cemeteries

There’s lot of information out there about veterans cemeteries: what they’re for, who is allowed to be buried in them, what is allowed to take place in them, etc. Often, this information conflicts or is purely anecdotal, so how can you know what’s true? Much of it depends on the circumstances, but we’ll share a few things you can know for sure. Our three tips don’t encompass every question you may have about veterans burial benefits, but they do provide the solid facts around state and national veterans cemeteries.

1. State vs. National Veterans Cemeteries

National cemeteries are operated by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, while state cemeteries, though sometimes established or improved through national government funds, are operated by the local state government. There are 155 national cemeteries in 42 states, so your state may not have a dedicated national cemetery. Some national cemeteries are limited to cremation only. Most states do have a state veterans cemetery, though they may not always be open.

Another primary difference between the two types of veterans cemeteries are the requirements for eligibility. All national veterans cemeteries have the same criteria, while state cemeteries may each have their own unique requirements. At least one of the following requirements must be true for a veteran to be buried in a VA national cemetery:

• Service member must not have received a dishonorable discharge

• Service member died while on active duty, active duty for training, or inactive duty for training

• Individual is a spouse or minor child of a service member

• Individual is an unmarried adult dependent child of a service member (in some cases)

Any individuals who fall outside of these requirements may not be eligible but can still apply for their case to be reviewed.

2. You Can Plan in Advance to be Buried in a Veterans Cemetery

If you are a veteran and you know you would like to be buried in a veterans cemetery, you can make arrangements for this in advance. Most funeral homes allow you to plan the details of your funeral and even pay for it in advance, keeping the details of your wishes on file so that you can rest assured your family won’t need to make those difficult choices for you when the time comes. Many of the funeral homes who offer this service will also be willing to contact the state or national cemetery you wish to be buried in on your behalf to reserve a spot for you.

3. Headstones are Provided in State and National Cemeteries

If you or a loved one are approved to be buried in a national or state cemetery, a free headstone or marker can be ordered in a number of styles, though the chosen style must be permitted by the officials in charge of the cemetery. Spouses and dependent children may also receive government-furnished markers and headstones at no cost to the family.

In a national cemetery, the setting of a marker or headstone by cemetery staff will also be provided free of charge. Some state cemeteries may charge a small fee for the headstone or marker to be set. All headstones and markers are inscribed with “IN MEMORY OF” as their first line, and the family may provide the details of the rest of the inscription.

How to tell your spouse you pre-planned your funeral

Fri, 23 Dec 2022 05:00:01 GMT

How to tell your spouse you pre-planned your funeral

In a perfect world we think a husband and wife will arrive at the decision to get their affairs in order and complete funeral plans in unison. But, with a little additional thought we can see that is a tall order. It isn’t unusual for one or the other of spouses to be ready to make plans for end of life before the other one is ready.

The reality is that even long-married couples have lived different lives. They have had different careers, some friends in common and some not, they have enjoyed different leisure activities and sometimes even have a different faith than their spouse. Sometimes one partner in a marriage feels compelled to prepare for end of life before the other is comfortable with the idea. It’s ok to plan for one. But how do you tell your husband or wife that you have put a plan in place for your final wishes?

First, choose the right time to break the news. Make sure you will not be rushed, that you will have enough time to explain what you did, and why you did it. Pick a time when you are both feeling calm. Be sure you are well-prepared. Most importantly take the time to choose your words carefully.

Second, put a frame around your news. Begin by sharing your “why.” Why was it important to you to have a funeral plan in place?

“Because I don’t want to leave a burden for either you or our children.”

“Because it is important to me that certain things happen.”

“Because I love you and the kids, and I want you to be able to work together toward a common goal.”

Whatever your reason, take the time before you begin the discussion to work through the reason you needed to take this step. Prepare your words. Be clear and concise. Let the love show.

Next, explain what you planned. Share what you included in your plan. Burial or cremation, service with or without the body present, faith-based components, the service selections you made. Explain the details. Did you pre-pay for your funeral? Where will the paperwork about your plan be kept? Who will be called when death occurs?

Don’t forget to explain how completing your plan made you feel. “I feel relieved. I feel so happy to have this done. Completing my plan was much easier than I expected.” Share how you feel.

Finally, invite questions. Be calm and patient. Give your spouse time to catch up. Explain what choices you made and why you made them. If your spouse is open to it, schedule a time with the funeral director or pre-arrangement specialist who helped you put your plan together. Give your spouse the opportunity to ask him or her questions about the plan you completed.

Why Do People Pull Over for Funeral Processions?

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 16:03:39 GMT

Why Do People Pull Over for Funeral Processions?

When you see a funeral procession, what should you do as another driver on the road? Since funeral processions have gone from an on-foot endeavor to a parade of motorized vehicles, other drivers have adopted the tradition of pulling over and letting the procession pass unimpeded. But more recently, we’ve been seeing this practice become a thing of the past. So, why do people pull over for funeral processions? And do you actually have to pull over?

Do you have to pull over for funeral processions?

Legally, no law requires other drivers to pull all the way over for a funeral procession in the United States. But there’s some trickiness around what you should do when approaching a funeral procession. There are laws around funeral processions in most states , but these laws vary, which can cause drivers some trouble. Many states have laws that give the funeral procession the right of way. So, while a driver may not have to fully pull over, they do have to yield to the procession, and they mustn’t attempt to drive through it and break it up.

Most other laws around funeral processions don’t have to do with other drivers on the road. They have to do with the people driving in the procession. To avoid breaking up these vehicles, some states allow drivers to go through a red light or a stop sign if the lead car in the group has already gone through it. Other states allow a funeral procession to go through a traffic signal altogether, as long as a police escort vehicle is there to direct them.

Why should you pull over for a funeral procession?

Although you may not have to pull over for a funeral procession due to any laws, that doesn’t mean that it’s not your best option when you approach one. Unfortunately, crashes do happen when other drivers on the road are unaware of what a funeral procession is allowed to do or what they are not allowed to do around funeral processions. Some funeral directors say that drivers used to be more aware of funeral processions, but the tradition of pulling over for one has gone by the wayside.

As such, we’ve seen a rise in funeral procession-related accidents, with these crashes often occurring because another car attempted to enter the line of mourners’ vehicles or tried to pass them. And because every state has different laws about how funeral processions can enter intersections, these areas are also a common sight of accidents.

When you don’t pull over for a funeral procession, you’re running the risk of causing a crash, which can turn an already difficult day into a nightmare for the mourners in those vehicles. By pulling over, you’re removing the potential for harm, allowing them to continue their day of celebrating their loved one without a crash making it worse. It’s safer for you and any other driver on the road, including those in the procession, if you pull over. But it’s also simply an act of respect to pull over when you see a funeral procession.

When you see a funeral procession, you don’t know who passed, but you do know that someone did. And you know that the people in those vehicles are grieving the life of someone who mattered to them. By allowing them to pass without you interfering at all, you’re essentially acknowledging their grief. Like how you’d take off a hat and hold it to your chest as a sign of respect during any burial, you’re showing respect by pulling over to the side and letting a funeral procession pass unhindered.

Pulling over for a funeral procession was once viewed as an essential tradition, but that practice has become less common, to the detriment of mourners and other drivers on the road. When we pull over, we’re removing ourselves from a potentially hazardous situation, but we’re also showing respect to a group of people who may be having one of the most challenging days of their lives. Driving in a funeral procession can be stressful, but we can make it easier for them by pulling over and letting them pass us all together.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Clothing and Accessories

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 16:01:05 GMT

Preparing for a Funeral: Clothing and Accessories

When you plan a funeral, what kinds of clothes and accessories should you give to your funeral director to dress your loved one? Although you might have a picture of what someone is supposed to look like at their funeral, any person’s funeral is specific to them. As such, there’s no specific rule that states what kind of clothes someone has to be in at their own funeral. But there are a few guidelines to consider.

What kinds of clothes should you dress your loved one in?

Historically, a traditional funeral was considered a semi-formal affair, and as such, many people opted to dress their loved ones in semi-formal attire. This often means dresses and suits. However, this practice has greatly changed over the years. More people have moved away from semi-formal attire to more casual clothing. Many families take clothing out of their loved one’s closets for the funeral and burial. By picking clothing this way, you’re able to dress your loved one in a way that makes them look more like themselves. Picking out a beloved dress that your mother used to wear or a suit that your father wore to every event allows funeral-goers to see the decedent look just like how they remember them.

That said, because it’s a comfort to see a loved one dressed like how they would dress at their funeral, if you just can’t imagine them wearing a suit or dress, there’s no rule that says they can’t wear something different. If your loved one simply never took off their favorite pairs of jeans, it’s okay to dress them more informally so they look like themselves.

Certain circumstances may require particular outfits. Although not all veterans are buried in uniform, if your loved one still has their uniform, you may want to consider dressing them in it. Especially if they were still active in their community, such as by being members of the American Legion or the Veterans of Foreign Wars, a uniform can be a fitting way to honor their years of service and dedication.

Are there any rules about how to dress a loved one?

If your loved one practiced a specific religion, you should be sure that they’re buried in clothing that’s traditional for their faith. For instance, Muslims are typically wrapped in a simple, plain cloth known as a kafan. Similarly, those who practice Judaism are covered by a burial shroud called a tachrichim. Especially if you do not follow the same religion as the loved one you’re planning a funeral for, you should talk to a religious leader who can help explain the traditional funeral customs. It can also be helpful to talk to your loved one before they pass to ask them what religious traditions they would like to uphold in their funeral.

Although you may imagine that a funeral must look a certain way, there really aren’t set rules for funeral attire. It’s all about planning a funeral that honors your loved one’s memory. If your loved one had a vibrant personality and you want the ceremony to be as bright as they were, dress your loved one in the kind of colorful attire that they would have loved. You can even encourage your guests to dress in their brightest outfits. Black clothing is a popular choice for mourning, but there’s no rule that says funeral-goers must wear black.

However, there are rules for green burials. In green burials, the idea is to create the lowest carbon footprint possible. To accomplish that, the casket should be biodegradable, and so should the clothing your loved one is buried in. That means any garments should be made from untreated, natural fibers, like cotton or wool. However, that doesn’t mean that any wool suit would work. Synthetic features, like metal zippers or plastic buttons, also make clothing unfit for a green burial. If you can’t find any clothes that will work, you can opt for an organic burial shroud instead.

What kinds of accessories should you bury a loved one with?

What kinds of accessories you bury with your loved one is up to you, as long as they are small enough to fit in the casket without adding too much weight. Jewelry is a common topic of debate when it comes to burials. You can bury your loved one with their most precious jewelry, like a wedding ring, but you may decide to hold on to it for sentimental reasons.

That piece of jewelry can still be present for the funeral, however. When you provide your funeral director with the clothing you wish for your loved one to be dressed in for their funeral, be sure to give them the jewelry you would like for them to wear as well. But if you want that jewelry back, make it clear to the funeral director that you do not want them to be buried with those accessories. It’s crucial that you communicate this clearly with the funeral director, or else they will assume that you were providing the jewelry to be part of the burial outfit.

Ultimately, although dresses and suits have been the expected attire for a decedent at a funeral, these ceremonies are meant to celebrate a life lived. And if that life was simply never lived in a suit, there’s nothing wrong with choosing clothing that suits who your loved one really was. When it comes to accessories, you may also want to bury your loved one with jewelry that was important to them in life, but you may decide to keep these items, perhaps because they’re family heirlooms. Just be sure to make it clear to your funeral director that, although these items are to be present at the funeral, they should not be buried with your loved one.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Can My Spouse Change My Funeral Plan When I Die?

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 15:56:13 GMT

Can My Spouse Change My Funeral Plan When I Die?

Planning your own funeral in advance can be accomplished using any one of several different methods. You can simply express your expectations to your family members. You can work with a funeral professional, explore the many options available, and create a written plan that will be retained by your funeral provider. This plan will be reviewed with the responsible parties in your family at the time of your death. This is usually referred to as “having your wishes on file.” The third option goes a step further; the funeral is funded. This entails a contractual agreement with the funeral home to provide the services and products you selected at the time of death. Each of these different scenarios generates a slightly different answer to the question at hand, “Can my spouse change my funeral plan when I die?”

In the first instance, where a person tells a family member what they hope will happen when they die, the responsible person may or may not carry out one’s wishes. So in this case, yes, a person’s spouse will make the arrangements and they will be responsible for the cost and most certainly can do as they choose. Although most families are loving and want to fulfill their family member’s wishes, this is not always the case. The most frequently occurring challenge in these cases is not disregard of the deceased’s wishes but confusion regarding what the wishes actually were.

Having “wishes on file” at the funeral home helps in that there will be a written plan; therefore, the opportunity for confusion is diminished. In this case, since there has been no exchange of consideration or money, the document is not a contract. So, here again a spouse can make changes as they see fit. Remember, in most families this is not a problem and arrangements move forward in harmony.

When a funeral is arranged and funded in advance, agreements are written and consideration has been exchanged so there is a binding contract. Still, a person’s spouse is the “owner” of the body in nearly every state by law and so, could make changes to the plan as they desire. This is rarely of concern. A loving spouse is most often grateful for the plan, aware of the decisions that were made, and pleased to carry out the plan. That said there are exceptions.

If a person making a funeral plan is concerned their plan will be altered by a spouse or family member in a way they do not want, there are remedies. Nearly every state has documents that can be completed and included in the funded plan that stipulate no one can alter the plan.

More than half of all funerals are arranged in advance. The practice of advance planning alleviates the burden of family members having to guess or remember what their loved one wanted in a funeral service. It is a much-appreciated gift.

www.smithfamilycares.com

The Cremation Authorization Form: What Is It?

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 15:53:38 GMT

The Cremation Authorization Form: What Is It?

Each year in the U.S., the cremation rate continues to climb. So when your loved one passes away, you may be responsible for ensuring that they are cremated if those were their final wishes. But you have to take certain steps before the cremation can happen. One of the first things you must do is obtain, fill out, and file a Cremation Authorization Form. Alongside a death certificate, this is one of the most crucial documents you’ll need to ensure that your loved one will be cremated. But what exactly is this vital form?

What is a Cremation Authorization Form?

A Cremation Authorization Form is an essential form that allows your loved one to be cremated. You can obtain the form through your funeral home, and it then must be signed by the legal next of kin. In many cases, that means that a surviving spouse has to sign it. But if a spouse cannot sign, all of the decedent’s children must sign. If the decedent does not have a spouse or any children, then the remaining parents can fill out the form, followed by siblings. But ultimately, the form will need to be signed by an adult next of kin who is a blood relative, whoever that may be for the decedent. However, the decedent may have appointed a legal representative to handle the disposition, and their right supersedes any blood relatives. In some states, the person who signs the Cremation Authorization Form is the authorizing agent.

Cremation cannot occur without this form being filed, but a funeral home will work with you to ensure that the document gets into the right hands to begin the cremation process. To fill out the Cremation Authorization Form, you’ll need to know:

● Your loved one’s legal name

● Their date, time, and location of death

● What type of container, such as an urn, you’d like your loved one to be placed in

You’ll also need to fill out your loved one’s final disposition method, but keep in mind that means the final disposition for the crematory. You’ll most likely want to fill out that the cremated remains should be returned to you, the legal next of kin, for you to decide what to do with later, whether that means scattering the ashes, having an urn burial, placing the urn in a columbarium, or something different.

In some states, an individual can fill out a Cremation Authorization Form for their own cremation. While they are pre-planning their funeral, they can sign the document themselves. Because it can be tricky to ensure that the proper next of kin signs the Cremation Authorization Form, particularly if several people need to sign it and if they live in different places, you may find that the easiest option is to sign your own form before you pass away.

What happens after you submit a Cremation Authorization Form?

Once the Cremation Authorization Form is signed, the funeral home will also have to obtain a death certificate. The permit allows the funeral home or the crematory the funeral home is working with to go ahead and cremate your loved one. However, most states have a mandatory waiting period between death and cremation. Your loved one will remain in the funeral home’s care until that waiting period is up. If there’s a public health concern, though, that waiting period may be able to be bypassed.

Once you have all the proper paperwork, the next step depends on you. Some people prefer to have a funeral with their loved one present, so you may want to hold a funeral service before your loved one is cremated. However, others would rather have the ceremony once cremation is completed, with their urn there instead. That decision is up to you. Make the plans you would prefer with your funeral home, and the staff will ensure that the cremation occurs when it needs to. Once the cremation is scheduled and the day arrives, your loved one will be transported to the crematory. Some funeral homes have a crematory onsite, while others work with ones at another location. Your funeral home will ensure that your loved one is where they need to be when the cremation occurs.

Due to the process of filing these documents and waiting for the permit, arranging and carrying out cremation can take between four and 15 days. However, the actual cremation itself takes between one and three hours, with processing the remains taking up an additional two hours. Once the remains have been processed, they will be returned to you if that was your wish, and you will be able to act upon your loved one’s final disposition when you’re ready. Otherwise, the crematory or funeral home will fulfill the final disposition you indicated on the Cremation Authorization Form.

If you find filling out the Cremation Authorization Form and starting the cremation process daunting, remember that your funeral director has helped many cremations occur. They’re honored to assist you in any way they can, so be sure to ask questions if the form causes some confusion. They’ll have the answers you need to make the cremation process less stressful.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Should I attend the Visitation or the Funeral?

Fri, 16 Dec 2022 05:12:06 GMT

Should I attend the Visitation or the Funeral?

Close family and friends of the person who died will likely attend the visitation and funeral service. Others may attend both or may need to or prefer to attend one or the other but not both.

Visitation may take place the day before the funeral, the evening before or even just hours before the funeral service. Most often the visitation has less structure than a funeral service. What happens at a visitation is based on local tradition, religion and the preference of the family.

Often the body will be present for viewing. Visitors who find it helpful to see the body will approach the casket respectfully and take a moment to pray or say good-bye in their own way. Those who are not comfortable with this opportunity need not participate. If you are not comfortable with seeing a body don’t allow that to keep you from attending the visitation and offering comfort to the mourners.

When attending a visitation, friends and family will come and go during the prescribed calling hours as they choose. Attendees include people who knew or admired the deceased and people who did not know the person who died but who know one or more of the mourners. They come to offer condolences or to share fond memories and stories of the person who died.

When you are one of those who knew the deceased but did not know the family do not underestimate the power of your story. Introduce yourself, share how you knew their family member, use his name and share what you enjoyed, admired, or did with the person they loved and lost.

The funeral, on the other hand, is a more structured event. It will have a beginning middle and end. Attendees are expected to remain for the entire program. Funerals may be faith based or a celebration of life. They will usually include a eulogy and often pictures, music, or readings are included.

Attending either a funeral or visitation shows respect for human life and affection for those who have lost someone they love.

Why Preplanning is a Good Thing for Parents

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 05:15:00 GMT

Why Preplanning is a Good Thing for Parents

No one likes to imagine a time when they’re not around to help their children anymore. A parent’s job is never done, regardless of how old their children are. But there may be a time when a parent is no longer there physically for their children. However, there’s one final gift that any parent can give to their child. Preplanning your funeral as a parent can save your child from added pain and stress during an already challenging time.

Why Should Parents Preplan?

If you have several children, you’ll spare them from future spats.

When a parent passes away, it usually falls to the children to plan their funeral and disposition. But what happens when there are several children making decisions? Unfortunately, if they don’t know their parent’s wishes, those children will often butt heads because they all have different ideas that they want to follow. Everyone only gets one funeral and one disposition, so it’s crucial that they properly honor the loved one who passed. But each child may have a different image of what honoring their parent looks like.

By preplanning your funeral, your children will know what your wishes are. There won’t be any competing ideas that can result in arguments. There will be one set of instructions to follow — yours. During a time of great grief, emotions can run high, which can make even the smallest of arguments quickly compound. With your preplanning instructions, they can grieve together in peace instead of fighting while they should be spending time comforting and supporting one another.

If you have one child, you’ll spare them from becoming overwhelmed.

If you do have multiple children, you can take comfort in knowing that they’ll be going through the funeral planning process together. And while that can lead to fights, it can also lead to them feeling less alone during a lonely time, especially if you preplan to make arguments less likely. However, if you only have one child, they’ll be the only one making the decisions around your funeral. They may feel like they have no one to talk to, causing them to wonder if they’re making the right choices with no one else supplying their thoughts. The funeral planning process can feel overwhelming. There are many decisions to be made, from what types of services to have to where your final resting place should be. Losing a parent can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation, in addition to powerful grief. But if your child has to plan every detail of your funeral and disposition while they’re already emotionally taxed, they may neglect taking care of themselves in favor of taking care of the funeral.

It’s hard to be an only child who lost their parent. There are no siblings there to comfort one another. Your child may find themselves feeling more alone than they’ve ever felt. By preplanning your funeral, you take the stress of worrying about the funeral off of them. You’re giving them a gift, saying that they can take care of themselves during this difficult time, rather than thinking about every detail of the funeral.

You’ll know that you’ve done your best to guide your children through the funeral process.

Parents never stop teaching. Whether your child is three or 43, you want to be a source of knowledge and guidance for them. Parents wish that they had all the answers in the world for their children, but one answer that they can give is what they want at their funeral and as a final resting place. Still, because talking about funerals and disposition can be uncomfortable, many parents neglect to have this essential conversation with their children.

When you preplan a funeral, you’re going one step further than simply talking about what you want. You’re giving your children a blueprint. Your children will know that they are hosting the funeral that you wanted, giving them peace of mind. They can mourn without any concerns about whether or not they’ve done right by your wishes. They’ll have your wishes written out for their guidance.

You can opt to prefund, saving your children from future financial woes.

Although you can preplan without prefunding your funeral, choosing prefund can spare your children from worrying about whether or not they can afford the funeral you deserve. Many believe that life insurance will cover the cost of a funeral and disposition, but the funds that your family receives through life insurance are often used to cover other end-of-life care, like medical expenses. At the time of a funeral, services must be paid in full. Without prefunding, your children may end up struggling to cover the costs.

When you preplan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your option for prefunding. They can walk you through the different plans that can help you cover your funeral and disposition in full, preventing your children from having to worry about if their finances line up with the funeral you’ve planned. There are many different options for paying toward your funeral, so working with a funeral director can ensure that you’re using a plan that works best for you and your family.

The best way to preplan, whether you intend to prefund or not, is by working with a funeral home. Planning with a funeral home takes more of the guesswork out of arranging your funeral. Your children will know exactly where your plans can be found, and they’ll be able to work with a funeral director who understands your wishes. Preplanning your funeral with a funeral home is a free process that anyone can do. It’s the best way to ensure that your final wishes are honored.

Preplanning your funeral as a parent is giving a final gift to your children. Losing a parent is something that many people will experience in life, but the loss is always difficult. You can make this challenging time easier for your children by allowing them to grieve in peace without the worry of funeral planning.

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 05:15:00 GMT

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

We know that organ donation has the power to give new life to people in need, but just how does it work? The process starts when you sign up, but the actual donation portion happens after you die — and it has to happen fast. So, what does organ donation look like?

How do you register to become an organ donor?

The process to sign up to become an organ donor is pretty simple and can be done in one of two ways. You could go to your DMV and sign up there. Many people opt to register whenever they get their license renewed. But although you get your license renewed every two to 12 years, depending on your state’s law, you only need to register to be an organ donor once.

Another way to sign up is by going through your your state’s registry , which you can find at OrganDonor.gov. The website will take you through the process required by your state. Fill out the form there, and you’ll be registered as a donor.

What happens after you register?

While you’re living, nothing happens after you sign up to become an organ donor. Your next license will indicate if you’re a donor, and you’ll be a part of the potential donor bank in the U.S. But the keyword is potential.

After you die, doctors will determine if your organs are viable for donation. Every nine minutes, someone is added to the transplant waiting list , which currently already holds over 106,000 people. So your organs may save the life of someone on that list. However, certain medical conditions, including HIV, actively-spreading cancer, or a severe infection, could prevent your organs from being viable for donation.

Even if you do have a serious condition, you may still end up being an organ donor. After examining your body, doctors may determine that certain parts can be transplanted, even if other organs cannot be used. Registering to be an organ donor is always a good idea as you’re increasing the pool of potential donors for those in need. Let medical professionals determine later if you’re a good fit, rather than writing off organ donation because of an illness.

What happens if you become an organ donor?

How and where you die also affects if you can become an organ donor. You have to be in the hospital, on a ventilator, and have an injury where your brain cannot recover. The process for donating your organs actually starts when you’re considered legally dead, but your body is kept alive on life support. You must be regarded as brain dead, and your heart may also no longer be working, but your other organs are being kept functioning. Only your physician can make the call that you’re legally dead.

After that call is made, and while you are still on life support, the organ procurement team goes to work to determine which organs can be transplanted. Depending on your condition, all of your organs or some of them may be viable, but the brain is never able to be transplanted. The heart may be able to be used, but that would depend upon if the heart is already considered dead. Hospital staff will also seek authorization from your family. If you signed up to be a donor , that information is shared with them. But if you didn’t register, they can still make the decision to donate. Often, families hesitate to decide to donate their loved ones’ organs because they’re unaware of their wishes.

Once the organs are tested and deemed useable, and if your family authorizes the donation, the organ transplant team finds matches on the national transplant waiting list and coordinates with those patients’ surgeons to schedule the surgeries. You will be returned to your family, who can continue on with your funeral plans.

There’s a common misconception that organ donation alters what you can and cannot do at your funeral. Many believe that you can’t have an open casket after you donate your organs. However, organ donation does not change your ability to have one. The donation process happens very quickly, as it must in order to ensure that the organs are still working properly. Your body is released back to your family just as fast. Any incisions will have been closed so as to allow for an open casket funeral.

Becoming an organ donor can save the lives of up to 75 people, but myths about the process can prevent some people from registering or stop their families from giving their approval. However, the organ donation process is respectful, quick, and doesn’t change any funeral plans. When you register to be an organ donor, be sure to talk to your family about your choice. Having one conversation could mean that you end up saving or changing lives when you pass.

How and when do you pay for a funeral?

Fri, 25 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

How and when do you pay for a funeral?

A funeral is the closing ceremony for a life. It positions the mourners on a solid footing for their grief journey. Collectively how we honor and bury our dead speaks volumes about who we are as a society. Funerals may be religious, celebratory, private, or very public. Funerals are powerful.

Funeral Directing is a profession. Like doctors, lawyers, teachers, and many other professionals good work is done, and compensation is required. Funerals come with a cost.

In days gone by funerals were paid for by family members, co-workers, and societies. The roots of life insurance are found in groups that came together and created a pool of funds to cover the cost of funerals of the members.

Today, in most instances, adults view covering the cost of their own funeral as a personal responsibility. They make provisions to cover the cost themselves in an effort to remove a burden from their children. Death of a parent typically occurs during the years when children are shouldering the cost of education for the grandchildren and building a retirement nest egg for themselves. Most parents these days choose to relieve their children of funeral costs by providing for the service themselves.

Frequently adults begin to think about how they will prepare for their own funeral expense in their 60s or 70s. They review their options. There is always life insurance. But many question if that is the best way to pay for a funeral. After all, the death benefits from life insurance do pass to the next generation without tax consequences. That is the exception rather than the rule with most other assets. Additionally, when one spouse dies the surviving husband or wife often experiences a reduction in income. It may be best to leave the life insurance for the surviving spouse’s continued living expenses.

For those who are fortunate enough to have investment portfolios, withdrawing funds from them may be an option. However, investments always have their peaks and valleys. There is no way to control when death will occur. Will it happen during an uptick or a down slide?

Funeral homes have the answer. An Advance Funeral Plan allows the responsible adult to decide how much money will be spent on the funeral. This avoids the risk of overspending by emotional family members at the time of death. The funeral home offers different methods of funding a funeral plan. In most cases this includes an option that makes it possible to pay for a funeral over time and be covered for the entire cost should death happen unexpectedly. These plans have the benefit of coverage for the entire cost without the obligation to make payments for a lifetime.

The best time to take care of the inevitable cost of one’s funeral is the first time you think about it. Simply put, procrastination costs money. Costs rise and options decrease as we age. It really is much easier than one might expect. All one needs to do is make a call to the funeral home of your choice. Set aside some time to meet with the advance planning specialist on staff and figure out the best course of action for you and your family.

Cemeteries – A final resting place

Fri, 18 Nov 2022 05:00:14 GMT

Cemeteries – A final resting place

If you are of a certain age you may have grown up as a “free range child”. Children born after the second world war, mid-century modern kids, were very likely to participate in unorganized free play. Meaning, they roamed a geographic territory, outlined by their parents, unfettered. They played with other neighbor children until the dads came home or the bell was rung or some other prearranged signal that meant it was time to go home and wash up for dinner.

This free-range system left the door wide open for children to have all kinds of adventures. Arm and arm with a best friend, a cousin, or a brother or sister, they creek walked, caught tadpoles, made clover chains, left pennies to flatten on the railroad tracks and … they walked the cemetery.

If you were one of these kids, you knew the spell of the cemetery. Maybe you remember it still? Cool shade from tall trees. A feeling of calm reverence. As you walked the rows you avoided stepping on the graves. Inspecting the head stones, you looked for the person who lived the longest. You may also have been surprised to find the marker of a child who died at about your age. A beloved wife, mother of six, a loving husband, people who served in the armed forces, touching the carvings on the markers you understood the value of their life. As a child you could feel the presence of the souls. The cemetery was a mysterious, yet comforting place.

A cemetery is still a very special place. It is a final resting place. Knowing that a family member is buried in a peaceful and serene location brings comfort to family members. It’s nice to have a place to sit quietly and remember a mother, father, husband, wife, family member or a friend. Visiting the grave of a loved one feels like getting a hug.

Today, somewhere in the neighborhood of one half of Americans choose full body burial as their final disposition. In addition, many others who prefer to be cremated choose to have their ashes buried or placed in a mausoleum at the cemetery. Tucking a deceased loved one into a safe and serene green space gives family members a sense of security. Family members may live close by or at a great distance, they may move hither and yon, but they always know where the one they loved is resting.

As you plan for your own funeral, final disposition, and where you will rest, talk with your funeral director or advance funeral planning professional about options the cemetery offers. Maybe “old fashioned” and traditional is the perfect fit for you and those you love?

Veterans Day - Thank You for Your Service

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 18:21:42 GMT

Veterans Day - Thank You for Your Service

Because you are there we all sleep better at night. You serve in the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard. Some of you serve for two years, some for twenty or more. Some enter into service at a tender age looking for opportunity. Some are following a longstanding family tradition. You are mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. We, thank you for your service.

You spend days, weeks, and even years away from your family. You are not always there to teach your daughter to ride her bike; perhaps you missed your son’s first steps. Because you serve, you can’t always be counted on to attend the baseball game or the teacher conference. With your service comes sacrifice. Sacrifices made by both you and your family. We thank you and your family for your service.

Thank you for being ready and on alert so that we can go about our business without even thinking about the “what ifs”. Thank you for putting yourself in harms way. Thank you for giving us your time, your energy and your youth. Thank you for representing us with honor where ever you are stationed.

Regardless of whether you serve us at home or in foreign lands, in time of war or peace, we thank you for your service.

On Memorial Day we remember those who gave their lives in our service, on Armed Forces Day we honor those currently serving. On Veterans Day we honor all who have served our country from the Revolution in 1776 to today. Thank you.

The Changing Face of American Veterans

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 06:00:02 GMT

The Changing Face of American Veterans

Veteran’s Day is the day Americans set aside to honor all who have served in the military during times of war and times of peace. We thank them all.

Many books have been written and movies made about World Wars I and II, Korea, and even Vietnam. But, what do we know about our post 9/11 Veterans? Who are they? Who do we thank?

When the draft ended in 1973, all branches of the armed services began the transition to the all-volunteer military force we have today. Since that time, the makeup of the military has been changing. While the total number of troops serving is declining, the force is becoming more diverse racially, ethnically, and by gender.

The majority of new recruits come from families with incomes between $38,345 – $80,912. Eighty percent come from families with a history of service. Their father, uncle, or grandfather also served. The share of the US population with military experience is on the decline. Seven percent of the total US population served in 2016 down from eighteen percent in 1980.

Fifty six percent of active duty personal are married, seven percent are in dual military families and thirty nine percent have children. According to a study conducted by the Rand Corporation since 2001, 2.77 million service members have served on 5.4 million deployments across the world with soldiers from the Army accounting for the bulk of them. Deployed personnel were under 30 years old on average, over half were married and about half had children.

On average military personnel sign on for four years of active duty plus four years in the reserves. Deployment for service personnel is typically for a period of 12 months followed by 12 months stateside. A post 9/11 service person will very likely see a second deployment during their term of enlistment. Career service members typically rotate 12 months deployed, 12 months home, 12 months deployed, 24 months home.

So, who do we thank? We thank all service men and women. We thank the husbands, wives and children of our service men and women. Post 9/11 military service is a family job.

Grief is Real

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 07:15:00 GMT

Grief is Real

According to the Mayo Clinic, grief is “the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss.”

There is a lot in the sentence above. Take a moment and let it all sink in. Grief is “natural.” It is not weakness. Grief is “universal.” Everyone feels grief. “Individual experiences of grief vary.” We all do grief in our own way.

Grief is most often thought of as the emotional response to loss. But it is more than just emotional. Grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and spiritual manifestations. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Many psychologists tell us there is no way to avoid grief. There is no way around grief, only through. They counsel that to move beyond the pain of loss a person must feel grief.

Why does grief hurt? The source of the pain is found in the nature of the loss. We are accustomed to thinking of grief as the feeling we have when we have lost someone we loved. But grief can also occur because you have lost someone who loved you. A parent, child, sibling, partner, or friend who really got you. Someone who made you feel loved. That love may have been something you felt every day, or it may have been a subtle rudder to your life. A love you just knew was there even though you did not hear its voice daily. Sometimes the loss is not only the loss of someone we loved, but it is also a loss of the incoming love we received from that person.

Grief may also be triggered by a loss of purpose. When a child dies the mother no longer serves that mother role. When a husband leaves the wife is no longer a wife. When a person has been a caregiver and the person they cared for dies, the caregiver role is lost. It can be confusing for the person feeling this “loss of purpose” grief. Intellectually, a former caregiver may feel relieved their loved one is no longer suffering and may be dismayed at their own feelings of sadness. When providing care has filled a person’s day, loss of the caregiving role leaves a hole in their life. The feeling is grief.

Death, divorce, and break-ups all trigger loss. That can be loss of the future that the one left behind planned to have with the person who is gone. Loss of hope. With the death, divorce, or break-up comes the end of the hope of a cure or of making the relationship work. Gone is the hope of growing old together. Even if the loss occurs after the love has gone, there is emotional pain, grief.

Grief is difficult work. No one can expect to avoid the experience of grief. When the loss—and the grief that comes with it—is associated with a death, we have rituals anchored in thousands of years of tradition to help us. Funerals exist only because our collective experience as human beings have shown us that coming together, sharing our love of the deceased, and getting and giving a hug provides comfort and helps us as we begin the grief journey.

My spouse died: Do I really need to wait a year to move?

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 09:00:00 GMT

My spouse died: Do I really need to wait a year to move?

Nearly all experts say to wait at least six months to a year after a death or divorce before making big lifestyle changes like moving. Sometimes it is just not possible to allow yourself that much time. When that is the case, understanding the thinking behind this advice may help one avoid the pitfalls of making a quick move.

When a person loses a spouse, it changes everything. If it was a long marriage the survivor has been functioning as a half of a team for such a long time that making decisions alone is a totally new skill. In a marriage of shorter duration loss of a spouse manifests as loss of a future. It can feel like you do not know where you are going. In either case, adjusting to the new reality is a daunting task in and of itself.

Moving a household is third in the top three life stressors. Numbers one and two on that list are death of a spouse and divorce. That is why experts never suggest you take on moving when you have lost a spouse if it can be avoided. Moving is putting stress on top of stress.

However, sometimes there is not a choice. When that is the case, understand you will not be thinking as clearly as you normally would. You will also be tired; grieving takes a lot of energy. Consider taking smaller, less permanent steps. Perhaps rent instead of buying a home. If you can, stay near your old home. That will mean less change. You will not be totally lost. You can shop at the same grocery and go to the same doctor. You will be able to continue activities and see friends.

Moving always means packing and sorting belongings. That is a tall order under normal conditions; add grieving to the mix and it may feel overwhelming. Ask for help or hire help. If you can swing it, rent storage for six months and give yourself the gift of time. When you have lost the person you loved, objects associated with that person take on a heightened importance. Lightening your load to make a smaller space work for you or just to make the move itself more affordable may be overwhelming. If you can afford the luxury of putting off difficult sorting decisions, consider it money well spent. Be kind to yourself.

When it comes to the larger furniture pieces, plan carefully. The big stuff usually has less emotion attached to it and it is the costliest to move. Measure your sofa, bed, and dining table. Go to your proposed new space and tape off the space where you plan to place these large objects. If the sofa is going to be too large do not move it, sell or donate instead. Use the dollars you save on moving to purchase pieces that fit your new space.

The important thing is that you are able to rest and relax in your new space. That will not be possible if it is stuffed with too many items. You need room to breathe. You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by objects.

Most importantly, ask for help and accept offers of help. Be specific about what you need your helpers to do. Let go. No one will do everything exactly as you would. Lean in, take a deep breath, eat healthy, and rest.

What Is the Purpose of the Register Book?

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 09:00:00 GMT

What Is the Purpose of the Register Book?

There are a lot of little things that make a funeral special. And one thing that you’ll find at most funerals is a register book. Although it might feel strange to “sign in” to a funeral, register books serve multiple, essential functions. So, what exactly is the purpose of a register book?

What is a register book?

A register book goes by many names, including a funeral guest book or a funeral memorial book. Whatever you call it, it’s a book where funeral attendees can write their names and contact information, as well as stories about the decedent and well wishes for their loved ones. It’s typically placed near the funeral home’s entrance to allow attendees to sign it while they’re about to enter or on their way out.

Why should you use a register book?

When we think of a guest book, weddings usually come to mind. Wedding guests are typically asked to sign into a book where they give their name and often sweet sentiments for the happy couple. Later on, the couple uses that book to send out thank you notes. It also functions as a souvenir for a day that tends to go by very quickly, allowing the couple to read loving messages from guests they didn’t get to spend a lot of time with because they had so many other people to entertain.

Although a funeral and a wedding feel like two very different occasions, they share many similarities. One is celebrating a new life being forged by two people and another is celebrating a life already lived. Both days are often very overwhelming. There are so many people who are there to see you, talk to you, and comfort you. It’s not uncommon for either of those days to go by in a blur. You’ll likely not remember every person you spoke to or every kind word they said to you.

Register books give you a memento from the day of the funeral. You might wonder why you’d want to have those memories from such a difficult day, but afterward, you may find that keepsake gives you comfort. It reminds you of how loved the person you lost was and how many people came out to see them and pay their respects. It’s a comfort to know that your loved one’s memory lives on in all the people who adored them.

But beyond simply seeing the names of the people who came out to say goodbye, the book also contains a treasure trove of stories. Some you may have known, but many others unlock portions of your loved one’s life that you might not have even been aware of. A register book helps paint a picture of who the decedent was, from stories from childhood friends about what they were like as a kid to tales from coworkers and colleagues.

Do you have to use a register book?

No funeral home is going to require you to use a register book. But while you might not have to use one, you should consider carefully if you want to skip having one at your loved one’s funeral. You only get one opportunity to collect those stories and create that keepsake. At the end of the funeral, you may regret not having one as you struggle to remember all the faces that came out to support you, all the kind words that were said, and all the stories you were told.

You may also consider that you want to send out thank you cards to those who came to the funeral. Although this is also not a requirement, it’s a thoughtful way to reach back out to those who reached out to you. You may not know every person your loved one did personally, so you might not already have the contact information for every person at the funeral. A register book would help you collect that information so that you know where to send the card.

Having a register book at your loved one’s funeral may not be something that you’re required to have, but having that token to remember the event and all the people who loved your loved one is priceless. Beyond simply the names of those guests, you’ll have stories that keep their memory alive forever: an eternal comfort and a way to always feel close to the one you love and lost.

Three Ways to support someone who is grieving in isolation

Fri, 07 Oct 2022 09:00:02 GMT

Three Ways to support someone who is grieving in isolation

Grief is difficult in perfectly normal times. However, when a global pandemic has us isolated, we lose two important comfort and coping mechanisms. Hugs are very hard to come by these days. In normal times the physical touch of a hug fills the vacuum when a person who loves another is at a loss for words but wants to show they care. Those who are grieving now, isolated and alone, have also lost another important coping mechanism. Distraction, via activity, is lost to many. Bridge groups are not meeting, church services and events are cancelled, volunteer activities have been suspended, all leaving mourners with many hours to pass alone.

If you know someone who has experienced a recent loss, look for a way to offer support and show you care. Three suggestions are:

1. Use your words. Make it easy, use the phone, make a call. For many, some of the newer technologies like Zoom and FaceTime may be frustrating. When a person is in the throes of grief learning something new can feel as realistic as climbing a mountain on a whim. While it’s great to see a face, being available to listen and to just talk is valuable. Make it easy. Make it regular. Set up a regular call time like coffee on Monday morning, cocktails at five on Friday, or lunch on Wednesday. A regular repeating time has the added benefit of giving both the caller and the person who is coping with grief something to look forward to. The more “you get together” the less you need to worry about what to say and what not to say. Conversation will become natural and will expand beyond the loss.

2. Offer to help where you can. Sometimes folks who are grieving get stuck. They are overwhelmed by a long list of little tasks that may seem simple to the rest of us. Where can I take the clothes? How do I safely discard medicine? How do I change the furnace filter? How do I get these leaves raked? Even the grocery store can feel overwhelming. Ask how you can help. Make a few suggestions. Keep in mind some people are not comfortable accepting help. Offer to do something specific. If that offer is not accepted, next time ask in an open-ended way such as “where could you use help”? If all else fails, just show up and pull the weeds.

Do something kind and unexpected. Bring dinner, buy a flower, put on your mask and offer a ride to the cemetery. Send a journal. Think cozy and warm. Drop off a hot chocolate kit, a mini pie, a scented candle or warm socks. Be creative. Show you care and be kind.

Leaving Something in the Casket

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 08:30:00 GMT

Leaving Something in the Casket

The practice of sending a deceased loved one off with objects from this earthly life is as old as mankind. Ancient Egyptians believed when a person died, they passed into “the afterlife.” Burial goods paralleled objects used in life because it was believed these same objects would be needed in the afterlife. Burial goods included food, drink, tools, make-up, jewelry, pots, gold, and the like.

Even though few people today believe anything placed in the casket will be used by the deceased in the afterlife the practice of placing objects in the casket is alive and well. Possibly it is because letting go of someone we love is so hard, we find comfort in sending something along with the deceased and keeping something that belonged to the deceased for ourselves.

Most casket manufacturers offer caskets that include a small compartment for mementos family members may want to place with their loved one. Many people like to put a personal note in the compartment. A note can allow mourners to express their emotions or to share a thank you or even to say they are sorry or to express forgiveness for a wrongdoing. Grandchildren often like to put a drawing or love note in the little drawer of the casket. Sometimes it is wedding rings or even a golf ball that are buried with the person who died. What goes into the casket is as varied and individual as the person who has died and the family that loved them.

When we humans lose a wife or husband, mother or father, son or daughter, brother or sister, or dear friend, a hole is created in our life. The space that person held in our life is empty. Still, the love we had for them is not gone. Grieving is difficult and lasts for a good while. Anything that eases the pain, even a little, is good and welcome. Sending something off with the loved one is one way we find comfort. Another is to keep something - a remembrance.

Funeral homes usually offer a wide range of funeral goods for this purpose. There are teddy bears made from a grandfather’s flannel shirt or a gold or silver thumb print that can be worn on a chain or on a bracelet. For those who are cremated there is a whole line of cremation jewelry. These pieces will typically hold a small portion of the ashes. All one need do is ask their funeral director what is available. The answer will most likely reveal a wide variety of comforting options.

Planning a Funeral for Someone in Hospice Care

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 16:47:41 GMT

Planning a Funeral for Someone in Hospice Care

Having a family member in hospice care is not easy. There is no denying death is near. Sometimes the care is difficult, especially when the illness is painful. Life is coming to an end.

Sometimes the funeral is something that the person who is dying wants to talk about. They open the discussion. They want to actively engage, maybe even provide instructions. This can be hard for the family. It may even be tempting to hush the person who is dying rather than embrace their desire and use it.

When a dying person wants to talk about how they will be remembered, it is a gift. It is an opportunity for them to reflect on and share the high points of their life. What was important to them, what it is they loved about their life. What the dying person needs from their family is for those around them to listen. Take it all in. These last requests are an opportunity. They provide the occasion to learn about favorite songs, readings, and stories. These requests can provide the basis for a meaningful funeral that helps family members begin to heal. Hold the hand, share the memories, no need to act … just be.

Of course, this is not the experience everyone has with a family member in hospice. Often the illness and the care that is required is so devastating that it is all that those closest can handle. Still, there is one decision that will need to be considered. Often, as a part of the hospice admission procedure, the family will be asked to designate a funeral home of choice and determine disposition of the body. That is to decide if there will be a cremation or a burial.

Knowing which funeral home to call is helpful. When choosing a funeral home most families will choose the funeral home their family has worked with in the past or the one members of their church have used. Perhaps a family member has attended a funeral that really resonated with them and would like to use that funeral home. Which funeral home to call is really the only decision that needs to be made at this stage. All of the rest, even the bury or cremate question, can wait. The funeral home will help you with everything else when the time comes. There will be time.

The funeral, how a family chooses to remember a beloved family member creates a lasting impression. The funeral changes the focus from the illness that brought about death to the full rich life that was lived. It is the opportunity to remember the childhood, loves, talents, and experiences that made up the fabric of a loved one’s life. The funeral doesn’t heal the pain of the loss that comes when someone we love dies but it does begin the process of healing.

When you have a loved one in hospice care you are in well-trained, caring hands. The medical professionals will walk you through all the stages, they will tell you what to expect, they will hold your hand and relieve the pain of the person you love and are losing. When death comes the funeral professionals take your loved one and your family into their care. The funeral professionals will help you put together a funeral service that honors the person you love and lost.

Burial Vault: What’s the Point?

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 16:44:51 GMT

Burial Vault: What’s the Point?

Historically speaking, burial vaults were conceived as a means of protection from grave robbers. They were designed and intended to make it difficult to get into the coffin and remove valuables or even the body itself from the grave. Early vaults were made of wood and were called a “rough box” because they were rustic and unfinished in comparison to the more finely finished coffin.

In the late 1800s grave liners were in common use. These were made of brick on site at the cemetery. Bricks were fashioned right in the grave literally lining the grave space. Over time the concept of protection expanded to include protection from the elements. Family members became interested in protecting the casket or coffin from water, critters, and decomposition in general. Many families today consider “how” they care for a deceased family member to be a reflection of their love for that person and point of family pride.

When burial is selected as the final disposition of the body the deceased is most often placed in a casket. The difference between a coffin and a casket is the shape. A coffin is six-sided, it is wider toward the top third to accommodate the shoulders of the body and tapers to the foot. More commonly used in the U.S. is the rectangularly shaped casket. Caskets are most often made of wood or metal.

Wood caskets can be made of any species of wood and may be finished with ornate carving or may be very simple. The easiest way to understand the difference in cost of wooden caskets is to apply what you know about furniture. Solid mahogany will cost more than a veneer of pine. Many caskets are also made of metal. Carbon steel, stainless steel, copper, or bronze are all used. The cost and durability of a metal casket is directly related to the material from which the casket is made.

Burial in a cemetery usually requires an outer burial container. A grave liner or a vault is almost universally required by every cemetery to protect the casket and the integrity of the grave space from the weight of the earth and the heavy equipment that will pass over the grave in order to provide routine maintenance of the property. Grave liners are no longer constructed on site and made of bricks. They are most often made of concrete. Grave liners do not seal. A vault can be made of concrete or fiberglass, with or without a metal liner. Vaults will have a seal.

At this point you may be thinking, “who cares?” Well that is the thing, many people do care, and they care deeply. Others do not. This is the reason why the trip to the casket selection space at the funeral home and the process of helping a family make a choice that fits their values and budget is sensitive. Open communication regarding values and budget is essential. Funeral directors are there to help, answer questions, and explain differences. They educate and the family chooses.

So, what is the point of the vault? The point will vary from one family to the next. For some the point will be to satisfy the cemetery requirement as frugally as possible. For others the point will be to protect the integrity of the grave as much as possible. It is a matter of personal choice.

Memorializing an avid gardener

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 16:41:34 GMT

Memorializing an avid gardener

When a life ends, we remember. We remember the love, the bonds, and the passions of the person who died. A well put-together funeral that honors the life, faith, and relationships of the deceased is the first foothold on the path of healing for survivors.

Funerals that reflect a person’s interests can be powerful. They provide comfort for the family left behind. Funerals help change the focus from the cause of death, to the life that was lived. That remembering is comforting. So how can a family weave their mother or father’s love of gardening into the funeral service?

Be it a love of growing vegetables, flowers, or both, there are hundreds of ways to reflect a person’s passion for gardening in a funeral service. A few ideas follow:

Get that great picture of your gardener wearing their favorite gardening hat, face streaked with dirt and trowel in hand. Blow it up LARGE and display it during the visitation or memorial.
Ask friends and family to bring a small potted flower or plant in lei of traditional funeral flower arrangements and have a plant swap … those who attend the funeral can take home a plant to grow in their own garden in remembrance of the gardener.
Use your gardener’s favorite flowers or an arrangement of vegetables as the casket spray
If you really want to go big, consider what florists can do for weddings and talk to yours about bringing a garden to the church or funeral home.
Give a packet of seeds or a pair of garden gloves as a favor to funeral attendees
Include a garden-themed poem in the funeral service
Have a memorial tree planted at your local arboretum to honor your loved one.
Ask your funeral director to help you find funeral products that reflect that love of all things gardening to support the service choices you have made.

The ideas above are just a short list of possibilities. There are many more, you just need to do two things. First, be open. Think about that person you love, talk with the others who loved them. Ask yourself, “how do we showcase that gardening passion in the funeral or memorial service?” Second, ask for help. Tell your funeral director what you want to do. Challenge him to either be creative or help you connect with other professionals in your community who can support your goal. Your funeral director wants you and your family to have the absolute best, most meaningful funeral service. He or she is there to help you, just ask.

Where Not to Scatter Cremated Remains

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 16:27:49 GMT

Where Not to Scatter Cremated Remains

For many folks the absolute “best” final resting place is someplace they loved when they were alive. Their “burial” plan is not to be buried at all, but to be cremated and have their ashes scattered at a special location. For those who prefer scattering there are a wide variety of options available. Still, not every scattering idea is a good idea. To help you determine if your scattering plan is a good plan be sure to consider these four things.

1. Think about the location of your choice. Is it legal and will it work? With permission from the owner of the golf course ashes could be scattered. Without permission scattering on private property that belongs to someone else is not legal and may not go smoothly.

2. As you put together your plan keep in mind scattering does not eliminate emotion. Family members tasked with scattering a loved one’s ashes experience the same emotions as those who stand at the graveside and watch the casket being lowered into the ground. No amount of creativity in the selection of the location will eliminate the emotion of the task.

3. You need a plan. “Just scatter me” is not a plan, it is a shift of responsibility. Someone in your family is going to be required to figure out when and where this scattering will take place if you do not.

4. Seek professional advice. Your funeral director can help you plan and prepare for a successful scattering.

Scattering at sea

There are laws. Federal law protects the oceans. See United States Environmental Protection Agency Burial at Sea for detailed policy information. Scattering in the ocean must take place at least three miles from shore, the ashes can go in, the container may not. That is unless it is biodegradable, then both the container and its contents can be commissioned to the sea. The expense of purchasing a proper biodegradable cremation urn is money well spent. The sea will be moving, maybe a little, or maybe even a lot. A smooth operation is critical to everyone feeling good about the dignity of the ceremony. Your funeral director can help you find a proper container for scattering at sea.

Consider using an offshore scattering service instead of a friend with a boat for the actual ceremony. A service gives your family the benefit of experience. They will know how to position the boat in relation to the wind and waves in order to assure a pleasant experience. Professionals will also be prepared for the needs of the family on board. They will not be surprised or unprepared for sea sickness of guests. Your funeral director is your best resource for finding this kind of service.

Scattering on public lands

States have jurisdiction over public lands and waterways within their boundaries. Laws vary widely from state to state. Be sure to ask your funeral director about the laws in your state. Seek advice and take care to be sure the scattering ceremony your family has planned will not run into an embarrassing roadblock midway into the ceremony. Share your plan and ask for the professional advice of your funeral director.

Scattering on private property

Scattering on private property requires the permission of the property owner. Resist the temptation to skip the permission step. Scattering on property that is not your own without permission is a recipe for disaster.

In addition to giving careful consideration to the scattering location it is always a good idea to consider the feelings of the mourners. It is easy to move forward with the desire of the deceased to be scattered and still satisfy the needs of mourners who may not be entirely comfortable with scattering. All that is required is good communication. Talk to your family about your plan well in advance. Find out who is and who may not be comfortable with your desire.

One of the lovely things about cremation is that the ashes can easily be divided. A family member can retain a small portion of the remains in a keepsake urn, garden bench, paperweight or even a piece of cremation jewelry. The remainder can then be scattered according to the wishes of the deceased.

One final consideration if you are thinking of leaving your family scattering instructions -be sure to think it through. Consider how your desire will play out for at least the next two or three generations. Will your beloved garden still be in the family? Or might the property be sold? Who will keep the urn after your wife dies, how about after your daughter dies? Think about how those who mourn you may be impacted by your desire to be scattered.

Why Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Tue, 26 Jul 2022 02:36:51 GMT

The strongest and most compelling recommendations for advance funeral planning come from those who have just buried a parent. The daughter who just worked with her four brothers to put together a funeral for their mother will be the first to tell you, “If you have not already done so, please plan your funeral.”

No matter how well siblings get along, making emotionally charged decisions together in a short time frame is hard. A funeral “pre-arrangement” is a gift, and it is easy to do. So, how do you begin?

Call the funeral home and ask to schedule a meeting with the advance planning specialist. Set aside about two hours for this meeting.

As you prepare for the meeting think about those you will leave behind. What will comfort them? How should the funeral service feel? Will Faith play a part? Does a “Life Celebration” feel attractive? Or will your family be best served by a little of each?

Prepare a list of questions. You needn’t know all the answers before you meet with the funeral professional. Your meeting is an opportunity to learn and explore the choices

that are available and find the option that will work best for those you love.

Think about who will be responsible for the cost of your funeral. If you were to die tomorrow who would cover the cost? Understand that planning in advance never means that you must pay the total funeral cost at the time you complete your plan.

Be sure to ask about payment options that are available through your funeral home. Often you will find the funeral home has access to financial products that allow a person to pay for their funeral over time while being covered for the total funeral amount should death occur before payment is complete. Be sure to ask your funeral professional how these plans work. You will no doubt be pleasantly surprised by both the affordability and the flexibility of funding your funeral plan.

Planning your funeral in advance does not shorten your life. It does make the remainder of your days feel a little lighter because you know you have provided clear direction for your family.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Why Children Should Be Included in a Funeral

Tue, 26 Jul 2022 02:32:59 GMT

When a child falls and scuffs a knee, we kiss the boo-boo. A boo-boo kiss doesn’t really make the injury “all better” but, it is an important first step. It acknowledges the injury. The child is comforted that an adult is in charge. They know they are not alone. The hurt knee might need stitches, or it might just need some soap and water and a super hero bandage. Either way, the boo-boo kiss is the first step to things falling into order.

A funeral is like a boo-boo kiss. Everyone needs to start somewhere when someone in the family dies. The funeral, regardless of its form, acknowledges that life has changed for everyone. Gathering together provides an opportunity to give and receive comfort. It provides an opportunity to share memories. The child can see that he is not alone in his feelings of sadness. The funeral is for all family, friends, and, yes, the kids.

Psychocologytoday.com suggests that children be asked if they wish to attend the funeral. The child chooses. This means an adult should be able to tell the child what she can expect so the choice is an informed one.

When children are a part of the family experiencing loss, they should be considered from the very beginning of funeral preparations. Those family members making arrangements, should ask the funeral director about how children will be accommodated. Ask about a family lounge where kids may take a break. Ask if you can bring snacks for the younger ones.

The adults in charge should be sure they have all the information needed so they can properly prepare the children in the family. A funeral isn’t easy, it does not make the loss less acute, and nothing can make it “all better.” A funeral is an important first step to a healthy adjustment to loss. Kids should be included to the extent they wish to be.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Planning a Memorial Service: Do it Yourself or Call the Funeral Director?

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 23:50:49 GMT

Planning a Memorial Service: Do it Yourself or Call the Funeral Director

Who fixes the toilet at your house? The self-appointed plumber or the professional plumber? Some call the professional before the not-so-handy handy person takes the lid off the tank. We know, from experience, what happens once that lid hits the floor and the tools come out. It all starts out calm, cool and collected. The fixer asks all family members if they just happen to have one of those little ball chains laying around. Then it progresses to a shout to turn off the main (because water is spraying all over the bathroom) rapidly. What we end up with is a handle that must be jiggled just so after each flush and a big mess on the bathroom floor. Not to mention the hurt feelings and self-esteem issues when the professional is finally called.

Sometimes a professional is just the best possible choice. This is equally true when it comes to planning a memorial service. Call the funeral director. The funeral director knows how to put together a memorial service that will meet your family’s needs. The funeral director is a skilled communicator. That means he knows how to listen and mediate just in case family members are not on the same page. The funeral director has done this many times before. He knows who can help with the pictures, the food, the music, the doves, the bagpipers, the fireworks, whatever it takes to help your family honor the life of the one you lost.

Funeral directors are trained professionals. They have met the educational requirements of your state. They have passed the exam. In most instances they have served a lengthy apprenticeship. They have not only learned how to take care of the body of the deceased, they have learned how to take care of YOU.

Jiggling the toilet handle after each flush is a mild annoyance. Tip toeing around your sibling because the memorial for your parent was not just right is so much bigger. Call the funeral home and ask how they can help you.

www.smithfamilycares.com

When Where you Live is Not Where You Want to Be Buried

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 23:43:41 GMT

Sometimes people make something appear so simple and effortless that we forget how complex the task really is. We begin to undervalue its accomplishment.

If you’ve ever taught a child or a grandchild to tie a shoelace you know what I mean. Once you’ve got it, and have been doing it for a while, you can literally tie a shoe with your eyes closed. But when you try to break it down for your little one into all the steps that are required to make that bow, it clearly is quite complex.

Many aspects of funeral service fall into the category of “it seems pretty simple.” It’s understandable that we may begin to question the value. The funeral home makes it seem so easy the layperson has no idea what is really involved in pulling off the task.

For example, when a dream to retire to someplace warmer, or prettier, or more exotic is realized and a family member dies away from where they planned to be buried, there is a lot to consider. There is also a lot to be done. Luckily the funeral home can help.

The first step is to call the funeral home. The funeral home that is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You know that building that is always clean and company ready, with the yard mowed, flowers fresh, and carpets swept. Call them. They will transfer your loved one into their care. The funeral directors will take care of the deceased. They will wash the body, dress the body, and prepare the body for final farewells.

When the designated family members have gathered in the warmer, prettier place they will need to meet with a local funeral director. There are decisions to make and people to consider. What about all the new friends that were made in the new home? Will there be a service for them? Is there a second spouse? Does that person have connections and a support system at the “back home” burial community? Who will receive the body when it arrives home? Will there be a service at a church, a funeral home, or at the graveside? This is when the funeral director will take care of you. The funeral director will guide you through these decisions helping you make sure all those left behind experience their loss with the most comfort and support possible. The funeral director will take care of the living as well as the deceased.

Once all the logistical decisions have been made and various events scheduled, the funeral director will again focus on care of the deceased. The funeral home staff will need to make sure death certificates are applied for, all the regulations and paperwork concerning transporting a body are met. The body will then be prepared for the journey home.

It’s not as easy as it looks. There is value in having the help of funeral professionals at a time when you and your family are tired, sad, and maybe not thinking so straight.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Email to a Funeral Director

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 18:40:34 GMT

Email to a Funeral Director

To: Funeral Director

From: Dad with no plan

Subject: A question about funeral preplanning

Before I get to my question, I have to tell you the background.

Friday after Thanksgiving I took my wife (who cooked for a week for that dinner) and my kids (who came from west coast, east coast, and the middle) and the grandkids (who only ate rolls for Thanksgiving) out for pizza.

Sounds nice, right? OMG! It took us forever to order, no one could agree! We ended up with one cheese pizza for the picky grandkids, a large with ¼ meat lovers, ¼ with anchovies, and ½ supreme. We also ordered a medium white with gluten free crust. Still they were all picking stuff off, making faces, and huffing and puffing. OMG again!

So, my question…and I need your opinion here…how are they going to do when the time comes for them to meet with you to plan my funeral? Do you think maybe the wife and I should do one of those funeral preplans or advance funeral plans?

Response

To: Dad with no plan

From: Funeral Director

Subject: Re: A question about funeral preplanning

OMG yes, you and your wife need a plan. Your family sounds perfectly normal! They’ll get over the pizza … but I’ve seen too many families break apart over disagreements about how to honor their parent’s life. Decisions such as burial or cremation or who is going to pay can be tough when families are grieving. A funeral plan is an easy fix. I’d be happy to help. When do you want to meet with me? At the funeral home or your house?

www.smithfamilycares.com

To Plan or Not to Plan Your Funeral in Advance

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 18:38:06 GMT

To Plan or Not to Plan Your Funeral in Advance

How does Advance funeral Planning affect the first hours before a funeral and the days and weeks that follow?

CALLING THE FUNERAL HOME / MORTUARY

Funeral preplan already in place: When a funeral preplan is already in place and on file at the funeral home, there is no question as to who to call. The deceased has left a clear message. The stunned, tired, grief-stricken family just makes the call and the funeral home takes your loved one into their care.

No funeral preplan in place: When a death occurs and no funeral preplan has been recorded at a funeral home, the first order of business is deciding which funeral home to call. The stunned, tired, grief stricken family must agree upon who they will trust to guide them through this difficult time. They must determine the funeral establishment that will help honor their loved one in a way that satisfies all their needs and fits their budget.

THE EVENING BEFORE THE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENT CONFERENCE

Funeral preplan already in place: When a funeral preplan is in place, the family can take this time to comfort each other. They can share memories, go through pictures or just rest. Tomorrow they will meet with the funeral director and review the funeral plan their family member put together with them in mind.

No funeral preplan in place: For the family with no funeral preplan in place, tomorrow will bring many questions and decisions. Tonight, they will be weighing in on one big question – burial or cremation. They’ll be figuring out how much to spend and who will pay for the funeral. They will need to decide which of them will participate in the arrangement conference. They will need to consider and agree upon how to honor their loved one’s life.

DAYS AND WEEKS AFTER THE FUNERAL

Funeral preplan already in place: The family with the funeral preplan has no doubts, no second-guessing, and no regrets. They know they did the “right” thing. They know they spent the right amount of money. They miss the one they lost but they have no regrets about the service that honored their loved one’s life.

No funeral preplan in place: Sadly not all families are able to pull together following the loss of a family member. Some are pulled apart because they disagree about decisions great and small. The days and weeks following a death are emotional and tense. It can be a very difficult time to be making group decisions.

www.smithfamilycares.com

When Your Parent Loses Their Spouse

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 18:35:05 GMT

When Your Parent Loses Their Spouse

“And the two shall be as one” just rolls off our tongue. But think about it. What does it mean to the one who lives when their partner has died? Are they now a half? Families are interesting in that we tend to “know” our family member as their role relates to us. Mom is mom, dad is dad. We kids typically don’t really see the couple side, or the work side, or the friend side of our parents.

So how must it feel to lose your life partner? Try to step into your parent’s shoes. Pretty quickly in a marriage the jobs are assigned. She does the laundry, he cooks the dinner, she manages the household budget, and he manages the retirement plan. Sure, they have separate interests but look at all those shared interests. Are they lost with this death? What happens to their couple activities? Do friends still invite them for bridge or to join the bowling team when they become a single? Life changes drastically when death parts a couple.

If your parent begins to date, it is not so easy to move from your point of view to understanding and accepting theirs. For a child it may feel too soon, like your living parent is replacing your deceased parent. Perhaps this new wife or husband is stepping in a way that you thought you would. She is going to the doctor’s appointments with dad or cooking dad dinner when you expected to fill that role. He is mowing mom’s lawn with dad’s lawn mower no less! It’s hard.

Consider working on changing the way you look at this budding relationship. How hard would it be to live as a half when you have been married for 35, 50, or even 60 years? Maybe this new relationship is a search for the happiness they had with your deceased parent? Try to understand that as we age, time really is limited and precious. And honestly…maybe they can’t wait. Maybe they need a partner, or another half, to be whole again.

www.smithfamilycares.com

The Loneliness in Losing a Life Partner

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 18:32:36 GMT

The Loneliness in Losing a Life Partner

To say one “feels lonely” after losing their life partner is an understatement, especially if you have been happily married for many years. In time, however, you may find yourself at a crossroads. On one hand you can’t imagine life with another partner while on the other you hand you can’t bear this loneliness. You want a partner again.

Where your adult children are concerned, good preparation can literally keep your family from falling apart. Hard as it may be, talk to them and share how you feel and what you are missing. As much as you love your family and as much as they love you, their love cannot satisfy what you need. Help your children understand that you are not trying to replace their mom or dad, but that you may want to have someone to eat dinner with or a bridge partner again.

As soon as the thought of dating enters your mind, before you bring the thought to life with a real person, think about how a new relationship will land with your adult children. Consider both the emotional impact and the financial concerns that might be raised. Make an appointment with your attorney and talk about how a second marriage would impact your estate. Family concerns about money or the inheritance will only make things more difficult if you begin to date. We’ve all heard stories, so get your affairs in order BEFORE there is a person you care about and share any changes you make to your estate with your children.

If possible, consider your pace. If you slow down just a little bit and really enjoy the dating part of a relationship, it will give your children some time to get used to the idea of you dating again. It can help everyone adjust to the changing family dynamic that occurs when a new person is added to the mix. Just as the family dynamic changed when your children dated and/or married, it will change again if you start dating.

Communicate, talk about how you feel, and if you decide to date, go slow. Take care of those money matters early on so that any changes will not be seen as the fault of the new person in your life.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Accepting an Invitation

Sun, 15 May 2022 19:24:28 GMT

Accepting an Invitation

Previous blog posts have acknowledged how hard it is to deal with special occasions (e.g. holidays, birthdays) when you’ve recently lost the one you love. So, what do you do when you receive an invitation for that special occasion that you don’t feel like accepting? Maybe you are afraid you’ll be a wet blanket, or you aren’t eager to do something new and different because you really just want things as they were. That’s understandable but perhaps turning down the invitation isn’t really in your best interest.

Before you say “no” to an invitation too quickly, give yourself a few minutes to think about it. Take that time to consider your alternatives. What will you do if you don’t accept it? Is there something you would prefer to do? Think about it, do you really want to be alone on that special day?

It is important to acknowledge that the day won’t be the same. Acknowledge your loss. A woman who recently lost her husband goes to the cemetery for a little chat on those special days. She “tells” her husband how it’s hard for her and that she misses him. Then she tells him how she is going to spend the day.

It is difficult to do something different on those special occasions. Your first few efforts may even fall short. Eventually, perhaps even sooner than you expect, you will find your joy in the occasions again.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is Direct Disposition?

Sun, 15 May 2022 19:14:36 GMT

What is Direct Disposition?

What is direct disposition?

Who can provide this service?

When does direct disposition make sense?

Direct disposition is a term used to describe burial or cremation that takes place directly following death. The deceased is removed from the place of death and taken directly to be either buried or cremated. There is no preparation of the body or opportunity for family members to see the body before the burial or cremation takes place. A memorial service may follow direct disposition.

Direct disposition providers include cremation societies, direct disposal facilities, and funeral homes. Cremation societies may contract in advance to provide cremation for a predetermined fee. Most often the fee will include removal of the body and transportation to the cremation facility provided the death occurs within a prescribed geographical range. If death occurs outside the area additional fees will be charged. Frequently these cremations take place in very basic stripped-down facilities similar to a warehouse or a strip mall. They are typically no frills, no public admittance buildings. They are usually the lowest cost alternative with the least amount of service options when someone dies.

Direct disposition can also be arranged through a funeral home. In this case the family will be offered the option of viewing either with or without embalming before the cremation takes place. This viewing can be particularly important to family members who live in a different part of the state or country. These folks often have a need to see the deceased if they were not present at the time of death. The funeral home will transfer the deceased from the place of death to the cremation location. The funeral home can also help with a memorial service held either at the funeral home or even an off-site facility.

The option of Direct Disposition makes perfect sense for families with a religion that dictates the body be either buried or cremated within a brief period. It can also fill a need when the budget is very tight, or the person has little or no family connections. Sadly, some people make this decision based on dollars alone without considering the impact on family and friends. They never check with their local funeral home to learn about the services available and the cost of those services. This can add needless pain for family and friends.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Why Using a Family Owned Funeral Home Matters

Sun, 15 May 2022 18:53:44 GMT

Why Using a Family Owned Funeral Home Matters

If you are like most Americans you are probably shopping local, but maybe you have not stopped to think about why you are drawn to working with local businesses.

Researchers tell us local businesses are more likely to utilize other local businesses, making our communities stronger. For every $100 you spend at a local business $68 will stay in the community. Locally owned independent businesses return more than three time as much money to the community in which they operate than chain competitors. Locally, family owned funeral homes hire local, use other locally owned businesses when they need service, and contribute to the community.

All of that is important. However, when a family member dies, few of the reasons discussed above are likely to come into play as you pick up the phone to call a funeral home. There is one reason that is top of mind in that situation, and it does matter. It is there right in front of you even if you are not fully aware. When something is important, like how your family experiences the death of a beloved family member, we all seek accountability. We want a provider who is connected to us. When it is something important, we want someone who cares about how they do their job. We want someone who will see us at church or at the ball field. We want to use a funeral provider that is accountable to the community.

It is the reason we like the locally owned appliance store over the big box store. Our local store cares if the microwave works. If it does not work, they will fix it. It is the same reason we like to shop at the local farmer’s market. The big chain supermarket might hide the old soft berries at the bottom of the basket. The farmer, who is your neighbor, will not. When a service provider is your neighbor, they are accountable for their work. You know where and how to reach them to tell them they did a good job, or where they did not meet your expectations. We all know full well accountability is hard to get from the big guys. Just take a moment to think back to that last call you made to your cable or internet provider. How long were you on hold? Accountability is the reason we choose locally-owned whenever we can.

A family-owned funeral home is connected to the community and answers to that community. The funeral director’s children go to school with your children. They know you and understand your needs. If you are fortunate enough to have a family-owned funeral home in your community, place your trust in them when the need arises.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is the Difference Between a Funeral Director, Mortician, Undertaker, and Embalmer?

Sun, 15 May 2022 17:51:09 GMT

What is the Difference Between a Funeral Director, Mortician, Undertaker, and Embalmer?

The terms funeral director, undertaker, and mortician are used interchangeably to describe a professional engaged in the business of funeral rites. Regional tradition dictates which title you hear used most often where you live.

Tasks involved in the performance of funeral rites may include embalming, burial or cremation of the dead, as well as the arrangements for funeral ceremony. Embalming is a separate skill which may require a separate license depending on individual state regulations. Embalming is the art and science of preserving human remains by treating them in order to slow down decomposition. Embalming is usually done to make the deceased suitable for public or private viewing as part of the funeral ceremony.

Licensing requirements for funeral directors, morticians, or undertakers vary from state to state. Most states have educational requirements which include a period of apprenticeship. In some states funeral directors are required to hold both a license for embalming and funeral directing. In other parts of the country the two roles are licensed and performed separately.

Skills that are identified as desirable in a funeral director include a knowledge of science and mathematics. However, the skills that make the top of the list may surprise the reader. They are complex problem solving, followed by having a service orientation, social perceptiveness, good speaking and writing skills and excellent active listening skills. If you take a moment to consider what a funeral director must do to put together a funeral service that meets the expectations of a variety of family members, those skills fall into place. It’s easy to see why the “soft skills” appear at the top of the list for attributes of a successful funeral director.

So, who is the funeral director? According to data USA 69.1% of funeral directors are male. Of morticians, undertakers, & funeral directors, 77.6% are white (non-Hispanic), making that the most common race or ethnicity in the occupation. Representing 10.3% of morticians, undertakers & funeral directors, black (non-Hispanic) is the second most common race or ethnicity in this occupation. However, the face of the funeral director is changing. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, women are the fastest growing group in funeral service. Today, women comprise approximately 57% of mortuary school students. This once male-dominated industry is changing.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Thinking of Your Own Mortality

Sat, 14 May 2022 23:13:44 GMT

Thinking of Your Own Mortality

According to the Center for Disease Control, the average life expectancy for a person living in the United States is 78.6 years. Women on average live slightly longer than men. Our own mortality is not something most people think about on a daily basis. However, it is something that bubbles up in our consciousness from time to time.

Sometimes the death of a famous person who was a contemporary of ours will trigger the thought that someday we will be gone. Even a major purchase like that of a new roof can trigger a reality check. Do you want a roof that is guaranteed for 50 years or will you spend less and get the 30-year roof? A near miss with an illness of your own or a friend’s experience with an illness can be a reality check. At times like these, people understand the fragile nature of life.

When the thought that you will one day die hits you, most people start to consider their preparedness. Have you and your spouse talked about and made the decisions that will assure arrangements go smoothly? Will your children have the same idea of what you would like done? Or are they all singing from different song books?

How many times have you thought about doing something about your level of preparedness? How many times have you let that thought go without taking action? It is easy to procrastinate about getting your funeral arrangements in order, written down at the funeral home of your choice, and informing your children of your plan. After all, it is the last thing you need to do. Really, the last.

However, it won’t be the thing you want to do when you get to the end. No one is guaranteed of advance notice of their death. For some it is sudden and unexpected. The thing is, it is much easier to get this little job done than most people think.

The funeral home of your choice has a person on staff who is designated to help people of all ages plan their funeral in advance. There is usually no cost for this consultation. Getting a plan in place is a great relief for you and it is a thoughtful gift for your family. When you die, deciding what should be included in your funeral will not be something your family wants to do either, but they will have no choice. They will appreciate your kindness toward them if you have provided them with guidance.

The year is drawing to a close. Perhaps it is finally time to make the call and set up a time to meet with the advance planning professional at the funeral home of your choice.

The process is easy. Nearly every person who makes the call ends their time with the advance planner by expressing relief and commenting, “this was so much easier than I expected.”

www.smithfamilycares.com

Jack Be Nimble & Quick … Get Your Affairs in Order!

Sat, 14 May 2022 23:09:25 GMT

Jack Be Nimble and Quick...Get Your Affairs in Order!

One thing we have come to realize this year is the value of being nimble, agile or light footed. Our world has been turned inside out. We have all come to expect the unexpected and to realize that little is certain. Getting a handle on life in 2020 has been a little like nailing Jell-O! Being flexible and prepared has become more important than ever before.

Many of us have reevaluated our preparedness for everything from fire and flood to shortages of toilet paper and food. Being prepared, in this uncertain world, relieves anxiety. We just feel better when we have a stash of canned goods and a couple of cases of TP at the ready.

No one wants to think about a family member losing their independence or becoming ill or worse: dying. Still, it is something we should consider. Is there someone you could become responsible for if they fall ill? Do you have a medical power of attorney for that person? Is there an advance directive for health care? Is there a funeral plan? Who would be responsible for you if you were the one who became ill and not able to make your own decisions? Does that person have a POA for you? Have you provided an advance directive? Do you have a funeral plan? Does your designated person know who to call and what you would want them to do?

The documents that meet the legal requirements in each state for a medical POA and advance directives are generally available on-line. A funeral plan is something you do with a funeral director or funeral planner. Nearly all funeral homes have someone on staff designated to help people in their community with advance funeral planning. This service is usually provided free of charge and the funeral home will keep a copy of your plan on file at the funeral home.

Funeral plans are, by design, nimble. They are portable so if you move you can take them with you. They can also always be changed and updated should your ideas about your service change over time.

If you have been putting off taking care of any of these documents, now is the time. You will feel better when it is all done and in order.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Procrastination and Funeral Planning

Sat, 14 May 2022 01:06:45 GMT

Procrastination and Funeral Planning

Another year over and you made it through without getting that funeral plan completed. But there it is, still on your to do list. How many years have you been thinking about getting this done? If you are a procrastinator this is the one you can put off until the very end. Then it will become a job for someone else.

Still, if it is on your list there must be a reason. Perhaps you want to be the one who decides what is done and how much is spent on your last good-bye. Maybe you were the one who had to take care of a parent’s funeral and you do not want to leave yours to your children. You had a reason. What was it?

Why do we put things off? What’s the benefit of procrastination? What’s the harm?

We are naturally conditioned to avoid unpleasant tasks. It is estimated that 10 to 20% of people put off regular dental visits. Why? Not because the results are good, that is for sure. People procrastinate because they are scared. They fear the dentist. And how does that work out? When they finally see the dentist, it is because they are in pain. It is an emergency. Avoiding the regular checkup, procrastinating, does not help. It makes the dental experience more painful and even more expensive. No benefit at all. Putting off funeral planning is a lot like putting off seeing the dentist, nothing good comes from procrastination.

Funeral Planning will not kill you. You will have to acknowledge your mortality, but then you do know you will die one day, don’t you? So, what are you waiting for? Do you think planning will be easier if you wait until you are ill? No, of course it will not be easier if you are sick.

Actually, the longer a person waits to get a plan in place the fewer payment options they will be able to take advantage of and the costs increase. A younger person can plan, and if they choose to, purchase insurance for their plan so when they die the insurance company will cover the funeral cost. Coverage like that does not get cheaper as we age, it is the other way around. Funeral costs, like most costs, have historically increased over time. There is no point waiting. The cost will not go down.

Experience tells us people who complete a plan feel good and are pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. On average it takes about two hours to complete a funeral plan. You will most likely be able to choose to have a planner come to your home if you don’t want to go to the funeral home. Planning your funeral is not difficult. Just call the funeral home and set up a time. Do not wait. 2021 will be over sooner than you think.

www.smithfamilycares.com

Five Themed Funeral Ideas to Personalize a Funeral

Sat, 14 May 2022 00:53:56 GMT

Five Themed Funeral Ideas to Personalize a Funeral

A picture is worth a thousand words. Pictures bring memories to life; they stimulate conversation and can illustrate an entire lifespan.

There are different ways to use pictures in a funeral service. Many funeral homes have resources onsite or know just where a family can find what they need. Photos can be enlarged or displayed on a board or placed in albums on a table. Photos may also be incorporated into a slide show or shown in a loop on a video monitor or flat screen.

The exercise of going through family photos and choosing which to use for the funeral is cathartic in and of itself. As the family members sort through their photos and discuss which to use, stories are bound to be shared. This activity is healing. It helps the mourners move from thinking and talking about the cause of death to thinking and talking about the life that was lived.

As the pictures are selected and decisions are being made about how to share them, think about how time will come into play. How long will people be comfortable standing in front of a flat screen? Ask your funeral director for guidance. Consider sharing photos in more than one format, or having more than one video set up, or showing more than one video at different times in the service. Ask for what you want and need.

Music

The span of a lifetime can be reflected in the music a person listened to and loved. From Frank Sinatra to Pavarotti, boy band to the church choir, music is the background of our lives. Including music in a funeral service can bring life to the service. Do not be afraid to step out of the box. If the one you loved really liked to rock it out at top volume go ahead and ask to play one of their favorites loud, as visitors leave the funeral home. Talk to your funeral director about how you can include the music that reflects your loved one.

Stories

A good speaker, who knew well the person who died, can bring both tears and laughter to a funeral service. However, not everyone is a good speaker. Choose wisely and do not be afraid to ask what is going to be said. Surprises can be upsetting to some and funerals always leave a lasting impression. Do not be shy. Ask the speaker what is being planned. This extends to the religious officiant as well, especially if the clergyperson is not well known to the family.

Your funeral director has a lot of valuable experience. Be sure to tap into that experience. Ask her how many speakers to have and how long a service should last. Be sure to watch for overlap in stories. One person talking about the time the football tickets were left at home for the big game is probably enough. Nobody wants to be second up with the same story prepared and rehearsed.

Public speaking is in the top five fears of nearly everyone. If your circle does not include a good storyteller, ask the funeral director if there is a Funeral Celebrant in your community who could help with this part of the service.

Passions

The things a person loved help tell their life story. It could be a team they watched or a sport they played. Some people are passionate about their work, others are inspired throughout their life by a hobby or pursuing a talent. Regardless, passions help to define a life. It is no wonder mourners wish to honor their loved one’s passion when life comes to an end.

There are different ways this can be accomplished. There are caskets that honor a team or school. Favors that reflect a love of gardening, cooking, golf or almost anything, can be given to attendees. “Secret” recipes can be shared. Once again, your funeral director will be an excellent resource to help you incorporate the passion all the visitors will recognize into the service.

Faith

When family members all share a common faith with the person who died, this part of the funeral service usually comes together easily. However, it sometimes happens that more than one religious affiliation is practiced within the family. In this case, the religious portion of the service is usually a reflection of the faith of the deceased.

When the deceased was not religious but close family members have a strong religious affiliation, who performs the service and how the religious service is handled may become tricky. It is always helpful to remember that funeral services leave a lasting impression. For this reason, it is important to try and please all close family members. Your funeral director can help sort this out.

In summary:

A funeral may include some or all of the elements mentioned above. It should reflect the life of the person who died and bring comfort to close family members. Funeral directors are eager to have the service meet the family’s desires. Still, funeral directors are not mind readers.

In order to meet the expectations of the family, members must listen to each other and communicate openly with the director. If there is something important to one or more family members, what it is and that it is important must be shared with the funeral director. Seek the professional advice of your funeral director and be clear and firm regarding any elements that will be crucial to the success of any family member’s grieving process.

www.smithfamilycares.com

My Financial Advisor Doesn’t Think it’s a Good Idea to Preplan My Funeral

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 18:38:15 GMT

My Financial Advisor Doesn't Think it's a Good Idea to Preplan My Funeral

The butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker. Does anyone go to the butcher for a candle? Would anyone even think of asking the funeral director for investment advice? The financial advisor, while very knowledgeable about money and investments, has little experience in helping a family honor the life of someone they love. Yesterday you could hold the hand of your loved one, today you must figure out how to say good-bye. Tomorrow you will begin the difficult task of living without the one you love. In the midst of all of this you will need to plan and pay for a funeral service. Helping families navigate those difficult days or to plan for this inevitable event is the job of the funeral director.

Accessing the dollars to pay for a funeral is where the financial planner can help. A financial planner who is familiar with a family’s financial resources can help them decide how and when to pay for a funeral. In a perfect world the investor, that’s you, would not die on a day the market was down, or just as his stocks were on the rise. He would die when it is a good time to take the cost of his funeral out of his investments. His heirs would not be burdened with tax consequences. Truth be told, life just does not always work out perfectly. We do not decide when we die.

This is what you can do. Plan the funeral with your funeral director. Talk to her about service options that will help your family cope with your loss. Talk to her about how much you are comfortable spending. Become educated about the advance payment options that are offered through the funeral home.

Ask if you can pay for your funeral in monthly payments over a few years. Ask what happens if you die before you complete all payments. Many funeral homes fund funerals with insurance products designed just to pay for funerals. That can mean the funeral will be paid for by the insurance company should death occur before your payments are completed.

Ask what happens if the cost of your funeral increases between now and when you die. Is there protection available for funeral inflation?

Talk to your spouse. If you die first, who will pay for the funeral? Where will the money come from? Will there be tax consequences? Would it be easier for the one who will be responsible if the funeral plan were funded? Decide what will work best for your family.

Now, go to your financial advisor. Ask him if you should pay for your funeral in one single payment now, or should you take advantage of one of the payment plans? Share all the information you receive from the funeral home. Get financial advice, not permission, from the one who looks through the lens of the dollars, the financial advisor. Get your funeral planning advice from the one who helps families cope with death, the funeral director. Make your decisions for the ones you love, with the ones you love, your family.

www.smithfamilycares.com

What is an Ossuary?

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 18:33:46 GMT

What is an Ossuary?

Ossuaries are making a comeback as an alternative final resting place for cremated remains.

In ancient times as far back as c. 40 B.C.E. Ossuaries were popular among the Jewish population. An ossuary is a chest, box, building, well, cave or site made to serve as the final resting place of human skeletal remains. Historically ossuaries have been used in areas where burial space was scarce or in situations where large numbers of people died in a short time such as a plague or battle. The deceased would first be buried in a temporary gravesite and then after some years the skeletal remains would be removed and placed in an ossuary. An ossuary is a communal space where the bones of many people are entombed together often arranged in elaborate patterns. They were always sites of reverence and respect.

There are many historic ossuaries around the world that can be visited today. One of the most recent to be constructed is the Phnom Penh Memorial Stupa in Cambodia. Between 1975 and 1979 the Khmer Rouge killed 1.7 million people. Many of those people were buried in unceremonious mass graves. The Phnom Penh memorial stupa holds the remains of an estimated 10,000 people who were removed from the mass graves and moved to the memorial to provide a dignified final resting place.

Today’s ossuaries are very different in that they do not require exhumation and reburial of bones. Ossuaries today consist of an above ground tomb/marker and an underground vault. Cremated remains, usually contained in a soft material bag inscribed with the name, birth date, and death date of the deceased are dropped into the vault where they rest in community with others. These ossuaries are similar to the ancient in that more than one individual is entombed. They are communal and they hold bone albeit bone fragments produced as the result of the cremation process.

Ossuaries are found in a growing number of cemeteries. They provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer to be cremated but are not comfortable with the impermanence of scattering. The ossuary space has a low environmental impact, costs less than burial, and gives the family the added benefit of knowing the one they loved rests in a place that will remain intact. Ossuaries provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer cremation.

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What is a Columbarium Niche?

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 18:30:56 GMT

What is a Columbarium Niche?

A columbarium niche is a final resting place for ashes after cremation. Niches are above ground and are most often built into a wall. The wall is made up of individual compartments that hold an urn containing the ashes of one individual. Columbarium niches are available at many cemeteries and some churches. The niches or compartments may be glass-enclosed, allowing the urn or container to be seen. An alternative design uses sealed stone cubicles very similar to a mausoleum. Sometimes the wall contains open niches. The columbarium wall may be contained in a building or may be free-standing outdoors.

The size of the Niche is usually a standard 9x9x9. This means the choice of urn is limited to something that will fit in the niche. Depending on the design of the columbarium, the choice of urn may be further restricted. There are some columbarium that are stunningly beautiful with glass niches backlit to enhance the display of ceramic urns.

Although cremated remains, or ashes, may be scattered in a location that was special to the deceased, there are laws. Each state regulates where ashes may be scattered. Sometimes scattering is not practical. Often scattering does not satisfy the need of family members to have a fixed location where they can go to remember. A columbarium niche provides a permanent resting place for cremated remains. The cost varies with location but generally speaking it is less than that of burial.

The choice to be cremated does not in any way dictate the type of funeral service that may be held. A full funeral service including visitation with the body present can be held prior to the body being cremated. The service may be faith based or a celebration of life or it may include both. The choice to cremate does require that an individual seriously consider the needs of their family when choosing among the many options regarding a final resting place for the cremated remains.

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Funeral Word Quiz

Fri, 08 Apr 2022 18:27:47 GMT

Funeral Word Quiz

Find out how much you know about funeral service. Match the definition to the words below. See how well you do.

Definitions

1. A chemical process that uses a solution of 95% water and 5% potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide to reduce a body to components of liquid and bone. Bone fragments are retained so they can be dried and turned into a substance similar to cremated ashes.

2. A service, held without the body present, that commemorates the life of the deceased.

3. A speech usually delivered by a family member or close personal friend at funerals or memorials used to honor and pay respect to the deceased.

4. A permanent outside burial container which is sealed and affords protection to the casket.

5. A notice of a person’s death published in a newspaper; usually contains biographical details and information about funeral or memorial services.

6. The ceremony conducted immediately before the disposition of the dead human body, this service may or may not be faith based.

7. A trained and licensed individual who provides support to the bereaved during initial stages of their grief; arranges and directs funeral ceremonies; arranges for the removal of the deceased from the place of death; prepares the body according to the wishes of the survivors and requirements of the law; secures information for legal documents; files death certificates and other legal papers; assists survivors with filing claims for death benefits.

8. A memorial structure where inurned cremated remains are entombed.

9. A permanent outside burial container, generally consisting of a concrete box and a lid. It is not intended to provide any sealed protection to the casket.

10. The reduction of human remains by intense heat and flame to ash and bone fragments.

11. A person who serves as the leader of a funeral service; may be an ordained member of the clergy or a lay person who has received specialized training on rituals and funeral traditions.

12. A Funeral or Memorial Service where the focus is on all aspects of the life of the deceased; their work, family connections, hobbies and interests as well as their accomplishments. This type of service may or may not include a religious component.

WORDS

____ Memorial Services ____ Funeral Service ____ Celebration of Life

____ Vault ____ Grave Liner ____ Columbarium Niche

____ Funeral Celebrant ____ Funeral Director ____ Cremation ____ Eulogy

____ Obituary. ____Alkaline Hydrolysis

Bonus Question: To Put a smile on your face. What is it?

A BEER … A BIER… A BEAR

· Comes in black, brown, and even black and white. Weighs between 300 and 1400 pounds! Is fuzzy and sleeps all winter.

· A stand on which a casket is placed before burial.

· A fermented beverage served very cold—it just hits the spot on a hot day.

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Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 05:19:33 GMT

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

The first year following the death of someone dear—a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, or a good friend—is frequently referred to as “the year of firsts.” It will be the first time the holidays, birthdays, and the occasions both sad and happy that were shared and witnessed with the person who has passed will come and go alone, without the loved one. For most people it is a tough year. Still there are things that can be done to make experiencing these milestones easier.

1. Avoid being blindsided

Keep an eye on your calendar. Know what is coming. Be aware of the approaching anniversary, birthday, holiday or time of year when you always took a vacation with the person who has died is approaching. Do not let the day sneak up on you and catch you off guard.

2. Know that ignoring the occasion won’t help

When a sensitive occasion is noted on the horizon it may be tempting to think about just ignoring it and letting the day pass. That seldom works out well. Most find the loss of sharing the day with one’s special person cannot be ignored. Trying to do so may mean spending the day alone with a great big elephant in the room.

These are things everyone who has experienced a loss must go through. There is no going around. Grief is often likened to a journey. The first year is full of milestones encountered along the path to living life without the person who was loved. The end of the journey is not forgetting that person, it is finding a way to live life without the loved one in it.

3. Make a plan

Decide how you will mark the occasion. For some a trip to the cemetery will feel right. It might be a good idea to ask a friend or someone who shares your loss to come along. For others it may mean coming up with an alternative plan for spending a holiday. If the day was always celebrated with family at mom’s house and it is mom who has died, the family may all need to be included in how the day will be best celebrated.

4. Acknowledge your loss

Just as ignoring the day is not a good strategy, neither is ignoring the fact someone is missing from the celebration. Perhaps it will be appropriate to acknowledge your loss privately by making a visit to the cemetery or church to say a prayer or have a “chat” with your loved one. In some instances, you may find yourself spending the day with others who share your loss. In that case it may be lovely to include a mention, toast, or other remembrance of the one who died.

5. Include others

If you can, avoid spending the day alone. Do something with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be the same thing you always did with the person who is gone. While it may be enjoyable to carry on a tradition for some, for others the tradition may feel hallow when done with a “replacement person.” What you do should be something you enjoy. The idea is to own your loss, making an effort to celebrate the occasion in a way that is pleasant.

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How to Get the Funeral You Want

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 04:40:37 GMT

How to Get the Funeral You Want

Don’t be afraid to ask the funeral director your question or to speak up and say what you want.

Some events only happen once in a lifetime. Graduations, weddings, and funerals are a few of these one-time occasions. That means the way the event is marked makes a lasting impression. If the cake at the wedding was supposed to be chocolate and it was not it does not ruin the marriage or even the day, but it can mar the occasion and it is usually the thing that is remembered. It was not right and it is never forgotten.

When a funeral is not “right”, when a minister mispronounces the deceased’s name, or the dress mom always told you she wanted to wear is not the one your brother chose, the hurt can go deep and last a long time. Getting the funeral right for your family is very important.

When you meet with the funeral director do not be afraid to speak up. Funeral directors are kind, caring people, but they are not mind readers. Tell your director what you want. Tell her what you do not want. Ask questions. Tell him about your mother, father, or spouse. Ask how to bring out what you loved about the person you lost. Treat the funeral director like you would a wedding planner. Share where family members are having a problem agreeing and ask for guidance.

Rules are made to be broken. If the number of pictures, songs, or readings recommended by the director doesn’t seem to match what you had in mind, speak up. No one at the funeral home wants your family to struggle to get the number of photos for the video down to twenty when what you really want is forty. If what you really want is for your deceased daughter to wear her cheerleading outfit for her visitation and something else for the church service speak up. Just because the body is usually dressed only once doesn’t mean it must be that way. Funeral directors know how important every detail is to the families they serve. They just don’t know what is important to you if you don’t tell them. body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

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Am I Too Young to Plan my Funeral?

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 04:32:20 GMT

Am I Too Young to Plan my Funeral?

If you are thinking about planning your funeral it is a good sign you are not too young. Although most people tackle this task when they are preparing to retire or after the children have left home, many plan sooner. In reality, most plan because they want to or need to. Age is not the determining factor. Whatever the reason you are thinking about planning your funeral, trust yourself. It is a good enough reason. Don’t worry that you are not “old” enough.

What are some of the situations that prompt younger folks to consider planning their funeral? There are many. Maybe they are concerned about the person who would be responsible for arrangements if the unexpected did occur. It could be they do not have confidence in the family member who would be legally in charge, or they have strained relations with family and would prefer someone other than family handle the arrangements. Some may not want to burden family with decisions or financial responsibility while others don’t practice the same faith as their family members and would prefer a different kind of service. A lot of people have a clear idea of what they want, and they prefer to take matters into their own hands to assure what they want to happen does happen.

A funeral that is planned in advance may be either funded or unfunded. An unfunded plan includes recording your preferences for disposition (burial or cremation) and services (faith based, life celebration or both) and keeping them on file at the funeral home. A funded funeral plan is both planned and paid for by the person making the plan.

There are some real financial advantages to planning your funeral when you are younger rather than waiting until you are older. Most funeral homes have advance planning experts on staff who will explain these advantages to you at no cost and without any obligation. All that is needed is to call the funeral home and ask for a consultation appointment. Spending a little time with one of these funeral experts will allow you to have all of your questions answered.

Some of the advantages you will want to explore are the ability to pay for your funeral using a program that will allow you to pay in small budget friendly monthly payments. These programs, usually available only through a funeral home, have the added advantage of covering the entire cost of your funeral should you die before you have completed your payment plan. The coverage your funeral home can offer is vastly different from so called “final expense” plans that are available through typical insurance companies. Be sure to ask the pre-arrangement specialist at your local funeral home how the plans they offer work.

Ask how inflation protection is built into the plan. This feature alone can be a real advantage for those who plan when they are younger. Funerals, like most products and services, increase in cost over time. This makes planning sooner rather than later less expensive in many cases.

There is no need to worry about the “what ifs” just ask, “What if I move? What if I change my mind and want to be buried instead of cremated? What if I marry or divorce? What if funerals become virtual in the future? What if a meteor wipes out the planet earth?” Just ask. The advance planning expert at your local funeral home has answers.The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

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Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Sat, 12 Mar 2022 07:58:03 GMT

Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Reason Number One:

The need to make that first call, the one to the funeral home, nearly always catches people unaware and off guard.

Even when a death is clearly coming it is almost always unexpected. “Mom was 96 but we just talked to her on Sunday, and she was fine. Hospice told us it was just a matter of days, but we just stepped out to the store for a few minutes, and he was gone. She was doing so well, we were surprised.”

When a person dies the first order of business is calling a funeral home to come and take the body into their care. When family doesn’t live close, they may not be familiar with the funeral homes in the area. Which funeral home should be called?

Even with all of today’s wonderful ways to connect it can take hours to track down immediate family members. This one is in a meeting, that one is picking up kids at soccer practice, someone is at the gym and has their phone on silent. It can take a while to reach everyone and get them to weigh in on the decision about which funeral home to call. In the meantime, someone waits.

Reason Number Two:

The people who you love and who love you are going to be very busy just getting there. It’s not a good time to be making the big decisions. Burial or cremation, church or not, celebration of life, which minister, what restaurant, wood casket or metal, visitation the day of service or the night before?

Your far-flung family will be trying to book flights, pack suitcases, arrange for the dog to be taken care of, get someone to fill in for carpool, and get time off work. Their minds will be racing. It’s not a good time to make decisions that they will live with forever. Funeral decisions carry a lot of weight. Everyone wants to get it just right. No one wants to wish they had buried mom in her red dress instead of her blue dress for the rest of their life. Just think how much better it would be IF they just had to get there and meet with the funeral director you selected to review the plans you left for them.

Reason Number Three:

Your family needs time to be together. They need each other. They need to remember the stories, look at the pictures, cry together, and hug one another.

The plan you leave for your children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, and friends is a gift. You give them the gift of time to lean in and realize that they have lost you. This is precious time they have together. There will still be much for them to do but when you have lifted the weight a little, you leave room for them to work together and be creative. They can pull their talents and put their own touches on the framework of the funeral plan you provided for them.

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Funerals are Changing … but Grief is Still the Same

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:05:39 GMT

Funerals are changing … but grief is still the same

Without a doubt, funerals are changing. Funeral services have become less formal and are noticeably more personal. They are sometimes religious and sometimes they are not. Funerals are often shorter and sometimes take place weeks after the death. There may be more songs, more pictures, and there is much more creativity at many funerals today.

But the feelings people have when someone they love dies are the same. Grief does not change. People feel detached, alone, numb, untethered. It is hard to believe the person is really gone. You feel their presence, and it hurts to feel it, but you are afraid not to feel it. Grief is hard. When someone important to us dies it is significant and there is a need to grieve and say good-bye.

Most of the changes in funeral services are no more than updated ways to do what funerals have always done. Funerals gather us together so we can cry, hug, laugh, and remember with our family and friends. Funerals let us know we are not alone and provide a way for our friends and family to feed us emotionally and physically.

Funerals provide an avenue toward acceptance of the reality of a death. While a funeral does not alleviate the pain, it is at least a little easier to begin to accept the loss in the embrace of family and friends.

Funerals help us acknowledge that life had value. This person was once a child. They were a mother, father, brother or sister. Whether they were famous or infamous, rich or poor, kind or mean, they lived.

Funerals can’t erase the pain of loss. When the funeral is over the grief is not over. However, skipping having a funeral won’t eliminate grief either. It won’t make death any easier. The ceremony of a funeral answers an instinctive need when going through the grieving process.

Watch the reaction of a child when death impacts their life. Little children seem to just instinctively know what needs to happen. When their goldfish dies, they know they need the help of their parents to deal with loss. They are drawn to ceremony of a funeral to complete their grief and understand the feelings that go with it.

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Scam Protection

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:05:38 GMT

Scam Protection

How do I protect myself from scams that have become all too common in society today? How do I prevent myself from becoming a victim of the scammers who are on the phone, on the computer and at the front door?

Stuff needs to get done around your house. Maybe you could use some help with yard work, painting, window cleaning, or a new roof. You answer the phone. Another group is asking for your monetary support. What do you do? How do you respond?

Take the time now to familiarize yourself with hard and fast rules designed to help you make good choices and avoid the masters of the scam.

Rule number 1: NEVER hire someone you don’t know to do a job who comes to your door and asks for the job. Here’s what they will tell you:

· They are doing work in the neighborhood and will give you a great deal.

· They’ll tell you how honest they are and may even have a child with them.

· They’ll scare you … “those bushes block the view of your door someone could break in” or “snakes hide in those weeds I wouldn’t want to see your little dog get hurt” … “That tree could fall on your house.”

· They’ll want a quick decision and payment up front.

Just say no nicely and shut the door. Better yet, don’t open the door to a stranger! Only hire someone you call and who provides references.

Rule number 2: When it comes to the phone and internet, NEVER give ANY personal information, make a financial contribution, or buy anything from anyone who calls, emails, or texts you and asks. Just say, “I do not ever do that.” Here’s what they will tell you:

· “It’s free.” Not on your life! You will pay. It’s never really free.

· “It’s for a good cause.” Fire, police, orphans, cancer. They may be good causes, but you can find them locally and donate locally. If you send money you will hear from these folks frequently and forever. They will be asking for additional dollars.

· They’ll scare you. Someone you care about needs help (translate that to money).

· They’ll tell you they are official US this or that. The real IRS and Social Security do not call people. Don’t believe it.

Just say no and hang up. Better yet, screen your calls.

Rule number 3: Give yourself a COOLING OFF PERIOD. NEVER be pressured into a quick decision, especially one that involves money. Designate someone you trust to be your decision buddy BEFORE you need them. Make a hard and fast rule for yourself that before you act, you’ll share what you are thinking about doing with this person.

Talk to your spouse, partner or parents about scams and scammers. Make a short list of rules for yourself. No exception rules, short and easy to remember. Sign up for AARP fraud alert network at AARP.org. Be prepared.

Finally, if you have been scammed don’t keep it a secret. Report it to your state’s Attorney General, the FBI, or Federal Trade Commission. Ask for help. It is embarrassing. Once you realize what happened, you feel foolish and that can be depressing. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Stuff happens. These people know exactly how to push the buttons of nice, kind folks. Prevention is the only real defense.

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Preparing The Eulogy

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:05:36 GMT

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Writing and delivering a eulogy can be a daunting task. How do you sum up a life in three to eight minutes? If you are not accustomed to public speaking, the idea of “being on stage” can add to the discomfort. Even now, when gatherings are small or take place virtually, it can be difficult to take the spotlight. But take heart: what you are going to do is important, but perfection is not required.

Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

Preparation is important and should not be skipped. A eulogy is not something one can just do “on the fly.” Even the most seasoned of writers and speakers perform better when they plan and organize.

Begin by briefly introducing yourself. Share how you are connected to the deceased. If you are representing the family, thank people for coming.

Do your homework. Start with a basic outline of the person’s life. Include where and when they were born. Mention parents and siblings. Include basic information about marriages, children born, education, and work.

The best eulogies capture the essence of the person who died. Include words like “kind,” “loyal,” “hardworking,” and “free spirited.” These are descriptive adjectives that everyone who knew them can relate to as soon as the word is spoken.

A good way to capture that essence is to interview a few people who knew the deceased well. You will find most friends and family will be more than willing to help you. These interviews are one of the most important parts of your preparation.

Plan to ask the same simple questions with each person you interview. Ask permission to record the interview. When a death has occurred, it is too much to expect that you’ll be operating at peak performance. Being able to go back and listen to your interviews will become important as you begin to put the information you receive from everyone in writing.

Ask open ended questions. How did you know _______? How would you describe ________? What will you remember about ________? Do you have a story to share? What should I not forget to say about ______? Don’t forget to answer the questions you asked others yourself.

After you talk to a few friends and family you will probably begin to see the essence of the person you are going to talk about begin to emerge. Include a story that illustrates this essence. Be descriptive. Include humor if it feels natural and comes easily. Don’t try to force humor if it doesn’t feel comfortable to you or because you think there should be something funny included.

Finally, you must say farewell. There needs to be a conclusion. If words do not come to you, borrow words from a poet, a song writer, or scripture. Perhaps the person who died had a favorite such person that you can quote.

Don’t forget to practice. Read the eulogy you have written out loud. Make corrections and read it out loud again. Time yourself and edit if you are going over 10 minutes. Finally, check with others involved in the service regarding the order of the service. If there is more than one eulogist be sure you are not sharing the same story or information.

When the time comes, speak slowly and distinctly. Most people tend to speed up when they are nervous. If emotion surfaces, stop, take a minute and a deep breath before continuing. You’ll be glad you practiced.

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How did St. Valentine’s Day get started?

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:05:34 GMT

How did St. Valentine’s Day get started?

Hearts, flowers, chocolate, the feast day of a Saint, just what is Valentine’s Day? Some tell us it is a holiday created to brighten the cold dark winter month of February. The holiday goes all the way back to the Romans.

The Roman Festival of Lupercalia held in mid-February to celebrate the coming of Spring culminated in a lottery that matched up men and women. It was all about love from the beginning. In the 5th century Pope Gelasius I changed the festival to Saint Valentine’s Day, but the love stuck. Saint Valentine’s Feast Day was associated with courtly love. By the 14th century Valentine’s Day was a day to celebrate romance. Flowers, cards, and chocolate were soon to follow.

Today, on Valentine’s Day we still celebrate love. What could be better? What is more important than those we love? On February 14th we push the pause button on the demands of life and make telling our husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, and friends they are important to us and we love them.

It is a little holiday. It does not take a lot to let someone know they are loved. Remember you will not have these people forever. Take a minute or two to share the love!

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Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:05:33 GMT

Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Read this blog even though you don’t want to. Especially if you or your parent is over 65 or living alone. Age Associated Financial Vulnerability is a real thing and it affects intelligent, independent people. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau puts the cost of elder financial exploitation as high as $36 billion a year.

If you are or you know anyone over 65 you know about the exploitation part. Those calls that come many, many times a day and at increasingly unorthodox hours of the day. Why are older Americans targeted? Because they hold a large percentage of the wealth. Some estimates have the over age 50 population holding as high as 83% of America’s wealth. And as we age, we become more vulnerable. It’s as simple as that.

If you think you are not a likely candidate for fraud, think again. Victims are not who you think they are. They are high functioning seniors and often test as “normal “on cognitive function assessments. It’s complicated. You can check out the report Brains and Losses at marketplace.org. It has to do with changes in our brains as we age. How we process information when we are in emotional states. That includes being angry (at the caller), being scared or just being a nice person. Scammers know how to exploit our emotions.

Bottom line, living alone increases susceptibility because, when you are alone you don’t have that close contact to hash over a call or contact you receive. Prevention is the key. If you are living alone, open up to someone you trust. If you have a parent or relative living alone check in on them regularly. Don’t judge. Make yourself available. Ask your parent what they know about scams. Teach your parent how to screen calls.

Being susceptible does not mean an older person needs to go to a nursing home or lose independence. It does mean both the aging and those who love an older person need to be on their toes, maintain close contact, and have open conversations.

Some ideas about setting hard and fast lines of defense will follow in a later blog at this site.

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What is a Green Funeral?

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 16:03:19 GMT

What is a Green Funeral?

The term “green funeral” refers to ceremony, service, and body disposition that focuses on preservation of the earth. Many of those who live “green” also wish to end “green”. Just as living green is carried out in different ways and with many choices, there are also many different methods of having a green funeral. Your funeral director is your best guide to the green funeral options available in your geographic area.

For one person living green may mean passing on the offer of a plastic straw. For others, green may mean living off the grid and bicycling to work. One can be all in, or just a little green. Funerals can also be greenish or very green.

Sometimes a green living choice comes with a cost savings and sometimes going green costs more. For example, you’ll use less fuel with a hybrid automobile. Using less gas will generate a cost savings. However, you will usually pay more for a hybrid car than for the same make and model that is not hybrid. Green is not about saving dollars—it is a lifestyle. A belief system motivated by a sense of responsibility for our home, the planet earth. It is a choice.

If you are motivated to pursue a green goodbye, you will be pleased to know that your choice will not require that you give up any of the healing aspects of a funeral service. Service, gathering, and viewing the body can all be included in a green funeral.

Funeral directors have access to environmentally friendly embalming chemicals. If your family prefers to have the body present for the funeral service that can be accomplished. Should a private family viewing be more in line with your green funeral plans, the body can be simply prepared without embalming to make that experience possible for family members.

Green cemeteries or green areas in traditional cemeteries usually do not require a burial vault or grave liner. The body is shrouded and placed directly in the earth or placed in a biodegradable container which is buried. Those who opt for a green burial do so because disruption to the earth is minimized. No harsh chemicals from embalming, no treated wood or metal casket and no metals or concreate from a grave liner are introduced in the grave space. If you remember our hybrid car example something similar occurs with green burials. In most cemeteries a green burial space will cost more than a traditional burial space, but you will not incur the cost of the vault.

For those who prefer cremation you will need to know that all cremators (the device where cremation takes place) are not created equal. Newer models tend to have a smaller carbon footprint. Ask your funeral director which providers in your area are the most environmentally friendly.

There are also many different green options when it comes to the final resting place for cremated remains. Cremated remains can be incorporated into objects that become family heirlooms, or, they can become part of an underwater reef. There is a nearly unlimited number of earth-friendly alternatives of what to do with cremated remains. When making funeral arrangements tell your funeral director that green is important to you and ask for help in finding service providers that support your values.